aitah for considerinf leaving my son in the county jail hospital over the weekend instead of paying $9,500.00 in bail?

[u/ShowerElectrical9342]

My son hit a pregnant woman with his vehicle and broke his nose and has stitches on his lip.

He was arrested and is in the county jail hospital. He wouldn't tell me how badly injured the woman is, except that she might lose the baby.

He's a careless, distracted driver who has totalled 2 cars, which his bio dad immediately replaced with even better cars!

But now his bio dad is gone (heart attack) and I don't want to enable this dangerous driving problem.

I'm overwhelmed.

He has had accidents before, and has always been bailed out.

I'm trying to get a regular lawyer because now he says she might lose the baby and sue him.

He's 19.

But no one wants me to take the time to get a regular lawyer instead of this public defender who insists I must send the bail money NOW or my son will be in jail all weekend.

Honestly, I don't know. Maybe that would be good for him. Like a wakeup call.

He didn't mention alcohol, but why else would he he arrested for a car accident?

Help! I have to move fast!

AITAH for even thinking about letting him spend a weekend in jail?

[u/Night_Angel27]

He's already totaled 2 cars. He's not a good driver. If he takes this as betrayal by mum instead of a lesson, she should hope he cuts her off.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/Night_Angel27]

I have a cousin that has rolled over 4 trucks in his life falling asleep at the wheel it doesn't mean you're a bad driver but that you're not responsible totally different

[u/LadyReika → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

If a person fell asleep at the wheel at least 4 times they're a menace to everyone else on the road and a shit driver.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/LadyReika]

Or they work 12-14hr/day as a rigger and live an hour away but yeah I'd go make assumptions before hearing the full story lol typical

[u/LadyReika → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Keep digging that hole.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/LadyReika]

I mean I guess but as someone that never lived that type of life you'd think you'd at least stop and consider the millions of possibilities before making an ass out of you and me with assumptions and before hearing the whole story, but most people can't stop and think before they talk so why should you I guess lol

[u/Fibro-Mite → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

If someone knows they have an issue (medical, long work hours, whatever) that may cause them to fall asleep while driving, they should NEVER get behind the wheel of a vehicle until the issue is resolved/cured. Your cousin is a dangerous driver and a threat to everyone around him regardless of his excuses. Once is a problem, but could be excused, more than that makes him a dangerous dickhead.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/Fibro-Mite]

I mean it was multiple years ago but thanks for just assuming someone is a p.o.s based on a few sentences someone said lol shit happens when you're a kid, he learned from it and hasn't done anything like it since leaving the trade but thanks for automatically assuming someone is garbage for making mistakes when 18-20

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/Fibro-Mite]

I mean he's learned since then and hasn't since he was a teen, but still it's not like no one here has made a mistake or hasn't thought of consequences while doing something, I just think it's crazy everyone wants to crucify this kid before learning the full story, you have to make mistakes amd learn from them like Mt cousin and all these random people spreading hate before they know the full story need to remember none of them didn't make mistakes when young and that they shouldn't just assume the worse based on a vague post on reddit, but that just doesn't seem logical to 90% of reddit, lol but that's why I like this place the anominity is what gives reddit it's charm lol

[u/Fibro-Mite → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

There are millions of people who go through life never having a car accident or similar through their own inattention or dangerous driving. They don’t need to “make their own mistakes” because they are capable of learning from the mistakes of others. They can look at the rules and laws and think “there’s a reason for those” and so abide by them.

OP’s son has had multiple accidents in the past and doesn’t appear to have learned any lessons yet. Perhaps the consequences need to be harsher for the lesson to sink in this time.

[u/Classic-Cantaloupe47 → u/Fibro-Mite]

Some ppl don't consider other people, clearly. Sounds like this kid is too immature or selfish to consider that his reckless driving has more than just financial implications that insurance pays for.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/Fibro-Mite]

But we still don't know all the facts I'm just trying to share something g I've felt with in my own family and am just not ready to feed this kid to the sharks over vague post on reddit but it seems like I'm in the minority in thinking everyone has the right to have their side of the story told before we just try to hang them, idk I give up, I don't know what I expected from anonymous people on reddit but immediately just saying this child I've never met or heard of more than a vague story by op should be locked in county for up to months waiting on a court date idk I always give people benefit of the doubt but I guess God forbid that's what I feel on a subject I nor anyone else knows fully about

[u/LadyReika → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Oh, I think about what I'm saying before I speak. You're the one who isn't thinking. One time falling asleep is an accident.

He wrecked FOUR fucking vehicles. Seriously, how can you excuse that?

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/LadyReika]

It was years ago and no one was ever hurt is how I can forgive that he also worked 80+ hours a week with me at the time we were on a turnaround, it was rough his only problem was he lived a little more than a hour away so I guess he'd just doze off I'm not excusing anything I'm just saying there are sometimes reasons why these things happen especially at a young age there are always different perspectives and reasons to everything also why I'm not just ready to crucify someone on a very vague reddit post that seems like it just wants people to rage on the topic, maybe that's just me

[u/Predictable-Past-912 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

If working 80+ hours a week makes you so tired that you cannot stay awake then that is a problem. If driving is part of your job or required for you to get to and from work then that is a major problem. No matter how old you are, if you have the responsibility of having a driver’s license then you must either work fewer hours or not drive at work and work out alternatives for commuting. Otherwise you are intentionally endangering others just to make more money.

Now, feed us some goofy excuses about how this young man was “forced” to work more than 80 hours per week. Then claim that you are not making excuses! Please be predictable, u/Dense_Reputation_420 .

[u/dollywooddude → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Still completely his fault.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/dollywooddude]

Yeah of course but isn't that more irresponsibility and not just confirming he's a bad driver without assuming I'm just saying let the kid have his day in court before having him crucified

[u/DearMrsLeading → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

No. Crashing your car four times makes you a bad driver by default. Crashing your car four times the same exact way because you made irresponsible choices? You’re still a bad driver. In fact, you’re worse than the average bad driver.

[u/Classic-Cantaloupe47 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

And ANY OTHER REASONABLE PERSON would know that they obviously CAN'T get home safely after falling asleep FOUR TIMES and wouldn't be so fn selfish! He should pull over and take a nap, or stay in a hotel until he's slept, or stop off everytime he gets drowsy! I used to work 24 hours straight and drive home an hour. I NEVER crashed. If I was in no shape to drive, I napped for am hour before trying to drive.

So when your cousin (God forbid) hurts or kills someone, will it not he his fault because checks notes he worked before driving and was tired?? Because the fact that he's already done it FOUR separate times shows he has NO REGARD for the lives of others, because he just really wants to get home. Smh