r/SipsTea • u/Icy-Book2999 Fave frog is a swing nose frog • 5d ago

Urinal Code of Ethics Chugging tea

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

From https://youtube.com/shorts/71nfLPeczgc?si=k6XoM6jfES21CXGw

34.1k Upvotes

79% Upvoted

2.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

8.0k

u/Glimmertwinsfan1962 5d ago

Her mistake is she that asked “These are things you guys need to think about?” Guys don’t need to think about it at all, it comes instinctually.

2.0k

u/-SandorClegane- 5d ago

Exactly.

Just like when you see a kid at the urinal (with or without his dad/male guardian) and the kid's pants are around his ankles. It's a normal thing that happens in a public restroom. Do not acknowledge it and do not make eye contact with either party.

382

u/Last_Gigolo 5d ago

Years ago, I was at the permit office in Houston. Fair size building. Couple hundred people there every hour or so.

Dude walks into the restroom to the urinal and drops his pants and just lets them soak in the dribble puddle.

Pulled them up and walked out. I finished and washed up, and wouldn't you know it, he's at the elevator holding the door for me. I took the stairs. That pee was from pockets to ankles. He might as well have just peed on himself instead of wasting a trip downstairs.

269

u/FarquaadsFuckDoll 5d ago

Every day I try and find the grossest thing on reddit to send to my friend and you just helped me complete my search. Thank you.

56

u/AwarenessPotentially 5d ago

Knocking off early, eh?

16

u/Sc4r4byte 5d ago

Depends on the time zone and hours of operation

6

u/ShidsP 5d ago

Ha! Heh heh

7

u/ConstantLight7489 5d ago

No shit! Mission accomplished friend

→ More replies (1)

3

u/joe-clark 5d ago

When I was a freshman in college I remember this one kid in the dorm would walk down to the bathroom wearing socks and no shoes on his feet. I remember making an involuntary noise of disgust when I first saw him doing it, just buy a cheap pair of slides bro.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (6)

2

u/Cool-Sink8886 5d ago

To everyone reading this: if you contribute to the pee puddle you need to get checked by a doctor.

Split-stream or occasional dribble are fine, or if you’ve held it a long time you’ll get lower pressure.

Regular dribble and low water pressure is worth investigating.

→ More replies (16)

838

u/No_Koala_475 5d ago

I still pee like this and I'm 36. I appreciate your respect to my privacy.

317

u/luk__ 5d ago

I look at your pee pee

171

u/Mule_Fritters 5d ago

Nice watch.

51

u/thisguynamedjoe 5d ago

This is also a joke made at the urinal, but NEVER by strangers... which has also happened to me. Appropriate response? Polite acknowledgment of the joke and immediately ignore.

30

u/MysticalPengu 5d ago

“Thanks, you should see my cock” I mean if they lookin they better look at it all

8

u/MK-801 5d ago

that's the joke, he's already seen it mate haha

→ More replies (4)

20

u/urGirllikesmytinypp 5d ago

I haven’t had anyone compliment my watch at the urinal since I was 15. Odd because I wasn’t wearing a watch that day.

3

u/Jesuscide 5d ago

Come here often

→ More replies (9)

16

u/Healthy_Award906 5d ago

Pee pee rating?

21

u/luk__ 5d ago

2.5 / 10

22

u/RabbitOrcaHawkOrgy 5d ago

It's a grower, not a shower!

20

u/PoIIux 5d ago

Well then quit showing it to everyone

→ More replies (2)

5

u/NateDawgCinema 5d ago

Well most would call that a Golden Shower.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (8)

31

u/rum-and-roses 5d ago

I fully strip apart from socks

12

u/FloppieTheBanjoClown 5d ago

You know you're in for a good poopin when the shirt comes off. 

→ More replies (2)

5

u/Ass_Salada 5d ago

Oh shit dude, do you live near Phoenix? Im pretty sure I saw you at the taco bell on 7th Ave, like 4 years ago. Nice cock btw

3

u/rum-and-roses 5d ago

Thanks it took a lot of carving to make it scar like that

3

u/awesomefutureperfect 5d ago

It's weird that you pee directly on them.

3

u/rum-and-roses 5d ago

How do you keep your warts happy

→ More replies (2)

24

u/RabbitOrcaHawkOrgy 5d ago

As long as you raise your shirt with both hands, we're good

18

u/No-Suspect-425 5d ago

Dang Butters is 36 already?

11

u/Repulsive_Steak3891 5d ago

Butters’ show age is 11 and he debuted in 1997 so he’s closer to 38.

8

u/LostMyAccount69 5d ago

I expected a response that made me feel old but nah, I'm younger than the south park kids. :)

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (1)

10

u/North-Soft-5559 5d ago

I wouldn't risk my trousers being so close to the floor Especially in some public bathrooms

6

u/MainWooden1722 5d ago

Honestly, a power move. Thay way nobody wants to piss next to you. Win win

2

u/uppers00 5d ago

If you’re 36 doing this at least 1 guy who walks in notices that absolute thumper you got on you before realizing and then looking away.

2

u/MyNameIsJakeBerenson 5d ago

I got an apple, loo loo loo

2

u/BhagwanBill 5d ago

I work with a guy who does this and he's your age.

2

u/usinjin 5d ago

Was that you in the airport last week?

2

u/SirTopham2018 4d ago

My kid saw a guy pissing like this once and gives me the best WTF look. Even a nine year old knew it was weird.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (23)

88

u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago edited 5d ago

100% then there is the secret stances of others.

The “Peter Pan” feet wide apart, head staring at the wall in front, both fists at your hips, no hands on the unit controlling the flow. Also known as “the Superman”

The “Zombie” no hands as well but hands loosely to just to your sides and looking down

The “little teapot” is most common. One hand controlling business, one hand on the hip. Head either staring down or straight ahead

The “Prisoner” rare,…..but happens. Staring straight ahead. No hands controlling flow but both hands behind their back

The “Toddler” yes, very very rare but grown adults also has pants and chonies down to ankles and bare ass at a urinal. (Always assume special needs. Do your best to ignore)

The “crossing guard” usually in the morning at urinals. One hand controlling business, and one hand on the wall in front of them sorta stabilizing them from falling?

The “barking spider” VERY common for dudes to fart midstream. Especially restaurants where they are holding it in during a date.

I know I’m missing some. But I’ve just find them amusing when I noticed.

Edit. “The Barking Spider” honestly was called “The Bradley Craig” (sorry Brad, really is a lovely guy and miss working with him). Just a guy I use to work with. Larger fellow, but good lord,…..dude bellowed a like a tuba that you could hear outside the restroom when peeing and always said “excuse me,…clearing my throat” when witnessing first hand.

Double edit.

I know the right there, their, and they’re and am pretty consistent. I occasionally use affect vs effect inappropriately. But I regularly butcher strait vs straight.

Thank you stranger grammar Nazi. I too get stuck and cannot really see past some things and lose the entire context of the message over something so simple most others can look past.

31

u/-SandorClegane- 5d ago

This list is pretty comprehensive. You've done quite well, in my humble opinion.

29

u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

Forgot “the golfer” more common than the little teapot. Both hands controlling flow, looking down concentrating

I’m more of a modified golfer. Staring strait ahead to concentrate on anything but the fact that there are others next to me, and a line of people wanting to use the urinal. So just staring blankly at whatever is in front of me. Usually day dreaming about what it took to build the wall and its finishes to distract myself.

6

u/Grumpy0ldMillennial 5d ago

One hand on top of another or interlocking fingers lol

3

u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

I just pee with one glove on.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

19

u/Vindepomarus 5d ago

I fell like the "crossing guard" is most common later in the evening at a pub/club.

7

u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

Initially I called it the “Nazi” but, joke didn’t land broadly

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Houyhnhnm776 5d ago

Wheres the one where you power piss? I was at a theater seeing a John wick movie once and I drank SO MUCH, that when I got to the bathroom, I just unzipped put both hands on the wall and peed so hard into the urinal it splatters against the urinal wall and on to my white shirt. What’s the name for that one?

3

u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

The “Firemarshall Bill”

→ More replies (30)

22

u/Gr00mpa 5d ago

I recently got my kid to stop peeing with his pants around his ankles.

At last, I’ve taught him all there is to know.

→ More replies (7)

30

u/Tall_Action_1006 5d ago

Snickering during loud poops IS allowed FYI

11

u/WanderlustFella 5d ago

Do not acknowledge it and do not make eye contact with either party

People that talk to you while you pee are weird. I have a friend who has no boundaries that will do this while at like a sports game or some event where going to the bathroom with a friend is more unavoidable. Its a natural thing to do when it's halftime to go as a group to the bathroom. So we are peeing in a crowded restroom he'll be next to me talking about a play during the game or something. I look forward and go into a Zen like state and ignore everything around me while he out there yappin. Other than that, he's a good friend.

7

u/-SandorClegane- 5d ago

People that talk to you while you pee are weird.

Here's the thing...

I won't ever be the one to initiate conversation, but if someone strikes up a chat with me, I'm fine with it. That said, it's usually an older guy at a Cracker Barrel or something when it happens.

→ More replies (2)

10

u/Cazed_Donfused 5d ago

Women have no idea the shit we see and have to deal with in the men’s restroom.

46

u/Dead_Or_Alive 5d ago

Naaa, I cleaned restrooms as a teenager. Men’s restrooms are tame. Women’s restrooms look like they are used by uncivilized savages who have never been indoors.

18

u/mentive 5d ago

My god, I almost barfed so many times cleaning the women's restroom many years ago when I worked at a Walgreens for six months.

Never did I realize...

4

u/ISTBU 5d ago

I was in the Air Force but had to wait for a polygraph before I could start working my real job - so in the mean time my "casual" job was to staff the desk at the base gym. Fucking great time, except for cleaning the women's bathrooms every night.

There are some women out there with SERIOUS fucking issues if their behavior in a gym restroom is any indication as to the rest of their life.

4

u/Kahlil_Cabron 5d ago

Oh ya if we're talking about which is more disgusting, the women's restroom every time. One of my first jobs was cleaning office buildings at night when I was a teenager, and in the men's room the worst you got was piss on toilet seats and that was about it.

In the women's restroom, not only was there 10x more piss on the toilet seats, there was sometimes shit, there were tampons and pads (used) stuck to the walls of the stalls sometimes, there was diarrhea sprayed all over the back wall behind the toilet sometimes. The toilets would sometimes look like someone purposely fisted it with handfuls of toilet paper (you know how hard it is to clog those industrial toilets?). Tampons clogging up the toilets (why would you flush one???).

A few times I found little messages written in blood. The ground around the toilet was always littered with piss covered toilet paper, or toilet paper with brown stuff on it (50% chance it's old blood, 50% chance it's shit, who knows).

FUCK I hated that job.

But if we're talking about restroom etiquette, the men's room probably seems like a jungle, but it's actually not that gross. I immediately knew the answer to all of the questions in this video because it's just instinct.

→ More replies (7)

12

u/IDontThereforeIAmNot 5d ago

When I was 4-5 can’t remember exactly, I was at the drive in movie theater with my family and I had to piss. The men’s room was a wall length trough, i being all of three feet tall made the mistake of looking down the line. It was shoulder to shoulder dicks. Like twenty dudes and a waterfall of piss and dicks. Scarred for life

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

2

u/xdcountry 5d ago

Also no talking or sounds that shouldn’t be uttered. Even if you had a prior conversation with an individual entering the bathroom area with you (at the same time)— yeah, that convo is paused until you’re both outside.

No eye contact in the mirrors or anywhere in the process either

2

u/asfoamsharpensiron 5d ago

No joke, I walked in to the work bathroom and my coworker, who’s a manager in his late 40s, was at the urinal like this. I ran into a stall and hoped he didn’t see who I was.

2

u/Tiny-Lock9652 5d ago

“Keep your eyes on the road, buddy!”

2

u/tissboom 5d ago

Peeing with your pants down at a urinal is a right of passage. It means you made it to the big time.

2

u/SNYDER_BIXBY_OCP 5d ago

I go into a stall if I see that bc I don't need any "misunderstandings"

2

u/KevinIsOver9000 5d ago

So is it just me or does anyone else see old dudes doing this too. It’s rare but I’ve seen it enough to know it wasn’t just one freak incident

2

u/Lou_C_Fer 5d ago

The first time my son used a urinal, I was using the adult one next to hjm. Honestly, I was having a bad dad day because all I did was point and tell him to pee in "that thing". So, I'm peeing and l look over to him. Turns out he was too short for the kid's urinal, even. That poor kid was on his tippy toes with his penis stretched upwards over the lip, across it, and then he nanaged to get the very tip pointed downwards.

I think my eyes popped out of my head like in the cartoons. When I say stretched, I mean stretched. Probably as far as that poor kid could manage. I told him stop immediately and had him just use a regular toilet. That was at least 18 years ago, and I still feel awful.

2

u/Folkaxoid 5d ago

Once I walked into a Buc-ee's bathroom and saw a kid hitting that move, while holding his shirt all the way up past his chest. I averted my eyes to the right just to see that his dad was right next to him, doing exactly the same thing! Some of the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life to this day.

2

u/bunga7777 4d ago

Getting 1.8k upvotes on a comment that starts with “when you see a kid at the urinal” is a great feat.

2

u/Calpernia09 4d ago

I am a mom of 4, 3 girls and a little boy.

He's almost 7. He has wanted to go into the men's room alone at church.

I always worry he's one of those kids. Lol.

There are 2 stalls and a couple urinals, so he usually goes into a stall and doesn't close the door. 🤨.

I love my little dude.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (27)

91

u/The_one_and_only_Tav 5d ago

Honestly, as a woman, if I was faced with the same options I would have made the same choices. It’s pretty obvious just from a personal space perspective. Yeesh.

Also would it really be that hard to like, put half a wall up between urinals? Like I feel like humanity could’ve solved this issue by now.

133

u/badwhiskey63 5d ago

Some times there’s a partial wall between them, but the rules are still same.

25

u/arbitrageME 5d ago

yeah, but why is the partial wall less than shoulder height? it blocks literally nothing

55

u/KromatRO 5d ago

It's for spray accidents not for privacy.

35

u/arbitrageME 5d ago

I have two responses:

  1. eww

  2. makes sense

16

u/KromatRO 5d ago edited 5d ago

Don't imagine is deliberate. Sometimes, jet hiting the urinal wall will result in a big splash that the urinal margin may not hold. That separator is there to save the neighbor, or you from a neighbor. And with this in mind, the free urinal choice makes more sense and that is why is instinctively known to men.

11

u/ObeseVegetable 5d ago

Some urinals are more splashy than others, too. 

10

u/Chainsawd 5d ago

Some of those fuckers seem like they were designed with maximum splash-back in mind!

3

u/613663141 5d ago

You gotta wave the stream around for a bit until you find that sweet spot which minimises splashback.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/Bulldog8018 5d ago

No kidding. Sometimes you try and hit the urinal from different angles, naively assuming that there must be an angle that doesn’t splash back. But no. Apparently they’re designed with only two results: some spray back or a BUNCH of spray back. That’s why I go for a stall if they’re available and don’t look actively infectious. That way you get some distance from the strike zone. (Guess I’ve been holding these insights back for a long time. Thanks for hearing me out. ✌️)

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (2)

8

u/SenoraRaton 5d ago

Its so you can look over the wall and compliment your neighbor on their member.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (3)

35

u/FlintStriker 5d ago

There are walls in some, but they don't go up to the average eye height. Thankfully you can still peer over and look at the other dude's dick no problem.

15

u/The_one_and_only_Tav 5d ago

What a time to be alive.

7

u/PilotsNPause 5d ago

Wait until you see the floor to chest level urinals that are all connected together: https://www.reddit.com/r/nostalgia/comments/ilh1p2/floorlength_urinals_the_best_design_imo/

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (2)

3

u/metalshoes 5d ago

In the moment it comes down your dick and hands being as far away from the nearest pair of dick and hands as possible, it’s all intuition. Even in the last one it’s easy as both center people get to stand further away from each other.

2

u/Critical_Concert_689 5d ago

half a wall up between urinals

Old-school urinals were basically just long troughs with a single drain. So "half a wall" would literally be half-a-divider, around shoulder height, not enough to block vision, but enough to get urine on your shoulders if you bumped it accidentally.

It's a lose-lose.

→ More replies (4)

2

u/Wise-Definition-1980 5d ago

You just stare at the tile work and grout.

....and judge the fuckers who installed it.

2

u/Myrdok 5d ago

The other part that wasn't addressed is, when faced with equal options, you choose the one as far from the door as possible.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Technical_Benefit_31 5d ago

As a woman, this is etiquette I wished women followed in the bathroom. I adhere to it. Theres 4 stalls. I'm in the back. I'm shitting, thats why I'm in the back. You skip all 3 decent stalls and come sit next to me Why???? I've tested it doing the opposite and sat in the very front, and the only other woman STILL picks to sit next to me. I hate public restrooms.

→ More replies (13)

95

u/NewMissUniverse 5d ago

This is literally instilled from kindergarten.

67

u/BirdMedication 5d ago

People literally do this with empty seats and strangers at the airport or any other public setting with chairs, why is she surprised about bathroom-specific social distancing lol

11

u/Obliviousobi 5d ago

Hell, I do it when parking too! If I can get | O |✓| O | I'm gonna take it every time. I'll do the car on driver side and empty on the passenger side as backup.

7

u/Chainsawd 5d ago

See taking the middle of three empty spaces makes me worry about whatever idiots are gonna try to slot in beside me. I actually prefer to take the left spot in that scenario so at the very least I can control how easy it is to open doors on the driver's side.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

21

u/Dananjali 5d ago

Lol this is a streamer that plays dumb all the time. Girls don’t need to think about this type of stuff either. Guarantee any time she goes into a public bathroom she’s not going to pick a stall next to an occupied one if there are others open further away. Guarantee every time she goes to the movies she’s not going to sit right next to another group of people when there are plenty of open seats.

4

u/CatButler 5d ago

Treadmills at the gym

→ More replies (1)

27

u/Buttery_Buckshot 5d ago

I was about to say, its not a dilemma lady it's instinct. This right here comes prewired

2

u/Raolyth 5d ago

This and also kissing your homies goodnight

→ More replies (1)

2

u/DemonDucklings 5d ago

Also why is she baffled? I’m a woman too, and I have the exact same thought process when I choose a bathroom stall

→ More replies (1)

7

u/zeethreepio 5d ago

I gave my partner this test and she passed with a 100%. It's a courtesy test, basically.

→ More replies (1)

41

u/No_Flight503 5d ago

He got 5 wrong. At that point, you stand there and wait for people to leave.

66

u/Shiny_Bidoof_Swag 5d ago

That just makes you weirder I thought

29

u/usernameabc124 5d ago

It definitely does, this post has taken this shit to an extreme. Context matters. I want to avoid peeing next to someone when possible but I think it’s significantly weirder to be so focused on avoiding standing next to another guy peeing when you need to pee.

For fucks sake, I have been to plenty of events where we are peeing in a fucking trough.

Etiquette should be as simple as follow the basic rules but never obsess over trivial shit like this to the point of awkward behavior. No issues if you go to a stall, I have, but standing and waiting is awkward as fuck.

3

u/Newfaceofrev 5d ago

The etiquette is you take the furthest available space. If there is only one space, then you take the space, nobody judges.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/theFlaccolantern 5d ago

Exactly lol, people in here are definitely weirder for not just going to pee when you have to pee. Seriously? Just stand there in the corner when there's an open urinal? Cmon. You're there for a utilitarian purpose that everyone has to do.

It almost brings it full circle, where you're trying so hard not to think about strangers dicks that you're just broadcasting to everyone that you're thinking about not thinking about strangers dicks.

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (8)

19

u/BJYeti 5d ago

Nah find a stall

→ More replies (2)

9

u/Glimmertwinsfan1962 5d ago

I agree, however, under no circumstances do you stand too close, nor make any sort of eye contact nor acknowledgment of a man leaving the urinal.

11

u/ChainOut 5d ago

Go ahead and get a preliminary hand washing in

3

u/Da_Chi 5d ago

Oh yea, definitely the prewash right there!

6

u/AwarenessPotentially 5d ago

A buddy and I both suffer from bashful bladder. So when we're at the bar together, if we see the the other guy going to the can, we jump up and sneak up on them from behind, and stand there like a perv while we both laugh like hyenas. "Having trouble? Have you started yet".

→ More replies (2)

6

u/WhiteElephant12 5d ago

But if you're in a long ass line with people behind you, you better choose a urinal quickly

10

u/Conchobair 5d ago

might as well give one guy a back rub while waiting in line

6

u/anti_incumbent 5d ago

For 4 and 5, I felt like we didn’t have enough information. Was the shitter full?

→ More replies (2)

2

u/Asisreo1 5d ago

No time, you have to pee now. No stalls either. 

2

u/leshake 5d ago

Depends on the setting. If you're at a ball game you gotta keep that shit moving.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/stormscape10x 5d ago

Reminds me of a quiz about this from forever ago, and one of them shows all the urinals empty except a weirdo staring at you on the last urinal. The answer was to click on the door and leave. My friend was shocked that I got it right (he didn't think you could click on the door and I did it as a joke because I definitely wouldn't have wanted to be in a bathroom with the weirdo). Sometimes the answer is to just leave.

2

u/fishcado 5d ago

Or find an empty toilet

→ More replies (1)

2

u/arbitrageME 5d ago

yeah, but what if someone else with less shame comes along and takes one of the urinals. then, when one guy is finished, you still might not have a spot

2

u/awesomefutureperfect 5d ago

No, he's right. Especially if you got to go. It would be bad form to box the guy on the left in. Worst comes to worst I'd turn around and find another bathroom.

2

u/SalvationSycamore 5d ago

No, at that point I piss in a stall

2

u/DrakonILD 5d ago

Nah. Proper answer is to turn around and leave, try again later.

Unless this is halftime at a ballgame or intermission at a theatre show, or something like that. Then you won't be getting any of these scenarios anyway, and you just slot in wherever someone leaves.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/moo3heril 5d ago

5 doesn't usually happen unless there's a big rush or it's a busy venue, in which case waiting is rude.

→ More replies (12)

13

u/Cautious_Ice_884 5d ago

This just seems like common sense.

As a woman looking at this, its the same thing with the womans bathroom. You have a row of 5 stalls and if someone is in one, generally go for the furthest one to give as much space as humanly possible. You don't just sit your ass down to the stall right beside them without zero consideration.

It just doesn't seem that hard, its just public bathroom social decency.

2

u/HappyLucyD 5d ago

Yeah, we would have the exact same kind of system if we had urinals. Heck, I get annoyed if someone chooses the stall right next to me in an otherwise empty bathroom. It’s annoying. Give me space if there is space to be had. Everyone wants privacy.

2

u/Anarch-ish 5d ago

It's the same rules in any row of seats. You don't crowd strangers, right?

This girl HAS to be either playing dumb for content, or she has NO critical thinking skills...

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

5

u/Left-Mistake-5437 5d ago

This. Most but the last one is a really tricky one.. I honestly might just wait in that case.

→ More replies (2)

4

u/VECMaico 5d ago

I go instinctually next to anybody and start to giggle if they are shy about it

8

u/Gigatonosaurus 5d ago

Though I'd amend his first example. The wall corner is even more dirty, so I wouldn't go as far as possible but perhaps one or two spot from it.

2

u/Moist_Guarantee_2079 5d ago

Equidistance is key!

2

u/thalasa 5d ago

making sure you leave an odd number of spaces between you and the other guy is the single most important factor. that way you don't fuck up other people

2

u/Black_Magic_M-66 5d ago

Also, if it's crowded like some of these, use a stall.

2

u/Puechamp 5d ago

The dude don't even think he feels

2

u/cerulean__star 5d ago

100% I watched this on mute and even knew the impossible one before I understood why .. no dude is gonna willingly make another dude uncomfortable being surrounded

2

u/BramStroker47 5d ago

Yep. There is no “daily dilemma”. I just know where to go. Every now and then you fuck up and learn from it.

2

u/illpoet 5d ago

came here to say that.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/DamienJaxx 5d ago

I once wrote about this very topic in a high school English class. The topic was write about some unwritten rule. The teacher, being female, had no idea this was a thing. Got an A writing about how dudes don't stand next to each other at urinals if at all possible.

2

u/soggy_mushroom_sack 5d ago

It's a bro code for a reason

2

u/nosleepagain12 5d ago

My friend was telling me how he was peeing in the middle of the night and hitting the side so he wouldn't wake his wife and her reaction was just like this. She never heard of such a thing as aiming to change noise volume.

2

u/rearnakedbunghole 5d ago

Yeah these were all very easy. I think almost all of us would have picked the same urinals as that guy with little thought.

2

u/justsyr 5d ago

sub > JustGuysBeingDudes (usually subs don't let links for other subs lol.

2

u/Dyskord01 5d ago

Right

You don't want some stranger staring at your junk likewise you don't want to be that stranger staring at some random guys junk. You also don't want someone in your personal space. So the goal is to be as distant from the next guy as possible without looking around and making it weird.

2

u/Affectionate_Salt351 5d ago

Women do the same. It just isn’t computing to her for some reason because there are no stall doors. When there are a line of stalls, just like urinals, there’s an unspoken etiquette. It’s just less stringent because there’s more physical space.

2

u/Striking-Ad-6815 5d ago

Level 4 and 5 were trick questions and the guy failed. You're supposed to:

A) Use the stall

B) Flex in the mirror

C) Sit outside and wait

Of course all this goes out the window if there is a crowd and heavy restroom traffic; then it's shoulder to shoulder at the trough, while remarking about a game.

2

u/JustGoogleItHeSaid 5d ago

Man no think. Man just do

2

u/fren-ulum 5d ago

It's like how a thousand words can be spoken with a simple head nod.

2

u/Irradiated_Apple 5d ago

We had a sex ed speaker at my middle school one year. There was an assembly for the whole grade to listen to him. He was talking about differences between boys and girls and he did this. He had a slide show with various urinal situations and asked us which one we'd pick. Every guy answered the same, in unison, unprompted, every time. The girls genuinely believed it had to be a prank that we preplanned.

2

u/liverpoolFCnut 5d ago

Precisely. Guys live by unwritten rules and moral codes which may seem strange to women, but these things comes to us instinctually.

2

u/strrax-ish 5d ago

If we have evolved any instinct as a whole, it is this.

2

u/ChicagoAuPair 5d ago

That is what I find so fascinating about her fascination. All of this is 100% subconscious impulse response. It’s not a big deal, it’s just intuitive.

2

u/TawnyTeaTowel 5d ago

It’s never taught. We just know.

2

u/EmotionalDmpsterFire 5d ago

It's a daily delimma for us yes.

Similar rules for movie seats between guys too

2

u/space_monster 5d ago

yeah there's some processing happening in the background. the urinal proximity calculation thread is usually dormant but gets automatically invoked when you enter the toilet. it runs once to establish the optimum urinal position and then closes down. a subroutine fires up if someone stands next to you when there were obviously better options for him. that subroutine includes an analysis function that initially evaluates intoxication of the subject - if it's >1, the exception is ignored, if it's <1 then there's further evaluation. if the subject is known, a communication receive thread is opened. if the subject initiates communication but is also unknown, it calls in another script which is way too complex to explain here.

2

u/HoidToTheMoon 5d ago

I don't know, he did get #5 wrong. If there is no end available and no position where you do not have someone next to you, then you default to filling in from left to right. Ergo, he should have gone to the first open one on the left. While it boxes in the second person in line, that's on them for taking that spot. Taking the spot he chose aligns yourself against a person who has done their job and taken a spot without neighbors.

At the very least, he didn't choose the objectively wrong choice.

2

u/HMWWaWChChIaWChCChW 5d ago

This is also popular because it’s basically the only version of the “don’t do that or you’re gay” joke that is allowed to be said. The joke is taking this whole thing seriously, or laughing at someone who would take it seriously.

2

u/bjos144 5d ago

In physics we have "the principle of least action" to determine how thins move. In urinals we have 'the principle of least contact." We dont calculate, we just... do.

2

u/MithranArkanere 5d ago

Yeah. It's an instant process of elimination.

2

u/KingAmongstDummies 5d ago

Yeah, I was like "No" answering that right away. I don't think about it at all. I instantly just know.

2

u/Thendofreason 5d ago

Yeah. Everyone answers this the same way.

2

u/fresh_like_Oprah 5d ago

I thought about peeing on her surprised pikachu face

2

u/PukedtheDayAway 5d ago

I'm a woman and every one was obvious to me. She's just making dumb content.

2

u/AdditionalSalary8803 5d ago

Guys don’t need to think about it at all, it comes instinctually.

I wish that were true

→ More replies (1)

2

u/ImaginativeLumber 5d ago

Yeah, and the best part is the sub-joke being that honestly all these were easy

2

u/the_man2012 5d ago

It is pretty easy when you're just trying not to stand next to someone. The goal is to be around the least people and be considerate. The one with two guys at the end was a little difficult, but it's easy if you realize you're going to be next to someone no matter what, but you can spare the guy from being beside two people.

2

u/TalkMindless9366 5d ago

Exactly..There is no thinking at all but I’m pretty sure the impossible level is Mets Stadium bathroom

2

u/Signal-Aioli-1329 5d ago

Her exasperation is likely amplified to ensure interaction with her video.

2

u/Donkey-brained_man 5d ago

Most guys. Some guys just fuck it up every time. Like if its 5 urinals on a wall a safe pick is always an odd number. But you pick one and someone comes in an picks 4, the next person in has to stand next to someone. You should be allowed to turn to guy at 4 and pee on his leg.

2

u/Forsaken_You1092 5d ago

It's fascinating that all guys think this way, but it is never taught nor talked about.

2

u/yankeeteabagger 5d ago

100% reality

2

u/nycdiveshack 5d ago

This is literally what I came to write, we just know

2

u/Duchat 5d ago

same instinct as migrating swallows

2

u/BigMaraJeff2 5d ago

I thought it was a thing I did. Didn't know everyone else did it. I also won't respond to coworkers that try to talk to me while I'm going. They asked if I was ignoring them and I was just like I don't want to talk to another guy while I have my dick in my hand or touching my butthole

2

u/h-boson 5d ago

Came here to say this. Take your upvote

2

u/tsukahara10 5d ago

You say that, but there’s always that one asshole that stands right next to you when the entire rest of the wall is open.

2

u/Huh_well_we_are_dead 5d ago

We do. constantly. If the middle urinal is all that's available, then we will, for once, use the toilets. If both ends of a 3-urinal set are full, we hope no-one comes in. The middle urinal is completely unusable, and you can tell that a woman designed the men's restroom when there are only 2 urinals.

Even if the bathroom is empty, men will still go to the leftmost one, if not out of sheer habit then of politeness.

2

u/Less_Ad9224 5d ago

He got situations 4 and 5 wrong. If it's not a sporting event or something similar where there are lines for the urinal waiting is the correct answer. I saw a 10ish year old do that after a movie once to a level 4 situation. I knew he was a good kid.

2

u/platypus_plumba 5d ago

It's just a matter of minimizing your proximity to exposed male genitalia

2

u/Cool-Sink8886 5d ago

Yeah I had the exact same answers, except the one with every second usual used because I feel it’s a hard no to not take an edge, not a soft no.

2

u/thecookiesmonster 5d ago

Personally it doesn’t come naturally to me. If that final scenario happens, I’m just gonna leave and come back.

2

u/B9MB 5d ago

You are the hive brain. Lead us to victory.

2

u/markuspellus 5d ago

I was JUST about to say the same exact thing 😂

2

u/Atroxman 5d ago

Better than cleaning or going into womens restroom Ive known since 20yrs ago women are filthy creatures , just as bad the men who leave shit all over the stall different genders but seem to belong to same category , filthy fucks

2

u/WestSixtyFifth 5d ago

Yep, instinct lined up on all of these

2

u/Iydllydln 5d ago

When there are three and they are empty, I take the middle to force anyone to make the big decision or go use the stall - watch the world burn 🔥

2

u/PziPats 5d ago

You know. That’s really strange to me now that you speak openly about it. No one taught me the urinal rule, or many other “guy” rules. My dad was never like “oh yeah this is what my father taught me son, carry the torch… It’s like I was legitimately hardcoded with them.

2

u/QuantumCat2019 5d ago edited 4d ago

If you think about it, it is the same (IMO) spread you do on a long table at a restaurant for example where you don't know each other. You don't go shoulder to shoulder with stranger (usually) when you go to a seating.

2

u/Fr3sh-Ch3mical 5d ago

Anyone shocked by this truth is only seeking attention. Or - they are sociopaths/have no societal experience.

Every single person knows naturally what to do in this scenario.

2

u/PoisonWaffle3 4d ago

XKCD wrote a pretty good article on the International Choice of Urinal Protocol, aka ICUP.

https://blog.xkcd.com/2009/09/02/urinal-protocol-vulnerability/

It's instinctive, yet it's pretty cool how the math works out.

2

u/EggZaackly86 4d ago

It's the law.

2

u/ElkHistorical9106 4d ago

I saw even impossible mode and knew exactly what the right answer was as a man. Just raw instinct.

2

u/creegro 4d ago

Free urinals? Cool

Urinal has someone right next to each one? Fuck it I can hold it in

2

u/DiddlyDumb 4d ago

Exactly. It’s about privacy.

2

u/Antoinefdu 4d ago

Also it's certainly not a DAILY dilemma, since I use urinals maybe once every 3 months, and usually in an empty bathroom.

2

u/Kylearean 4d ago

Instinctively, unfortunately not for everyone...

2

u/chalky87 4d ago

I'd have to think about impossible level but other than that, agreed.

2

u/poopsawk 4d ago

Hahaha I was all, "think about it? It's a split second number crunch without skipping a step" it's called experience baby

2

u/ibringstharuckus 4d ago

I don't understand guys that practically fuck the urinal. Not only are you standing in piss, you're pissing all over yourself.

2

u/NickName_150 3d ago

To some it doesn’t come instinctively!!! Been at the urinal a few times and had someone who must have failed the simple test the guy is taking.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/NorthCatan 3d ago

Men's urinals generally don't come with dividers, and everyone wants privacy.

2

u/Traditional_Hold1679 1d ago

Not just men.

This is personal space in action and men and women alike make the same decisions unconsciously.

Need an example?

Go to a movie theatre without assigned seats and see where people sit. We all make near exactly the same decisions.

→ More replies (47)