r/AITAH • u/ShowerElectrical9342 • 4d ago

aitah for considerinf leaving my son in the county jail hospital over the weekend instead of paying $9,500.00 in bail? Advice Needed

My son hit a pregnant woman with his vehicle and broke his nose and has stitches on his lip.

He was arrested and is in the county jail hospital. He wouldn't tell me how badly injured the woman is, except that she might lose the baby.

He's a careless, distracted driver who has totalled 2 cars, which his bio dad immediately replaced with even better cars!

But now his bio dad is gone (heart attack) and I don't want to enable this dangerous driving problem.

I'm overwhelmed.

He has had accidents before, and has always been bailed out.

I'm trying to get a regular lawyer because now he says she might lose the baby and sue him.

He's 19.

But no one wants me to take the time to get a regular lawyer instead of this public defender who insists I must send the bail money NOW or my son will be in jail all weekend.

Honestly, I don't know. Maybe that would be good for him. Like a wakeup call.

He didn't mention alcohol, but why else would he he arrested for a car accident?

Help! I have to move fast!

AITAH for even thinking about letting him spend a weekend in jail?

3.1k Upvotes
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2.0k

u/STUNTPENlS 4d ago

Let him rot in county lockup.

If the baby dies, in some states, he could be charged with vehicular manslaughter.

1.0k

u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPUSA 3d ago

He's 19 and still hasn't learned. A weekend might finally make him see reality.

262

u/MtnMoose307 3d ago

Good thing he’s over 18. If the victim sues, OP should avoid being involved with that.

51

u/Remarkable-Foot9630 3d ago

Unless she was connected to the title, or if her son is still under OP auto insurance. Then they could legally go after her also.

36

u/Loud-Bee6673 3d ago

Yup, I know someone whose adult son died in a motorcycle crash, and they ended up paying a huge settlement to the other injured party … out of their homeowners. Because the son lived over the garage on their property

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u/MtnMoose307 3d ago

Wow, I had no idea where someone lives can cause an innocent party to be sued.

4

u/Specific_Anxiety_343 3d ago

It doesn’t. The wires got crossed somewhere in this story.

1

u/Loud-Bee6673 3d ago

I never really felt comfortable asking for details, but I do know if happened on the road very close to the house. So maybe that was it?

3

u/vwscienceandart 3d ago

The only way this would make sense is if the accident happened on their property (so maybe where they crashed was a private access road or something?) or if their homeowners and auto are bundled so the telling of the story got confused because it’s the same company.

3

u/Captmike76p 3d ago

I was worried he would come out and swipe mom's car and she is possibly on the hook for not hiding the keys or whatever the lawyer can dream up just to get the hooks set.

I feel for mom but it took my son a Halloween in jail for DUI, and exhibition of speed third offense to drive the point home. Judge took his license and I sold his car to the first guy with cash to cover the note. My pickup and the wife's car both had blow boxes for the duration of the trial. He wanted to be Mr. Badass street hoonagan but after 60 days in the pulp wood swamps of North Carolina with a rifle pointed at his head he wised up. He paid everything back to me at a dime a log

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u/MtnMoose307 3d ago

Ah, thanks. ... yikes.

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u/Cczaphod 3d ago

It would have been a much easier lesson as a minor (Juvenile Detention vs County Jail). The bio-Dad did him a huge disservice by enabling that behavior until he was an adult.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

6

u/irishgurlkt 3d ago

He broke his nose. He will be in GP pretty soon.

-107

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

You've never been to county then it's rough for a kid.

139

u/madgeystardust 3d ago

I’m sure it’s pretty rough for the pregnant woman right now too.

When will he learn if people are always bailing him out?

109

u/whiskey_riverss 3d ago

The woman he hit might lose her baby but yeah I’d hate for him to be uncomfy for the weekend.

-78

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Let everyone have their day in court before casting judgment just saying that or don't believe in the court system either way

34

u/Fun-Frosting-5673 3d ago

Username fits!

-34

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Lmao I always get that, it's an auto-generated name, if you remember when you signed up it gave you the same option, everyone always gives me shit, when I talk about making good money working hard jobs in the plants lol but you know assumptions make an ass out of you and me lol

21

u/Trainer_NoName 3d ago

That’s obviously not one of the auto generated names. It’s normally 1000x more random and numbers used for comedy are black listed

2

u/Ok_Wrangler_7940 3d ago

Mine is auto generated. I would love to change it, but can’t seem to figure out how to do that. 😩

5

u/DearMrsLeading 3d ago

It’s too late for you, you can change it in settings but only once and only for 30 days after account creation.

1

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

If you can tell me a way to prove it I will, I just don't know how.

-1

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

"Normally" you said it yourself I can't help it's the first that popped up and the one I picked I don't know what to tell you but it's 100% auto generated sorry, can't help you there. Just don't feel bad a lot of people have said the same thing and you, just like them are wrong it's the first name that popped up and the fist I picked, blame reddit, I guess

1

u/AddictiveArtistry 3d ago

No. Let him sit. Bailing him out at this point is continuing enabling him.

-30

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Did he hit her hard or was it a fender bender was it even proven in a court of law it's his fault? Has he seen his court day, as someone that had charges dropped the law isn't always right

36

u/exessmirror 3d ago

If that's the case he can post bail himself

-13

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

If he's not making money like I was it's hard, plus someone has to pick up his card and pay it with it although only 950 doesn't seem like he did too much wrong but it's been a long time since I was locked up and wrongly accused so who knows

18

u/Common_Scar4611 3d ago

Only $950? Re read. The bail is $9,500.00. WTF

9

u/No-Entrepreneur6040 3d ago

Normally, the accused only puts up a %, often 10%, so guessing $950 is pretty reasonable.

FYI, that amount is non refundable so in our 10% scenario, Mom is out that nearly $1,000! I’d leave him there, too! Once he sees a judge he may be released on his own recognizance - or not!

6

u/kikivee612 3d ago

Unless it’s cash bail. Then he’s gotta put up the whole amount.

13

u/Wackadoodle-do 3d ago

Oh, I'm sure it was just a gentle bump...that's why she may lose her baby./s Sheesh

-6

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Hey homeboy I've lost 9 kids I never got to name hold or see be born I don't take it lightly but you can't just assume it was a huge wreck and both cars went up I'm flames, op didn't explain anything that happem and all you reddit warriors who are holier than thou are coming at me for saying it may not have been that bad on a story that is probably just rage bating anyway but go ahead an assume I'm some piece of shit for not judging someone without the facts, and sharing how I feel about a pretty vague post.

5

u/dvasop 3d ago

Blah blah blah quit making excuses

42

u/XxMarlucaxX 3d ago

He should have learned sooner then.

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u/JustMyThoughtNow 3d ago

Sounds like exactly what he needs

29

u/autumn55femme 3d ago

He needs to be there way longer than a weekend.

9

u/Trainer_NoName 3d ago

Lolol it’s not that bad. If it’s that rough for some people then those are the ones that really need it

3

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

You've never been to a county jail that has over 80 cases pending against the jail itself lol but to each their own but the one I was in wrongfully is under a huge investigation for cruel punishment, deaths that have occurred, corrupt guards, and taking money from the state and not actually spending it on the jail itself

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u/SuperWaluigi77 3d ago

A 19 year old, who had already wrecked two cars, been in plenty of accidents, crashed again, this time into a pregnant woman, and never had any consequences for any of that. And you're sitting here telling us to be empathetic to that fucking loser?

Auto generated or not. You are obviously fucking dense.

But for the record, 420 happened to be the auto generated number, in the auto generated username that clearly fits you?

Pretty sure we all know it's bullshit and so are you.

-1

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Bro first it's a vague story with little to no facts and you're ready to hang some probably fictional kid over it with little to no evidence other than some vague rage baiting story, if anyone is dense it'd be you and honestly I believe if people what to partake in Marijuana then they should be able to as long as they are an adult I have t since I was a year or two out of high school so no I'm not 420 as you say haven't touched it in about a decade maybe a little longer now that I think about it, but keep going assuming you know everything about someone over an auto generated reddit name lol you reddit people are bizarre, and so wound up, and psycho it's crazy lol

7

u/Legitimate-Slice-990 3d ago

I have been to county and it 100% depends on the county how bad the jail is. I've been to a couple and they where mostly just boring after you get over all the fear mongering the world does about jail.

-3

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Yeah I get that the one j was in is under federal investigation with over 80 cases including wrongful deaths hygiene cruel and unusual punishment corruption and wrongfully using state funding so maybe the one I was in was just rough lol

1

u/WitchBalls 3d ago

Rikers, huh.

1

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

No, Harris County, made the news and everything

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u/Fun-Frosting-5673 3d ago

He deserved that and more

-2

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Have you ever been locked up wrongly and had charges dropped, have you ever spent just a night in county? If not then you just don't know what you're talking about

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u/dollywooddude 3d ago

How was he locked up wrongly? He won’t even say how badly hurt the woman is. He’s in the jail hospital. He’s totalled two cars. Let him stay there and deal with the consequences of his dangerous actions.

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u/HighPriestess__55 3d ago

If he's in the jail hospital, he hasn't been told more about her condition.

-2

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

I mean I guess but I guess you've never made mistakes as a young kid so you're willing to crucify someone before you know all the facts

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u/will822 3d ago

The first time is a mistake. Second and third, not so much. Sorry, but you're as big a tool as the OP's son.

-1

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

I mean it was my cousin douche bag, and it was within 3 years thanks for making assumptions though, you're definitely holier than thou

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u/will822 3d ago

And that changes your comments on the OP's son how? You're still a tool but have a nice day 🤡.

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u/SuperWaluigi77 3d ago

He's fucking 19. Time to grow up. Actions have consequences, some of those consequences can include jail when you fuck up.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Yeah but city is different than county by light years, they hold rapists, murderers, gang bangers before they get shipped to prison I'm just not ready to say this kid deserves to go through all that while also waiting on a court Date based on a very low info vague reddit post but I guess hang them now and investigate after the fact, idk seems like rage bate to me just a lot doesn't make since but I guess I'm just alone in thinking we need more facts before we judge

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u/BrobaFett115 3d ago

Well no I’ve never got a pregnant lady and possibly killed her child

-1

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

I mean do you even know allbthe facts? Was it a fender bender? Roll over? Was she a pedestrian? A passenger? I just don't feel like we should crucify stone over a vague story by op but obviously it's shoot now ask questions later with the lot of you

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u/BlueFlameCanon 3d ago

I made plenty of mistakes. None of them involved killing a baby.

-1

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Is the baby dead? Did the woman have a miscarriage do you even know if she was in a car or pedestrian there are a thousand things you're just making assumptions of without even considering the multiple possibilities that could have happened, ive lost kids of my own so I don't take it lightly but I also don't cast judgment without at least getting more facts

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u/dollywooddude 3d ago

After three crashes it’s not a mistake it’s a pattern! He doesn’t give a fuck. He didn’t learn his lesson. He should be jailed to learn that his actions have consequences

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u/Bashfulapplesnapple 3d ago

I've spent the night in a Baltimore city jail. It was one of the worst nights of my life. I hope OP's son lives every bit of the discomfort I experienced. A woman could lose her fucking baby. What the fuck is wrong with you.

0

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

City isn't the same as county for starters, and you're ready to give pain to someone based on a very vague rage baiting reddit post without any real facts or evidence, I also take miscarriage very fucking seriously as I have never gotten to hold, name or see 9 children get born because of it so chill on your fucking assumptions

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u/Bashfulapplesnapple 3d ago

Are you kidding? Dude have you ever watched the wire? Like they made a whole fucking TV show about how bad Baltimore city prisons are. Dude, you're fucking straight up stupid.

0

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

City jail and prison aren't the same thing, city jail is for misdemeanor crimes if felony charges are brought up they send you to county after a day or so, you either spend up to a year maybe 2-3max in county but if your sentence is any more you then go to state prison are you stupid? Are you basing your knowledge on a fictional TV show?

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u/Bashfulapplesnapple 3d ago edited 3d ago

This kid isn't in prison yet either. He's in jail. Like I was. I'm basing my knowledge on my own personal experience. In the fourteen hours I was locked up I had a girl od in front of me and the guards did nothing, and I got my teeth knocked out because I looked like "a college kid". It wasn't a fun fucking time. That was because I hopped the light rail without a ticket. He can suffer his time for endangering people multiple times and ultimately ruining someone's life. I'm sorry that your personal experience is clouding your judgement here. I know the prison system is deeply flawed and fucked up, but some people deserve to be there, full stop.

Edit - we aren't talking about a "miscarriage" (something I've also experienced personally as woman), if she loses the baby that's manslaughter. To call it a miscarriage is hugely trivializing.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

It's obvious you don't really know what you're talking about, I'm not saying your city jail wasn't horrible but by that standard your county would be worse and your state prisons would be worse than that, unless you're meaning you went to county instead of city or unless Baltimore had a completely different jailing system than any other state

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u/Bashfulapplesnapple 3d ago

So what? So fucking what if he has a hard time in "county" or whatever the fuck you're splitting hairs over. He deserves to be there. He didn't do this once. It's his third time and you think it's some grand conspiracy? You're absolutely mental.

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u/SuperWaluigi77 3d ago

The fuck is wrong with you? What makes you think he was locked up wrongly? Should we just throw this fucking loser a parade because you had a rough time in lockup? Nobody gives a shit about the county jail you were in or how many backlogged cases it had.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

I mean I got paid by the state for my time, since there was no evidence for why I should have been arrested in the first place and never had anything on my record because of it, I'm not saying praise this guy but don't go making assumptions based on a vague rage baiting reddit post but I guess we should just shoot first ask questions later huh? I was just tryingbto give insight to people that wouldn't other wise get what they are wishing on probably a fictional kid in probably a fictional story from op but I guess that's just too much to grasp for some people, lol

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u/strangemusicsince04 3d ago

Varies

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Yeah I'd say that's true but definitely sitting in county is rough on top of if you get your case thrown out for lack of evidence like myself it's just rough especially for a young kid, I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it I'm just saying I don't have enough facts to make assumptions, like a lot of these people are. I always walk on egg shells and try to get where the other person is coming from before just trying to crucify a kid when I know I made mistakes as young kid as well

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u/Rindsay515 3d ago

🤦🏼‍♀️He’s 19 and on his third car already because he totaled the first 2…this wasn’t a “mistake”, it’s a pattern.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

I can see what you're saying but we don't even know 25% of the facts but everyone is immediately just trying to give this kid the death penalty, op didn't give hardly any info but everyone is coming up with their own assumptions like they were eye witnesses.

5

u/Rindsay515 3d ago

No one is coming up with crazy assumptions, we’re going off his own mother’s account of his history so far after only 3 years of having a license. He’s been arrested for his recklessness before and continues driving selfishly because he’s used to being bailed out of jail and provided with a new car. I went to school with plenty of car-obsessed teenagers but none of them totaled 2 new cars before 19. The earlier you nip a bad habit in the bud, the better. This kid is now comfortable driving in ways that put himself and others in far more danger than what’s typically present on the road. The best thing she can do to save her son’s life, physically and/or mentally (meaning killing himself while driving or killing others and having to live with that), is to let him finally face consequences. If he wants to act like a grown man, this is what happens when grown men harm people. They don’t have mommies bail them out and buy them new cars

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

I see what you're saying, but I just don't getbthe whole arrested part, it just doesn't make since to me and I'm really thinking this is a fake rage baiting story, I justbdont get why op wouldn't have put up more facts and I get I'm in the minority for thinking there should be more evidence before we just all assume the kid deserves it, for all we know it could have been a complete mistake this time idk I'm just starting to think bei.g compassionate amd wanting to see more facts before casting judgment is just not the norm Anymore especially after all the hate I've gotten for sharing my own thoughts and experiences lol

4

u/Rindsay515 3d ago

She stated that she was in a massive rush because there was a time limit to post bail before having to wait to see the judge on Monday so I get why she just basically gave us the relevant bullet points with his history and the current situation as far as she knows. I think she was sincerely struggling with what to do because her maternal instinct is to protect him, not leave him to the wolves. So she may have even downplayed the situation to make it sound less severe than it really is because of her guilt, despite wanting honest advice. He’s got a broken nose and needed stitches in his lip so I’m guessing he rear-ended her or maybe t-boned her in an intersection pretty hard. And it’s not just her, it’s two lives he put in the hospital today- hers and her unborn child’s. Whatever he did, it was wrong enough to get him arrested, not just a ticket. Even if the baby ends up being okay, that woman is, and will be for a long time, so incredibly shaken up.

I am a very compassionate person but in situations like these, my compassion lies with the actual victims. If he was going through something hard in his life currently and not paying full attention and made a horrible mistake in a moment of distraction, I’d feel terrible for all involved. And he would feel terrible. But all he’s concerned about is getting his mom to hand over 10 grand so he doesn’t have to be uncomfortable over the weekend. You also have to assume he’s expecting another replacement car because that’s just what always happened in the past. Crash one, upgrade to a better one. I honestly think you should consider that your abnormally horrible experience with the corrupt cops and dehumanizing conditions going on with your local law enforcement/jail is causing a bias on your end as well. Not every person who is arrested has a perfectly good explanation for why they ended up harming someone and not every jail is a toxic health hazard. I am truly, extremely sorry for what happened to you and I think you’d make a great advocate for people who really do end up in unjust and inhumane situations like that but most cops don’t arrest people, especially teenagers, at crash sites without knowing exactly what happened or of course if the person was intoxicated.

Either way, it will be interesting to (hopefully) get an update from the mom this weekend with more detailed info on what happened and what decision she ended up making.

3

u/AddictiveArtistry 3d ago

It's rough for everyone. I was 18, did some dumb shit and my parents wisely let me sit in there for the night. Guess what? I never went back.

217

u/Odd-Artist-2595 3d ago

And, if he takes off, your bail money is gone. He’s an adult. You can’t stop him if he decides to go. A weekend in jail isn’t going to hurt him in the slightest. In fact, it might do him some good. Besides, if he does get tried and sentenced to jail, the time he spends in this weekend will probably be counted toward time served. He’ll get out two days early.

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u/No_Appointment_7232 3d ago

It's late, but the exact perfect time for him to learn the consequences of his actions and choices.

One who is cautious to not drive recklessly bc one can't pay bail if they end up in jail.

He's an adult. These are his problems.

10

u/NeedleworkerPresent6 3d ago

The math isn’t working. Right now it is just a misdemeanor car accident, unless DUI I’m guessing. And bail isn’t set until you see a judge. ??? And by the way, you go to the hospital with an officer there and then get transported to jail after being checked out if truly hurt. This is odd.

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u/roseofjuly 3d ago

And bail isn’t set until you see a judge.

Not necessarily true. Back when we were dating, my husband went to jail for a weekend after being pulled over for a minor traffic infraction (broken taillight). He'd gotten a speeding ticket in another state, and they'd sent the ticket to the wrong address; because he hadn't paid it, there was a warrant out for his arrest.

His bail was set at $3,000 at the front end of the weekend. (Nobody had that much money, so he stayed in jail for three days.)

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u/Secret_Hunter_3911 3d ago

In some jurisdictions there is a standard bail set for minor charges. In this case where the defendant has hit and seriously injured a pregnant woman, he would go in front of a judge for bail. The $9500 bail strikes me as very low for the offense. If she loses the baby, you can expect him to be charged with vehicular manslaughter ( or similar) and his bail would be 10 times that.

2

u/jimbojangles1987 3d ago

Did you know that if bail is set at 3000, you only have to pay 300 to get him out?

3

u/Upstairs_Task195 3d ago

Different states have different rules for this.

3

u/Classic-Cantaloupe47 3d ago

Certain charges have automatic bail amounts. If they haven't charged him w assault by auto, vehicular manslaughter, whatever, those bail amounts don't factor in yet. If he was charged with DUI or something requiring arrest, then the set bail amounts would apply. On a Friday, the DA isn't making indictment decisions, I'm sure.
If he wasn't under the influence (alcohol or drug) then DUI won't apply, but if the victim was seriously injured and at risk of losing the baby, they should have taken blood regardless to rule out that he had anything affecting him. He could be charged, if he wasn't DUI, if he tried to flee after the accident, or if witnesses reported that he was driving recklessly prior to the crash.

Regardless, whether you bail him out or not, he would be charged and booked, and most counties have online inmate databases. Sometimes, the records only show if the person is still in custody, others show any case they were arrested on that are still going through the system. But you should be able to see why they arrested him. If not online, you can probably call the jail and ask what he's been charged with. If he's injured and being treated at the hospital, usually two officers accompany the inmate to the ER/hospital and he's in custody the entire time. If he is discharged, then they'll bring him back to the jail and process him before he can be bailed out.

And personally, he doesn't give a shit about burning through your and his dad's money every time he totals a car and gets a better one. He has no consideration for the safety of others when he's driving like a moron. I wouldn't let him drive anything that's in your name. That's a huge liability you may already be on the hook for already. I would let him sit for at least the weekend, but probably longer, if it were me. He has no regard for anyone.

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u/Unlikely_Ad_1692 3d ago

And the bond fee to a bail bondsman is just gone. You don’t get that back.

1

u/Corfiz74 2d ago

I think that depends on the jail. I once read a harrowing newspaper article about a dad who got the bail call from his son on a Saturday night, for a drunk and disorderly. He thought a weekend in jail would be good consequences for his son and left him there - and whatever happened to the son in jail was so horrible that he hanged himself as soon as he got out. I'm normally all for natural consequences, but that story really stuck with me, cause the dad had to live with that regret.

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u/Top-Fox9979 3d ago

In our state ( WA) it's vehicular homicide not manslaughter.

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u/Delicious_Mine7711 3d ago

I’m from WA too

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u/GreyPon3 3d ago

Agreed. Let him rot.

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u/dollywooddude 3d ago

Let him rot and ponder the failure of his life. He might have killed a woman and her child. Devastated her family. But he’s uncomfortable. Who cares? Save the 10,000 op. Use a public defender. Stop wasting money on that murderous brat. He’s not worth it until he gets his shit together.

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u/Sudden_Peach_5629 3d ago

JFC, murderous brat? You don't even know the dude. Believe it or not, just because someone's a shitty driver doesn't mean they're automatically a shitty person. They're called accidents for a reason.

19

u/LopsidedPalace 3d ago

They're called accidents because saying "John Doe made a series of potentially fatal mistakes while operating a multi-con piece of machinery through sheer negligence and someone was seriously injured and someone may die because of it" makes people like John Doe and his family very upset. It's no less true. It's just worse optics.

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u/DearMrsLeading 3d ago

Hitting a human being puts you beyond just being a shitty driver.

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u/Motherof42069 3d ago edited 3d ago

There are no accidents. Cars don't magically come alive. Physics are predictable. This is the third time it's occured. If it was a medical event his license would have been suspended. His actions show a pattern of homicidal negligence, which is why he's locked up with a 10k bail. You don't get to shoot guns off wildly in populated areas. Nor do you get to behave that way simply because you're behind a steering wheel.

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u/WitchBalls 3d ago

In NYS they aren't called accidents anymore. Crashes.

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u/writingisfreedom 3d ago

He would in my country

1

u/Chronic420er 3d ago

Every state

-228

u/Electronic-Dust-778 4d ago

Let him rot? How constructive.

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u/Beth21286 4d ago

It keeps him off the roads and makes everyone else safer.

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u/maroongrad 4d ago

Better than letting him out. How destructive. Leave him there.

-133

u/ThoughtNecessary2385 4d ago

Can I ask a question

What if she let's him stay in jail And it's revealt that he is not at fault is she prepared for her son going no contact with her?

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u/Night_Angel27 3d ago

He's already totaled 2 cars. He's not a good driver. If he takes this as betrayal by mum instead of a lesson, she should hope he cuts her off.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

I have a cousin that has rolled over 4 trucks in his life falling asleep at the wheel it doesn't mean you're a bad driver but that you're not responsible totally different

48

u/The_Geese_ 3d ago

No your cousin is absolutely a bad driver. What the hell is wrong with you? In what world does that not make you both a bad driver and an irresponsible driver?! If you’ve fallen asleep at the wheel FOUR fucking times you deserve to have your license revoked.

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u/LadyReika 3d ago

If a person fell asleep at the wheel at least 4 times they're a menace to everyone else on the road and a shit driver.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Or they work 12-14hr/day as a rigger and live an hour away but yeah I'd go make assumptions before hearing the full story lol typical

13

u/LadyReika 3d ago

Keep digging that hole.

-10

u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

I mean I guess but as someone that never lived that type of life you'd think you'd at least stop and consider the millions of possibilities before making an ass out of you and me with assumptions and before hearing the whole story, but most people can't stop and think before they talk so why should you I guess lol

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u/dollywooddude 3d ago

Still completely his fault.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Yeah of course but isn't that more irresponsibility and not just confirming he's a bad driver without assuming I'm just saying let the kid have his day in court before having him crucified

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u/Classic-Cantaloupe47 3d ago

And ANY OTHER REASONABLE PERSON would know that they obviously CAN'T get home safely after falling asleep FOUR TIMES and wouldn't be so fn selfish! He should pull over and take a nap, or stay in a hotel until he's slept, or stop off everytime he gets drowsy! I used to work 24 hours straight and drive home an hour. I NEVER crashed. If I was in no shape to drive, I napped for am hour before trying to drive.

So when your cousin (God forbid) hurts or kills someone, will it not he his fault because checks notes he worked before driving and was tired?? Because the fact that he's already done it FOUR separate times shows he has NO REGARD for the lives of others, because he just really wants to get home. Smh

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u/pigandpom 3d ago

Your cousin absolutely is a bad driver. Falling asleep behind the wheel is fuckinf reckless. If you're tired you don't drive.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Don't get me wrong I've learned from my own mistakes like my cousin but when you're 19 making over 80 a year your mind isn't right sometimes and you have to grow up and not just get left and locked up in county, different strokes for different folks if you get where I'm coming from

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u/AhabMustDie 3d ago

I think getting locked up in county COULD be what he needs to grow up.

Unlike your cousin (I’m guessing), it sounds like OP’s kid has lived a very privileged life - his accidents didn’t come as a result of circumstances beyond his control, but of a lack of conscientiousness… that he desperately need to learn.

I think it’s commendable that you’re going against the grain to preach mercy, but a greater kindness than bailing him out would be to let him experience consequences finally, so that he doesn’t end up killing someone (else) or himself.

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u/Predictable-Past-912 3d ago

Don’t you get it? If “your mind isn’t right” then you are by definition, wrong!

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

If you work 14-16hrs a rigger it happens as a former rigger can confirm its rough, he lived an hour away so not completely his fault don't get me wrong we've razzed him but it's not his fault it happens when you work a very strenuous job in the heat all day, you've obviously never done anything like that so that's why your opinion is the way it is before you even found out why, but make assumptions because it makes an ass out of you and me lol. That $30+/hr plus 15-20hrs of ot hits differently it just happens to people like us. He also never got arrested either honestly this post seems more like they found alcohol or drugs and that's why he's locked up or he's in dictatorship Cali either way he doesn't deserve to be in county which you obviously have never been locked up in, otherwise you know you'd get jumped and get food and commissary taken from you by REAL criminals so to eatch their own I guess.

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u/pigandpom 3d ago

And I'll repeat it again, four fucking times. He could have killed someone just going about their business with his fucking reckless behaviour. He should have learned after the first time, but no, clearly he's a slow learner to have done it a further 3 times

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u/Common_Scar4611 3d ago

Totally his fault. Pull over and sleep

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u/hellsing_mongrel 3d ago

This! When I was going to college and working in rural west texas and had an hour drive between all three destinations, I was living my life perpetually on only 4 hours of sleep a night and getting home at like 2am every. single. day. And if I'd fallen asleep at the wheel when I was making those treks and ended up killing someone, you know who's fault that would have been? MINE. I would have had a criminal record because of it and I would have had no one but myself to blame! And I wasn't even the best driver back then, lemme tell you, but I sure as hell did my best to keep from wrecking on those long drives home when I was exhausted, because I DID NOT want to go out that way!

There are rest stops on the road that you can stop at to rest for the night, or you can pull to the side of the road and take a nap next to the highway. Or, if you're making 80k a year as a rigger, you can afford to get a shitty no-tell motel for the night so you have a few hours of sleep before you start the next day.

All of these excuses about why we shouldn't hold bad drivers accountable is just reaching completely absurd levels of idiocy! I'm all for prison reform and rehabilitation instead of incarceration, but sometimes the people have to suffer the consequences of their own actions before they'll learn their damned lesson!

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

100% we told him the same it's just a different type of life style and having lived it can't knock him for it but I think it goes more towards irresponsible and not bad driving because besides that he has a squeaky clean record, also I'm just wondering why the kid got arrested I'm not ready to jump to conclusions until we have learned more about why after an accident he got arrested, but people want me crucified because I don't know all the facts before judging someone especially a young kid like that

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u/pigandpom 3d ago

No. Stop trying to excuse it. You have no idea what jobs I've done, or what my husband has done, and guess what, neither of us has fallen asleep behind the wheel once, never mind four fucking times.

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u/Proper-Effective8621 3d ago

Wait! The cousin’s workday just increased by 2 hours. hands over a shovel

1

u/Classic-Cantaloupe47 3d ago

Oh, so since he was making good money, if he did kill someone, it would have been ok? He was making GOOD money so he could've stayed by you or GOTTEN A HOTEL for the night. Smh. Your logic is something else

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u/ImmediateShallot7245 3d ago

If he knew that he could pass out while driving then it kinda is his fault though

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u/ConsultJimMoriarty 3d ago

Your cousin should NOT be driving!

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

It was years ago and he's done a lot better since he quit being a rigger but yes it was a problem, but I can see one side of the story no one else is trying to see since it happened close to me

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u/ConsultJimMoriarty 3d ago

No one needs to see your side. He crashed FOUR cars!

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Lmao and never did it again but yeah he should be executed for making mistakes between the ages of 18- 20 lol you're out of there keep making assumptions about the littlest of facts instead of gathering facts and making a real informed opinion. This is reddit after all should I have expected anything better though, that's the real question.

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u/NoRegister8591 3d ago

Your cousin should be checked for sleep apnea. Falling asleep at the wheel is a huge symptom.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

100% he's not a rigger any more and hasn't had that problem since, I was just trying to get some people to understand there are reasonings behind some things and people's shouldn't just go around trying to make assumptions before knowing certain situations, not saying my cousin was right in any way just saying there are circumstances where you can see it may not have been malice and maybe they shouldn't have to sit in a county jail cell, although it is weird that getting arrested after an accident, I just don't know all the facts so I won't cast judgment until then

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u/NoRegister8591 3d ago

Happy to hear your cousin is doing better. But he still should be tested. My husband used to work long hours and had a long drive to/from work. He fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a snowplow in the mid 90's and almost died. He moved closer to work and has never fallen asleep again.. but it's 30yrs after his accident and he's just been DX with sleep apnea. It can leave one feeling more sluggish than one should be. Might be good with a cup of coffee but it can be doing damage behind the scenes. I hope he's all good but his story had alarm bells going off in my head🙃

If you want to feel better about yourself.. this whole post about the son and pregnant woman is likely fake. It's nearly identical to the storyline from a recent movie called Thelma lol. Plus the OPs post history is.. interesting:) So this entire thing has been hypothetical.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Exactly what I was thinking too but was getting so.much hate so quickly I felt I needed to at least defend my position on what I was saying, it seems like a rage bait post but this is reddit so what did I expect lol. Yeah I'll see if he will look into it he's also always been a super heavy sleeper so it'd be good if he'd just get tested to know, I'm sorry to hear about your husband that's crazy thank god he was OK that must have been insane!! Yeah it's hard because that money and those hours push you to your limit and then you inevitably crash, I know I've fallen asleep at the job site in my vehicle after work (not moving of course) a couple times when I was doing rigging with him so I did get it.

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u/Night_Angel27 3d ago

That's true. Is your cousin ok? Hopefully all is good

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u/XxMarlucaxX 3d ago

I somehow doubt this is the situation for OPs child. I hope your cousin is ok! Was he tired? Or does he have a condition?

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u/Predictable-Past-912 3d ago

This cousin definitely has one condition that we don’t need to be doctors to identify. He has bad judgement. In fact, it seems to run in the family.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 3d ago

We don't know what happened she doesn't know what happened just because he totated 2 cars before doesn't mean he did it now

If she know that he is at foult dan she needs to let him learn his lesson

If she doesn't know and he is not at fault he is going to cut her of an than she can't blame anyone but her self

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u/Ambitious_Owl_2004 3d ago

He's in jail, he obviously did something illegal...

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 3d ago

Yes he did something (maybe because it is not the first time the police makes a mistake) but that is not a guarantee the he was at fault for the accident no?

I mean if he is riding around with bad papers( suspended license or somting like that)

I'm just saying if he is at fault she needs to let him sit in jail

Al I'm also saying she needs to be 100% Sure of that he is guilty because if he is innocent of the accident he is going cut contact with her

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u/Ambitious_Owl_2004 3d ago

Are you going so hard for this kid bc you've also severely injured pregnant women, or are you just also a shitty driver?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 3d ago

No but I was accused of something I did not do and spend time in jail because of bad police work

I said if he was guilty he needs to go to jail

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u/XxMarlucaxX 3d ago

So you think OP needs to perform a whole investigation before making a decision about assisting her son?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 3d ago

No but she can ask what he is in jail for because in the story she doesn't know what he is in jail for? And than she can make a decision

Don't you think?

If he hit the pregnant lady he needs to be in jail

If he did not hit her she needs to make Decision if what he is In jail for (other dan hitting the pregnant lady) Is bad enough for risking her relationship with her son.

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u/passwordsarehard_3 3d ago

Yep. This isn’t his first time and they are progressively getting worse. He is out of good grace, when he’s involved in an accident it’s logical to assume he, in some way, was at fault.

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u/pigandpom 3d ago

He hit a pregnant woman, it's not clear if she was in a vehicle or a pedestrian. Either way, he hit her, she didn't hit him, he is the one charged and being held, not her. So it's clear the fault has been determined as being his.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 3d ago

So the police never made any mistakes?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 3d ago

So I get down voted for asking a question?

I thought everyone was innocent til proven guilty but that's only talk then?

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u/FowlTemptress 3d ago

This Is a subreddit, not a courtroom. We can judge all we want. Two days in jail is a wake up call, not a life sentence.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 3d ago

Yes a wakeup call that can cost the mom a relationship

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u/XxMarlucaxX 3d ago

If it does, she is better off.

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u/Magerimoje 3d ago

Why is it her fault that HE has no money for bail?

He can bail himself out. It's not a parent's responsibility to keep bail money handy for their kids.

If he stays in jail until his arraignment on Monday, that's his fault, not his mother's fault.

Especially because if he was a decent human being and charged with a minor crime, he would have already been released on his own recognizance.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Dude theses people just think this kid needs the death penalty or something, they're so perfect they never made mistakes and definitely have never been to jail lol

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u/XxMarlucaxX 3d ago

Not a death penalty but he deserves to face the consequences of his actions. He has a pattern of reckless driving and accidents. Now he has harmed someone, a pregnant person no less - the implication being that it is a wanted pregnancy but also bc they are physically at a higher risk of harm, making it considerably worse than hitting just a pedestrian. Hitting another human and causing them to potentially lose their baby is a mistake worth punishing. Just bc it is an accident doesn't make it ok to have done nor does it mean he is not to be held accountable for it.

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u/Angryprincess38 3d ago

Doesn't it say he admits to hitting the pregnant woman?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 3d ago

Yes but admitting he hit her and being at the only one at fault is completely different

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u/That-1-Red-Shirt 3d ago

Someone who does bad things and never gets consequences has no idea how to be a productive member of society. This kid has been bailed out and rewarded for bad behavior before and now he is getting the consequences he needs to hopefully turn his life around. Yes, let him rot for the weekend. He needs it.

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u/HighContrastRainbow 3d ago

That woman's life has been irrevocably changed, and she will forever be traumatized whether she loses the baby or can manage to keep it. You think he needs more opportunities to harm and kill people?

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u/PotentialDig7527 3d ago

He may have killed a baby, but rotting in jail for a weekend is exactly what this guy needs.

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u/mmcksmith 3d ago

And bailing him out has apparently made him such a stellar conscientious citizen.... SMDH

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u/Angryprincess38 3d ago

What would you do? Throw him a parade?

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

You've never been locked up in county lol it's rough for a kid that had an accident that still hasn't been seen before court

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u/Angryprincess38 3d ago

Yeah, I'm sure it's a picnic for the woman about to lose her child but let's all cry for the entitled idiot who makes the same mistakes over and over.

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u/ConsultJimMoriarty 3d ago

Oh boo hoo.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Super mature, must be a Maga lmao 🤣

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u/squibweg 3d ago

I absolutely assure you that having to give birth to a dead baby is a million times worse than being locked up in county for 2 days

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

100% but if it was a fender bender then it doesn't automatically mean you'd have a miscarriage as someone who didn't get to see 9 babies due to miscarriage I take it very seriously although it was because my wife has a genetic disorder, I don't take it lightly, butbthe more I think about the story, you don't get arrested after an accident hardly ever, so this may have been a rage bait post, I just also know how county jail I especially for a young kid and I always try not to cast judgment until all facts are shown or told, idk I just see both sides and I get it both ways, I assure you, losing a child before birth is one of the hardest, saddest and depressing things that can happen to a person

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u/squibweg 3d ago

I appreciate your understanding

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 3d ago

Thanks for being civil, I just tried to share my own experiences and people want me in the electric chair like they want this probably fictional kid over me just sharing my own thoughts and experiences