r/BreakUps • u/youtinyfools • 4d ago
People who have survived heartbreak…how’d you do it?
It’s been a week since the person I love told me they realized they don’t love me back after 8 months together, and that they still love their ex from before me. I oscillate between devastated and enraged—both with lots of crying.
If you’ve survived a heartbreak, how did you do it? Were you able to love again? Be happy again? When did it stop hurting so bad? Is there another side to come out on?
Love to all 💓❤️🫶🏻
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u/ResearcherCautious38 4d ago
other sources of bonding (family, friends, pets…). In a relationship we place all our bonding needs into one person. Afterwards, we need to learn to spread it out.
Emotional outlets: these emotions need to be lived. You must sit in the fire and let them flow through you. You can do this through crying, shouting, art, journaling, music… anything that helps Part of this is just like any addiction withdrawal. If you ever tried to quit smoking or so, it is similar. Yes it will be hard. Yes it does get better. Yes the body will do the work.
Therapy: psychoanalysis was useful for me. Dissecting all the feelings, recognizing what parts of me were hurt, understanding how to acknowledge and heal each of those parts separately, etc. Also meanwhile learning what it even means to love, vs to fall in love as an illusion or projection. Most likely that person themselves is not so “special”. It is mostly an idealization from our part, and learning about this is part of our psychological growth. Every relationship and every loss is an opportunity towards this growth