r/AITAH • u/ShowerElectrical9342 • 6d ago

aitah for considerinf leaving my son in the county jail hospital over the weekend instead of paying $9,500.00 in bail? Advice Needed

My son hit a pregnant woman with his vehicle and broke his nose and has stitches on his lip.

He was arrested and is in the county jail hospital. He wouldn't tell me how badly injured the woman is, except that she might lose the baby.

He's a careless, distracted driver who has totalled 2 cars, which his bio dad immediately replaced with even better cars!

But now his bio dad is gone (heart attack) and I don't want to enable this dangerous driving problem.

I'm overwhelmed.

He has had accidents before, and has always been bailed out.

I'm trying to get a regular lawyer because now he says she might lose the baby and sue him.

He's 19.

But no one wants me to take the time to get a regular lawyer instead of this public defender who insists I must send the bail money NOW or my son will be in jail all weekend.

Honestly, I don't know. Maybe that would be good for him. Like a wakeup call.

He didn't mention alcohol, but why else would he he arrested for a car accident?

Help! I have to move fast!

AITAH for even thinking about letting him spend a weekend in jail?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

Can I ask a question

What if she let's him stay in jail And it's revealt that he is not at fault is she prepared for her son going no contact with her?

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u/pigandpom 6d ago

He hit a pregnant woman, it's not clear if she was in a vehicle or a pedestrian. Either way, he hit her, she didn't hit him, he is the one charged and being held, not her. So it's clear the fault has been determined as being his.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

So the police never made any mistakes?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

So I get down voted for asking a question?

I thought everyone was innocent til proven guilty but that's only talk then?

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u/FowlTemptress 6d ago

This Is a subreddit, not a courtroom. We can judge all we want. Two days in jail is a wake up call, not a life sentence.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

Yes a wakeup call that can cost the mom a relationship

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u/XxMarlucaxX 6d ago

If it does, she is better off.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

You may think that but can she live with it?

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u/XxMarlucaxX 6d ago

OP can consider that all she wants. Ultimately, she would be losing a child who lost his mind over being held accountable for his actions. Even if it was an accident, his history shows he needs some intervention and maybe he will grow and learn it was in his best interest. If he cuts her off over that, it might not even be permanent, depending on the way that he grows.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

Yes but then she has no one to blame if he never let's her back in

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u/XxMarlucaxX 6d ago

Ok again and? Then she loses a child who never grew to realize that he was fucking up, which means he likely will keep doing shit like this, so no big loss. And if it makes him grow, any selfless parent would be glad that at least he improved even if he never decided to revisit his familial relationship.

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u/Predictable-Past-912 5d ago

Think for a moment, if he cuts her of for showing him a little tough love when he screws up, then he is an even bigger loser than if he took it in stride. So, it’s a cinch that this big loser will need her again before she needs him.

If mom gets too caught up in her “feelings” about what he might do, then she will not be the mother that he needs when he needs her the most.

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u/Angryprincess38 6d ago

If the lady's baby dies, can she live with that, knowing she enabled him?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

If he is not alone at fault for it and he goes to jail without helping him can she live with that

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u/Angryprincess38 6d ago

Like the sane people on this thread have pointed out, if there were mitigating details, her son would have told her. Instead he's vague with details, indicating he's 100% at fault.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

Or he has a concussion and he is not 100% and forgot but you are right you are guilty til proven different right? at least in this sub

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u/Angryprincess38 6d ago

Yeah, keep telling yourself that cupcake. Wonder if you would feel differently if it were your dead baby. Probably not, eh?

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u/Magerimoje 6d ago

Why is it her fault that HE has no money for bail?

He can bail himself out. It's not a parent's responsibility to keep bail money handy for their kids.

If he stays in jail until his arraignment on Monday, that's his fault, not his mother's fault.

Especially because if he was a decent human being and charged with a minor crime, he would have already been released on his own recognizance.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

I'm not saying it's he fault but if he asks for help she doesn't want to give it and he cuts her out of his live She needs to live with the consequences of that

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u/hellsing_mongrel 5d ago

almost 10k is not the kind of money a single parent is going to normally just have laying around. He's an adult now, but he's only 19, so it's safe to assume that she's still been raising him very recently, if not still raising him, and it's likely that she's not going to have that kind of money to just throw away on her son's potential bad behavior.

If he's unwilling to forgive his mother for not being able to fork over 10 Grand to save him from two days in jail after he repeatedly had severe vehicular accidents that have now resulted in a woman potentially losing her unborn child, then she'll be better off without him in her life for as long as it takes for him to realize that he was being a dipshit and needs to take responsibility for his own actions.

Honestly, I'm not the best driver myself at times, which is why I avoid unless I absolutely can't avoid it, but if I was in his place, I wouldn't even dare ask for the money, and I'd be shocked if two days in county lockup was the worst I had happen to me! I wouldn't want to also burden my family with having to pay that kind of money for bail, and I've had to go begging for help paying the bills from family members before. This is just on a whole 'nother level.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 5d ago

I'm not saying she has to bail him out if she can't afford it than he needs to look elsewhere for help

And if he can't forgive he for that than he is a AH

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u/hellsing_mongrel 5d ago

lbh, he's an ah even if he DOES forgive her for it. The things he's done to put him in this place are evidence of that.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 6d ago

Dude theses people just think this kid needs the death penalty or something, they're so perfect they never made mistakes and definitely have never been to jail lol

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u/XxMarlucaxX 6d ago

Not a death penalty but he deserves to face the consequences of his actions. He has a pattern of reckless driving and accidents. Now he has harmed someone, a pregnant person no less - the implication being that it is a wanted pregnancy but also bc they are physically at a higher risk of harm, making it considerably worse than hitting just a pedestrian. Hitting another human and causing them to potentially lose their baby is a mistake worth punishing. Just bc it is an accident doesn't make it ok to have done nor does it mean he is not to be held accountable for it.