r/AITAH • u/WideCorners • 4d ago

My daughter just contacted me after 17 years asking if I want to meet my granddaughter. AITAH for telling her that I don’t care about her or her daughter and to never contact me again?

I am not sure if am I an AH. Going to provide some background.

I am in my 60s now. I was married to my ex wife, and we had a daughter. Our marriage was going through its ups and downs but I was really close with our daughter. But as our marriage was going through its difficulties, I made a huge mistake I still regret to this day. I started having an affair with my coworker. She was in an violent physically abusive relationship at home. We became friends at work, and things just escalated from there. She got “an out” from me, she got the support she needed to file for divorce from her husband, who is currently in jail now. The affair went nowhere and we called it off shortly after, but I was glad that she got off her abusive relationship and that she was safe. 

But when my ex wife found out about the affair, things expectedly didn’t go well. She lashed out and said a lot of horrible things about me to our daughter, who was 15 at the time. I admitted full fault with the affair, but even after the divorce, I sensed that the distance between me and my daughter was growing, until one day, my daughter said she wasn’t going to speak with me anymore, and she was going to cut me off from her life forever. That was the most painful thing anyone had ever said to me. I begged her to please reconsider. I still remember that day.

But time passed on. My daughter kept her word, and after trying to connect with her for the first year, I gave up. I found out from one of my mutual friends that my ex wife married a great guy. I was happy because I was hoping that would remove the hatred from my ex wife and my ex wife would advise our daughter to at-least rekindle a relationship with me. But that never happened. I moved states a year later. 

I am at peace now, but still have some aching sadness. I have retired. Both my parents have passed away, my brother passed away tragically a couple of years ago. To be honest, I am waiting for my turn. I have only my dog and my sister left.

A couple of hours ago, my daughter called me on my phone. I haven’t spoken to her in 17 years. I instantly recognized her voice, but I didn’t feel anything. No happiness, no sadness, just indifference. She was crying a lot on the call, and we caught up on life. She’s married, and she has a daughter who’s now 12. She apologized for cutting off contact, and she says her mom asked her to reconnect with me, as her mom felt guilty about how everything played out. She said she really wanted me to meet her daughter, and her daughter was constantly asking about granddaddy. But, I wasn’t feeling anything. After we caught up on everything and our life, I told her I don’t care about her or her daughter, and to never contact me again. I then hung up.

Was I the AH?

UPDATE:

Look, I was extremely drunk last night. The words which came out of my mouth weren’t the best, and my comments on my post weren’t great either. Seeing how everyone said I was the AH, I decided to call my daughter again an hour ago. I didn’t really expect her to pick up the call but she picked up immediately. I apologized for last night, and she said there was no need to apologize. I then sent her a link to this Reddit post on messages, and told her I know I was the AH, and thousands said so. She again said I wasn’t the AH. She started crying again. 

I told her she’s free to come to my house anytime the next 4 months, because after that I will be leaving the country with my sister and our dog. Our parents left us a nice farmhouse in their home country, and we will be spending the rest of our lives there. 

I sent her my address on messages, and my daughter said she’d come with her husband and her daughter by end of next week. She asked if she was welcome to stay there for multiple days, and I told her she could stay for however long she wanted, as our house was spacious enough.

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u/moooooolia 4d ago

You wouldn’t get it, he was saving her! You wanted him to offer a safe space and comfort without getting his dick wet!?

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u/chardongay 4d ago

i was gonna say are we not going to mention him taking advantage of an abuse victim or

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u/lunaaurae 4d ago

But it excuses it clearly. She was being abused, he had to fuck her way out of that relationship. Don't you know if the other woman's being abused it gives you a free fuck pass inside your own marriage? It was the right thing to do, heroic, actually. Its not like he could have helped her without fucking her could he? /s

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u/mtlgirl09 4d ago

His dick basically gave her the strenght to leave !

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u/E0H1PPU5 4d ago

This situation itself isn’t funny….but these comments have me rolling lol.

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u/0bsessions324 4d ago

I mean, it's kind of funny if you consider the fact that everyone else seems to have come out in a better position once he got the fuck out of their lives.

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u/Castod28183 4d ago

That's...damn...

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u/E0H1PPU5 4d ago

Truth. I feel sad for his daughter that she apparently didn’t realize what a favor this douche did by removing himself from her life.

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u/AudienceNo3411 3d ago

But... SHE removed HIM from her life??? Lmfao

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u/EyeGreen9333 4d ago

🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂

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u/Useful-Sun7128 3d ago

Yoooo… oof. Karmas a bitch ain’t it. Truthfully I don’t think he deserves to see his daughter or his granddaughter and the fact he was drunk posting all this garbage and acting like an immature clown 🤡 just goes to show he’s the problem and will only bring negative junk to their lives. The best thing he can do is work on himself and then when he’s a better person consider being involved with them. All he’ll do at this point is bring his demons and negative energy into their obviously better lives without him. The only part of this story that made me feel anything was when the daughter tried to reconnect… because that’s a mistake. I hope she doesn’t. This man needs to do some serious self reflection. But can narcissists do that?… no. So there’s not hope for him. Imo. Karma can have him. He got exactly what he deserved.

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u/odomotto 4d ago

His dick is giving ME the strength to leave. I'm going fishing.

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u/keithrc 4d ago

Me too! I'm getting up off this toilet right now!

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u/MeadowMuffinFarms 4d ago

My ex had one of those magic dicks too! Same scenario!!

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u/No_Instruction4557 4d ago

Dickman strikes again! Saving poor, abused women with his dick! 🦸‍♂️

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u/one_last_cow 4d ago

His penis creates problems, his penis solves problems. The dichotomy of man.

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u/Prodigalsunspot 4d ago

She was able to pull herself up with his own dick-straps-ons

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u/VendettaX99 4d ago

Happy Cake day 🎉

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u/Pokeitwitarustystick 4d ago

He's all alone now, cause I'm guessing the woman he cheated on with didn't actually want to be with him. Just wanted an out from her relationship

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u/GimmeCRACK 4d ago

Gods Work

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u/Castod28183 4d ago

Also love the throwaway line "who is currently in jail now."

You know he threw that in there as a weak justification for his shitty action like that has anything at all to do with the situation that took place 17 years ago.

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u/sheridanstacie 4d ago

Nah let's mention it

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u/midnightsunofabitch 4d ago edited 4d ago

Here's the thing. No doubt OP is the AH on multiple levels, starting with the affair (with a vulnerable colleague), followed by only trying for one year to repair the relationship with his daughter (I mean...who the hell writes off their own child when they're 16?! Did it never occur to him she might be more receptive to a reconciliation as an adult? Cause lord knows no one has ever waivered on a conviction they held at 16!), followed by his callous response when she called.

Having said that, if you're trashing your ex to your child, after an ugly divorce? You. Are. A. Bad. Parent.

According to OP's daughter, OP's ex felt guilty for encouraging a rift between father and daughter. If that is the case, OP's ex is also the AH.

You should not be getting back at your ex through your children. You should not be trashing your ex to your children, however ugly the divorce. To do so makes you a bad parent.

Someone on another sub was talking about how his parents divorced when he was 14, but he didn't find out it was because his mom had cheated on his dad, until he was 21. His parents didn't want to burden him with that knowledge, or risk damaging his relationship with his mother at such a young age. At 21 he was more capable of seeing his mother as not just his mother, but an actual flawed human being. His father was gracious enough to hold his tongue, not out of any sort of obligation to his cheating ex-wife, but because he knew that knowledge would only hurt his adolescent son.

It's a shame OP's ex didn't have the same concern for her daughter. That poor girl was burdened with two atrocious parents.

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u/dcamom66 4d ago

This unreliable narrator tells us the ex trashed him. I think she was rightly angry that he was that he had an affair and she had to discover it on her own. This is a guy who is self-centered and self-serving and blew up his daughter's life as a vulnerable time in her development of her relationship to the opposite sex. He gives it one year, If that, then writes her off for life. Now, he wants no chance to build a relationship with his adult daughter and grandchild. This guy's a major douche and asshole. He's as selfish as they come, and I'm sure his daughter and her family benefit from not having him around. I'm sure it hurts her to have that hole, so she was open with him, gave him a chance to do the same with her, and he shit on her AGAIN. Then he has the audacity to come on here to ask if he's an AH. Yes, yes, you are a massive one OP.

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u/Upbeat-Bid-1602 4d ago

I was scrolling down to say this. OP's daughter was 15 when he cheated on her mom and destroyed her family. If the mom just simply told her the truth, that they were getting divorced because Dad cheated, she was old enough to understand and process that, and to blame and resent her dad for it, all on her own. It doesn't mean the ex-wife "trashed" him just because she didn't want to lie to her daughter about what happened forever.

And OP sounds like a major AH.

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u/Simply_me_Wren 4d ago edited 4d ago

Also, he swapped stories with his child only to then say FU kid. Perhaps this is why mom said reach out, she knew he was a jerk and figured the kid could understand why no contact is sometimes the best choice. Massive gaping AH.

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u/Known-Professor1980 4d ago

I found this the most AH part of the story. I think there is a subconscious or even conscious retaliation here. O.P said it hurt when the daughter cut them off and then this seems like a retaliation of OP now getting to cut her off and in control of the situation.

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u/Simply_me_Wren 4d ago

Yeah. Like Finally I can tell you my life’s better without you. How heartbreaking for everyone involved. OP: I’m sorry it hurt so bad you were emotionally crippled. I hope you’re able to reflect and move forward.

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u/AmazingEnd5947 4d ago

OP/parent never grew up. His daughter was a child when this occurred. She still passed his maturity level.

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u/Lindseye117 4d ago

The part that got me was he felt nothing, NOTHING, for his daughter after all those years. A parent never hates their child. Wtf...

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

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u/Silly-Violinist-6239 4d ago

Repeat this, you were a child and reacted how a child would.

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u/LateNightPhilosopher 4d ago

It's like he let her have a whole corporate job interview and then hit her with the ol' "We've decided to go in a different direction at this time"

Like bruh it's your daughter.

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u/Fuzzy_Dragonfruit344 4d ago

Yeah, he’s obviously still angry at his kid and wants to punish her for having a natural reaction to him blowing up her family and everything she knew about the world up to that point. He’s taking zero responsibility for the affair with his daughter. He’s not showing any empathy or compassion for what must have been an extremely upsetting situation for a developing teenager to go through. He doesn’t once mention caring about how his affair and divorce must have affected his daughter. And you tried for one year to have a relationship with your own child OP? That’s pathetic. You made your own bed, lie in it instead of blaming your terrible, life altering decisions on your child. You are one hundred percent the AH, and then some.

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u/HotDogOfNotreDame 4d ago

And he tells on himself too. He’s only got his dog and his sister. It’s been decades and he’s so toxic that no one new will stay in his life.

Absolute AH.

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u/BanjosandBayous 4d ago

Also he's acting like him leaving the country will be the end of everything and fuck everything in his current country. Like internet isn't a thing that's everywhere.

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u/Adorable-Rabbit2080 4d ago

Well, in his defense, in the edit he did say he was really drunk when his daughter called. So that totally excuses his behavior, right? Or does it actually give more proof that the OP is a worthless bag of adolescent-behaving shit? His daughter dodged a huge bullet by not having him in her life.

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u/Ancient_Training3046 4d ago

Also, red flag that he is still getting “really drunk” at his age. Come on now.

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u/CutLow8166 4d ago

Right!? The daughter doesn’t even want anything except a relationship with him. It’s not like she’s asking for money, or favors. He also doesn’t go into the specifics of what “terrible” things his ex said about him to his daughter. If she told the truth, that’s enough for a teen daughter to think her fathers terrible. -_-

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u/imme629 4d ago

How do we know the ex-wife said anything beyond “he had an affair”? Destroying the family unit at that age is enough to cause that reaction.

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u/LopsidedPalace 4d ago

I mean given his attitude and behavior here I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that similar self-centered behavior from him what's the cause of his marital issues.

When your kids see the worst of someone constantly and they ask you what they did to finally get cut off you tell them to God damn truth, because otherwise they're going to assume something even worse than the truth.

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u/neddythestylish 4d ago

People like this seem to think that nobody could POSSIBLY just be angry with them for legit reasons. Someone must also be telling vile lies!

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u/JakobeHolmBoy20 4d ago

He did a terrible thing by cheating so if anything, he can only blame himself for what was said.

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u/0bsessions324 4d ago

This is exactly my thought. I have a step kid and I've avoided talking about his bio dad for ages because even basic facts could be construed as poisoning him towards him.

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u/gadgaurd 4d ago

My father cheated on my mother with multiple women. I found out when I was...I wanna say seven? Eight? Took me a while to piece it all together and she never tried to get me to dislike him. Quite the opposite, she encourages me to love all my family members.

Didn't stop me from hating him and never wanting anything to do with him because he hurt my mother. She's the only reason I ever bothered to speak to him again because she felt bad about me cutting off family members for various reasons. So I can really empathize with OP's daughter here. And she was much better equipped to think about these things than I was at the time.

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u/Ok_Factor8056 4d ago

Exactly. The daughter probably cut him off for talking about her Mom after he cheated on her. He says Mom "trashed" him but what was she supposed to say? You don't get a free pass just because you admit to it.

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u/Classic-Cantaloupe47 4d ago

The daughter had NO RIGHT to be mad at her dad for completely upending her life!! 15 is hard enough without having to deal with your parents' divorcing and all the drama and baggage that comes with. That teenager had every right to be mad at her dad, and not want to talk to him for a period of time, while she worked through a shit ton of negative feelings about the entire thing. Then, I'm sure she had all of the usual teenage responsibilities of school, homework, and extracurriculars, a possible PT job, friends, and she got to watch her mom hurt because her dad had an affair, with a very vulnerable woman. (Anyone else think it's weird that he knows where his affair partner's ex is? Who follows someone you had an affair with for a couple of months, for well over a decade after??

I don't agree with involving your kids in all of the ugliness that comes with divorce, and I went through a nasty one with my parents, when I was 12, and was in the middle of it all. My mom had health and mental health issues. Her evil, soulless sister took advantage every time my mom went into the hospital, and first kicked me out, and then eventually my brother. She would literally call my dad and tell him he had a half hour to come get his kid or she was calling DYFS (when he lived an hour away and didn't have an space to house one or two teenagers in a studio, but we made do). My brother held a grudge against my mom for the evil bitch throwing him out. I tried to discuss it with him, as it broke my mom's heart, and she mourned him for years. Finally, when she was on hospice with less than a month left, I told him i was afraid he would regret not seeing her one last time and the long-term effects that may have. He saw her and it was good for both of them. Anyway, my mom didn't punish my brother for his raw feelings and anger. He wasn't intentionally hurting her. He was just trying to survive a shitty situation.

I'm glad he took his daughters vulnerability and threw it in her face, as she was crying her heart out to a man she thought might actually care about her. (Sarcasm) I'm sorry that this daughter and granddaughter have a selfish narcissist for a family member, but at least she can say that she tried. She doesn't need to regret anything anymore. I hope OP actually feels SOMETHING about this whole exchange. He truly is an asshole for punishing his daughter for something that happened 20 years ago, when she was a teenager, and her whole world was crushed. I hope she has happiness and love in her life, and understands just how flawed that "father" of hers is.

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u/whynot4444444 4d ago

When she was around 15 years old, my best friend from elementary school and up had her dad cheat on her mom while he was in the U.S. for work. He left them (in Canada) and moved to California to be with his new girlfriend. My friend and her sister, who was a few years older, wanted nothing to do with him. I don’t think their mom overly trash talked him, he actually left them, too.

Her sister married a few years later and didn’t invite their dad. My friend got married quite a few years after that, and she did invite her dad. I think she built back a bit of a relationship with her dad, but it took quite a few years after the cheating.

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u/On_my_last_spoon 4d ago

It smells of missing missing reasons

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u/TiredOfSocialMedia 4d ago

Exactly this. My ex was the one who ruined our marriage, and then he was the one bad-mouthing me to our son, constantly. I literally never said shit about him to our son (or even in his presence); I was constantly biting my tongue and saying nothing about him at all.

When my son would complain himself about his father's shitty behaviours, I'd just say thing like, "I'm sorry his actions make you feel bad" or, "I'm sorry he's not able to be the father you want him to be" but I still kept encouraging him to try to have some sort of relationship with his dad, and to recognize him as a flawed human. I knew full well that as my son got older, he'd see his dad for who/what he is all on his own. And he did.

As my mother used to say, I didn't need to do anything to make his life harder; he was really good at doing that to himself, all on his own.

The whole time, the ex kept claiming I was bad-mouthing him to our son, and said that was why our son kept not wanting to go spend time with him. I guess he just assumed that since he was doing it, I must have been too; but I was the one who wanted the relationship to be over, so I wasn't the one who was bitter about it. 🤷‍♀️

He could NEVER accept that HE was the one driving a wedge between himself and his son by his own shitty actions towards his son; he really needed to believe that his son would just love him no matter how badly he treated him. Not surprising, considering he had also expected me to stay married to him despite how shitty he treated me, too. Narcissists really believe their horrible behaviour and treatment of others should just be accepted by everyone, that they aren't wrong for doing it, and that if anyone gets sick of putting up with it, they're the real problem.

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u/bibbitybabbity123 4d ago

When you cheat, you cheat on your entire family. It is entirely plausible that a 15 year old would choose to go NC with the offending party, especially when the marriage was good (as described by OP himself).

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u/purposeful-hubris 4d ago

This. Cheating on your partner is also cheating on your kids. Teenagers are old enough to know what’s going on and make their own decisions about the cheater.

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u/Super_Hippo8069 4d ago

I suppose it depends what is considered trashing your ex, maybe she just told her daughter the actual reason they split up.

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u/sheridanstacie 4d ago

I reckon it had a lot to do with that affair partner's violent spouse... Think about it. Husband cheats with a co worker who's partner's beating her already, how exactly does that resolve? I'd be worried sick the guy would rock up looking for my ex - who skipped town after he was convinced the co-worker was safe.

Edit: OP also mentions the coworkers ex in in jail - what the fuck for?!

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u/Old_Cheesecake_5481 4d ago

OP saw a vulnerable woman who was suffering and not only did he take advantage of the situation but he needs revenge on the child who he betrayed.

What a pathetic man.

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u/DtVS 4d ago

On top of that, who knows how long he spent on the phone “catching up” before he dropped the bomb that he doesn’t give a shit? OP is a total AH.

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u/wise_owl68 4d ago

I have a feeling there's more to this story and the fact that he's so unwilling to reconnect with his daughter speaks volumes about his character.

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u/pineapples-42 4d ago

Says a lot too that he had a whole convo catching up and only at the end went all lol fuck you, don't care about you or your kid.

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u/moooooolia 4d ago

Right, and we’re gonna trust the account of the guy who cheated and now refuses to make amends with his daughter, not even for his grandaughter’s sake, he definitely didn’t leave out anything, the man can barely make himself look sympathetic in his own POV c’mon 😭

Also, Parental alienation only goes if the Parent didn’t actually do the thing 😭

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u/2022wpww 4d ago

I mean he across as unapologetic and not pathetic. It is like he sees himself in the victim in all that decisions he made about his life and the life of others.

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u/Grimstaffe 4d ago

OP = Narcissist.

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u/0bsessions324 4d ago

I would straight up classify this as one of the most pathetic posts I have ever seen on here. Dude has the audacity to lament his lack of anyone else in his life but his sister and then throws a family that just fell into his lap in the trash.

This guy can eat my entire ass.

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u/Deprived_wife_503 4d ago

This. How can you trust a cheater. Because cheating is still lying. And you don't keep cheaters around. Not in your love life, professional life, home life. Bad bad juju

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u/Kangaro00 4d ago

Children also aren't blind. My mother never told me anything bad about my father, but I did see how deeply he hurt her. I didn't go no contact with him, but I would stop taking his phone calls after he would go on rants about women being evil, etc. He then would call my mom and ask her to tell me he's sorry and to, please, talk to him again.

A spouse and a parent are two different roles, but they aren't entirely separate. In my opinion the idea that the children should be able to easily compartmentalize the two roles and have no hard feelings towards the person who treated their parent shitty, because the person is also their other parent, is a useful tool to put the blame on the parent who was hurt by cheating/abuse, etc.

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u/chainsmirking 4d ago

Yeah but OP isn’t taking things out on the ex, he’s punishing the daughter who was caught in the middle and fed information at an impressionable age. OP is being AH times 1000 lol despite what ex might have done.

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u/ABelleWriter 4d ago

For this girls safety she needed to know that her dad had an affair with a woman with a violent husband. There is no way I wouldn't tell my kids ANYTHING for their safety.

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u/Haunting-Spite-3333 4d ago

No proof that his ex wife did that. Most likely the daughter knew what was going on and was disgusted all on her own. She was 15. It was his job to work on repairing that relationship and when she reached out, he should’ve taken that chance to finally do so.

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u/anitabelle 4d ago

So I held my tongue for my daughter’s sake for years. Turns out, her father was already showing her exactly who he was and it was all in vain to protect his image. OP is assuming his ex-wife trash talked him when it’s entirely possible the daughter saw her dad for who he really was. At 15, she likely understood what was happening and why should her mom lie to her about why she was divorced her dad? Telling her the reason is not trash talking. Some people really just don’t like the truth because the truth makes them look bad.

My daughter knew. He wasn’t exactly discreet. Cheating partners tend to change at home too, a part OP conveniently left out. So we also don’t know how he treated his daughter and how he acted throughout the divorce. I don’t think OP is telling the full story. Most parents who had their kids cut them off will make an excuse and so many blame the other parent.

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u/70_o7 4d ago

Umm if my mom told me my dad had an affair that wouldn’t make my mom a bad parent…

So here’s the thing

He’s just an AH. That’s it’s. Hope it helps

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u/ArticleOld598 4d ago

Really puts things into perspective huh? OP has a savior complex but he's actually taking advantage of an abuse victim who confided in him.

A wise man would've help her get out of the abuse without getting his dick wet and ruining his own family. But nah, OP thinks he's a hero when he's just abusive in another way & could potentially put the AP into even more danger.

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u/wkendwench 4d ago

...and yet oddly, he did not want to be the savior to his 15 yr old daughter who was obviously taking the cheating and divorce hard and could have used help coping. I guess the difference is he wasn't fucking his daughter so couldn't save her.

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u/Stormtomcat 4d ago

I see what you're saying, but my mom also found the courage and just the basic energy needed to stand up to my father & stick out his war of attrition and delaying tactics when she developed a crush on someone else.

we talked about it in therapy a decade later : part of it was "wow, feeling butterflies breaks through the depressing grey fog of my daily life" and part of it was "gee, how far have my standards fallen that I'm crushing on this sleaze bag who's trying to get with a married woman".

not excusing OP's choice to cheat, of course, but ... IDK... I'm just clinging to the hope that that woman at least got something positive out of this whole mess, no matter how bad her judgement was to cheat on her abusive husband with a co-worker.

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u/mynameismilton 4d ago

My work crush helped me fix my marriage, weirdly enough.

My husband isn't abusive but we were in a bit of a rut after our first child was born, but neither of us really noticed or acknowledged it. I certainly just thought this numb, apathetic existence was the new normal.

Then a colleague started hitting on me on a night out and I was genuinely taken aback that somebody thinks I'm sexy. Nothing happened, although I definitely considered it. Went home, felt immensely guilty, and sat my husband down and said we needed to address this. We talked through all the feelings we had about each other, all the resentment we both had, and slowly but surely we've worked through it.

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u/humanhedgehog 4d ago

This is the right way to manage a work crush - sure, life happens and attraction happens, but acting on it can be carefully sorting out your present relationship, rather than chasing the crush.

Plus then you know you are trustworthy - it's not just you haven't had the opportunity, you have, but you chose not to.

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u/whatokay2020 4d ago

This 👏

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u/Ok_Mongoose922 4d ago

Something of a similar nature happened to me just before I got married. I was at a store and an employee offered assistance. He tried to shoot his shot- extremely respectfully might I add. I told my then fiance about it and we talked about the situation. He asked if I was single would I have given him a shot. He wasn’t a looker and probably a little more than a little older than me, and I said absolutely. The way I was spoken to in that interaction made me feel very comfortable and in control of the direction. He would be someone I would have given the time of day to back in the day. Hubs felt more secure that presented with this what my reaction was and how it was handled in our relationship.

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u/Stormtomcat 4d ago

yeah, I overheard my mom crying & asking my father how there were going to deal with their loveless marriage, and my father just screaming that she's a lesbian whore who's servicing other men (make it make sense).

thanks for sharing, I feel your experience is pretty uplifting!

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u/arya_ur_on_stage 4d ago

My ex told me I was a cheating nymphomaniac porn star prostitute. Narcissists just throw everything at you to see what sticks. And it's ALL projection.

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u/Stormtomcat 4d ago

oh arya, I giggled till my teriyaki salmon bao almost came back up hahaha

just imagining my father as a lesbian hooker servicing men (because he's projecting his own behaviour through his insults) was hilarious and an unexpected gift hahaha

thank you!

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u/Roklam 4d ago

Well. That sounds like the best case scenario, and I'm glad you were able to spur that positive result.

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u/opheliainwaders 4d ago

I’ve experienced something similar and know a few other people who also did! I think that “woah, we have been a fog of parenting small children and didn’t even realize” moment is more common that anyone likes to talk about, and “another human? Is attractive??” sort of clicks something in your brain of “ohhhh, this isn’t how things were/are supposed to be” in a way that logic can’t.

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u/kbabble21 4d ago

Crushes are different than fuck buddies

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u/whatokay2020 4d ago

Say it louder for the people in the back.

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u/spaceylaceygirl 4d ago

I know two couples who went through this and came out stronger. I certainly don't recommend developing a crush as a way to fix your marriage but realizing it's a wakeup call and actually doing something to fix it was the mature way to handle it.

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u/whatokay2020 4d ago

Sounds like you just experienced limerence and talked about it with your partner - kudos, as one should. I do think someone finding us attractive and us them, does not point to anything necessarily happening in our main relationship, except, yes, maybe you’re in a rut. Too many people act on these limerant feelings instead of questioning them or realizing they’re hitting a wall and need to further develop their relationship with their partner. Many people forget marriages don’t work on themselves and that we need to put effort in them to keep feelings of love alive.

I think OP is an AH for opening that door at work, no questions asked. Doesn’t sound like he’s sorry in the least, or aware of how much that has a detrimental effect on a child. Sounds more like he’s the child with his expectation that he would not have to father and lead the relationship between them both, whether she decided to step away (as a child) or not. If my 12 year stepped away from me, I’d realize I would have a long and hard road ahead of me when it came to winning them back, but I would do so as a parent. I would have still sent her Christmas gifts, and birthday gifts and letters to try to share and open the door to build a new relationship over time. The fact OP just gave up speaks volumes. It’s clear he doesn’t do much self-reflection.

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u/wraemsanders 4d ago

Same! We weren't in a rut but my husband had a terrible time coming to terms with our son having autism and ADHD. Things went a little further than yours did and ended terribly. We are still married.

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u/Wooden-Helicopter- 4d ago

One of my parents had an affair some years ago and when it came out, it was like lancing a boil - everyone around that parent suddenly had to deal with all that bullshit that had been lying around.

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u/whatokay2020 4d ago

Great analogy

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u/chardongay 4d ago

the key phrase here was "how far have my standards fallen that i'm crushing on this sleaze bag who's trying to get with a married woman." whatever that woman is going through, OP is still being a cheating, opportunistic sleaze bag.

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u/Stormtomcat 4d ago

yes, valid! I totally agree with that.

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u/Dresses_and_Dice 4d ago

...we're not judging the abuse victims "bad judgement" to cheat on her abusive husband. I think most people understand that abused people develop some pretty wild trauma responses and that could easily include either inappropriately initiating something with a supportive coworker OR allowing a creep to take advantage because he's better than the wife beater and she's been conditioned to accept bad treatment already. OPs affair really could have been either, we don't know.

What people are judging is that OP either accepted something he shouldn't have and should have had the common sense to realize wasn't a healthy choice on her part anyway, or he straight up manipulated and preyed on a vulnerable, traumatized women. AND he's painting himself as a hero who nobely and chivalrously fucked a woman out of her abusive marriage like he expects someone to award his dick the peace prize. Let's leave the abused woman's "bad judgment" out of it.

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u/SecretAdeptness3613 4d ago

I'm not understanding your logic. He could have been supportive without sleeping with her and destroying his own family.

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u/mj561256 4d ago

Developing a crush on someone else and using it as motivation to get out of your abusive relationship is absolutely fine but the MOMENT you step over that line to knowingly entertain someone you know full well is in a relationship, you aren't deserving of consideration anymore

Where was your consideration for their significant other?

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u/fluffycat16 4d ago

The way this guy views and treats women, I'm amazed his wife and daughter didn't ditch him way before his affair was exposed

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u/DetroitAsFuck313 4d ago

But then he can’t be the victim

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u/SummerIceCream3893 4d ago

While he thought he was a hero saving an abused woman by planting his flag in her, his daughter realized her dad wasn't a hero at all but instead a cheater who broke up his family and destroyed his daughter's belief in him. Of course OP is the AH.

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u/Me_lazy_cathermit 4d ago

Sound more like he took advantage of a woman in a desperate situation, he didn't save her out of the goodness of his heart that's for sure

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u/PRNightmare99 4d ago

The daughter will learn on her visit that her father has not changed one bit, poor woman is about to be crushed all over again

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u/linerva 4d ago edited 4d ago

We know full well that many men wouldn't have given a shit what her relationship was like unless it was a woman they had an interest in fucking.

I love how he says he "admitted full fault" as if simply admitting it was obviously his fault for destroying his family and fucking a random coworker who confided in him...somehow fixes anything or is enough to make it up to the daughter whose life he destroyed at the time, and whose faith in him and in relationships he shattered.

Like, you can admit fault all you like, your wife and child still had every right to be extremely angry with you as a result of your 100% selfish extramarital dick wetting.

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u/Charliesmum97 4d ago

I'm endlessly fascinated at the passive voice cheaters use when discussing their affairs. 'Things just escalated', like he wasn't making a conscious decision to have sex with another person.

And OP, you 'sensed' a distance growing between you and your daughter. And you did exactly WHAT to try and save the relationship? Because it sounds like you're putting the blame squarely on your betrayed ex wife and your hurting teenaged daughter and not actually taking responsibility other than 'oh yeah, my bad. Oh well.'

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u/Daddy-o62 4d ago

Piggybacking on this. OP, to clarify - are you referring to the assholery of the the original affair, the assholery of your wimpy response, the assholery of your final insult to your daughter and granddaughter, or the general assholery of your narcissistic approach to the whole thing that seems more interested in how you’re perceived than any hurt you may have caused? Which one? Cause they all seem to fit.

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u/Amazing-Wave4704 4d ago

Yes. he's the AH times at least four.

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u/ButterflyLow5207 4d ago

5 because he's just waiting for his turn to die instead of volunteering. Or repairing the damage he did to his daughter.

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u/Financial_Resort1179 4d ago

Daaaaamn you put the nail in

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u/BlazingSunflowerland 4d ago

I can't quite figure out why he is so alone in the world. /s

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u/Donna-D-Dead 4d ago

I get the feeling this guy just doesn't like women. In his list of relationships he put his dog over his sister.

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u/whatokay2020 4d ago

This comment will live in my head rent free for the rest of my life. On the level of a Month Python barrage of call outs. Amazing. Thank you.

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u/berkanna76 4d ago

It was so passive he acted like he was just a fly on the wall while all these horrible things were happening to him. He was so shocked that his wife would be upset about him cheating.

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u/whatokay2020 4d ago

Zero self-awareness or self-reflection. It’s amazing people like this can just stumble through life in this way.

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u/millcreekspecial 4d ago

"I had nothing to do with that situation, you see ..."

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u/berkanna76 4d ago

It was all everyone else being mad and yelling for mysterious reasons.

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u/millcreekspecial 4d ago

"Yes, that's right! they were all just crazy, I didn't even know what they were talking about!"

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u/mj561256 4d ago

Not to mention that the daughter is actually completely valid in feeling betrayed in her own right???

When men with families cheat, they aren't just harming the wife

He blew up his daughter's entire world, exploded her trust in him, all while making the woman that GREW HER AND RAISED HER feel like that

To then not actually make any attempt to repair what he broke and instead say oh it was all my wife's fault, her being hurt turned my daughter against me, completely forgetting what made her upset in the first place

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u/ThrowRADel 4d ago

It's so strange how OP completely skips over the events that led her to going NC. It's like how he phrases it she just woke up one day and decided not to speak to him ever again after the divorce was already finalized. Then he violates her boundaries by trying to contact her for an entire year even though she asked him not to.

It's giving missing missing reasons and also OP is bad at consent.

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u/ethnicman1971 4d ago

Then he violates her boundaries by trying to contact her for an entire year even though she asked him not to

I do NOT disagree that OP is an AH on every level. However, I will say that it can't be both ways. He either makes every attempt to maintain a relationship with his dau as others have said or he respects her boundaries by stopping those attempts if she says no.

EDIT: To add he is also the AH for not rekindling the relationship with his dau and now his granddau. Especially if he is so sad that he is alone with his dog and his sister. He had an opportunity to have family with him during retirement when most adults most need these types of relationships.

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u/Straight-Ad-160 4d ago

He would rather continu playing victim and stay in his "woe is me" circumstances than try and change anything. It's telling enough as to what kind of person he is.

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u/Sir_PressedMemories 4d ago

"ghter"

You dropped this, thrice.

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u/ogbellaluna 4d ago edited 4d ago

this ^ i cut my father off after my parents divorced; and then his family a year after. he hurt my mom, with his attitude, and cheating, and that devastated me.

it was almost 40 years ago, and the predominant emotions i remember most are hurt and anger.

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u/Sir_PressedMemories 4d ago

I divorced my wife of 22 years after she cheated on me, again for the 5th time, but this time made it so completely obvious and in my face that I was left with no choice.

Actually, I had a choice, when she came back from her cheating vacation she took I begged her to go to therapy with me and repair this relationship.

She said no.

So I filed for divorce. I told her I was doing so. I had the sheriff serve her papers while the kids were not here.

I did everything I could not to involve the kids.

However, the 4 times she has taken them out since she left in February she has done nothing but trash-talk me about how I stole the house from her and everything. I never even asked her to move out, during our mediation she offered to move out if I paid her a lump sum of money. And I realized then I had not even thought about her moving out, but clearly, she was ready to leave.

And now, I stole the house from her, etc. Our oldest child, 20, knows the truth, at least knows she cheated. But the two younger ones, 17 and 12, I have not and will not tell, they do not need to know. They ask but always get the same answer, "Mom and I grew apart over time, it was no one's fault, and she wanted to be on her own for a while, no one, especially you kiddos, is at fault."

Now, I have no idea if she has told them she cheated yet or not, but she sure as shit has had a string of "Momy's really good friends" since she left.

If they ever find out, it won't be from me.

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u/mj561256 4d ago

I will say that this is probably the better way to deal with it, to not tell them

However, there are obviously individual circumstances and situations that may make this route worse for the child

For example, OP says that him and his daughter were really quite close. If there was a situation where OP paid less attention to his daughter during the affair, in that situation saying "it's not you, he's the one in the wrong here" may save your child from permanent self esteem/mental health issues that can come from a previously close parent suddenly not being there for you

Kids also pick up on this shit, so there's a possibility that the daughter may have even figured it out by herself, at which point you wouldn't really want to lie to their face since they would then feel betrayed by you also when they found out

And she also would've picked up on it if her mother seemed incredibly distressed

The daughter finding out about the affair in the first place is a non issue here because even if the optimal outcome is being able to divorce amicably without them finding out, that's not always possible

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u/AinsiSera 4d ago

But don’t you understand?? He said he was wrong! What more could you possibly expect?????

What’s that, children’s level programming? An apology has THREE parts? 

Say you were wrong - he did that. 

Sincerely say you’re sorry - maybe?

Make amends (take the consequences or change your behavior going forward as appropriate) - shit. 

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u/shibeari 4d ago

Saying sorry was enough to sooth his guilt for destroying his family, but hearing sorry wasn't enough to forgive her for being mad about it. Says a lot about him.

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u/Fetching_Mercury 4d ago

THIS. I hope OP sees this comment.

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u/alainamazingbetch 4d ago

Also says a lot that he only tried to make it right for a year before moving states and leaving his daughter to fend for herself after he destroyed their family. Just an insane amount of YTA

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u/pineapples-42 4d ago

Pfft, probably more like 'im sorry you're upset that I cheated'

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u/ConclusionRelative 4d ago

We're in the driving seat of causing the injury, but not in establishing what it will take for the wounds to heal.

We have no power over the length of time it takes people to recover from our actions. It would be great if we could. We'd snap our fingers...all right, now. Let's all get back to the way we were...right before I acted as if none of you mattered.

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u/Medical_Honeydew_968 4d ago

In his defense he did try for a whole year before he gave up. Oh well only my flesh and blood I hurt 365 days should fix it.

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u/ThrowRADel 4d ago

And then he gave up and moved states away and decided to be done with her. XD

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u/onyxnotpokemon 4d ago

This! When he said he tried for only a year I was like .................that's it??!

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u/aggieemily2013 4d ago edited 4d ago

I wonder what "trying" looked like.

I'm no contact with my parents. Their "trying" looked like telling me what to do because they knew what was best for me and my trauma wasn't real. My dad sent a funeral card for my grandma who had died the year prior as a guilt trip, a simple happy Easter text, and a text demanding I tell my sister I forgive her because they've enabled her addictions and think I can fix it. My mom has sent three messages in three years, none acknowledging why I went no contact or taking accountability. The fourth was her giving up and saying she was relieved.

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u/Medical_Honeydew_968 4d ago

I'm sorry you have to go through this at all. People truly don't understand how bad parents can be. I'm happy you are strong enough to go complete no contact.

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u/notcompatible 4d ago

Also he says he “sensed some distance growing between him and his daughter” before she finally went no contact. I would be interested to know the details of this time period. I wonder if he even tried to salvage the relationship or what else he did for her to finally cut him out of her life

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u/PharmBoyStrength 4d ago

OP is truly, truly scum, and this feels like rage bait.

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u/thanktink 4d ago

Ia was in the same situation like OPs daughter. As a teen I was relieved to cut contact because he had destroyed everything and was still blaming my mother, and because my mother was our rock while he was a meteor that showed up and disappeared randomly.

It would have helped immensely, though, if he had shown over the years that he is a better father than husband, for example by simply sending over little Christmas gifts or birthday presents. Nothing fancy, only a little something and a letter with some news of his and some good wishes for me and my brothers.

I have told this countless times to fathers who tell me about how unhappy they are because their ex had the kids and they lost contact. I tell them to try it no matter what, let the children at least know where to find them and that you miss them and think of them. But not one of those guys was like "hey, great advice, thanks!!", instead they kept telling me how now they do not care any more and that if a child of 16 does not want to see his dad (after all they did for their children!!!!) they need to take the consequences.

There is really no helping those people.

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u/MedicJambi 4d ago

You know now that you say it it stands out. It's exactly what my aunt did. She also took advantage of a coworker in a physically abusive marriage. The man would show up with black eyes to work. Well she offered the sympathetic shoulder to unload onto and she took advantage of him and had sex with him.

She used, and uses this passive voice bullshit to downplay what she did. She even has the audacity to blame the man she took advantage of for her cheating.

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u/linerva 4d ago

I'm sorry you're related to her. She sounds like an AH who blames everyone else for her poor decisions.

And I'm glad that we can agree that it's taking advantage whether it's a man or woman in the abusive relationship.

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u/Charliesmum97 4d ago

Crikey. What a cow.

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u/luminousoblique 4d ago

Well, to be fair, he did try to get in touch with his hurting 15 year old daughter for a whole year before giving up forever, forgetting about her, and moving out of state. /s

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u/CheezeLoueez08 4d ago

He tried for an entire YEAR!!! Don’t you understand how hard he tried???? /s

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u/Afinkawan 4d ago

And when she gets back into contact it's "I can't be arsed" and no consideration of how she feels or if he's got any responsibility there.

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u/Knightoftherealm23 4d ago

Yes my husband cheated on his ex wife towards the end and took ownership of it. She also cheated at the same time and didn't. They should never have got married it was a complete mess whereas my ex husband tried to pin his affair on me nothing was his responsibility and things just escalated was used there as well - classic line.

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u/MasterOfKittens3K 4d ago

Good point. He says that he admitted full fault, but here he is nearly twenty years later still glossing over anything that looks like his responsibility.

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u/AmyInCO 4d ago

And he's letting his daughter down yet again. She reached out, which could not have been easy, and once again, he produced that all he cares about us himself and his feelings. 

Doesn't matter what his daughter or Granddaughter wants. He doesn't feel anything, so screw them. 

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u/ButWeAreNotOfEarth 4d ago

She’s better off, and hopefully his current behavior of talking about himself (“catching up”) and then confirming he cares nothing for anyone else has put to rest any lingering doubts or regrets she had; this child and her future children are far better off never encountering this person

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u/TootsNYC 4d ago

he also gave up pretty easily.

One of my core values, from having been a picked-on kid in grade school, middle school and high school, is that I don’t push myself in where I’m not wanted.

But MY CHILD? With whom I had a good relationship once?

But I can’t imagine not making more effort than this guy. Even if I did feel I needed to move states.

I’d mail clippings with a note; print out a meme and mail it. A card for every holiday. Come back to town every now and then, even if she refused to see me.

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u/Aggravating-Pop4635 4d ago

I hope she realizes who and what her father is. People like him leave a trail of destruction behind them.

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u/Broken_Soul_to_fix 4d ago

I would think so, and pretty much when her parent's marriage ended, as to why she cut contact with him till now

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u/Lawlesseyes 4d ago

Op is an AH. It's all about him. Oh ex wife married a wonderful man, glad it'll remove the hatred.  No, I'm sure ex wife still hates you, or she doesn't even think of you.  He finally gets a call from his daughter. They play catch up on everything over the phone. Then he tells her he could care less, never call again.. click. Yep AH. 

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u/Aggravating-Pop4635 4d ago

Agreed. And he has the ego to ask if he is the AH. 🙄

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u/whatokay2020 4d ago

Right, no self reflection on why he “doesn’t feel anything.”

News to OP: the presence of feelings or lack of feelings don’t point to love or how we should respond. Usually they always have to do with our own issues of avoidance. If you “feel nothing,” in this situation, rather than seeing that as physical proof that you should not get involved, you should be talking to a therapist to uncover why you feel nothing in this situation that naturally would call for emotions of some kind. It seems your feelings or lack thereof control your life, causing you to make more mistakes than a teenager, who are usually the demographic we associate with being controlled by their own emotions. It seems you haven’t evolved out of that stage.

Feel feelings for a coworker and no longer for your wife? Yeah, those feelings don’t point to action you should take, they point to self-reflection being needed and effort on your part to work on your own relationship.

No longer feeling feelings for your own child? Yeah, those feelings don’t point to you needing to cut contact with them forever, they point to self-reflection being needed on why you shut down emotionally to the point you feel nothing in the presence of your own daughter.

Please take accountability for the thoughts and behaviors and ultimate root of why you feel the way you feel to make better choices, instead of being driven by emotions.

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u/East_Membership606 4d ago

Yeah they're better off without this dude.

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u/Fun-Zone2431 4d ago

The part where he is pretty much saying it was worth it because she got away from her abusive ex. Dude's got major issues if he thinks this woman is more important than his own family.

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u/linerva 4d ago

And obviously there were no DV charities or friends she could have sought or been directed to by OP, only getting a dicking from a colleague who is a shit father and husband could save her. Obviously.

Technically he put her at bigger risk by cheating - if her husband found out he could have killed her. IMO he took advantage of that woman when ste was vulnerable and out her at risk. Which cancels out any support he gave her to leave.

He could have supported the colleague without having an affair, but then what would there have been in it for him?

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u/skatoolaki 4d ago

But come on, now. How else would she ever have found the courage to leave her abusive ex if his magic dick didn't make her see the light & get out?? How could he withhold that saving grace from her? Why, he was only doing what was right and just.

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u/ExistingPosition5742 4d ago

Give this man a medal!

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u/whatokay2020 4d ago

That last line though 👏 This man doesn’t understand the idea that sacrifice is a huge part of love and care.

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u/ExistingPosition5742 4d ago

He's the ultimate "nice guy". You see, the affair, was, well, noble really. And now that he's had even more time to consider this whole situation, he realizes that he's actually the wronged party in this tale.

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u/onyxnotpokemon 4d ago

Exactly! My dad left my mom a year ago & immediately started dating. And while OPs daughter might have been aware her parents marriage was on the rocks, Like I was aware of my parents, it still doesn't the stop the hurt. My parents separation changed my views on marriage and relationships, and changed my views on my dad, possibly forever. I thought the world of my dad, he was like a superhero. Then I found out he's a just a selfish regular guy. Maybe OPs daughter felt that too? I mean it took therapy for me to just like my father again.

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u/Guillerm0Mojado 4d ago

I’m always shocked when people are shocked that their kids’ opinions of them are massively impacted by infidelity or shady dating habits immediately around a marriage ending. Uh, like, they thought you were a certain kind of person and are now grappling with losing all respect for you overnight?? That doesn’t wear off easy. 

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u/linerva 4d ago

I'm sorry about what happened with your parents, it really is tough on the kids. I hope you are in a good place and that all of you are happy.

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u/JYQE 4d ago

And his attitude at the end just proved to the daughter she was right to cut contact.

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u/linerva 4d ago

Agreed.

I get that it was hurtful to him that ste cut contact as a teen, but he could have told her he needs a bit of time to process, and he could have taken time to explore his feelings or get therapy and discuss maybe a cautious re-establishment of their relationship.

Instead he had a pissy fit to get revenge because his teenager lashed out when he wrecked her family decades ago.

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u/CheezeLoueez08 4d ago

He never took and still doesn’t take accountability. AH

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u/linerva 4d ago

Oh I agree wholeheartedly.

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u/CheezeLoueez08 4d ago

If this is real, I feel so bad for the daughter. I hope she can get therapy and realize she’s better off without him.

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u/Reddywhipt 4d ago

to actually rebuild the relationship with his daughter he might have had to look inside and see what s gaping black hole is sitting in the place most of of us have a soul. daughter dodged a bullet. if he would have accepted it would have been hollow and "look at me I'm accepting the daughter who rejected ME. .

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u/Zealousideal-Set-592 4d ago

But but, he tried for a year to fix things with his daughter! A whole year guys!

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u/therealsatansweasel 4d ago

Probably at least 3 or 4 phone calls!

This man is pathetic, rather than try to atone for his mistakes when given a chance, he doubles down and makes himself look like a victim of life when it was his choices that got him to the point he is it now.

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u/Unusual-Helicopter15 4d ago

And he spends a portion of the post whining about being alone. Huh, I wonder why.

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u/TootsNYC 4d ago

and yet above you, there’s this comment:

Then he violates her boundaries by trying to contact her for an entire year even though she asked him not to.

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u/Dramaticaccountant6 4d ago

After blowing up her life (teenagers need stability) he expects her to forgive him in a year?

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u/Rough_Acanthisitta63 4d ago

And then moved out of state, 17 years ago. Before everyone had cell phones or social media. "She was true to her word." Did she even have a way to contact op?

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u/ana393 4d ago

I agree with you, but 7 years ago was 2007. MySpace was a thing and so was Facebook, although I think Facebook wasn't open to everyone quite yet. And people had cell phones, just not smartphones.

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u/Wearestillateam 4d ago

This is the most accurate comment. OP you need to read this again and again.

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u/CheezeLoueez08 4d ago

And he didn’t fully admit fault if he’s mad at an innocent person for being upset about it and not wanting anything to do with him. At least while she processes this betrayal. She was a child!

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u/ExistingPosition5742 4d ago

Idk if this is rage bait. Honestly though, having listened to so many drunken men tell me what they really think as a bartender, I completely believe this man believes himself to be the victim. 

He was a narcissistic ass when he cheated, and he's matured and grown not one bit. Ultimately, I supposed hes done his daughter a favor.

I love that he says his ex-wife told their daughter "a bunch of horrible stuff" about him. So... the truth? She told your daughter the truth? Lol. Don't do shit you wouldn't want everyone in the world to know. It's called integrity. Moron. 

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u/yourlittlebirdie 4d ago

Funny how men aren't falling all over themselves to help their overweight 60 year old female coworker leave her abusive relationship.

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u/Irn_brunette 4d ago

So he and his magic dick rescued the damsel from abuse! How dare his hateful, uncaring wife and daughter victimize him for being "too damn honorable".

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u/celtic_thistle 4d ago

His ex obviously poisoned his daughter against him just because he stuck his dick in a coworker who was vulnerable, and he was a perfect dad up until then, but it’s all the ex’s fault that his daughter thought he was an asshole! She could never have reached the conclusion on her own!

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u/Amazing-Wave4704 4d ago

Which is ironic because all of us reached the exact same conclusion.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

He poisoned his daughter by cheating on her mother, OPis getting exactly what he deserves to die alone and miserable

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u/Actual_Handle_3 4d ago edited 4d ago

And what's funny is the daughter made a slight overture that he needn't do it alone, and he rejected her.

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u/theloveburts 4d ago

No, he rejected her in the most shockingly disrespectful manner possible, proving to the daughter and her mother when she hears that they both made the best possible decision cutting this man out of their lives. His selfish, callous, absurdly disordered behavior is unfathomable.

It's like throwing a drowning man a lifesaver and him tossing it aside and shouting back, 'No and get the hell away from me. I'm to unique, special and unhinged to accept the lifeline you're throwing me'.

OP has spent 17 long years thinking his family wronged him over minor misstep. His behavior just goes to show that every villain is the hero of his own story. YTA in every conceivable way.

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u/Familiar_Mousse_8275 4d ago

His daughter is trying, indifferent or not, if she is willing, so should he. All it takes is one person.

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u/ethnicman1971 4d ago

If for no other reason than that the grand daughter has nothing to do with this. If anyone is an innocent victim it is her.

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u/24KittenGold 4d ago

This guy: "I'm so lonely, I so alone and just waiting to die. Why won't my daughter reach out to me."

Daughter: reaches out

This guy: "lol no"

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u/PeyroniesCat 4d ago

He led her on by engaging in a friendly catch-up conversation just so it would hurt more when he made his “finishing move.” Yay, you win. Congratulations, I guess. Your prize is dying alone.

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u/Rad1Red 4d ago

He hasn't grown wiser, has he. 😂

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u/WerewolfStreet4365 4d ago

“My dog and my sister.” In that order.

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u/Dangerous_Cash_5682 4d ago

It's noble to find vulnerable in danger people and f..k them.

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u/Little-Course-4394 4d ago

I am hoping that this whole post is just trolling.

How can someone be so not self-aware and an asshole!?

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u/CheezeLoueez08 4d ago

Guys! It’s not his fault. He’s the hero here. But his daughter who was a teen when it all happened? Guilty and evil!! OP YTA.

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u/GetRightNYC 4d ago

Bro said he only tried to call for a year. So probably a few times. 1 year?

My father hasn't talked to me in 15 years, and I've reached out hundreds of times over 10 years. And he's the asshole in this situation.

This guy gave up on his kid after a year. And he's the asshole who caused the falling out. I cannot stand scumbag parents.

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u/CheezeLoueez08 4d ago

Disgusting. You don’t give up on your INNOCENT child after one year. Ffs. Like you, I’ve tried harder with ACTUAL bad people.

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u/DarkDare_Devil 4d ago

He would have taken his wife in trust and tell about the coworker if he really wanted to help

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u/PalpatineForEmperor 4d ago

I see. So this married man with a daughter took advantage of (I mean "saved") an abused and extremely vulnerable woman. He was probably her boss too. What a nice guy!

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