r/BreakUps • u/youtinyfools • 2d ago
People who have survived heartbreak…how’d you do it?
It’s been a week since the person I love told me they realized they don’t love me back after 8 months together, and that they still love their ex from before me. I oscillate between devastated and enraged—both with lots of crying.
If you’ve survived a heartbreak, how did you do it? Were you able to love again? Be happy again? When did it stop hurting so bad? Is there another side to come out on?
Love to all 💓❤️🫶🏻
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u/EstimatePractical289 2d ago
The emotional roller coaster is totally normal. Therapy helped me a lot.
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u/Objective-Owl810 2d ago
If I could go to therapy every day I would 😂 I never thought I’d look forward to it every week. It’s been the best thing through this process 🩶
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u/EstimatePractical289 2d ago
Same! It’s like the one thing I didn’t think I needed but it’s been such a savior.
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u/AesteriaViolet 2d ago
As the top commenter stated, time is the best healer here. And the way you soothe yourself through these tough times is the second best healer as well! You always have to remind yourself that whatever you are currently going through is 100% valid and normal. You have to soothe yourself the most in these times and you will find that you gotta self parent yourself too. Right now, beating yourself up for the "what ifs', "if I had done that", "if I had done this", "maybe if I did that" and being hard on yourself is not the answer (though you will fail at being calm, you will find yourself having those thoughts over and over and over again till you have no energy to think of those thoughts anymore) Get as much as emotional support as you can from your loved ones. Talk to them. Hang out with them. But don't ever forget that the better you are at sitting still with your emotions, one-on-one, the better and faster you will heal from this. Trust me, it's a tough situation to be in. But remind yourself that this is just a situation, it won't last forever. It shouldn't. 🫂 It took me a month to process the breakup. JUST to process it. This doesn't even involve the moving on part so give yourself the time you need. Everyone's clocks are different, so walk at your own pace. Just don't rush the healing. And lastly, you will be able to feel loved again. There's no way you can ever forget your person as you wish you could but if you do remember them from time to time in the future, you wouldn't be grieving about it as much as you are doing now. Things 👏 will 👏 get 👏 better 👏👏👏 from here on. It's always up from here, never down. 🫂 Wish you the best dear ❣️ take care of yourself!
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u/Any-Policy-8019 2d ago
Still going through it but this is what helped me. Writing a list of why it didn't work out. Writing a list of what to do better next time. Therapy. Reading. Journaling. Going out w friends . Karaoke bar (sing your heart out). Plan a trip in the near future, that way you have something to look forward to. Push yourself to be more enthusiastic at work. Pick up a lot of hobbies (weight lifting, pickleball, running club, yoga, pottery). Joining leagues like 8am runners group. Gardening. Recognize that you deserve better, and be open to receive. Truly reaffirm you are beautiful and worthy to be loved. Be patient and focus on your growth. Up your skincare. De clutter your room. Buy a bunch of supplements and take them. Crying but don't stay depressed too long. I also watched videos of letting go. Recognize that you did what you needed to do to be in that relationship and you can't force someone to love you or work with you. Don't try to control him/her or the situation. Let it be. Learn about attachment styles n take notes. Fix your appearance, or change your living situation. Create a detailed schedule of activities and errands, always be on the go. Maybe take some acid with friends and laugh your ass off. Just don't be alone and put yourself and your friends in a position where you are all joking, having a good laugh. And most importantly, TIME.
Been through a tough breakup , even though I miss him dearly, it seems like he doesn't care about me anymore. Why would I cling on to what was and not what is?
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u/Gummy_Cheesecake 1d ago
The karaoke one is so true, I've been singing nonstop 😭
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u/Any-Policy-8019 1d ago
LMAOO. What are some song you sang that really let it out ?
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u/Gummy_Cheesecake 1d ago
Good luck, babe! is a really good one haha! but a lot of songs about heartbreak mostly in Filipino. If you have any recommendations, let me know 😉
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u/gsf32 2d ago
Friend, let me tell you I went through something very similar. Who I thought was the love of my life left me after 3 months dating with the pretense that she didn't have feelings for me anymore, turns out that she had feelings for another dude she used to like before me, who had happened to confess his feelings for her earlier.
I wanted to kill myself. Even had a rope ready and a place to do it. That's how bad the whole thing was. I was absolutely desperate, I broke no contact more than once and even went to see her in person (with the new dude), and it was absolutely devastating.
I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't function as a human beign, and there seemed no way out of it. I was utterly hopeless.
Do you know what I did? I held on. I held on to life. I held onto my friends and family, my therapist, people that supported me. And more importantly, I held onto myself.
I was very badly hurt, but months have passed, and as they say it may sound like cliche, but I really really am doing much better now.
I got my appetite back, I can sleep well, I can find joy in life again. It's beautiful.
Trust me, it will get better. I know perfectly how you feel, and my words may not impact you enough, you might not believe what I say. I was like that. I was skeptical. But I can assure you, it will get better.
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u/throwwwwaway6933 2d ago
This gives me hope because I’m currently absolutely wrecked over a 2 month relationship ending. He was part of my every day routine and now it’s just…. silence. The pain is inconsolable.
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u/Travelingsaffa 2d ago edited 1d ago
Around 4 weeks post BU for me now and it really does get better, take time for yourself, do things you like, see people you love, and focus on getting better. It is NOT easy. I still cry most days but I promise you it gets a little bit better every day. The first few days were horrible, but you will get through them <3
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u/c2tom 2d ago
Its so tough when they consume every thought but time will heal all hopefully.
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u/Travelingsaffa 1d ago
That was the worst part for me too! Every single minute of every single day he was in my thoughts. The last thing you think of when you go to bed, the first thing you think of when you wake up. Time does heal it though, I think of him a lot less now.
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u/Gummy_Cheesecake 1d ago
Hi 2 weeks post BU! They really do consume every thought especially the moment I wake up, and it hurts because that's usually when I expect a message from them. It's comforting that someone is going through the same thing I am and reading your comments are like a big hug.
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u/Travelingsaffa 1d ago
Of course, I was exactly where you are now. It was soooo painful! I would not wish that feeling on my worse enemy. But I promise you, if you just focus on yourself and do the small things to help you heal, it will get better. We are also in NC and I think that helped a lot. I tried reaching out but no reply so I never tried again. It was probably for the better.
You are not alone in this xx
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u/sonotyourguy 2d ago
2.5 years ago, I was broken up with a week after I asked her to marry me. She had said yes at first, but told me she never wanted to be a stepmom when the actual breakup was happening. She did it over text. I saw her while picking up my stuff that she had spent the afternoon packing. But we didn’t talk about anything.
I was depressed for five or six months. I was in therapy for a year. And 1.5 years later, I started dating someone else. And I fell in love with her. We broke up on our one year anniversary. That was just a few weeks ago. So, yes you can absolutely heal and find love again. But you are also going to get heartbroken again. I did. Ironically, I ran into the ex-fiancée this past Friday night, after 2.5 yrs where we had never spoken or seen each other in person. (The occasional happy birthday on Facebook did happen.) it did help to remind me that i survived heartbreak before.
The most recent breakup still hurts though. I just woke up after 4.5 hours of sleep to thoughts of her. Fantasies of her wanting to get back together. The overwhelming sadness of never seeing her again. Wanting to break no contact just to hear her voice. I wish it would stop already. But it just takes time, and there’s no rushing that.
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u/jthaB45trd 2d ago
Hey brother you did it before... You're literally proof that ITS POSSIBLE to get over. I'm about 4 months post breakup.... And I'm still feeling dead inside.
praying for better days 🙏🤞
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u/skwairwav 2d ago
Sorry to hear that. I too fell in love while younger, and then years later was able to 'fall in love' again.... and am now in that stage telling myself that I know this is terrible but I've gotten out of this before and know I will be capable of loving someone again eventually. Knowing that will happen is I guess helpful.... but it doesn't really stop the feeling like shit part lol :,)
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u/ResearcherCautious38 2d ago
other sources of bonding (family, friends, pets…). In a relationship we place all our bonding needs into one person. Afterwards, we need to learn to spread it out.
Emotional outlets: these emotions need to be lived. You must sit in the fire and let them flow through you. You can do this through crying, shouting, art, journaling, music… anything that helps Part of this is just like any addiction withdrawal. If you ever tried to quit smoking or so, it is similar. Yes it will be hard. Yes it does get better. Yes the body will do the work.
Therapy: psychoanalysis was useful for me. Dissecting all the feelings, recognizing what parts of me were hurt, understanding how to acknowledge and heal each of those parts separately, etc. Also meanwhile learning what it even means to love, vs to fall in love as an illusion or projection. Most likely that person themselves is not so “special”. It is mostly an idealization from our part, and learning about this is part of our psychological growth. Every relationship and every loss is an opportunity towards this growth
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u/Top-Lavishness8957 18h ago
There has to be something good for me coming I deserve some kind of Heaven
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u/Glum-Purple4926 2d ago
Time and love. Especially love from yourself.
God it was so difficult. The love of my life, my sweet beautiful boy for the last 3 years, decided he wasn’t strong enough to be with me. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t shower. I couldn’t brush my teeth. I barely managed to take my meds. Some days all you can do is just lay in bed and cry, and that’s okay.
Let yourself feel enraged. Let yourself feel devastated. Let yourself hurt. Hurt as much as you can. Every emotion that comes over you, feel it. Lay in bed and be numb. Eat junk food. Shower every few days if you have the energy. Be gentle with yourself. You’re going through such a tough time. It’s okay if you can’t operate at best.
And it will get easier. Every day it gets easier. There will be fewer nights crying yourself to sleep. You’ll get your energy back. Your smile. You gotta focus all the love you have for your ex, all the love they never gave you- focus that into yourself. Love yourself. Because you deserve the warmth and effort you gave to your ex. So give it to yourself.
I love you and I hope you’re doing okay. You will get through this. Sending love
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u/OuchHotLavaLamp 2d ago
Well I just got broken up with a month or so ago and it hurts like a motherfucker. I truly feel that she was the one for me and I'll never love again. But that's my heart speaking. From a rational perspective I know that I have experienced these feelings before during previous breakups and I recovered from those, and had other, even better relationships since. So I guess what I'm saying is that you will be able to love again (I know it doesn't feel like it atm) and be happy again. Promise. You just gotta sit through the pain for a while.
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u/encekhafiz 2d ago
How? Well it's quite simple. 3 years of being depressed, survived 2 suicide attempts, several rebounds & countless nights grieving - until your mind decides to outgrow your grief.
On a more serious note: Yes. You will be able to love again & be happier than you once were. Hang in there, friend.
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u/PracticeTheory 2d ago edited 2d ago
I focused on and nurtured the anger at how he treated me, which probably isn't good advice for everyone since that could turn out very unhealthy, but I am not an angry person at all by nature.
In fact, my natural reaction is to set the anger aside and think about everything I loved and all of the good times. And, given that it went sideways, to blame myself and the things that I did wrong.
And while those ways of handling things are helpful in an active relationship, they don't do jack when the person is already gone.
So, lean into the anger. Be glad that it's over because it wasn't perfect, they aren't your person, and aren't you glad you don't have to put up with X anymore? Wasn't it so shitty how they handled Y?
Not sure if this is good* advice, but it's what helped me.
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u/IrishCubanGrrrl 2d ago
This is great advice. Theres such a fine line between love and hate that I go from one extreme to the other.
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u/THGThompson 2d ago
My fiancé and partner of six years told me he couldn’t marry me three months before our wedding. It was a no good very bad year for me. I self medicated and did some self destructive behaviors. Ultimately I moved to a different state with a friend of mine. I started dating and applying to new jobs when I got there. Still not a magic cure, dating was bumpy and I actually lost the first job I got in the new state. But, being in a new place with no family, having to support myself, and not die of depression, I did what I had to to survive and slowly as things got more secure my happiness got a boost. I’m 2+ years removed from that heartbreak and I have a new partner I love, a house and pets we share together, and a baby on the way. Put one foot in front of the other until you are headed out of the shitty mental place you’re in now. You have to start with accepting what happened and that’s it’s over, then don’t stop working on your circumstances until you’re happy again. It’s gonna be so tough but the only way out is through
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u/Distinct-Resident941 2d ago
Slowly?? I’m three month post breakup and I’m really trying to take this slowly. I just started talking to people. But have no intentions of hopping into another relationship. I’m too vulnerable and my heart still needs healing time.
I’m trying to be happy with myself and what I have…. Enjoying my kids, my job…. And just life.
I have moments where I feel sad and want someone so I don’t feel sad anymore, but in the long run, it’s hurts more
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u/derylle 2d ago
I'm not gonna say the "T" word, because it is hella cliche BUT very true. Other the the "T" word, focus on yourself. Your ex is not going to fight for you, you have to fight for you. IT's going to be a difficult road ahead, but you will make it. THeres gonna be some great day and some days you wish you didnt wake up. BUT we loved them so much, thats why it hurts so bad. Good luck and sending out hugs to everyone going through breakup and stuggling.
"The only way out...is through"
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u/Positions3435 2d ago
+1 to time. me and an ex broke up years ago (idk the exact years). it was such a painful experience considering they were my first love and partner. but I tried to go at my own phase in healing until it no longer hurts by finding joy in what I used to do, picking up new hobbies and interests, meeting new people and joining communities to have a sense of connection, and many more. yes, I was able to love and be happy again whether its through friends or a community I joined. there will always be a new day. I believe in you op! you'll get through it with time.
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u/puppyinwoof 2d ago
I took my time to feel sad, to feel low.. did not fight the sadness. It sucked and there were times when I cried for hours and days. But I also took the time to reconnect with my friends and go out with them, to rediscover my hobbies/interests/passions. After a few months of moping, I applied for higher studies and even got a full scholarship to pursue my course! I turned my life around. And now 1.5 years later, I will still have brief periods of nostalgia, but I am so much more grateful that I got out of that relationship and got back in touch with myself. Give yourself time and time to feel all the emotions, confide in a few trusted ones, and then get back to life though it will feel VERY tough.
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u/waydownweg0 2d ago
I think one thing to realize is that YOU don't survive heartbreak. The you that was you when you met and feel in love and spent years with your person is dead. You don't get that part of your heart and soul back.
Depending on how bad the relationship and heartbreak were you might have given up a large part of yourself you can't get back
You have to mourn the loss of what was and mourn the loss of the parts of you that aren't there anymore. Innocence, trust, etc.
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u/bdain 2d ago
It’s the combination of time and what you do with time . If you scroll endlessly waiting for them to pop up in your DM or stories and obsessing over them then it will take a long long time. If you start working on yourself, meditate, read, find new things to do, meet new people, concentrate on meaningful friendships, career, work on your best self then it will take somewhat less time. But it will take time nonetheless and there is nothing that can speed it up if you are heartbroken - quicker you accept it, own it and understand that this (no matter how messed up it feels) is all part of life - the better. Stay strong as this too, shall pass.
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u/moonskies 2d ago
Me and my ex were 8 months too, and broke up just a month ago. I had moved back home (long story) here's the thing though, he could have taken me in but he fucked me over in the end so there's that. 🫠 I'm 27 he's about to be 39 so I feel like age has a lot to do with it... Just is a different stage in his life. Idk what I was getting myself into really
But for me it's distracting and time. And trying to see what really went wrong makes me cope too.
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u/ThatWasFortunate 2d ago
Take some time to feel your feelings, then take some time to explore. Go find something you've always wanted to do that your ex wasn't interested in, or something you've been curious about. Look for opportunities, maybe volunteer somewhere, if someone invites you to something, say yes if you can, and don't back out. There's a whole world beyond the person who broke your heart and you can go find it.
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u/gford333 2d ago
Time is the best healer. Take every day one day at a time and eventually you will feel better. No contact works best. Eventually enough time will pass and you will completely be moved on
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u/Dangerous-Book2600 2d ago
Idk.... I feel like I don't even want to fall in love anymore so when people let me down I won't be heart broken ... my last relationship was disappointing... he promised me longevity and gave up even tho I fought.... its been 4 months post break up and I'm over him but moving forward I just fear being let down
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u/TemporaryTop287 2d ago
I at the beginning pretended that he drowned honestly it was that bad. Now I just say that his is stuck with someone else and I am free for a bit longer.
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u/ManFromDelMontee 2d ago
I'm 6 months post 10 years and I still have ups and downs. I don't think they go away, just get further apart
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u/EarthFireSoul 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’ve survived a breakup from 10 year relationship in my 30. It felt like death and took many years to recover as I was with him from 21-31. I was postponing marriage and kids for him and he left me after 10 years. So, I was devastated like my life was over. Many meaningless relationships after (I think I was broken and didn’t know my worth at all), I found love again at 38. It was even greater love, a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I thanked the universe for sending this partner and the timing as I still could have kids at that age.
I am broken hearted again atm. This breakup was even worse with circumstances and my age. We lost a baby and couldn’t have baby for many years, then I became ill, that’s when he walked away. He came back and he left again.
But yeah, I survived a 10 yr relationship breakup then I should be able to survive this one again now in my 40s.
Btw, I kept in touch with my ex from 10 year relationship. All the pain and resentment from the breakup is gone and we just wish each other good health and lives as good people who we once shared our significant amount of time together as 10 years.
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u/LostSoul1985 2d ago
Listen OP I was in such a stste after a brutal breakup....twice. The trauma from the last betrayal was insane. And it went on for effectively 2 years, the trauma.
That all seems a genuine different lifetime away...
Today I'm the luckiest guy on earth thanks to god 🙏
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u/ChillaxBrosef 2d ago
One day at a time. Focusing on being thankful for the time you had, taking the learnings and applying them to your life. It’s a gift, even during heartbreak- learnings that were gained. But yeah it sucks.
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u/2Snakes35 2d ago
Obviously everyone’s experience will be different, but yes you will survive, no matter how impossible it seems now. I was the one to leave after 5 years together but it felt like I had no other choice and still loved him very much, so even as the dumper I was heart broken for sure. 4.5 months later I’m not over it, but definitely getting better. There are waves. Often even in the same day, where some moments I’m like “I feel great! I’m getting my life back!” Excited to be alive. Other moments where i just slip right back to feeling lonely and in pain. But it’s nowhere near the level of pain it was early on. Nothing compares to that shit, where you feel like you’re dying. That probably started to let up after a couple of months? With ups and downs from day one, you’ll still find little moments of joy in between the agony. Hold onto those but let it all just happen. Your body knows what it’s doing to process this. The pain can even be your best friend right now, your greatest teacher. So lean into it and you’ll be surprised what kind of beauty can come out of it. It’s transformative and it’s a rare opportunity. But yes, it will inevitably get better
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u/Cowboy_X_M 2d ago
Do new things! I bought a cyber punk helmet and attend raves, fun way to connect with people! You gotta create new memories to forget the past
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u/Appropriate_Tea9048 2d ago
I gave it time and embraced the feelings as they came. I don’t think I had ever truly allowed myself to cry it out after a breakup, but with my last one I did. I also thought about the things I didn’t like about him and things the relationship was lacking. Once we broke up, I could see that we weren’t compatible at all. It stopped hurting really bad after a month or two, but that’ll be different for everyone.
A year after the breakup, I met my fiancé. We now have a cat together and are going on vacation in a few days.
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u/PetalsByPersephone 2d ago
Might be a little bit of a weird comment but I created a “break up plan” and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. If you’re curious I can walk you through what I did and see if that resonates with you :)
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u/Yourunclesbestftiend 2d ago
32 and have been through so many heartbreaks (unfortunately). You just have to keep living. Independent and undefeated — live and don’t stop moving forward. Life is hard enough as it is. Learn and grow.
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u/AGroupOfBears 2d ago
Time, sprinkled with a bit of spite, and anger.
After a while, the anger fades. You move on with your life, work on yourself and become better, you try new things, have new experiences. Then you forget, slowly at first, then all at once. Only think about them once a day, then once a week, then once a month. Each time it hurts less, each time it fades faster. Then one day you'll remember, and you wont care at all, and your past heartbreak becomes a distant flicker that you will barely notice.
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u/acousticmusic12 1d ago
Man it broke me for like 6 years, haha, and also messed up some of my other relationships I had over that time period since I wasnt ever fully over my ex. Then I got lucky situationally and had a situation happen with her that allowed me to let go. Then recently, I fell in love for the second time, and it's just as good as the first time :) But unfortunately she decided to leave. But this time I actually feel equipped with the tools to let go on my own, and I feel like I'm healing quite quickly. It's really cool progress to feel, and I actually very confidently believe I'll be able to fall in love again now :)
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u/Vatikryss 1d ago
I can start with : let time do its thing.
Last August my ex broke up with me around 3 AM. No reason just : “I need to focus on myself, I am not well.” Worst answer. I was heartbroken because I loved that man no matter what.
I thought rebound would work : they did not. No matter who I dated, I couldn’t stop thinking of him. It’s been around 6 months, and I don’t think of him everyday. I have some moments, but only because it hurt me a lot. You get over it, acceptance.
Grief main stages : denial, anger, recognition of pain, adaptation, acceptance. You will get through it I promise take your time 🫶🏼
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u/Griselaa 1d ago
I almost thought I would not get over him. I was CRAZY about him. I could never move on for as long as I still see him on every socials. Until he blocked me. It only took me a month to forget about him. Time heals and one day, you’ll realize, you’ve already forgotten about him. Even the thought of stalking him makes you feel lazy. I pray for your fast healing OP!
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u/lhy13 1d ago
Holy shit. So much time and therapy and lots of setbacks. There’s days even now 16 months out and with a new partner, that I still question my sanity a little (given my ex-partner and I still work in the same hospital, which makes it worse…).
Don’t forget that we are all human and that these connections change us and that it’s near impossible to just flip a switch and have it be fine. It’s not black-and-white. Ride the waves and in time, the waves will get less and less rough.
Sending hugs.
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u/ndoty_sa 2d ago
This may be unpopular advice, but the fastest way I’ve gotten over crushing breakups is to hook up with someone else, or at least find a new crush. I’m not saying it’s the healthiest, or fairest way to do it, but it quickly builds up your confidence, gives your brain a distraction, and sorta “resets” you. Definitely do all the other things (gym, family, friends, self-work, etc), but this has always been my saving grace. (Luckily I’ve never had a problem with attracting women, so YMMV, and I’ve always treated them with respect and told them upfront that I’m just coming out of a long relationship.)
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u/90dayformulae 2d ago
This gets a lot of flak but honestly it helps me too, I always preface it with "Hey so I'm fresh out of a divorce and I feel open to something new, but it wouldn't be fair not to disclose that I'm still reeling from it a little bit" and guys are happy to just have dinner, it really helps to date around after a breakup. It's not cool to lead someone on if you're not interested, but if you're upfront about where you're at and things stay casual, then who cares?
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u/Horpsnark 2d ago
After being together for 11 years it gets harder to let go
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u/TemporaryTop287 2d ago
I'd say the opposite. You knew so much. I dated someone for under a year and miss a lot of things I never found out. Random things like favorite food.
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u/Tasenova99 2d ago
ask the whys as much as you can until there isn't a why left in all the silence and space you gave willingly.
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u/s0cialSuicide 2d ago
You just have to keep going. Day after day. Eventually, inevitably, you do feel better, but the timeline can be years.
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u/Round-Zone-267 2d ago
realization about many things, like realizing that there are people who have it so much worse in life than I do, realizing that I was wasting time being upset over someone who didn’t care, the world wont stop and wait for you to stop being sad, realizing that I’m lucky enough to still have family and friends who still love me, realizing that I still have goals to achieve, since then i’ve been focused on one thing only, to work my ass off until my parents won’t have to work anymore and my siblings will get whatever they want just by simply asking, the thought of becoming successful is what made me get over it, people come and people go, but in the end we only have ourselves, i will be successful with or without them.
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u/pastinacollins 2d ago
Stopped saying their name when I talked about them. Talking about your feelings and reflecting on the breakup without talking negatively about the other person. Learning to appreciate the good times and bad times. Listened to a lot of breakup music (lots of melodic edm). No contact. Spending time with close friends. Going for long walks while listening to good music.
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u/cocobeanz33 2d ago
Time really helps, as does going no contact. It’s very very hard in the beginning but you have to cut them off so you can heal yourself. I ignored everyone who told me that until one day I realized I didn’t even want to get back with them so what’s the point of staying “friends”.
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u/LuisArkham 2d ago
You will love again, because the love you can give is not dependent of the other person, it depends on you, the love you give is yours.
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u/Yogabbagaabbaa 2d ago
Time is the best healer. Spend time with good friends and keep yourself occupied. It will pass. Treat yourself well. Heartbreak is not easy
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u/90dayformulae 2d ago
Time
Processing your feelings as they come (there is no "right" or "wrong" time to cry, do it as often as you need to for as long as you need to, do not bury your emotions, or they'll just pop up later)
Gently push yourself in the right direction to avoid floundering and dwelling. Go no-contact, and focus on things that made you happy before you ever met this person; listen to music and watch movies that were favorites from a year or more ago, and remember that you were happy before them, and you'll be happy after them.
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u/gloomchy 2d ago
I was in a similar situation. He broke up with me but was still not over his ex. He was using me to get over her lol. Honestly the only thing that helped was time. Nothing I did helped besides waiting it out. I was so anxious at night thinking about him I couldn’t sleep. I’d wake up crying in the morning soon as I realized we broke up. I went on a lot of dates and nothing made me feel better. Worked on myself in the meantime and now 8 months later I feel alooot better and am in a new relationship! Just don’t let yourself slip. Take care of yourself and do some self care. Start a new hobby or something. The future you will thank you
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u/NameIDontKnow 1d ago
Maxed the credit card and went on a solo trip. I was still sad when I came back, but I was so dependent on my ex before. I learned that if I could make it through a foreign country alone, I could easily do it with friends and family by my side. That was about 7 months ago and although I’m still paying off the trip, it was so worth it because I feel free from him
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u/Always-confused1994 1d ago
Just fight the pain everyday to your best ability, believe that it’ll be okay with time. And with time pain does go away!
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u/Lycheeteeni 1d ago
I usually spend time with family, cats, and friends. I talk out my feelings with friends and aIso in therapy. I enjoy my alone time to cry it out, paint, do some gardening, write poetry, listen to music and drown in it. I take cold showers every now and then. Lastly, I give myself 90 days to grieve and move forward. It’s a good amount of time to wake up and adapt to a new reality. There no time to waste by dwelling. Time doesn’t wait
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u/wetballjones 1d ago
Combo of time and doing things to make me excited about life. New job, travel, dating. Then out of the blue I bumped into my ex on a hike and we got together and are now married :D
doesn't always work that way, but either way I was at a point where I would have been OK if we couldn't reconnect again
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u/MacaronUnlikely8730 1d ago
Which one is better:
1, I loved you but I don't love you anymore
2, You will never be the one I love the most
Yesterday, he said 2 to me. Take it easy, at least he loved you, you loved each other, time will heal.
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u/nadineorabi 1d ago
LOVE YOURSELF, no one dies for the other person. Take time to heal you will find love again but you have to love yourself first work, do sports and work keep on working and make yourself busy all the time. When needed cry and miss him but do not speak to him. Give yourself time to cry and raise up again. Never forget your will be stronger I’m still under the healing process and I can tell you the first month was horrible yet through time I became better . Somedays my emotions are down but now I’m able to control myself more
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u/Sudden_Try7106 1d ago edited 1d ago
Personally, I did not have the best relationship with my ex-boyfriend, but I did not realize it at the time (love is blind...) So, for me, it helped to realize that he could never give me the type of love that I wanted and while I do believe he loved me, he was not ready to be in a committed relationship (read: cheating) and just wanted to live a single life. On top of that, he wanted everything the way he wanted.
After he broke up with me, I was enraged cause I forgave him for his cheating. So, I hung out with lots of friends, anything to take my mind of really. And before I knew it, months passed. Time softens pain and I remember slowly I forgot about him, and even if I did think about him, it was ''normal''; not anything like oh I miss him. Just like, oh we did have fun and I wish him the best, but we weren't the best for each other. He went abroad, traveling and doing whatever and I just went back to friends, school, work and hit the gym. I build up my confidence and talked a lot with friends that I trust. I can say that I am fully healed now.
And yes, I was able to love again. Ironically, one of my best friends (and no, because I got slagged of so much for thinking me and my best friend had a thing before, we did NOT, we were both in relationships!!!) who always stood by my side, picked my up at 5 am in the morning because my former bf choked me. Always listened to me, comforted me when I cried and told me to get out of the relationship because he could see me suffering.
My ex-bf left me homeless and my best friend opened his house for me as he had 2 spare rooms. And with that, he opened my eyes. I was never in love with him prior, because I did not look at him that way cause I was so in love with my then boyfriend. I was literally blind. Suddenly, it hit me. I realized, he was the kind of person I needed all along. Also, he is insanely attractive and even that I did not realize until I was single. I always saw him as a very good guy, a very good friend.
And men, right now, I am happy my ex boyfriend broke up with me, but sure I did not feel like that at the time, I do now.
Everyday I wake up with kisses on my cheek, an arm around me. When I am sick, he makes me little banana milkshakes and cooks for me. He has a great relationship with my parents and always brings little flowers to my mom whenever we visit. He tells my dad how much he loves me and does not shy away from physical contact, like holding hands, cuddling etc in public. Also, he is the most passionate lover in the bedroom I ever met. He thinks about ME and not all about himself. Everything fell into place and now we are even trying for a baby. Every morning I wake up, look into his eyes and I fall in love immediately, and while I look like a wet sock when I wake up, he tells me I am the most beautiful like that. So yes, there is hope. and that ''hope'' might even be closer then you think!
Start prioritizing you, build up your confidence, do whatever you like, keep yourself busy, remind yourself why it ended and before you know it, they are in the past.
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u/FarButterfly1992 1d ago
It gets worse before it gets better! You'll be fine. I've had my fair share of heart breaks. Heart break teaches you things that you will never learn otherwise. A piece of advice, don't wallow in bed. Get up early, hit the gym, eat right and do what makes you happy. Initially it will be hard and one day you'll notice it does not hurt as much. The grass is definitely greener on the other side. Learn to be your own best friend first! Sending love xx
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u/Top-Lavishness8957 18h ago
I had to believe that something good was happening in this lifetime I had to believe but I don't believe it anymore
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u/ItsTwoTSunami 7h ago
I realized a few things after being dumped by my former partner of four years:
- That taking the time and space to self-reflect and heal from the breakup is absolutely necessary. It won't simply happen overnight, nor will you wake up one day and things will be alright. It takes a lot of going back and forth with your emotions, as well as forgiving yourself and your ex for where you and that person have fallen short.
- Prioritize yourself. Don't convince yourself that your capacity to love lies in someone else. That's all you. Just because someone can't reciprocate love to you doesn't mean you're unlovable. Learn to love yourself first, and you'll realize that a lot of the fulfillment you've been looking for in someone else has been within yourself the whole time.
- You have to be okay with letting go. I know a lot of people want closure and clarity of why the breakup happened. But understand that the unwillingness to be honest and forward with you is closure in itself. If that person was only with you for what you had to offer to them, they don't deserve your love and dedication. Regardless of whether they truly cared for you isn't relevant anymore. What matters is they made the choice to let you go, so you have to be able to move forward from this heartache. You deserve to find someone who loves you unconditionally, and you shouldn't settle for anything less.
- It's alright to miss them or miss the connection you once had. That doesn't mean you should wait for them either. Don't put your life and growth on hold because someone doesn't choose you.
I myself am still learning and healing day by day. I've been single for three months now, and because I took the time to confront these hard emotions, I've grown into a much more emotionally healthy person. I understand that feeling of hopelessness, but it doesn't last. I'm happier than I've ever been in a long time, and being able to grow from this experience has truly been a blessing in disguise. So hang in there, because one day you'll find that peace and happiness again.
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u/Many-Peace-3935 6h ago
Female here ❤️🔥
ABSOLUTELY 💯 > Theirs, another beautiful side, and that is that he was never ready to love, so quicky people do it all the time is called rebound! I'm deeply sorry for your hurt, sweetie! Another side is that you do become stronger, wiser, and hopeful..... Theirs someone out there at the right side. Nurture yourself, love yourself, use this to become better you! Kindly remember to accept the truth, which is often people that get out of relationships, they are not ready to date!
Praying for your heart & emotions! 💐
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u/sik77nilvi 2h ago
2 months and 5 days since she left me. The break up was out of the blue and no one saw it coming. She took me off of all socials and Snapchat and won’t answer my texts. I’ve been working on getting over her, the past two or three weeks have been alot better but every couple days I break down and feel like it just happened. It’s so hard taking to other girls because I still feel like I’m cheating, while I know she’s probably already out and about. I’m slowly getting more of my heart back from her, she still has most of my heart and once I get my heart back I really don’t know how I will give it away again. She really felt like the one.
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u/cerealmonogamiss 2d ago
I read "it's called a breakup because it's broken." One thing that helped me is making my space my own.
Also traveling helps me, but it might backfire.
I just accept that I'm going to be miserable for a while.
Oh and sometimes I have a rebound with someone who is also on the rebound.
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u/OpalMoon0x 2d ago
Honestly, as cliche as it sounds time was the best healer for me. As well as having no contact with my ex as difficult as that was. Slowly, but surely I healed until it didn’t hurt anymore. Eventually, I did meet someone else and learn to love again.