r/BreakUps • u/youtinyfools • 4d ago

People who have survived heartbreak…how’d you do it?

It’s been a week since the person I love told me they realized they don’t love me back after 8 months together, and that they still love their ex from before me. I oscillate between devastated and enraged—both with lots of crying.

If you’ve survived a heartbreak, how did you do it? Were you able to love again? Be happy again? When did it stop hurting so bad? Is there another side to come out on?

Love to all 💓❤️🫶🏻

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u/PracticeTheory 4d ago edited 4d ago

I focused on and nurtured the anger at how he treated me, which probably isn't good advice for everyone since that could turn out very unhealthy, but I am not an angry person at all by nature.

In fact, my natural reaction is to set the anger aside and think about everything I loved and all of the good times. And, given that it went sideways, to blame myself and the things that I did wrong.

And while those ways of handling things are helpful in an active relationship, they don't do jack when the person is already gone.

So, lean into the anger. Be glad that it's over because it wasn't perfect, they aren't your person, and aren't you glad you don't have to put up with X anymore? Wasn't it so shitty how they handled Y?

Not sure if this is good* advice, but it's what helped me.

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u/IrishCubanGrrrl 4d ago

This is great advice. Theres such a fine line between love and hate that I go from one extreme to the other.