r/AITAH • u/roughfeathers • 2d ago
AITAH for leaving my wife after she got pregnant by a revenge affair?
My wife revenge cheated on me and she got pregnant, I am snipped. So I asked her what happened, and she fessed up that she was angry at my cheating and did it herself. She said it was awful and that dude took the condom off midway.
She said she was so shocked that she couldnt say anything to me. We live in a conservative state where abortion is banned, and we both dont believe in abortion as a form of birth control.
I told her that she can travel to other state if she wants to have an abortion, just dont tell me anything about it and I will pretend I never had any discussion regarding it.
She has decided against it, she says she is scared to have an abortion.
I told her that then the solution is a divorce because I am not gonna raise an affair baby with her. She is saying she made a mistake and she will do anything to make up to me.
I just wanna be done with it.
AITAH?
EDIT: I am not religious, I am just not at ease with idea of abortion and I feel that they should be as rare as possible
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u/kehlarc 2d ago
This sounds like a hell you created together. ESH.
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u/Mkheir01 2d ago
Seriously these people are dying mad and stupid just to spite each other.
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u/kgal1298 2d ago
Misery loves company
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u/Status_Medicine_5841 1d ago
We could start a company and make misery
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u/kgal1298 1d ago
Pretty sure the US is manufacturing it for free it’s the one socialized care program that we have that’s effective
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u/Sassy_Weatherwax 2d ago
I kind of want an update where HIS AP turns up with his kid.
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u/NoOil9241 2d ago
I think the whole story never happened. I would like an update where the wife tries abortion but ends living in the neighbouring state, raising her son. The son becomes Einstein.
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u/Sassy_Weatherwax 2d ago
I agree that the whole thing is just so ridiculous that it's probably fake.
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u/CatlinM 2d ago
Do we really believe he followed medical orders and abstained for the weeks needed to make sure he healed properly?
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u/whatthehelldude9999 2d ago
Nowhere does it say that his vasectomy was recent , the revenge was for his cheating, which presumably was fairly recent. Waiting after vasectomy is irrelevant here.
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u/nilzatron 2d ago
ESH.
Abortions are safe. Safer than being pregnant, in fact.
Please don't have that baby. It has the greatest potential to become the victim of this situation, because it will come into this world unwanted.
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u/ObligatedHusband 2d ago
She kinda did, forgives him for cheating but gets revenge? That’s not forgiveness. She shoulda left after he cheated. Both immature, more immature to stoop to someone who is immature’s level. Like if I were to stoop to the level of an idiot, I become worse than the idiot bc I could’ve been smart enough not to stoop down. They both were wrong.
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u/Far_Information_9613 2d ago
You both sound terrible.
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u/Successful_Ground987 2d ago
My thoughts exactly. Both douchebags.
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u/Apart_Foundation1702 2d ago edited 2d ago
Match made in hell. The baby is better of adopted.
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u/Snapon29 2d ago
Sounds like they're perfect for eachother
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u/Muted-Appeal-823 2d ago
People like this should stay together rather than going and inflicting themselves on other innocent people.
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u/GloomyIce8520 2d ago
1000% no one wants either of those fish back in the pond. They can stay in their filthy little fishbowl.
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u/AllButACrazyCatLady 2d ago
Fish like that in the pond/sea is exactly why I stay firmly on dry land.
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u/Aggravating_Chair780 2d ago
No. Abortion is definitely the better choice. The world doesn’t need any more children born of dreadful people like this.
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u/Desperate-Laugh-7257 2d ago
Unpopular opinion: Adoption is trauma. Honestly, i think that poor soul is better not born. It gonna suffer its whole life.
Even worse unpopular opinion: Besides, we dont need any more of those kinda genes.
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u/Delicious-Rip-2371 1d ago
Unpopular opinion: Adoption is trauma
As an adoptee, you are 100% right. It's traumatic as fuck and no one wants to believe it because adoption has been romanticized and Upworthied and all that. Adoptive parents made themselves the spokespeople for adoption, and they're the ones who experience the least amount of loss and trauma.
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u/FrenchTicklerOrange 1d ago
My mom in her mid 70s still struggles with abandonment issues. I think it's why she hoards so many unnecessary things.
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u/JonnyGee74 2d ago
They are so bad, I feel like an AH for even having read the post. I have to go shower now
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u/NiceRat123 2d ago
"You can go to another state and get an abortion"
The edit: "I'm not at ease about the idea of abortion and shouldn't be done often...."
Yeah unless it affects you. Fucking asshole
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u/Ordinary-Grade-5427 2d ago
“The only moral abortion is my cheating wife’s abortion.”
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u/Harriethair 2d ago
Ah yes -' the only moral abortion is the one I want' guy. I'm sure he has said the same to his past affair partners.
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u/SufficientGuidance28 2d ago edited 6h ago
Sadly so many people are like this, anti abortion stance until they or someone close to them needs/wants one… and then ofc afterwards they go on pretending it never happened whilst continuing to spout anti abortion rhetoric…
My mom is Christian and has always been anti abortion, but vocally even more so since she became a trumper when he began his initial run for president….. yet she had no hesitation taking me to get an abortion and signing off for it when I was 16 and my boyfriend got me pregnant, because she didn’t want to be “stuck” helping raise a grandkid…
She now acts like she doesn’t remember any of that ever even happening to begin with when I call her out on her hypocrisy…
I remember reading an article that was either written by, or from an interview with, a medical professional that worked at planned parenthood and had women who would be outside the clinic she worked at vehemently protesting against the abortions they performed there, even harassing women as they went inside. Yet these same women would then come in privately, in secret, for their own abortion, but after they got it, they would go right back out there to protest abortion outside the same clinic they just had their own secret abortion at….
Edit: Here is the article, kindly provided by u/lonnie123 in the comments https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/
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u/Twosons2 1d ago
Absolutely correct! My mom retired from Planned Parenthood years ago. The amount of young pregnant girls coming in with their parents signing the papers to allow their daughters having the procedure all the while explaining how they are against it. Their reasoning is this one’s different bc she has such a bright future and plans to go to college.
Years ago in high school I drove a pregnant friend to have an abortion. I cringe when I see her anti-abortion stance on social media. She has completely erased the experience from her mind.
Rules for thee but not for me.
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u/Exarch-of-Sechrima 2d ago
Abortion clinics should be able to do turndown service. (Okay, no they shouldn't. But people like you're describing REALLY make me wish they could. "No abortion for you unless you go on the record recanting your position on abortion, Suzie.")
I know it sounds terrible. But hypocrites really just piss me off that much, especially the sanctimonious ones.
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u/TheBerethian 2d ago
I mean ideally no abortion is done often - that people use birth control, assaults never happen, and birth defects are rare.
Ideally.
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u/LoveForMiles 2d ago
Upvoting you back to neutral because I get what you’re saying. No one WANTS to get an abortion; in a perfect world, birth control is infallible, there are no unwanted pregnancies, and no genetic issues or complications making wanted pregnancies unviable. But OP sounds like a hypocrite. “I don’t support abortion but I’ll look the other way if it benefits me.”
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u/XepherWolf 2d ago
Yep
I don't know what OPs logic is , he is against abortion but tells her "well, then divorce!" ...like there was another option 💀💀💀💀
(must be nice to not have a uterus and worry about a man pulling a condom off mid sex without consent and worry about unwanted pregnancy)
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u/AJSLS6 1d ago
It's sad that even among likeminded people it took this deep into the comments to even get a hint of "so that was fucked up" concerning the statutory rape of the admittedly shitty wife.
I know it's somehow still a bit controversial, but it's absolutely rape/assault to remove the condom secretly after gaining consent for protected sex. Even removed from the practical consequences of disease and pregnancy it's still a violation.
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u/PoppiesRule 2d ago
Thank you for this. Maybe a 3 way abortion. Mort de trois?
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2d ago
I'm a manipulative, scummy piece of shit, and even I have the forethought to abort and not bring a baby into my fucked life. What is wrong with you guys?
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u/TheNavigatrix 2d ago
And just think how lucky that kid is to have them as parents! Really, some people should NOT procreate. This is what abortion is for: realize your limitations FFS. Or at least give the kid up for adoption. Then the poor thing would at least have a chance.
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u/Chronox2040 2d ago
If the wife is against abortion and doesn’t want to no one can push her to do it. OP’s opinion in this regard is trivial as his wife already decided to keep the baby. OP is free to leave also, as no one can force him to raise a stranger. You are pissed to both of them just because OP is scum for a different issue.
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u/Darth_Daygo 2d ago
This is the answer.
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u/Shimata0711 2d ago
If it weren't for the part that an innocent child is involved, I would say good riddance to both of them.
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u/PinkPencils22 2d ago
Seriously. Horrible people. Horrible to each other, repeating Horrible talking points...ugh.
OP--abortion IS birth control. A woman has an abortion so she doesn't give birth. What you mean is pre-conception BC. Except that your wife did use pre-conception BC. However, she was sexually assaulted. You may prefer for abortions to be "rare" but this sounds like a good candidate. Neither of you want this baby, your wife was assaulted, and let's face it, you're both horrible people and would be terrible parents. Also you're probably going to get divorced anyway. Support your wife through the abortion and then decide if you're breaking up. But don't feel superior to her, as you're the one who caused all this by cheating in the first place.
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u/GoodIndividual_ 2d ago
For real. They should both stay together so no one else has to deal with their bullshit.
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u/Strange-Brother9507 2d ago
You’re both horrendous people. Get divorced and neither of you should ever marry again
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u/FictionalContext 2d ago
I really think they should stay together. They'll keep each other occupied and out of the dating pool. At least, except for when they're cheating and fucking other people. But mostly out of the dating pool.
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u/Unusual-Sympathy-205 2d ago
Right?! These two absolutely deserve each other.
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u/Mewone65 2d ago
That kid doesn't, though.
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u/Unusual-Sympathy-205 2d ago
No, it doesn’t. And the AP is clearly a shitty human being too, so he’s not a viable option. OP and OP’s wife are out living their worst lives and now there are innocent casualties.
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u/UncleNedisDead 2d ago
Hopefully she has a miscarriage.
ESH including the guy who stealthed her.
OP for cheating in the first place.
Wife for thinking revenge cheating would do anything instead of divorcing his cheating ass.
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u/Oldcummerr 2d ago
Newish to the sub and not sure what ESH means? Each should hang? lol
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u/luce_mariah 2d ago
This. We have a saying in Portugal that goes something like “only one home gets ruined [this way]”. People are wild.
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u/Laleaky 2d ago
Yeah, but that poor baby is blameless and would have to have these horrible people as parents.
OP, consider adoption before ruining this child’s life.
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u/Chance-Internal-5450 2d ago
This is the way. They don’t really deserve anyone but each other it seems.
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u/Missing_Anna 2d ago
Agree. ESH. Divorce and give the baby up for adoption. The baby is the true innocent here. Let it be raised by people who really want to be parents not by an AH assaulted by an AH when she was trying to get back at her AH husband.
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u/Shurigin 2d ago
Exactly 2 wrongs don't make a right, but 3 assholes make a baby
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u/leolawilliams5859 2d ago
Oh that's a good one thank you for posting that if it wasn't so sad of a situation I would even say this is hilarious
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u/leolawilliams5859 2d ago
I do not believe that you are wrong for divorcing her because she got pregnant from a revenge affair. And every day that you and her are together when you will be reminded that that is not your child and that's your wife cheated on you. But you started this s*** you cheated on her first and these are the consequences and repercussions of both you and her BS. You could have not cheated and just got a divorce and lived your best life she could have divorced your ass and lived her best life but both of you decided that you were going to do tit for tat and this is what you have wrought a child that is coming into this world that most likely both of you do not want to me I feel so sorry for that baby and both of y'all are POS. I usually don't get this upset one ready but both of you have pissed me off
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u/swissmtndog398 2d ago edited 2d ago
May I add, besides never getting married again to save future people from both your disgustingness, please sterilize yourselves as well. We don't need you procreating and creating more idiots. ESH
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u/bobby_shotgun 2d ago
Nooo. They totally deserve each other. Do you want them to stain some other people’s lives? No. They should stick together like 2 piggies in dirt.
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u/TheBerethian 2d ago
You miss that they don’t keep their shit to themselves and that’s the whole problem?
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u/YouKnowYourCrazy 2d ago
Nah stay married so they don’t subject themselves to other people. Us singles got enough garbage to sort through as it is.
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u/yourgirlangela 2d ago
ESH
You should have split as soon as YOU cheated if not before. The relationship is obviously unstable and unhealthy if one is cheating and the other cheats as a form of revenge. You two do need to divorce from the sound of things. This is all around a crappy situation
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u/Argon847 2d ago
She also got assaulted. Stealthing (taking the condom off midway without the others consent) is rape.
Came here to say the same thing. I'm glad more people are raising awareness about this because it's a fucked up, revolting crime.
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u/usernametaken585 2d ago
Had a guy take the condom off before. It was very shameful to me. I felt violated
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u/McMenz_ 2d ago
It’s a seperate and nuanced issue.
She was sexually assaulted and it’s horrible that happened to her, if it’s true she should report the man to the police and get medical treatment.
Seperately she also cheated on OP and the assault doesnt change that. She didn’t consent to sex without a condom but she did consent to sex with another man with a condom. If the scenario had played out as she consented she still would’ve been having sex with another man.
ESH - (her judgment has nothing to do with her being assaulted and it doesn’t mean she deserved to be assaulted in anyway).
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u/ZaraBaz 2d ago
This is an obvious ESH.
Divorce is the solution in this case. She will have to go after affair guy for child support.
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u/cjay2002 1d ago
In many states the husband automatically gets put on the birth certificate when they are married and it’s a huge pain in the ass to get it changed and not pay support, even after proving you are not the bio father. Dude needs to split asap unless he wants to get stuck.
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u/Carche69 1d ago
Depending on what state OP is in, it might not matter how quickly he "splits," as some states will not finalize a divorce if the wife is pregnant. You can file, but it won’t get signed off on until after the baby is born and the paternity of the child has been determined.
I don’t know what state OP is in, but statistically speaking, the odds are pretty good that he’s in one of those states—the 3 most populous states in the US (CA, TX, FL) are among those who won’t grant a divorce until after the child is born.
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u/Strange-Ad4685 1d ago
Likely TX by the population odds, as they live in a "conservative state where abortion is banned". Not sure about the laws in FL, but CA definitely isn't conservative.
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u/Zimakov 2d ago
She was assaulted but she also cheated. One doesn't exclude the other.
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u/simplyTrisha 2d ago
They BOTH cheated! One cheated as revenge for the other cheating. This relationship was fúcked up WAY BEFORE you threw the baby in the mix. You’re both the asshôles!!
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u/yourgirlangela 2d ago
Oh yes absolutely. That was even part of my saying that this is an all around crappy situation.
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u/pppjjjoooiii 2d ago
I mean she gets some sympathy for that, but they’re honest identical levels of asshole at every major point in this conflict.
1) They both cheated.
2) They both hypocritically opposed abortion until they faced the responsibility of having a child.
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u/Jealous404 2d ago edited 2d ago
on your point 2, so many women are unappreciative of their own rights. i can not fathom the idea of women restricting their own rights. it's not a matter of IF you have to go through it, it's a matter of WHEN. I'm a female in college and seeing women be manipulated by media, religion, and politics disgusts me. we were supposed to be smarter. I am concerned to the point where I don't want to date anyone. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. edit: also would like to add social media causing so many people to be close-minded and only think for themselves. out of hand.
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u/vyyne 1d ago
Not wanting to have an abortion yourself doesn't mean you don't value the choice or want others to have a choice. It's CHOICE.
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u/nigel_pow 2d ago
Can she even track the guy down?
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u/AnywhereMajestic2377 2d ago
OP better hopes she does, otherwise in some states he’s considered the presumptive father.
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u/WORD_2_UR_MOTHA 2d ago
I would imagine it would be presumptive until he shows that he's snipped and the DNA doesn't match?
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u/cheated0nme 2d ago
Hi. Please what does ESH mean?
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u/yourgirlangela 2d ago
It means Everyone Sucks Here!
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u/Electronic-Mine1724 2d ago
I feel like a complete dumbass as someone who has been on this sub for years and had no idea that ESH didn’t mean “ehhhhhhh” like the noise you would make if you were conflicted. Lmfao. I appreciate you.
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u/No_Instruction4557 2d ago
Y’all believe in cheating but not abortions 😂😂☠️☠️☠️
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u/gasblowwin 2d ago
he believes in abortion but only for her and he wants to pretend it didn’t happen 😂 what a loser
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u/Neat-Statistician720 2d ago
Fr if you’re actually “pro-life” then you wouldn’t want to be married to someone you consider a murderer. Shows how shallow the beliefs are… rules for thee but not for me!
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u/DanishWonder 2d ago
If they were "pro-life" they would co-parent this child. But, they are just "anti-abortion". And with no real logic.
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u/whiterabbit_hansy 2d ago edited 1d ago
Pro forced-birth for everyone but themselves.
The only moral abortion is my abortion etc.
Edit: in case anyone is unfamiliar with this phenomenon and this wonderful article
https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/
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u/westcoast-islandgirl 1d ago
I follow a tiktok account for a PP doctor, and she said one of the clinic protesters came in first thing in the morning for an abortion, and when it was done she picked up her sign and went right back outside to tell women entering the clinic that they were murderers and going to hell. All the anti-abortion politicians also seem to be completely fine with abortions when they're paying their affair partners to get them... The hypocrisy is insane.
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u/ConyNT 1d ago edited 1d ago
He doesn't have to co parent the child but his stance on abortion is hypocritical like many have said.
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u/qts34643 1d ago
"The only moral abortion is my abortion"
OP is pro-abortion if he wants to send his wife out of state to get one.
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u/DanishWonder 2d ago
Pick and choose your Bible lessons.
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u/mjc500 2d ago
God is omnipotent and knows everything ever for all time and is infallible… but I think I got this one correct.
All abortion is wrong and evil and you’re a horrible person for supporting it… but I think mine is an exception.
Cheating is bad and awful and you don’t to be with me… oh by the way I was fucking my coworker.
Everyone else is morally bankrupt losers who leech off our society… anyway off to get my welfare check.
Typical conservative bullshit.
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u/the_YellowRanger 2d ago
They believe in negatively impacting as many parties with their drama as possible
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u/EnemyUtopia 2d ago
That is wild. Adultery is BEFORE the clause they claim abortion falls under. They gon be barbecued 😂😂😂
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u/Kroniid09 1d ago
It's different when I need one though, unlike those damn minorities and 11-year old sluts, I just made a mistake! (When I cheated on my husband as revenge for cheating on me)
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u/Altruistic_Isopod_11 2d ago
Don't believe in abortion but cheating and being a generally awful person is ok.
ESH you're both AH
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u/No-Bookkeeper2876 2d ago
Not to mention he believes in it ONLY when it’ll benefits him.
“Abortion is wrong besides this one because it will make my life harder so it’s okay to take a life now.”
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u/Phaleo 2d ago
You both sound like wonderful people
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u/ObligationGlad 2d ago
Sometimes the universe rewards us all by bringing the right two people together.
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u/Sweet_Background7325 2d ago
That poor kid. That's who ya feel for in this, ya know? That child didn't do anything wrong but sounds like he/she will be raised by an completely selfish, immature idiot.
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u/Icy-Helicopter2672 2d ago edited 1d ago
Just leave. This marriage will never work. You will never see yourself as the father of this baby. Staying together will harm the child more then leaving now.
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u/nigel_pow 2d ago
She should have left when he cheated. Now she screwed herself over and OP can just walk.
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u/Seductivesunspot00 2d ago
No please let them stay together so no one else will ever have to date them.
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u/foffl 2d ago
I am not religious, I am just not at ease with idea of abortion and I feel that they should be as rare as possible
.... unless it's my wife's affair baby. Classic anti-abortion hypocrite.
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u/chicagoliz 2d ago
Exactly. “I want abortion illegal unless it affects my life. “ Total AH
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u/Electrical-Example25 2d ago
And that is their strategy for "keeping it at a minimum".
It's amazing what passes for morality with conservatives.
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u/HibachixFlamethrower 2d ago
Not to mention a marriage where two people are cheating on each other. But it’s queer people ruining the sanctity of marriage.
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u/soulstonedomg 2d ago
"It's different for us because we aren't evil and it's an exception since it would ruin our lives. But everyone else is just evil and they shouldn't be allowed to do it!"
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u/rarsamx 2d ago
"because I have money and can go to another state. My moral choice is to screw the lives of poor people and teenagers who can't go out of state"
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u/chicagoliz 2d ago
Actually *his* moral choice is just to force women to go to another state. He'll never have to do a damn thing.
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u/pppjjjoooiii 2d ago
And he didn’t even have the balls to own it.
just don’t tell me anything about it, and I will pretend I never had any discussion regarding it.
That’s super nice for him that he can send her off to another state to have a traumatic procedure while he stays home and plays make believe.
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u/Best_Stressed1 2d ago edited 2d ago
He wants it to happen, he just doesn’t want to have to actually take any personal action to achieve that.
This a guy who already cheated on his wife and currently doesn’t care about her enough to do anything to help her out of a shitty situation that his cheating helped create.
He’s NTA for leaving her - they’ll both be better off - but he’s an AH in the general sense.
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u/LunaticLogician 2d ago
This is the type of AH who will call her "baby killer" and threaten to turn her in for the rest of her life.
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u/Impressive_Shine_156 2d ago
Haha true. There is a Colorado republican who respects his girlfriend's right to abortion but is against other women opting for it. What hypocrites. Rules for thee but not for me.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/gop-lawmaker-grilled-why-abortion-182808688.html
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u/foffl 2d ago
I saw that. Someone asked if one of his rare exceptions to allow an abortion was if he were the father. What an asshole.
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u/BojackTrashMan 2d ago
"I don't think anyone should get an abortion except somebody I'm in a relationship with"
Pretty much.
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u/AdAccomplished6870 2d ago
ESH, but you sound like a truly terrible person
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u/OhPointyPointy 2d ago
They've already got kids. Those poor children. Imagine having these 2 as your parents.
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u/Alarming_Reply_6286 2d ago
How old are you people? Have y’all ever made any good choices?
Your marriage is over. Doesn’t sound like marriage is something that works for y’all. Maybe don’t get married again. Or stay together, raise the kid & continue on with your bizarre life.
ESH
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u/Pumpkin-yviee 2d ago
Abortion as a form of birth control? What kind of belief is that? ESH. Cheating wasn't very conservative of you. If you didn't felt happy in your marriage you should've asked for divorce before, what she did was wrong too and that dude who got her pregnant assaulted her by taking off the condom. You both made terrible decisions and divorce should've happened after YOU cheated first, why it's so hard to have communication in a marriage?
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u/SignificantOrange139 2d ago
🤣 cheating was SUPER Conservative of him actually. They are the people most likely to fuck around on their wives and have secret families. They are also the first ones to scream about raising another man's baby. Because their hypocrisy is insanely inflated, like their egos.
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u/SusanBHa 2d ago
So your wife was stealthed, which is a form of rape. Yes she was cheating but both of you suck.
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u/TheFrogsHiccup 2d ago
I am shocked at the small number of comments even mentioning this big part of the story. Really shows how poorly people understand what constitutes SA. She was raped and in many states that is still a legal reason to abort.
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u/DramaticImpression85 2d ago
Yes, if this happened as described this isn't 'abortion as a form of birth control ' soooo should be allowed under OP s abortion rules /s
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u/ButterscotchPretend8 2d ago
Thank you for saying this. OP's wife needs to get an abortion and press charges against her rapist.
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u/BananaVendetta 2d ago
Came here to say this.
Yes, they both suck, but if OP's wife is telling the truth about what happened during, then she was raped, and OP seems like the worse of the two for being so callous about it.
ESH but OP sucks more.
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u/GrumpsMcWhooty 2d ago
We live in a conservative state where abortion is banned, and we both dont believe in abortion as a form of birth control.
I told her that she can travel to other state if she wants to have an abortion, just dont tell me anything about it and I will pretend I never had any discussion regarding it.
You stupid hypocritical fucks deserve one another, so I think you ought to stay together!
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u/SignificantOrange139 2d ago
I mean - yeah. YTA. I'd say ESH usually. But I find you especially appalling tbh. You cheated. She cheated back. Unfortunately for her - She got raped in her attempt to feel some vengeance for the way you broke her heart. Now you suddenly support abortion enough to demand she gets one and never speaks a word of it to you, or else her option is divorce.
Either way - you and your selfish behavior were the initial catalyst to this insanity, and are the near constant issue in this scenario here. Should have just left her to begin with. And you don't seem to feel an ounce of empathy towards the fact that she was raped. Which shows how little you care for your wife in the first place.
So, regardless of abortion or not, you need to go through with this divorce because you're a terrible human being (and I hesitate to call you that. You seem to lack any kind of heart or soul). And no one deserves to have to deal with that crap for the rest of their lives.
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u/autumnbreeze279 2d ago
This^ Also i think if she got an abortion he would be the type of disgusting sleezebag to report her and try to get her prosecuted. OP is TA for opening pandoras box in the first place.
I want to believe this is rage bait, but the reality is that it’s likely real
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u/New-Possibility-709 2d ago
It's not,look at his post from a month ago ,where he bragged about cheating on her and how he would keep doing it ,if she cheated for revenge AFTER he cheated ,she wouldn't even know she was pregnant yet
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u/ZestycloseSignal1481 2d ago
If shes less than 12 weeks along and open to a medicated abortion, she should look into the organization 'Aid Access'. They mail the meds and she can take them in the comfort of her own home.
I really hope she knows that she has options and either choice is perfectly ok ❤️
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u/TheForeverKing 2d ago
"I don't agree with abortions."
"As long as you do it without actively telling me about it and it would solve my problems I'm fine with it, though."
Classic
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u/Immediate-Race7110 2d ago
What would you have done if your affair resulted in a pregnancy with your AP? Would she have stayed with you? Is adoption an alternative? Is there anything worth saving in a marriage where both broke the vows? These are the questions to ask yourself, not AITAH.
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u/CharmingBell5348 2d ago
You told your wife to stay married to you she can either have sex with you or your gonna cheat. You went out and cheated and told her straight away as you won’t live in a celibate marriage .She then goes out cheats on you to get back at you gets pregnant by someone taking the condom off during sex without her consent so now she either have an abortion or divorce you. You really are an awful human being and she should have divorced you. Read his previous posts
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u/New-Possibility-709 2d ago
I call be on the whole pregnancy and revenge cheating,he made this post to make her look as bad as him ,she wouldn't even know she was pregnant yet if he only cheated a month ago and she cheated afterwards
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u/jsquiggles23 2d ago
I don’t believe in abortion unless it’s my wife’s affair baby, and an affair that was in response to my own affairs.
You are definitely the asshole.
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u/FloofyFluffMonster 2d ago
ESH - I've never had less sympathy for anybody in a reddit story before (except the poor baby being brought into this mess).
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u/PhatPackMagic 2d ago
NTA for not wanting a revenge affair baby.
YTA for cheating in the first place.
NTA for wanting a divorce.
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u/Sxkullrider 2d ago
Just glosses over the fact that he himself cheated and caused this whole mess
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u/allie-echo 2d ago
In the U.K. taking a condom off midway through sex is sexual assault, often called ‘stealthing’. Your personal opinion about abortion is less relevant here. She cheated, but was also assaulted. Maybe you need to walk away but you said this was revenge cheating so you cheated first? You need to be clear about whether it’s the cheating or the abortion you can’t get over and then separate. You clearly both have trust issues and this is likely unsalvageable.
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u/ijustlikebeingnosy 2d ago
ESH. You cheated on your wife so she cheats on you. And dude basically sexually assaulted her the minute he took off the condom (as long as she didn’t consent). Depending on how far along she is, an abortion won’t feel like much, especially super early on. This abortion also isn’t a form of birth control. Take her to the closest clinic and have her at least talk to the professionals there.
You started this mess. You both suck.
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u/_portia_ 2d ago
YTA and a hypocrite. So abortion is bad and wrong except when you need it. No other women should have the right to choose, but you can. And you'd send her across state lines for a procedure that you're against because you're so pompously "pro life", just not with that particular life. People like you make me sick.
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u/Dry-Confidence98 2d ago
Also that’s the line to not cross but adultery is fine??? He makes no sense
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u/Ronin-Humor-TX 2d ago
You're both A-holes. You're both dirty cheaters who deserve each other. Hope your vasectomy failed and you find out it's your baby as a karmic twist or even better, it's yours and YOUR AP is pregnant, too.
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u/Ambitious_Owl_2004 2d ago
Dude you cheated first! What if you got your affair partner pregnant? Would you be cool with her bailing?
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u/roasttrumpet 2d ago
Oh so you don’t believe people should have a right to abortion except when you’ve been cucked and now it affects your life? YTA just for that alone lol.
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u/milkshake-please 2d ago edited 2d ago
I mean… you both cheated. You did it first. She, as a woman of course has a higher risk and had really bad luck here. But still, she didn’t do anything worse than you did.
ESH
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u/sugar420pop 1d ago edited 1d ago
Do you guys know your options for abortion? She can use pills up to 10 weeks. I’ve noticed a lot of people don’t actually know this! It’s not scary. You definitely are NTA for leaving, but you are for cheating and acting like you want abortion restrictions when that’s the first thing you jump to!
As for your “ease” with abortion, realize how quickly you wanted this option and vote for people to have the choice in the future, despite your “level of ease” realize how you feel and then put yourself in the shoes of a pregnant child or poor woman or honestly realize that it’s none of your business bc abortion is medical care. That’s the only thing that would make you the asshole, if you don’t vote for choice in the future after you so easily jumped to this option. Also realize that a fetus doesn’t have the neural synapses to think or feel before viability, a plant is technically more alive as it generates and sustains its own life.
You guys both cheated but it doesn’t make it even. You did it first. She got SA. But you also don’t have to stay to be a dad
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u/Nomadic_Homebody 2d ago
YTA
Not for the divorce, but calling the kid an affair baby. You’re an asshole for your handling of everything.
Your wife was raped in the middle of revenge cheating on you.
It doesn’t even seem like she realizes that, or you for that matter.
You’re shitty, and she’s messed up, but rape is never acceptable. No one deserves to be raped, regardless of the circumstances.
I hope she gets over her fear of abortion. No kid deserves to be born into such an unstable, unsafe, shitty circumstance with no reasonable expectation life will get better. That kid will suffer.
Thankfully you asked for a divorce because this is a dumpster fire of a marriage with you at the helm as Captain Shit and your wife as the First Officer.
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u/Unhappy_Wishbone_551 2d ago
This is a case of the pot calling the kettle black. Yep, YTA. She should have left you, but you got you're bs way and then bounced. That's cowardly af.
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u/FrannyFray 2d ago
Yep. You are both assholes who acted impulsively. The only one who will suffer now is that child.
Leave and divorce her and save the heartache you will pass along to that child.