aitah for considerinf leaving my son in the county jail hospital over the weekend instead of paying $9,500.00 in bail?

[u/ShowerElectrical9342]

My son hit a pregnant woman with his vehicle and broke his nose and has stitches on his lip.

He was arrested and is in the county jail hospital. He wouldn't tell me how badly injured the woman is, except that she might lose the baby.

He's a careless, distracted driver who has totalled 2 cars, which his bio dad immediately replaced with even better cars!

But now his bio dad is gone (heart attack) and I don't want to enable this dangerous driving problem.

I'm overwhelmed.

He has had accidents before, and has always been bailed out.

I'm trying to get a regular lawyer because now he says she might lose the baby and sue him.

He's 19.

But no one wants me to take the time to get a regular lawyer instead of this public defender who insists I must send the bail money NOW or my son will be in jail all weekend.

Honestly, I don't know. Maybe that would be good for him. Like a wakeup call.

He didn't mention alcohol, but why else would he he arrested for a car accident?

Help! I have to move fast!

AITAH for even thinking about letting him spend a weekend in jail?

[u/maroongrad]

Better than letting him out. How destructive. Leave him there.

[u/ThoughtNecessary2385 → u/maroongrad]

Can I ask a question

What if she let's him stay in jail And it's revealt that he is not at fault is she prepared for her son going no contact with her?

[u/Night_Angel27 → u/ThoughtNecessary2385]

He's already totaled 2 cars. He's not a good driver. If he takes this as betrayal by mum instead of a lesson, she should hope he cuts her off.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/Night_Angel27]

I have a cousin that has rolled over 4 trucks in his life falling asleep at the wheel it doesn't mean you're a bad driver but that you're not responsible totally different

[u/The_Geese_ → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

No your cousin is absolutely a bad driver. What the hell is wrong with you? In what world does that not make you both a bad driver and an irresponsible driver?! If you’ve fallen asleep at the wheel FOUR fucking times you deserve to have your license revoked.

[u/LadyReika → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

If a person fell asleep at the wheel at least 4 times they're a menace to everyone else on the road and a shit driver.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/LadyReika]

Or they work 12-14hr/day as a rigger and live an hour away but yeah I'd go make assumptions before hearing the full story lol typical

[u/LadyReika → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Keep digging that hole.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/LadyReika]

I mean I guess but as someone that never lived that type of life you'd think you'd at least stop and consider the millions of possibilities before making an ass out of you and me with assumptions and before hearing the whole story, but most people can't stop and think before they talk so why should you I guess lol

[u/Fibro-Mite → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

If someone knows they have an issue (medical, long work hours, whatever) that may cause them to fall asleep while driving, they should NEVER get behind the wheel of a vehicle until the issue is resolved/cured. Your cousin is a dangerous driver and a threat to everyone around him regardless of his excuses. Once is a problem, but could be excused, more than that makes him a dangerous dickhead.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/Fibro-Mite]

I mean it was multiple years ago but thanks for just assuming someone is a p.o.s based on a few sentences someone said lol shit happens when you're a kid, he learned from it and hasn't done anything like it since leaving the trade but thanks for automatically assuming someone is garbage for making mistakes when 18-20

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/Fibro-Mite]

I mean he's learned since then and hasn't since he was a teen, but still it's not like no one here has made a mistake or hasn't thought of consequences while doing something, I just think it's crazy everyone wants to crucify this kid before learning the full story, you have to make mistakes amd learn from them like Mt cousin and all these random people spreading hate before they know the full story need to remember none of them didn't make mistakes when young and that they shouldn't just assume the worse based on a vague post on reddit, but that just doesn't seem logical to 90% of reddit, lol but that's why I like this place the anominity is what gives reddit it's charm lol

[u/Fibro-Mite → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

There are millions of people who go through life never having a car accident or similar through their own inattention or dangerous driving. They don’t need to “make their own mistakes” because they are capable of learning from the mistakes of others. They can look at the rules and laws and think “there’s a reason for those” and so abide by them.

OP’s son has had multiple accidents in the past and doesn’t appear to have learned any lessons yet. Perhaps the consequences need to be harsher for the lesson to sink in this time.

[u/Classic-Cantaloupe47 → u/Fibro-Mite]

Some ppl don't consider other people, clearly. Sounds like this kid is too immature or selfish to consider that his reckless driving has more than just financial implications that insurance pays for.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/Fibro-Mite]

But we still don't know all the facts I'm just trying to share something g I've felt with in my own family and am just not ready to feed this kid to the sharks over vague post on reddit but it seems like I'm in the minority in thinking everyone has the right to have their side of the story told before we just try to hang them, idk I give up, I don't know what I expected from anonymous people on reddit but immediately just saying this child I've never met or heard of more than a vague story by op should be locked in county for up to months waiting on a court date idk I always give people benefit of the doubt but I guess God forbid that's what I feel on a subject I nor anyone else knows fully about

[u/LadyReika → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Oh, I think about what I'm saying before I speak. You're the one who isn't thinking. One time falling asleep is an accident.

He wrecked FOUR fucking vehicles. Seriously, how can you excuse that?

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/LadyReika]

It was years ago and no one was ever hurt is how I can forgive that he also worked 80+ hours a week with me at the time we were on a turnaround, it was rough his only problem was he lived a little more than a hour away so I guess he'd just doze off I'm not excusing anything I'm just saying there are sometimes reasons why these things happen especially at a young age there are always different perspectives and reasons to everything also why I'm not just ready to crucify someone on a very vague reddit post that seems like it just wants people to rage on the topic, maybe that's just me

[u/Predictable-Past-912 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

If working 80+ hours a week makes you so tired that you cannot stay awake then that is a problem. If driving is part of your job or required for you to get to and from work then that is a major problem. No matter how old you are, if you have the responsibility of having a driver’s license then you must either work fewer hours or not drive at work and work out alternatives for commuting. Otherwise you are intentionally endangering others just to make more money.

Now, feed us some goofy excuses about how this young man was “forced” to work more than 80 hours per week. Then claim that you are not making excuses! Please be predictable, u/Dense_Reputation_420 .

[u/dollywooddude → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Still completely his fault.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/dollywooddude]

Yeah of course but isn't that more irresponsibility and not just confirming he's a bad driver without assuming I'm just saying let the kid have his day in court before having him crucified

[u/DearMrsLeading → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

No. Crashing your car four times makes you a bad driver by default. Crashing your car four times the same exact way because you made irresponsible choices? You’re still a bad driver. In fact, you’re worse than the average bad driver.

[u/Classic-Cantaloupe47 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

And ANY OTHER REASONABLE PERSON would know that they obviously CAN'T get home safely after falling asleep FOUR TIMES and wouldn't be so fn selfish! He should pull over and take a nap, or stay in a hotel until he's slept, or stop off everytime he gets drowsy! I used to work 24 hours straight and drive home an hour. I NEVER crashed. If I was in no shape to drive, I napped for am hour before trying to drive.

So when your cousin (God forbid) hurts or kills someone, will it not he his fault because checks notes he worked before driving and was tired?? Because the fact that he's already done it FOUR separate times shows he has NO REGARD for the lives of others, because he just really wants to get home. Smh

[u/pigandpom → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Your cousin absolutely is a bad driver. Falling asleep behind the wheel is fuckinf reckless. If you're tired you don't drive.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/pigandpom]

Don't get me wrong I've learned from my own mistakes like my cousin but when you're 19 making over 80 a year your mind isn't right sometimes and you have to grow up and not just get left and locked up in county, different strokes for different folks if you get where I'm coming from

[u/AhabMustDie → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

I think getting locked up in county COULD be what he needs to grow up.

Unlike your cousin (I’m guessing), it sounds like OP’s kid has lived a very privileged life - his accidents didn’t come as a result of circumstances beyond his control, but of a lack of conscientiousness… that he desperately need to learn.

I think it’s commendable that you’re going against the grain to preach mercy, but a greater kindness than bailing him out would be to let him experience consequences finally, so that he doesn’t end up killing someone (else) or himself.

[u/Predictable-Past-912 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Don’t you get it? If “your mind isn’t right” then you are by definition, wrong!

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/pigandpom]

If you work 14-16hrs a rigger it happens as a former rigger can confirm its rough, he lived an hour away so not completely his fault don't get me wrong we've razzed him but it's not his fault it happens when you work a very strenuous job in the heat all day, you've obviously never done anything like that so that's why your opinion is the way it is before you even found out why, but make assumptions because it makes an ass out of you and me lol. That $30+/hr plus 15-20hrs of ot hits differently it just happens to people like us. He also never got arrested either honestly this post seems more like they found alcohol or drugs and that's why he's locked up or he's in dictatorship Cali either way he doesn't deserve to be in county which you obviously have never been locked up in, otherwise you know you'd get jumped and get food and commissary taken from you by REAL criminals so to eatch their own I guess.

[u/pigandpom → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

And I'll repeat it again, four fucking times. He could have killed someone just going about their business with his fucking reckless behaviour. He should have learned after the first time, but no, clearly he's a slow learner to have done it a further 3 times

[u/Common_Scar4611 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Totally his fault. Pull over and sleep

[u/hellsing_mongrel → u/Common_Scar4611]

This! When I was going to college and working in rural west texas and had an hour drive between all three destinations, I was living my life perpetually on only 4 hours of sleep a night and getting home at like 2am every. single. day. And if I'd fallen asleep at the wheel when I was making those treks and ended up killing someone, you know who's fault that would have been? MINE. I would have had a criminal record because of it and I would have had no one but myself to blame! And I wasn't even the best driver back then, lemme tell you, but I sure as hell did my best to keep from wrecking on those long drives home when I was exhausted, because I DID NOT want to go out that way!

There are rest stops on the road that you can stop at to rest for the night, or you can pull to the side of the road and take a nap next to the highway. Or, if you're making 80k a year as a rigger, you can afford to get a shitty no-tell motel for the night so you have a few hours of sleep before you start the next day.

All of these excuses about why we shouldn't hold bad drivers accountable is just reaching completely absurd levels of idiocy! I'm all for prison reform and rehabilitation instead of incarceration, but sometimes the people have to suffer the consequences of their own actions before they'll learn their damned lesson!

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/Common_Scar4611]

100% we told him the same it's just a different type of life style and having lived it can't knock him for it but I think it goes more towards irresponsible and not bad driving because besides that he has a squeaky clean record, also I'm just wondering why the kid got arrested I'm not ready to jump to conclusions until we have learned more about why after an accident he got arrested, but people want me crucified because I don't know all the facts before judging someone especially a young kid like that

[u/pigandpom → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

No. Stop trying to excuse it. You have no idea what jobs I've done, or what my husband has done, and guess what, neither of us has fallen asleep behind the wheel once, never mind four fucking times.

[u/Proper-Effective8621 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Wait! The cousin’s workday just increased by 2 hours. hands over a shovel

[u/Classic-Cantaloupe47 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Oh, so since he was making good money, if he did kill someone, it would have been ok? He was making GOOD money so he could've stayed by you or GOTTEN A HOTEL for the night. Smh. Your logic is something else

[u/ImmediateShallot7245 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

If he knew that he could pass out while driving then it kinda is his fault though

[u/ConsultJimMoriarty → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Your cousin should NOT be driving!

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/ConsultJimMoriarty]

It was years ago and he's done a lot better since he quit being a rigger but yes it was a problem, but I can see one side of the story no one else is trying to see since it happened close to me

[u/ConsultJimMoriarty → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

No one needs to see your side. He crashed FOUR cars!

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/ConsultJimMoriarty]

Lmao and never did it again but yeah he should be executed for making mistakes between the ages of 18- 20 lol you're out of there keep making assumptions about the littlest of facts instead of gathering facts and making a real informed opinion. This is reddit after all should I have expected anything better though, that's the real question.

[u/ConsultJimMoriarty → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

He should have never done it again after the first time, not three times again.

[u/NoRegister8591 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Your cousin should be checked for sleep apnea. Falling asleep at the wheel is a huge symptom.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/NoRegister8591]

100% he's not a rigger any more and hasn't had that problem since, I was just trying to get some people to understand there are reasonings behind some things and people's shouldn't just go around trying to make assumptions before knowing certain situations, not saying my cousin was right in any way just saying there are circumstances where you can see it may not have been malice and maybe they shouldn't have to sit in a county jail cell, although it is weird that getting arrested after an accident, I just don't know all the facts so I won't cast judgment until then

[u/NoRegister8591 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

Happy to hear your cousin is doing better. But he still should be tested. My husband used to work long hours and had a long drive to/from work. He fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a snowplow in the mid 90's and almost died. He moved closer to work and has never fallen asleep again.. but it's 30yrs after his accident and he's just been DX with sleep apnea. It can leave one feeling more sluggish than one should be. Might be good with a cup of coffee but it can be doing damage behind the scenes. I hope he's all good but his story had alarm bells going off in my head🙃

If you want to feel better about yourself.. this whole post about the son and pregnant woman is likely fake. It's nearly identical to the storyline from a recent movie called Thelma lol. Plus the OPs post history is.. interesting:) So this entire thing has been hypothetical.

[u/Dense_Reputation_420 → u/NoRegister8591]

Exactly what I was thinking too but was getting so.much hate so quickly I felt I needed to at least defend my position on what I was saying, it seems like a rage bait post but this is reddit so what did I expect lol. Yeah I'll see if he will look into it he's also always been a super heavy sleeper so it'd be good if he'd just get tested to know, I'm sorry to hear about your husband that's crazy thank god he was OK that must have been insane!! Yeah it's hard because that money and those hours push you to your limit and then you inevitably crash, I know I've fallen asleep at the job site in my vehicle after work (not moving of course) a couple times when I was doing rigging with him so I did get it.

[u/Night_Angel27 → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

That's true. Is your cousin ok? Hopefully all is good

[u/XxMarlucaxX → u/Dense_Reputation_420]

I somehow doubt this is the situation for OPs child. I hope your cousin is ok! Was he tired? Or does he have a condition?

[u/Predictable-Past-912 → u/XxMarlucaxX]

This cousin definitely has one condition that we don’t need to be doctors to identify. He has bad judgement. In fact, it seems to run in the family.