r/AITAH • u/ShowerElectrical9342 • 6d ago

aitah for considerinf leaving my son in the county jail hospital over the weekend instead of paying $9,500.00 in bail? Advice Needed

My son hit a pregnant woman with his vehicle and broke his nose and has stitches on his lip.

He was arrested and is in the county jail hospital. He wouldn't tell me how badly injured the woman is, except that she might lose the baby.

He's a careless, distracted driver who has totalled 2 cars, which his bio dad immediately replaced with even better cars!

But now his bio dad is gone (heart attack) and I don't want to enable this dangerous driving problem.

I'm overwhelmed.

He has had accidents before, and has always been bailed out.

I'm trying to get a regular lawyer because now he says she might lose the baby and sue him.

He's 19.

But no one wants me to take the time to get a regular lawyer instead of this public defender who insists I must send the bail money NOW or my son will be in jail all weekend.

Honestly, I don't know. Maybe that would be good for him. Like a wakeup call.

He didn't mention alcohol, but why else would he he arrested for a car accident?

Help! I have to move fast!

AITAH for even thinking about letting him spend a weekend in jail?

3.2k Upvotes
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u/STUNTPENlS 6d ago

Let him rot in county lockup.

If the baby dies, in some states, he could be charged with vehicular manslaughter.

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u/Electronic-Dust-778 6d ago

Let him rot? How constructive.

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u/maroongrad 6d ago

Better than letting him out. How destructive. Leave him there.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

Can I ask a question

What if she let's him stay in jail And it's revealt that he is not at fault is she prepared for her son going no contact with her?

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u/Night_Angel27 6d ago

He's already totaled 2 cars. He's not a good driver. If he takes this as betrayal by mum instead of a lesson, she should hope he cuts her off.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 6d ago

I have a cousin that has rolled over 4 trucks in his life falling asleep at the wheel it doesn't mean you're a bad driver but that you're not responsible totally different

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u/The_Geese_ 6d ago

No your cousin is absolutely a bad driver. What the hell is wrong with you? In what world does that not make you both a bad driver and an irresponsible driver?! If you’ve fallen asleep at the wheel FOUR fucking times you deserve to have your license revoked.

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u/LadyReika 6d ago

If a person fell asleep at the wheel at least 4 times they're a menace to everyone else on the road and a shit driver.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 6d ago

Or they work 12-14hr/day as a rigger and live an hour away but yeah I'd go make assumptions before hearing the full story lol typical

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u/LadyReika 6d ago

Keep digging that hole.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 6d ago

I mean I guess but as someone that never lived that type of life you'd think you'd at least stop and consider the millions of possibilities before making an ass out of you and me with assumptions and before hearing the whole story, but most people can't stop and think before they talk so why should you I guess lol

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u/Fibro-Mite 5d ago

If someone knows they have an issue (medical, long work hours, whatever) that may cause them to fall asleep while driving, they should NEVER get behind the wheel of a vehicle until the issue is resolved/cured. Your cousin is a dangerous driver and a threat to everyone around him regardless of his excuses. Once is a problem, but could be excused, more than that makes him a dangerous dickhead.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 5d ago

I mean it was multiple years ago but thanks for just assuming someone is a p.o.s based on a few sentences someone said lol shit happens when you're a kid, he learned from it and hasn't done anything like it since leaving the trade but thanks for automatically assuming someone is garbage for making mistakes when 18-20

-5

u/Dense_Reputation_420 5d ago

I mean he's learned since then and hasn't since he was a teen, but still it's not like no one here has made a mistake or hasn't thought of consequences while doing something, I just think it's crazy everyone wants to crucify this kid before learning the full story, you have to make mistakes amd learn from them like Mt cousin and all these random people spreading hate before they know the full story need to remember none of them didn't make mistakes when young and that they shouldn't just assume the worse based on a vague post on reddit, but that just doesn't seem logical to 90% of reddit, lol but that's why I like this place the anominity is what gives reddit it's charm lol

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u/Fibro-Mite 5d ago

There are millions of people who go through life never having a car accident or similar through their own inattention or dangerous driving. They don’t need to “make their own mistakes” because they are capable of learning from the mistakes of others. They can look at the rules and laws and think “there’s a reason for those” and so abide by them.

OP’s son has had multiple accidents in the past and doesn’t appear to have learned any lessons yet. Perhaps the consequences need to be harsher for the lesson to sink in this time.

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u/LadyReika 5d ago

Oh, I think about what I'm saying before I speak. You're the one who isn't thinking. One time falling asleep is an accident.

He wrecked FOUR fucking vehicles. Seriously, how can you excuse that?

0

u/Dense_Reputation_420 5d ago

It was years ago and no one was ever hurt is how I can forgive that he also worked 80+ hours a week with me at the time we were on a turnaround, it was rough his only problem was he lived a little more than a hour away so I guess he'd just doze off I'm not excusing anything I'm just saying there are sometimes reasons why these things happen especially at a young age there are always different perspectives and reasons to everything also why I'm not just ready to crucify someone on a very vague reddit post that seems like it just wants people to rage on the topic, maybe that's just me

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u/Predictable-Past-912 5d ago

If working 80+ hours a week makes you so tired that you cannot stay awake then that is a problem. If driving is part of your job or required for you to get to and from work then that is a major problem. No matter how old you are, if you have the responsibility of having a driver’s license then you must either work fewer hours or not drive at work and work out alternatives for commuting. Otherwise you are intentionally endangering others just to make more money.

Now, feed us some goofy excuses about how this young man was “forced” to work more than 80 hours per week. Then claim that you are not making excuses! Please be predictable, u/Dense_Reputation_420 .

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u/dollywooddude 5d ago

Still completely his fault.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 5d ago

Yeah of course but isn't that more irresponsibility and not just confirming he's a bad driver without assuming I'm just saying let the kid have his day in court before having him crucified

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u/DearMrsLeading 5d ago

No. Crashing your car four times makes you a bad driver by default. Crashing your car four times the same exact way because you made irresponsible choices? You’re still a bad driver. In fact, you’re worse than the average bad driver.

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u/Classic-Cantaloupe47 5d ago

And ANY OTHER REASONABLE PERSON would know that they obviously CAN'T get home safely after falling asleep FOUR TIMES and wouldn't be so fn selfish! He should pull over and take a nap, or stay in a hotel until he's slept, or stop off everytime he gets drowsy! I used to work 24 hours straight and drive home an hour. I NEVER crashed. If I was in no shape to drive, I napped for am hour before trying to drive.

So when your cousin (God forbid) hurts or kills someone, will it not he his fault because checks notes he worked before driving and was tired?? Because the fact that he's already done it FOUR separate times shows he has NO REGARD for the lives of others, because he just really wants to get home. Smh

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u/pigandpom 6d ago

Your cousin absolutely is a bad driver. Falling asleep behind the wheel is fuckinf reckless. If you're tired you don't drive.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 6d ago

Don't get me wrong I've learned from my own mistakes like my cousin but when you're 19 making over 80 a year your mind isn't right sometimes and you have to grow up and not just get left and locked up in county, different strokes for different folks if you get where I'm coming from

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u/AhabMustDie 5d ago

I think getting locked up in county COULD be what he needs to grow up.

Unlike your cousin (I’m guessing), it sounds like OP’s kid has lived a very privileged life - his accidents didn’t come as a result of circumstances beyond his control, but of a lack of conscientiousness… that he desperately need to learn.

I think it’s commendable that you’re going against the grain to preach mercy, but a greater kindness than bailing him out would be to let him experience consequences finally, so that he doesn’t end up killing someone (else) or himself.

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u/Predictable-Past-912 5d ago

Don’t you get it? If “your mind isn’t right” then you are by definition, wrong!

-10

u/Dense_Reputation_420 6d ago

If you work 14-16hrs a rigger it happens as a former rigger can confirm its rough, he lived an hour away so not completely his fault don't get me wrong we've razzed him but it's not his fault it happens when you work a very strenuous job in the heat all day, you've obviously never done anything like that so that's why your opinion is the way it is before you even found out why, but make assumptions because it makes an ass out of you and me lol. That $30+/hr plus 15-20hrs of ot hits differently it just happens to people like us. He also never got arrested either honestly this post seems more like they found alcohol or drugs and that's why he's locked up or he's in dictatorship Cali either way he doesn't deserve to be in county which you obviously have never been locked up in, otherwise you know you'd get jumped and get food and commissary taken from you by REAL criminals so to eatch their own I guess.

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u/pigandpom 6d ago

And I'll repeat it again, four fucking times. He could have killed someone just going about their business with his fucking reckless behaviour. He should have learned after the first time, but no, clearly he's a slow learner to have done it a further 3 times

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u/Common_Scar4611 6d ago

Totally his fault. Pull over and sleep

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u/hellsing_mongrel 5d ago

This! When I was going to college and working in rural west texas and had an hour drive between all three destinations, I was living my life perpetually on only 4 hours of sleep a night and getting home at like 2am every. single. day. And if I'd fallen asleep at the wheel when I was making those treks and ended up killing someone, you know who's fault that would have been? MINE. I would have had a criminal record because of it and I would have had no one but myself to blame! And I wasn't even the best driver back then, lemme tell you, but I sure as hell did my best to keep from wrecking on those long drives home when I was exhausted, because I DID NOT want to go out that way!

There are rest stops on the road that you can stop at to rest for the night, or you can pull to the side of the road and take a nap next to the highway. Or, if you're making 80k a year as a rigger, you can afford to get a shitty no-tell motel for the night so you have a few hours of sleep before you start the next day.

All of these excuses about why we shouldn't hold bad drivers accountable is just reaching completely absurd levels of idiocy! I'm all for prison reform and rehabilitation instead of incarceration, but sometimes the people have to suffer the consequences of their own actions before they'll learn their damned lesson!

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 5d ago

100% we told him the same it's just a different type of life style and having lived it can't knock him for it but I think it goes more towards irresponsible and not bad driving because besides that he has a squeaky clean record, also I'm just wondering why the kid got arrested I'm not ready to jump to conclusions until we have learned more about why after an accident he got arrested, but people want me crucified because I don't know all the facts before judging someone especially a young kid like that

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u/pigandpom 6d ago

No. Stop trying to excuse it. You have no idea what jobs I've done, or what my husband has done, and guess what, neither of us has fallen asleep behind the wheel once, never mind four fucking times.

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u/Proper-Effective8621 6d ago

Wait! The cousin’s workday just increased by 2 hours. hands over a shovel

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u/Classic-Cantaloupe47 5d ago

Oh, so since he was making good money, if he did kill someone, it would have been ok? He was making GOOD money so he could've stayed by you or GOTTEN A HOTEL for the night. Smh. Your logic is something else

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u/ImmediateShallot7245 6d ago

If he knew that he could pass out while driving then it kinda is his fault though

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u/ConsultJimMoriarty 5d ago

Your cousin should NOT be driving!

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 5d ago

It was years ago and he's done a lot better since he quit being a rigger but yes it was a problem, but I can see one side of the story no one else is trying to see since it happened close to me

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u/ConsultJimMoriarty 5d ago

No one needs to see your side. He crashed FOUR cars!

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 5d ago

Lmao and never did it again but yeah he should be executed for making mistakes between the ages of 18- 20 lol you're out of there keep making assumptions about the littlest of facts instead of gathering facts and making a real informed opinion. This is reddit after all should I have expected anything better though, that's the real question.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

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u/ConsultJimMoriarty 5d ago

He should have never done it again after the first time, not three times again.

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u/NoRegister8591 5d ago

Your cousin should be checked for sleep apnea. Falling asleep at the wheel is a huge symptom.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 5d ago

100% he's not a rigger any more and hasn't had that problem since, I was just trying to get some people to understand there are reasonings behind some things and people's shouldn't just go around trying to make assumptions before knowing certain situations, not saying my cousin was right in any way just saying there are circumstances where you can see it may not have been malice and maybe they shouldn't have to sit in a county jail cell, although it is weird that getting arrested after an accident, I just don't know all the facts so I won't cast judgment until then

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u/NoRegister8591 5d ago

Happy to hear your cousin is doing better. But he still should be tested. My husband used to work long hours and had a long drive to/from work. He fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a snowplow in the mid 90's and almost died. He moved closer to work and has never fallen asleep again.. but it's 30yrs after his accident and he's just been DX with sleep apnea. It can leave one feeling more sluggish than one should be. Might be good with a cup of coffee but it can be doing damage behind the scenes. I hope he's all good but his story had alarm bells going off in my head🙃

If you want to feel better about yourself.. this whole post about the son and pregnant woman is likely fake. It's nearly identical to the storyline from a recent movie called Thelma lol. Plus the OPs post history is.. interesting:) So this entire thing has been hypothetical.

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 5d ago

Exactly what I was thinking too but was getting so.much hate so quickly I felt I needed to at least defend my position on what I was saying, it seems like a rage bait post but this is reddit so what did I expect lol. Yeah I'll see if he will look into it he's also always been a super heavy sleeper so it'd be good if he'd just get tested to know, I'm sorry to hear about your husband that's crazy thank god he was OK that must have been insane!! Yeah it's hard because that money and those hours push you to your limit and then you inevitably crash, I know I've fallen asleep at the job site in my vehicle after work (not moving of course) a couple times when I was doing rigging with him so I did get it.

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u/Night_Angel27 6d ago

That's true. Is your cousin ok? Hopefully all is good

-4

u/XxMarlucaxX 6d ago

I somehow doubt this is the situation for OPs child. I hope your cousin is ok! Was he tired? Or does he have a condition?

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u/Predictable-Past-912 5d ago

This cousin definitely has one condition that we don’t need to be doctors to identify. He has bad judgement. In fact, it seems to run in the family.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

We don't know what happened she doesn't know what happened just because he totated 2 cars before doesn't mean he did it now

If she know that he is at foult dan she needs to let him learn his lesson

If she doesn't know and he is not at fault he is going to cut her of an than she can't blame anyone but her self

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u/Ambitious_Owl_2004 6d ago

He's in jail, he obviously did something illegal...

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

Yes he did something (maybe because it is not the first time the police makes a mistake) but that is not a guarantee the he was at fault for the accident no?

I mean if he is riding around with bad papers( suspended license or somting like that)

I'm just saying if he is at fault she needs to let him sit in jail

Al I'm also saying she needs to be 100% Sure of that he is guilty because if he is innocent of the accident he is going cut contact with her

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u/Ambitious_Owl_2004 6d ago

Are you going so hard for this kid bc you've also severely injured pregnant women, or are you just also a shitty driver?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

No but I was accused of something I did not do and spend time in jail because of bad police work

I said if he was guilty he needs to go to jail

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u/Ambitious_Owl_2004 6d ago

Ok and was your jail time for striking a pregnant woman with your car? Bc I really can't see a situation where he's innocent.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

No it was somting different

But is she was crossing the road an did not watch both sides an he saw her to late he is not the only one at fault

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u/Ambitious_Owl_2004 6d ago

Ok, you said not the ONLY ONE at fault. He would still be at fault though .

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u/GLH90 5d ago

If she was crossing the street and he hits her then yes he is at fault. Where is it that you live where pedestrians don’t have the right of way!?

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u/XxMarlucaxX 6d ago

So you think OP needs to perform a whole investigation before making a decision about assisting her son?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

No but she can ask what he is in jail for because in the story she doesn't know what he is in jail for? And than she can make a decision

Don't you think?

If he hit the pregnant lady he needs to be in jail

If he did not hit her she needs to make Decision if what he is In jail for (other dan hitting the pregnant lady) Is bad enough for risking her relationship with her son.

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u/XxMarlucaxX 6d ago

What makes you think she doesn't know what he is in jail for? The only time she said "I don't know" is in reference to making her decision. She makes it clear as DAY that he is in jail bc he hit a pregnant woman with his car. Idk where OP is but in Texas if you hit a pedestrian with your car you do face jail time depending on the severity of the injuries. Being close to losing your baby is definitely a severe level of injuries and would warrant jail time here.

ETA ok she does say why else would be be arrested if not for alcohol but my comment provides an explanation for why. Ig she could bother asking but somehow I don't think she needs to. It seems obvious to me.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

Does she know how the accident happened because if the lady was not watching we she was going and he did not see her is he sill at fault?

I'm just asking if he hit her and he is at fault he needs to go to jail

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u/XxMarlucaxX 6d ago

It would depend, but I think he would mention anything that would clear him of fault, and not paying attention would not do it.

Are you insinuating she was walking into the street on a freeway or something? Anywhere with a speed limit that would make it hard to see someone stepping in front of your car in time to stop, and you don't have say a stop sign or cross walk to give you an idea of paying attention, would be ridiculous for a pregnant person to step in front of out of nowhere. Given what is said in this post, it is highly likely he is at fault.

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u/Fun-Frosting-5673 6d ago

You’re stupid

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

Why because I want to be sure before I leave someone to fend for them self

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u/passwordsarehard_3 6d ago

Yep. This isn’t his first time and they are progressively getting worse. He is out of good grace, when he’s involved in an accident it’s logical to assume he, in some way, was at fault.

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u/pigandpom 6d ago

He hit a pregnant woman, it's not clear if she was in a vehicle or a pedestrian. Either way, he hit her, she didn't hit him, he is the one charged and being held, not her. So it's clear the fault has been determined as being his.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

So the police never made any mistakes?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

So I get down voted for asking a question?

I thought everyone was innocent til proven guilty but that's only talk then?

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u/FowlTemptress 6d ago

This Is a subreddit, not a courtroom. We can judge all we want. Two days in jail is a wake up call, not a life sentence.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

Yes a wakeup call that can cost the mom a relationship

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u/XxMarlucaxX 6d ago

If it does, she is better off.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

You may think that but can she live with it?

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u/XxMarlucaxX 6d ago

OP can consider that all she wants. Ultimately, she would be losing a child who lost his mind over being held accountable for his actions. Even if it was an accident, his history shows he needs some intervention and maybe he will grow and learn it was in his best interest. If he cuts her off over that, it might not even be permanent, depending on the way that he grows.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

Yes but then she has no one to blame if he never let's her back in

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u/Angryprincess38 6d ago

If the lady's baby dies, can she live with that, knowing she enabled him?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

If he is not alone at fault for it and he goes to jail without helping him can she live with that

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u/Magerimoje 6d ago

Why is it her fault that HE has no money for bail?

He can bail himself out. It's not a parent's responsibility to keep bail money handy for their kids.

If he stays in jail until his arraignment on Monday, that's his fault, not his mother's fault.

Especially because if he was a decent human being and charged with a minor crime, he would have already been released on his own recognizance.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

I'm not saying it's he fault but if he asks for help she doesn't want to give it and he cuts her out of his live She needs to live with the consequences of that

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u/hellsing_mongrel 5d ago

almost 10k is not the kind of money a single parent is going to normally just have laying around. He's an adult now, but he's only 19, so it's safe to assume that she's still been raising him very recently, if not still raising him, and it's likely that she's not going to have that kind of money to just throw away on her son's potential bad behavior.

If he's unwilling to forgive his mother for not being able to fork over 10 Grand to save him from two days in jail after he repeatedly had severe vehicular accidents that have now resulted in a woman potentially losing her unborn child, then she'll be better off without him in her life for as long as it takes for him to realize that he was being a dipshit and needs to take responsibility for his own actions.

Honestly, I'm not the best driver myself at times, which is why I avoid unless I absolutely can't avoid it, but if I was in his place, I wouldn't even dare ask for the money, and I'd be shocked if two days in county lockup was the worst I had happen to me! I wouldn't want to also burden my family with having to pay that kind of money for bail, and I've had to go begging for help paying the bills from family members before. This is just on a whole 'nother level.

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 5d ago

I'm not saying she has to bail him out if she can't afford it than he needs to look elsewhere for help

And if he can't forgive he for that than he is a AH

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u/Dense_Reputation_420 6d ago

Dude theses people just think this kid needs the death penalty or something, they're so perfect they never made mistakes and definitely have never been to jail lol

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u/XxMarlucaxX 6d ago

Not a death penalty but he deserves to face the consequences of his actions. He has a pattern of reckless driving and accidents. Now he has harmed someone, a pregnant person no less - the implication being that it is a wanted pregnancy but also bc they are physically at a higher risk of harm, making it considerably worse than hitting just a pedestrian. Hitting another human and causing them to potentially lose their baby is a mistake worth punishing. Just bc it is an accident doesn't make it ok to have done nor does it mean he is not to be held accountable for it.

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u/Angryprincess38 6d ago

Doesn't it say he admits to hitting the pregnant woman?

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u/ThoughtNecessary2385 6d ago

Yes but admitting he hit her and being at the only one at fault is completely different