aitah for considerinf leaving my son in the county jail hospital over the weekend instead of paying $9,500.00 in bail?

[u/ShowerElectrical9342]

My son hit a pregnant woman with his vehicle and broke his nose and has stitches on his lip.

He was arrested and is in the county jail hospital. He wouldn't tell me how badly injured the woman is, except that she might lose the baby.

He's a careless, distracted driver who has totalled 2 cars, which his bio dad immediately replaced with even better cars!

But now his bio dad is gone (heart attack) and I don't want to enable this dangerous driving problem.

I'm overwhelmed.

He has had accidents before, and has always been bailed out.

I'm trying to get a regular lawyer because now he says she might lose the baby and sue him.

He's 19.

But no one wants me to take the time to get a regular lawyer instead of this public defender who insists I must send the bail money NOW or my son will be in jail all weekend.

Honestly, I don't know. Maybe that would be good for him. Like a wakeup call.

He didn't mention alcohol, but why else would he he arrested for a car accident?

Help! I have to move fast!

AITAH for even thinking about letting him spend a weekend in jail?

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPUSA]

He's 19 and still hasn't learned. A weekend might finally make him see reality.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPUSA]

You've never been to county then it's rough for a kid.

[u/strangemusicsince04 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Varies

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/strangemusicsince04]

Yeah I'd say that's true but definitely sitting in county is rough on top of if you get your case thrown out for lack of evidence like myself it's just rough especially for a young kid, I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it I'm just saying I don't have enough facts to make assumptions, like a lot of these people are. I always walk on egg shells and try to get where the other person is coming from before just trying to crucify a kid when I know I made mistakes as young kid as well

[u/Rindsay515 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

🤦🏼‍♀️He’s 19 and on his third car already because he totaled the first 2…this wasn’t a “mistake”, it’s a pattern.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/Rindsay515]

I can see what you're saying but we don't even know 25% of the facts but everyone is immediately just trying to give this kid the death penalty, op didn't give hardly any info but everyone is coming up with their own assumptions like they were eye witnesses.

[u/Rindsay515 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

No one is coming up with crazy assumptions, we’re going off his own mother’s account of his history so far after only 3 years of having a license. He’s been arrested for his recklessness before and continues driving selfishly because he’s used to being bailed out of jail and provided with a new car. I went to school with plenty of car-obsessed teenagers but none of them totaled 2 new cars before 19. The earlier you nip a bad habit in the bud, the better. This kid is now comfortable driving in ways that put himself and others in far more danger than what’s typically present on the road. The best thing she can do to save her son’s life, physically and/or mentally (meaning killing himself while driving or killing others and having to live with that), is to let him finally face consequences. If he wants to act like a grown man, this is what happens when grown men harm people. They don’t have mommies bail them out and buy them new cars

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/Rindsay515]

I see what you're saying, but I just don't getbthe whole arrested part, it just doesn't make since to me and I'm really thinking this is a fake rage baiting story, I justbdont get why op wouldn't have put up more facts and I get I'm in the minority for thinking there should be more evidence before we just all assume the kid deserves it, for all we know it could have been a complete mistake this time idk I'm just starting to think bei.g compassionate amd wanting to see more facts before casting judgment is just not the norm Anymore especially after all the hate I've gotten for sharing my own thoughts and experiences lol

[u/Rindsay515 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

She stated that she was in a massive rush because there was a time limit to post bail before having to wait to see the judge on Monday so I get why she just basically gave us the relevant bullet points with his history and the current situation as far as she knows. I think she was sincerely struggling with what to do because her maternal instinct is to protect him, not leave him to the wolves. So she may have even downplayed the situation to make it sound less severe than it really is because of her guilt, despite wanting honest advice. He’s got a broken nose and needed stitches in his lip so I’m guessing he rear-ended her or maybe t-boned her in an intersection pretty hard. And it’s not just her, it’s two lives he put in the hospital today- hers and her unborn child’s. Whatever he did, it was wrong enough to get him arrested, not just a ticket. Even if the baby ends up being okay, that woman is, and will be for a long time, so incredibly shaken up.

I am a very compassionate person but in situations like these, my compassion lies with the actual victims. If he was going through something hard in his life currently and not paying full attention and made a horrible mistake in a moment of distraction, I’d feel terrible for all involved. And he would feel terrible. But all he’s concerned about is getting his mom to hand over 10 grand so he doesn’t have to be uncomfortable over the weekend. You also have to assume he’s expecting another replacement car because that’s just what always happened in the past. Crash one, upgrade to a better one. I honestly think you should consider that your abnormally horrible experience with the corrupt cops and dehumanizing conditions going on with your local law enforcement/jail is causing a bias on your end as well. Not every person who is arrested has a perfectly good explanation for why they ended up harming someone and not every jail is a toxic health hazard. I am truly, extremely sorry for what happened to you and I think you’d make a great advocate for people who really do end up in unjust and inhumane situations like that but most cops don’t arrest people, especially teenagers, at crash sites without knowing exactly what happened or of course if the person was intoxicated.

Either way, it will be interesting to (hopefully) get an update from the mom this weekend with more detailed info on what happened and what decision she ended up making.