r/SipsTea • u/Icy-Book2999 Fave frog is a swing nose frog • 5d ago

Urinal Code of Ethics Chugging tea

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From https://youtube.com/shorts/71nfLPeczgc?si=k6XoM6jfES21CXGw

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago edited 5d ago

100% then there is the secret stances of others.

The “Peter Pan” feet wide apart, head staring at the wall in front, both fists at your hips, no hands on the unit controlling the flow. Also known as “the Superman”

The “Zombie” no hands as well but hands loosely to just to your sides and looking down

The “little teapot” is most common. One hand controlling business, one hand on the hip. Head either staring down or straight ahead

The “Prisoner” rare,…..but happens. Staring straight ahead. No hands controlling flow but both hands behind their back

The “Toddler” yes, very very rare but grown adults also has pants and chonies down to ankles and bare ass at a urinal. (Always assume special needs. Do your best to ignore)

The “crossing guard” usually in the morning at urinals. One hand controlling business, and one hand on the wall in front of them sorta stabilizing them from falling?

The “barking spider” VERY common for dudes to fart midstream. Especially restaurants where they are holding it in during a date.

I know I’m missing some. But I’ve just find them amusing when I noticed.

Edit. “The Barking Spider” honestly was called “The Bradley Craig” (sorry Brad, really is a lovely guy and miss working with him). Just a guy I use to work with. Larger fellow, but good lord,…..dude bellowed a like a tuba that you could hear outside the restroom when peeing and always said “excuse me,…clearing my throat” when witnessing first hand.

Double edit.

I know the right there, their, and they’re and am pretty consistent. I occasionally use affect vs effect inappropriately. But I regularly butcher strait vs straight.

Thank you stranger grammar Nazi. I too get stuck and cannot really see past some things and lose the entire context of the message over something so simple most others can look past.

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u/-SandorClegane- 5d ago

This list is pretty comprehensive. You've done quite well, in my humble opinion.

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

Forgot “the golfer” more common than the little teapot. Both hands controlling flow, looking down concentrating

I’m more of a modified golfer. Staring strait ahead to concentrate on anything but the fact that there are others next to me, and a line of people wanting to use the urinal. So just staring blankly at whatever is in front of me. Usually day dreaming about what it took to build the wall and its finishes to distract myself.

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u/Grumpy0ldMillennial 5d ago

One hand on top of another or interlocking fingers lol

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

I just pee with one glove on.

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u/saturnx9 4d ago

Don’t actually complete the putting motion or you’ll piss off everyone around you.

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u/Laconic-Verbosity 5d ago

Why weren’t you Azor Ahai?

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u/Vindepomarus 5d ago

I fell like the "crossing guard" is most common later in the evening at a pub/club.

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

Initially I called it the “Nazi” but, joke didn’t land broadly

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u/cochin1504 5d ago

Agreed, I don't know how the crossing guard could come into play by the time you could get to a urinal. I've done it myself half asleep at home. But by the time your out in the world, it doesn't make much sense. Until you're at a pub at night.

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u/Houyhnhnm776 5d ago

Wheres the one where you power piss? I was at a theater seeing a John wick movie once and I drank SO MUCH, that when I got to the bathroom, I just unzipped put both hands on the wall and peed so hard into the urinal it splatters against the urinal wall and on to my white shirt. What’s the name for that one?

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

The “Firemarshall Bill”

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u/chopin1887 5d ago

Your post put things in perspective. I’ve seen them all but didn’t know they had appropriate named identifier. Also humerus. I’m a changed man.

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

Now go notice your own and add to the list.

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u/talk_to_yourself 5d ago

Is there a name for someone who, with one hand guiding their “lad”, sprays circles around the inside of the urinal? “The Catherine wheel” maybe?

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

Well,….to be frank I don’t really pay attention to how people handle their bait and tackle, but in this case. I will call it “the raver” swinging around your own fleshy glowstick,……minus the glow,……hopefully.

Or maybe the “Jedi” if you make zhoom zhoom noises while doing it.

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u/talk_to_yourself 5d ago

I like “the Jedi”… use the force, Luke!

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

Then it shall be known from this day forth as “The Jedi” approved by the wisdom of talk_to_yourself.

I don’t know. I’m just making all this shit up.

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u/welchplug 5d ago

Insanely accurate. I'm definitely a little pot kinda guy.

For those in the future looking at my browser history please look at the context of this comment lol.

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

Honestly Little Teapot would be a great name for the opposite of a big and tall store. For the short and stout.

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u/MegaGrimer 5d ago

I once saw a guy have both hands on the wall in front of him. He did not seem drunk when I saw him outside of the restroom.

I was also at a rest stop once that looked like it hasn’t been cleaned in a year. A guy went in to use the urinal barefoot.

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

What kind of fucking monster goes to a urinal barefoot?

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u/HungryDust 4d ago

I’ve seen the both hands in the wall too. Maybe we go with “the mime”?

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u/Telemasterblaster 5d ago

One hand controlling business, and one hand on the wall in front of them sorta stabilizing them from falling?

I reserve this one for when I'm five or six drinks into a night of real drinking and I'm in a really dirty restroom in a dirty dive bar with graffiti on the walls and I want to make sure I don't slip and fall in a puddle of urine.

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u/bellj1210 5d ago

i am sort of crossing guard/tea pot- in public i will often have my phone out while using the urinal.... weirly at my office it is the only place i get good reception- and the habit has bled out.

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

I’ve always kind of been apprehensive about this. My own delusional paranoia thinking if someone walked in and saw my phone in one hand, they would think I’m taking a picture of my junk.

But I’m also GenX and more or less don’t use my phone all the time and find it weird thinking there is a more appropriate time to screw around online.

In a stall,…dedicated to doing other business,……Different story. I’ll scroll Reddit until I’m Bambi legged trying to stand up.

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u/Existential_Kitten 5d ago

yo this is HILARIOUS

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

Thanks for the comment

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u/PrintableDaemon 5d ago

"The Prisoner" needs an update. Now it's more like, take at least one leg completely out of pants for emergency escapes, pee while you keep an eye out for that shiv.

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

That is more,….The “Inmate”

Where pants are sagging well past the whole buttcheek, but there is another pair of basketball shorts under that and boxer briefs under those. Frantically trying to keep pants up while shorts down and through the boxer Hidey Hole to pee. It’s the Rubik’s cube of pissing.

At this point just go to a stall and pee sitting down.

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u/jalansing77 5d ago

Straight* not strait

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u/istillambaldjohn 5d ago

Thank you.

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u/CriticalLobster5609 4d ago

The “crossing guard” usually in the morning at urinals. One hand controlling business, and one hand on the wall in front of them sorta stabilizing them from falling?

That's "the drunk," he just needs the room to stop spinning long enough to get this rental water returned. "You buy the beer, but you rent the water."

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u/JTP1635 4d ago

Lmao

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u/Substantial_Ad1714 4d ago

How about resting your forehead on the wall in front of you.

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u/Puzzleheaded-Sun1140 4d ago

You need to add the one where the guy pops up right next to you and slams his hand into the wall above the urinal and grunts like it’s the first time he’s taken a piss in 50 years

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u/hashedmotatoes 4d ago

The 'multi-tasker', drinking their beer or texting The 'flamingo', standing on one leg (ok, haven't seen this, yet) The 'poor planner', starts, but after a few seconds moves to a stall

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u/istillambaldjohn 4d ago

Good calls. I haven’t seen a flamingo yet. But now I want to run into one. Admittedly I’ve done the urinal to a stall in my teens. But frankly that was because I was so damned nervous about everything and everyone and got gunshy and needed to run to an area more private in order to even start peeing.

Thank god I grew out of that. But I get why people do it.

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u/Ser_VimesGoT 1d ago

My personal favourite is Earth Song. With vocals.

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u/StandOutLikeDogBalls 1d ago

We need a poster with a list and description of all postures above the urinals. I’d go in and treat it like a game.

Maybe have a trophy board for completers and MVPs in there as well.

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u/istillambaldjohn 1d ago

Like a pissing bingo card?

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u/StandOutLikeDogBalls 1d ago

Yep. And if you don’t yell “Bingo!” It doesn’t count.