r/AITAH 2d ago

My stepmom took all of my horror stuff out of my room for her kid to be less scared

So I (15f) has this whole horror obsession, I’m crazy for it I don’t think it would be much of a surprise if I said Halloween is my favourite holiday..

My father (41m) has married my stepmother (38f) let’s call her Abby… now Abby has two sons and a daughter I’m not going to use their real names but give them fake ones.. Zack (16) Evan (18) and Katie (8)

I would like to start off by saying I don’t want to sound like a brat but for the longest time it’s only been me and my dad

So a few moths later Abby and her kids moved in and the boys had to share a room and for some time Katie had her own but my stepmom needed an office room so while I was visiting my grandma and grandpa Katie moved in my room that’s not the issue I don’t mind sharing but the issue I have is I ADORE anything horror so I have a lot of posters,merchandise I even have a Chucky doll, so when I come back from my grandparents my dad and Abby sat me down and said my room needed to change and be more kid friendly obviously I was pissed and stared complaining how it wasn’t fair

And Abby said her child should matter just as me, that’s when my blood was boiling.. so I yelled it was my room first if she didn’t like it she could sleep in the hallway or in the dog bed

My dad got mad and sent me to my room, I get up in the morning and get ready to go to school and when I came back boxes of my posters and funko pops were in boxes with a bunch of other things, only to see Abby talking them down… I get mad and yell at her that’s until my dad comes over and tries to calm me down and tells Abby she should stop but only for her to say ‘my child is scared of all this shit!’

I screamed for ages going back and forth with her until she threw a box and a glass object shattered.. so if she wants to brake my things I’ll brake her kids, I know this is going to abound petty but I grab her kids Barbie and ripped its head off and pulled the legs off and turned to her and say “brake anymore of my things and I smash your laptop up” My dad trying to deescalate the situation said to me go take five outside and from outside I hear my dad abs stepmom yelling at each other

Should I feel bad?

2.6k Upvotes

627 comments sorted by

1.6k

u/SilentJoe1986 2d ago edited 2d ago

That office can become a bedroom for her child. They can make an "office" work in their bedroom if it's that needed. Is there no basement or attic? How often does she use her office for work? It amazes me that the sleeping arrangements were fine until you stayed at your grandparents house for a visit. What changed? I would push for her to buy a shed to turn into an office. It's what a lot of people do when there isn't enough space for one in the house.

897

u/Hour_Peace9278 2d ago

Like once or twice a week she works from home on some occasions but she’s mainly in her work place

1.1k

u/SilentJoe1986 2d ago

Sounds like a home office is a luxury instead of a nessisity. She could probably get by just fine with a small desk in her bedroom and by closing the door when she decides to work from home.

591

u/StructureKey2739 2d ago

I think she just wants to push OP out completely. Often happens with a new spouse. They want their partner to forget about their kids and focus solely on the stepfamily.

227

u/-TheOutsid3r- 2d ago

Yep, she cares only about her own children and OP's dad seems to mostly care about getting laid.

113

u/badDuckThrowPillow 2d ago

There's a reason "Cinderella" is a classic. They didn't make the idea of an evil stepmother/step siblings out of nothing.

→ More replies (1)

110

u/Raging_Raisin 2d ago

This is what my deadbeat dad did, and i went NC 15 years ago. I do miss the dad he was before he met the sequel (OP, call your stephmom the sequel, she will hate that) but not the spineless pos he is now. I hope you can have a talk with your dad because if they want you and katie to hate each other (too big age difference are forced to share a room) they are doing a great job. The sequel should put her home office in the bedroom or a shed in the garden, it is horrible that your dad allowed to just put your katie in your room and didn't tell you upfront. Please be petty and make your stephmoms life hard if your father doesn't grow a spine soon. If it was the other way around (you and your dad moving into her home) she would let you sleep on the sofa probably.

→ More replies (1)

23

u/AnxiousClue6609 2d ago

I agree with you. Plenty of step parents do this, and the real parent let's them. The OP is NTA, the dad is.

→ More replies (1)

50

u/sk1999sk 2d ago edited 2d ago

nta - if step mom Loved her daughter, she would give her daughter a room again instead of taking it over for an office. only working from home a few days if that, she can create space in her own bedroom for a workspace. your step mom wants you out. your dad needs to set this woman straight. you need your own room back & step mom needs to apologize to you and her daughter for being selfish

90

u/newfor2023 2d ago

It was a luxury more than a necessity even 100% wfh. Kids need space. My daughter moved out. The boys got their own room each. I didn't take it even when it was free. I'm in the corner of the bedroom.

45

u/AlmondMilkmann 2d ago

I work from home 100% and use my own bedroom as my office.

14

u/RecognitionParty9581 2d ago

I wfh 5 days a week and my desk is set up in my room. Yes, it is tight work space, but still workable since it really is only choice if rest of family get to have their rooms and able to enjoy living room while I am working. Has worked well for over 8 years. Most families it is the Mom or Dad compromising for the kids benefit- step Mom obviously is making the rooms an issue to put Dad and Op against each other, and establish she comes first now, before OP. OP’s Dad needs to put SM in her place before he loses his daughter. He brought her into the home, he is responsible for her actions against his daughter!

6

u/newfor2023 2d ago

Yeh exactly, also means I could roll out of bed to use it and have a good reason for multiple monitors, space to setup the NAS (tho a rasp pi is hardly large) but the drives are stable here. Built an L desk out of IKEA bits, have a 43 inch 4k monitor for work and 55 or watching TV in bed or just something to have on when working or as an extra screen if needed. Added a keyboard tray and risers for work/laptop monitor Its not a spacious area, beds in one corner but nearly touching the desk. Fits a decent reconditioned Herman miller chair though and more IKEA wall units mean it's floor to ceiling storage and wardrobes. Appears tight but works for us which is what matters. Lots of things like that probably look weird but we shaped the house around us.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

98

u/mouse_attack 2d ago

Your dad is an asshole.

55

u/Foreign-Yesterday-89 2d ago

And spineless

84

u/Interesting_Sock9142 2d ago

Ok that makes it even more fucked up that she "had to have an office" cause uh, no the fuck she doesn't. It's extremely unfair she's asking you to give up all of your favorite possessions for her daughter when she won't give up having an unnecessary home office for her daughter.

80

u/ThornedRoseWrites 2d ago

That step-witch doesn’t need an office. It’s time to tell your dad to stop putting some horrible woman ahead of his own kid, just so he can get some action!

He is being a terrible father. You shouldn’t even be sharing a room with a kid half your age that isn’t even blood related! Step-witch’s brat can have the office room back, and step-witch can work her two days a week at the kitchen table!

If your father refuses to listen to you, tell him that you’re moving out to be with your grandparents instead, even if it’s just a threat. His reaction will tell you all you need to know. And if he acts like he doesn’t care, well… that would just prove that he cares more about getting his d*ck wet, than he cares about his own child.

NTA! But personally I’d have broken the step-witches laptop, because her daughter didn’t break your stuff, step-witch did. Plus, some Barbie dolls can be clicked back together.

→ More replies (1)

65

u/CavyLover123 2d ago

Your dad is a fucking doormat and he’s being a shitty father.

Send him this thread.

→ More replies (1)

58

u/Aggleclack 2d ago

Holy crap. She’s a selfish person OP. That’s messed up. I WFH every day. My office is in my bedroom and we have a spare bedroom because it was important to my roommates to have that over an office. It wasn’t hard to consider their needs and we have all benefited from the peace and space.

46

u/Electronic-Drink559 2d ago

She priorized a personal place instead of her daughter's needs? And she's blaming you because you're not colaborating?

NTA. I'm into horror too (mostly books and analog horror) and my parents knew it's important to me, they won't made a scandal unless I forgot my YT account open on the main TV. There's a huge difference between an accident and changing your whole private space because she's too proud of her office

22

u/AlmondMilkmann 2d ago

That’s crazy. I work 100% remote and make solid money (6 figs). I use my bedroom also as my office. There is no reason why she should have a room dedicated for her own office when not all kids have their own bedrooms.

→ More replies (1)

17

u/Lazy-Instruction-600 2d ago edited 2d ago

I have a hybrid work schedule like that. She does NOT need her own dedicated office space. We have an eat-in kitchen in our house, so I use the dining room as an office. As others have said, tons of people who wfh or have a hybrid schedule use their own bedrooms for office space. You don’t need much space to dock a laptop. You have an evil step monster on your hands trying to assert her authority. Your dad needs to step up and protect you. Teenagers should have their own rooms. End of discussion. No 15 year old should be sharing a room with an 8 year old, EVER. They don’t even allow that in foster care. I would suggest a calm but serious discussion with your dad, just the two of you, to express your concerns. Even show him this thread. He has some wool over his eyes right now because he’s in love with this woman, but he needs to remember this is your life too. Needless to say, NTA. Tempers flared and you did not strike first. You responded in kind. Personally, I can’t stand all that horror stuff, but I understand some people really love it. Parents are supposed to support their children’s interests. Not destroy one for the sake of another.

5

u/Quick-Challenge6825 1d ago

Yep, hubby and I both have hybrid work arrangements.

He has a small computer desk in the bedroom, I have one in the dining room.

There's no way we would force our kids to share a room because of our work. It's our home first, work should impede that as little as possible.

3

u/IvanNemoy 2d ago

She does NOT need her own dedicated office space.

Bingo. Unless they're in an exceptionally heavily regulated industry where you have regs like HIPAA or confidential legal files, things like that, an office is not necessary.

41

u/buttleakMcgee 2d ago

She doesn't need it. My sister was a horror fan and I would sneak to read her old horror mags as a kid. NtA

→ More replies (1)

10

u/Huge-Shallot5297 2d ago

What happened is that ABBY doesn't like the horror things and purposely put her daughter in with you to deprive you of your privacy, establish her dominance (surprised she hasn't pissed on your floor yet) and get rid of your stuff. If your dad allows this, he's not a good dad. Abby doesn't need an office; she needs to get out.

11

u/knowsitmaybenot 2d ago

you have a shit dad there is no reason for her to have an office. Best i can tell you is show him this reddit thread and how everyone is trashing him for being terrible making you deal with the step mom

6

u/minecraftvillagersk 2d ago

That's bullshit. She only needs the space twice a week and she's going to force you to share your room full time. Your stepmother is extremely selfish. She can put a small desk in her bedroom or as someone else said, get a shed. If your property has the space, your dad can build an extension for an extra bedroom.

7

u/angel9_writes 2d ago

Wow she is selfish... Her daughter should have her own room and you should have all your stuff.

4

u/blueoasis32 2d ago

I am so sorry sweetie. Halloween is my favorite holiday too! This is YOUR house and your dad needs to stand up for you. Please call any family you can to help you through this. Hang in there - 18 comes sooner than they realize!

4

u/Lady-Meows-a-Lot 2d ago

Holy shit what a beeetch

3

u/BooksandStarsNerd 2d ago

Jesus. That's stupid. She doesn't need a home office. She should make her own room work.

→ More replies (6)

54

u/WhizzoButterBoy 2d ago

The waiting until OP was away and then blindsiding her with the finished product was a manipulator masterclass move.

OP you have every right to feel dismissed, disrespected and disregarded. They’re treating you badly and are “shocked” that you’re not happy about it

The house isn’t big enough for step mom to have an office She can use the corner of a living room or her own bedroom. Ffs

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (5)

2.9k

u/solo_throwaway254247 2d ago

Your house is clearly not big enough for your step-mom to have her own office. She should have set up a desk in her and your dad's room. 

Plus your stepbrothers are only 2 years apart. And also grew up together. The gap between you and your stepsis is way bigger. You two shouldn't be sharing a room just so your step-mom can have a home office.  

She's incredibly selfish. And it was also wrong of her to make all those changes while you are away.

She's a huge a-hole. And if your father is enabling that assholery, then he's equally to blame.  

Plus how is gonna make you want to have a relationship with her and her kids? Step-mom's behavior is standing in the way of a potentially successful blended family.  

NTA

992

u/votemarvel 2d ago

Plus how is gonna make you want to have a relationship with her and her kids? Step-mom's behavior is standing in the way of a potentially successful blended family.  

What makes you think step-mom wants a relationship with OP? It's also entirely possible that she'd rather force OP out "well if she's going to behave like this then she can stay with her grandparents".

400

u/solo_throwaway254247 2d ago

True.

And if OP's dad enables that then he's either completely spineless or an even bigger a-hole than I thought. And OP would be better off living with her grandparents.

83

u/thejohnmc963 2d ago

Gee that sounds familiar to my 8th grade self. Ended up going to live with grandma all through high school.

Definitely NTA

66

u/-TheOutsid3r- 2d ago

100%. It seems she's trying to squeeze OP out a bit like a Cuckoo would using her own kid to make OP uncomfortable and potentially displace her entirely.

166

u/winterworld561 2d ago

This is what I was thinking. I think she's trying to force OP out.

90

u/ExcitingTabletop 2d ago

Stepmom doesn't. OP does need to reach out to extended family for help.

Grandparents to tell their son to shape up and stop neglecting his kid. OP needs to be willing to have a cordial, polite and distant relationship with stepmom, but stepmom needs to be the same.

The equal breakage is fair, but not exactly ideal. Better would be for a widely distributed promise to extended family that anything broken, "misplaced" or "lost" will be repaid by the stepmom at replacement rate. OP needs to do an inventory, with lots of photos.

Smartest play is to look like the reasonable adult. Biggest thing is to avoid isolation. That's the only way the stepmother can win.

31

u/cozybell 2d ago

Breaking the step sister’s toy is not fair, because she is (presumably) innocent in all this. I think breaking her toys is immature and cruel, because she is also being put in this shitty situation.

However breaking the mom’s shit is fair, although not ideal like ^ said. I would recommend against breaking anything because that will escalate things and can end up fucking you over big time. You don’t want them to start claiming you owe hundreds or thousands of dollars, that could easily become financial abuse and make the situation worse.

Like ^ said, be the bigger person so that they have no ammo against you. SHE decided to take away her daughter’s room and move her into her much older step-sisters room, which is clearly not suitable or appropriate. SHE moved all your stuff without permission and SHE maliciously broke your things. If you start breaking anything of theirs, they can turn it around on you and make themselves the victim. Don’t give them that power

Definitely take pictures of all of your things and document everything.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

41

u/Misa7_2006 2d ago

Yep. I am waiting for an update saying she is now stuck living with grams and gramps.when it does I hope she tells the father, that he's going to regret it and goes NC as he must really like what step momma is offering to put up with that BS.

7

u/JowDow42 2d ago

I think this is definitely her plan. 

→ More replies (1)

180

u/Cosmicshimmer 2d ago

I think she purposely made an office so she could have an “excuse” to take op’s stuff. You don’t kick a kid out of a bedroom for an office and you certainly don’t take the kids room who has been there for years before you were on the scene.

91

u/mnth241 2d ago

definitely a power play by step mom. she is a huge a h and to bad ops father doesn't see it

53

u/CreativeMusic5121 2d ago

He doesn't see it because

1----he doesn't want to
2----in the abstract, it seems 'logical' for kids to share a room so a parent gets a WFH office space.

However, in this instance, it isn't logical. Stepmom needs to find other space for her office ( corner of her bedroom or the living room, since most of the family is out of the house for school or work most of the day). If she isn't WFH, she doesn't get office space, period.

The only thing OP did wrong was in reacting the way she did and breaking the Barbie doll. Now, dad and stepmom will see her as reactive, and having no more maturity than the 8 year old.

OP---- it's fine to feel bad for reacting the way you did. It is also fine to be upset and angry about the situation. If you are able, sit down with dad and calmly explain your position. And yes, apologizing for breaking the doll would be a nice touch.

36

u/perfectpomelo3 2d ago

Given that the stepmom broke something first, she shouldn’t claim to have any more maturity than OP.

12

u/CalamityClambake 2d ago

Except that stepmom broke OP's thing, and then OP broke step sister's thing. Step sister did nothing wrong here. OP should apologize to step sis, not stepmom. And dad should give OP the money to take step sis out and buy her a replacement doll, and then dad can take that cost and the replacement of OP's broken thing up with step mom. Also, dad needs to stand up to step mom about keeping her greedy paws off of his daughter's stuff. She should not be touching it without daughter's permission. Daughter is old enough to have her own space.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (4)

93

u/Weareallme 2d ago

100% NTA. Stepmonster is so wrong that it's hard to imagine that she can think at all. No empathy, incredibly selfish and a major AH. She either has to respect you and your things or she and her kids have to go. Also, your room should remain yours and yours alone, there are other options. The brothers can share, she can give up her office. Any other outcome is unacceptable and I would consider it child abuse. They should remember that you didn't choose for them to move in, so you're not the one that should sacrifice.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (6)

329

u/Outside_Holiday_9997 2d ago

If Abby thinks her daughter matters so much then why did she take her whole room? This isn't fair to you or your step sister.

Why is your dad ok with this? He needs to be moving the office stuff right back out...

But I'm glad you apologized to the little girl. She is a victim here too.

130

u/Liss78 2d ago

Boom! Here it is.

If Abby thinks her daughter matters so much then why did she take her whole room?

Tell both of them this.

782

u/CreativeMadness99 2d ago

NTA

You shouldn’t be forced to share with an 8yo. If your stepmom needs an office, she can use the primary bedroom. Tell your Dad to stop letting his new wife take over the household because you are entitled to your own space in the house you grew up in.

168

u/lovemyfurryfam 2d ago

Agreed. Sounds like stepmonster is on a power trip & making excuses.

76

u/Gin_n_Tonic_with_Dog 2d ago

Are they going to make you go to bed at the same time as the 8 year old? How else would the 8 year old get enough sleep - so even if she is the evil step mother, she’s not looking out for her child’s needs, unless you end up with a ridiculous curfew. Though do try to monopolise the communal areas between the 8 year old’s bed time and yours…

72

u/PhreeKC 2d ago

In some states, regardless of the same sex, children over the age of 12 are required to have separate rooms to avoid SA/inappropriate behavior that's A LOT more commonplace to happen to step siblings. If the boys can have their own room, so should the girls. Step mom can pay to remodel the garage if she needs an office. I don't have children in my home & still can't afford a separate room just for an office.

It's petty, & calculated.

NTA.

48

u/cranberry94 2d ago

I’m preeeetttty sure those laws/rules only apply in foster/adoption/guardianship kind of situations where the government is a bit more involved.

15

u/Greyeyedqueen7 2d ago

In Michigan, that's especially true for stepsiblings. I don't know where OP is, but in Michigan, Friend of the Court wouldn't allow this.

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

298

u/buttertits4lyfe 2d ago

I just want to let you know that I'm a 34 year old lady who has an entire room in my house dedicated to all things spooky and horror. When you can bounce out of that house girly you will have the best time decorating!! It's Halloween 24/7 at my house and I love it :)

Your stepmother is an unreasonable asshole. I truly hope your dad doesn't enable her assholery. You are NTA, at all. Sometimes you gotta go a lil cray cray for people to get their heads our of their arses. I do feel bad for your step sis tho, what a crap situation for the both of you to be in.

230

u/Hour_Peace9278 2d ago

Omg I bet your houses it a proper vibe :)

I want to talk to my dad about it but at the moment I’m really upset and don’t know what to say in the moment and as for my stepsister I apologised and got her a new doll

87

u/buttertits4lyfe 2d ago

You'll have that one day too!

I'd wait a bit to chat with your dad when you're not so upset. Maybe write down some points you'd like to bring up, think on it then chat with him when you're in a calm level headed space. He might take you more seriously that way. I hope he sees the light! That's good you did that for your stepsis, you're both just caught in the crossfire of her moms weird behavior.

22

u/RecognitionParty9581 2d ago edited 2d ago

Agree with above. OP should ask to talk to Dad away from house where SM can’t jump into the conversation anytime she wanted to. Grandparents would be a good place to have the discussion and be a good back up for you.

51

u/Common_Tiger1526 2d ago

Show him this thread.

43

u/tinyfron 2d ago

Just show him this post

40

u/MommaDiz 2d ago

Fellow spooky vibe who has a mini spooky 9 year old. You are not alone in your interest and your step monster is out of line. Write your thoughts out. Literally make a list of the feelings and emotions and give it to your dad only. At this point. If your dad has turned into a doormat for his new wife and her 3 kids, get another adult who your dad can't be a doormat too. Bringing in another adult who isn't emotionally tied to this mess, might help your dad wake up and realized she's doing 101 child alienation and trying to kick you out. May not seem like it but I've had 3 step moms, all with 3 kids and the second I lost my room without zero discussion cause they suddenly had to move in. I went to My grandmother, his mom. She's tore him a new one and she never lets him forget how he put another woman and her kids before his first 3 kids.

13

u/bitchmaster69dot 2d ago

This is the best advice ever - always go up the chain of command. Clearly he needs to be set straight by an elder.

25

u/Terrible_Kiwi_776 2d ago

57 year old horror fan. I do conventions, costumes and everything. And one thing that struck me was taking down the Funkos. Those are specifically designed to be the most chibi toys ever. They're the cutest. I really wonder if Katie really has an issue with them, or if Abby does. 

Try talking to Katie. There may only be one or two things/characters that she doesn't like. Or maybe she doesn't actually care.

7

u/chicharrones_yum 2d ago

Ask your dad why he doesn’t care about you? Ask him why he would let her do what she did? Show him this post and let him read the comments. He has completely failed you as a father.

8

u/mariajazz 2d ago

Don't apologise to anyone....you did nothing wrong..... It is your house before them....

Your father did wrong by not standing for you.... Talk to him to choose between you or them.... because it will also cause problem in future...

Tell him you want your own room.

11

u/Chaoticgood790 2d ago

Well I can see why OP apologized to the sibling. they aren't responsible

8

u/StructureKey2739 2d ago

These dad's want to keep the new bed partner happy. Bio-kids get shoved aside in favor of the stepfamily.

7

u/DanielGoodchild 2d ago

Talk to him to choose between you or them

This is absolutely asinine advice. OP, don't issue ultimatums; that's one of the fastest tracks to being the bad guy in a family dispute.

→ More replies (4)

24

u/StructureKey2739 2d ago

(Sometimes you gotta go a lil cray cray for people to get their heads our of their arses)

Happened with me. My sister used to use my things and break them. My mom would bleat "you don't know she did that". When my sis would break my stuff she'd run to her room, lock herself in, and mock me, while my mom would defend her. Finally she broke something on my TV and pulled her escape plan. I went to the living room in full view of my mom and broke some figurines of my dad (another enabler). When my dad confronted me and asked "did you break this?", I looked him full in the face and said "no I did not". What worked for my sister worked for me, my stuff was never broken again.

Not a recommended solution for everyone, but when you're desperate you do what you can.

463

u/Souurrpuss06 2d ago

You can tell the dad is already being a doormat to the new wife and is setting his child aside for hers

105

u/ohsurethisisfun 2d ago

Tbh this isn't fair to EITHER child. Her kid just went from having her own space and privacy to sharing a room with a much older kid she probably doesn't know very well since they haven't lived together long....bad deal for both kids, the only person that benefits is the stepmom.

72

u/Status-Pattern7539 2d ago

Write your dad a letter.

Try not to be emotional.

Facts- step mum works from home 2 days a week and does not need a home office when she could set a desk up elsewhere. Kids need somewhere to sleep every night and should be a priority over a mostly unused office .

Step mum is making herself a priority and has no consideration for OP or your belongings

Stepmum gave no notice before touching your stuff . Shows she disregards your feelings.

Your father has taken away your safe space in an effort to move in his wife and her family. Father is more concerned with keeping wife happy over giving his child a safe place to escape from the drastic change to living circumstances. You don’t feel safe with step mum and now have no where to retreat to take a moment. This will foster resentment towards step mum and her children.

You need your dad to stand up for you now before the problem becomes worse. Stepmum should not have moved in with her family if there were not enough bedrooms. The office is not needed. If she wants an office then they should look for a larger house.

NTA

17

u/Spiritual_Oil_7411 2d ago

See if your grandparents or another adult will advocate for you as well.

251

u/lady_anne1 2d ago

NTA. Taking down your posters and removing your belongings without your consent was disrespectful and a violation of your personal space. If your stepmom is unwilling to compromise, it's okay to set boundaries to protect your belongings and your space. 

86

u/nick4424 2d ago

If your father and stepmother had any respect for you they would’ve had this conversation with you before they did anything.

130

u/Dependent_Passage_21 2d ago

NTA Your dad should've stepped in sooner to be on your side cause it's clear your stepmom wants to take over the whole house. You responded childishly, but they are the adults in this situation and your stepmom should've had more tact than to just clear out your room. You're only going to make things worse if you yell and break stuff every time, so see if you can actually have a conversation with your dad and stepmom where you can explain your feelings.

23

u/Spiritual_Oil_7411 2d ago

See if you can get your grandparents or another trusted adult to sit with you for the meeting so you're not ganged up on by two older, bigger adults. Not to do the talking for you, just to support and maybe help with wording and making you seem reasonable. You don't really have any authority, so having an adult on your side gives you credibility, as much as that sucks.

28

u/mariajazz 2d ago

Your father is a doormat 😔.

→ More replies (1)

142

u/theory240 2d ago

NTA

Sometimes, going nuclear, responding with destruction for destruction is the right answer.

But, you made one mistake... Don't destroy the 8 year olds stuff... She didn't do this. Her mother did.

You do need to be aware that responding 'in kind', destruction for destruction, has risks. You may end up in the child welfare system... I did, most of 50 years ago.

But, no one ever played that kind of silly ass destroy my shit game with me ever again...

Good luck.

18

u/gemc_81 2d ago

I'm so sad I had to scroll so far to see a comment highlight this.

It is unfair for OP to have to share a room when the stepmother doesn't need a room as a home office but the 8 year old hasn't done anything wrong except be scared of stuff that is scary to a lot of adults. When I read she broke her barbie I felt so sorry for Katie

22

u/Which-Elephant4486 2d ago

Op said in another comment she apologized to the kid and replaced the doll.

9

u/imsatanclaus 2d ago

Exactly! OP is not ta, but breaking the 8yo's stuff is hurting the wrong person. I feel like OP should break the stepmothers stuff though.

17

u/Which-Elephant4486 2d ago

Op said in another comment she apologized to the kid and replaced the doll.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

69

u/Earlfillmore 2d ago

NTA but you're not gonna win, had this kind of stuff happen to me as a teen, and it's awful and makes you hate the people around you but use it as fuel to succeed and get the hell away from these people

29

u/Hour_Peace9278 2d ago

Awh I’m sorry it happened to you

→ More replies (1)

77

u/Metrack14 2d ago

NTA. They were wrong the moment they moved Katie to your room without even asking, and nos the stepmother is doing worse.

21

u/StructureKey2739 2d ago

It was a move to eventually push OP out of the house completely. "He can move to his mother's, grandparents, social services". Fill in the blanks.

73

u/plantsb4putas 2d ago edited 2d ago

As a parent, it makes me so angry when single parents blend households without taking their children into consideration. I have 2 sons and their space is their space no matter what.

Your stepmom works from home maybe 2 days a week? A home office is absolutely unnecessary. Since she felt she had the right to pack up your stuff, id go pack up her office for her and stick a KATIES ROOM sign on the door.

You deserve your own room, you deserve your room in your house. Stepmom doesn't get to just move in and make all these changes and your dad shouldn't be allowing this. And i really hope they dont plan on having kids when theres hardly enough room for all of you in this house as it is.

NTA. Im glad you made amends with Katie. It isnt her fault, shes just stuck in the middle with her mom pretending like she has ultimate rule over your home. Like I said, pack up stepmoms unnecessary "home office" and move it all to their bedroom or maybe a corner in the living room. That space is Katies bedroom, end of story.

19

u/Accomplished_Role977 2d ago

Oh, they will have another kid. That’s what the room is for.

→ More replies (1)

7

u/Englishbirdy 2d ago

OPs father should be doing this. He's letting his new wife run roughshod over his child and that's really bad.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

54

u/FutureVarious9495 2d ago

NTA. I totally hate Chucky (and all clowns or horror), but if it’s what the kids like; they get it. Their privacy, their room.

Going nuclear might have been the only way to open your dad’s eyes. Until you did that, he could have convinced himself that you were just fine.

Except you were not. Stepmom can shuffle her office in her own bedroom, or share it with Katy. Until she doesn’t you just put everything back.

Destroying a Barbie from Katy might have feld good, but wasn’t really a nice thing. Good for you to replace it. If evil Stepmam continues her sage for you sharing rooms, start sharing her office. Put in horror instead of her office stuff, so every time she has a zoom meeting, chucky screams. And let your dad defend you!

62

u/LadyKlepsydra 2d ago

NTA. Barging in into a teenager's space like this and violating it like that is unacceptable. It's disrespectful, vile and terrible parenting. She sounds like an awful person. You fought back the only way you could and I can't fault you for that.

I don't wanna be the devil on your shoulder, but... IMO don't ruin the kid's things, ruin HER things.

13

u/Archbishop24 2d ago

So while I'd say I don't condone breaking your step-sister's things because your step-mom broke your things, I honestly can't be too mad or say it's not expected from a 15yo. I'm appalled by your stepmother's lack of maturity and selfishness and your father's spinelessness. It sounds like she doesn't need an office in the house, and she created all this drama for what? Also, you might want to look into other living arrangements. At best, your step-mom doesn't like the horror stuff and doesn't want it displayed (which sounds important to you). At worst, she is engineering drama and confrontations to make you look like the unruly child and scapegoat you being sent away. For real, don't engage in the BS. Talk to your dad about this, and if he still doesn't fight for you, it's probably time to look for somewhere else to live.

7

u/Accomplished-Math740 2d ago

It smells like a power play by the step monster. Doing it while OP is gone from the house is setting up a dangerous situation.

Now, OP might feel they can do what they want to personal items when they are gone. What's good for the goose....

→ More replies (5)

11

u/DanielGoodchild 2d ago edited 2d ago

NTA.

  • A 15-year-old needs their own space. Period.
  • Moving Katie in while you were away was not only disrespectful toward you, it's going to cause you trust issues.
  • Taking down your decor while you were out of the house was cowardly to say the least.
  • It seems to me that if you can't decorate your room to suit your tastes, Katie isn't sharing your room; you're sharing hers.
  • Suggest that Abby move her desk into the master bedroom.
  • Suggest that Abby simply stop working from home. No WFH, no office necessary; you get your own room, Katie gets her own room. Problem solved. I'm sure a loving mother would give up a day or two of WFH so her daughter could have her own room… right?
  • I can understand your reaction to the breaking of your things and I'll bet the doll was simply close at hand. Good on you for recognizing that was a mistake and making amends.
  • Given your taste in entertainment (which I share, btw), I'm sure you've seen the Wednesday Addams series on Netflix; propose to divide the decor of the room like Wednesday and Enid did.
  • Tell your dad that you feel like Abby is trying to push you out. When he inevitably says that's not what she's doing the response is "whether she is or isn't, that's how all of this is making you FEEL".

Good luck OP, I hope that you can come to a mutually agreeable arrangement.

ETA: Ikea has a great solution for Abby to have her workspace in the master bedroom. It's part of Ikea's IVAR collection and it's basically a bookshelf with a fold down desk. https://www.ikea.com/ca/en/p/ivar-folding-table-pine-40512466/

9

u/DispatchestoAmerica 2d ago

I’m always amused that when parents divorce, and then find a new partner, they decide that the kids they had from their first marriage absolutely have to conform to the “new family” they created. None of this is fair to you. These two should have bought another house with more room in it. Your father should be defending you. It also might’ve helped if the two of them sat down with you and ASKED you if maybe you would put some things away instead of telling you. NOT THE AH.

41

u/Cherry_clafoutis 2d ago edited 2d ago

NTA. The stepmom is a major AH with the lack of communication and consideration. I call BS that she had this Sudden, Urgent Need to an office that was so Sudden and Urgent and Coincidentally while OP was away that it could not be discussed or negotiated with OP beforehand. Much easier to treat OP with disrespect and do it behind her back.    

Her contempt for OP is confirmed when she does exactly the same thing with the personal collection she does not approve of. She could have negotiated to maybe remove the scarier/violent posters. But funko pops are not scarey, even Chucky. I say that as a parent who cannot handle the slightest horror or gore, much to my teenagers' disgust. There was absolutely no reason to get rid of them.  She goes so far as to smash OP's things.

YTA replies are giving OP a hard time for how she reacted. But that is just it. She is not given a chance to do anything but react. Every time she goes away, stepmum has displaced her more with no discussion, respect or consideration. She could have put a desk in their own bedroom. It is not ideal but this is what you do when your house is small. She could have asked you to hang the violent posters inside your cupboard. But instead, she completely erases your personal space when you are not home without warning or consideration. She doesn't even attempt to compromise. Talk to your dad and say what I have said here. Hopefully he is a decent parent and will stick up for you. It is worth asking if you can spend some one on one time with him occasionally if you miss this.

28

u/Beruthiel999 2d ago

NTA

Your stepmother is way out of line and entitled. You've had your own room for a long time, you decorate it the way you like, and it's completely unfair to you to have all that taken away. She had no business touching your things at all, ESPECIALLY behind your back and without your permission.

Your father should have stood up for you. He's an AH for not doing that.

You know you shouldn't have broken Katie's Barbie, and you should apologize and replace it - that's the only thing you should feel bad for (and I think you do)

You should get to keep your room and your horror deco. Where Katie sleeps is not your problem, it's her mother's, and your dad's.

64

u/Magdovus 2d ago

You're doing it wrong,  don't screw with Katie's stuff, screw with Abby's.

102

u/Hour_Peace9278 2d ago

I know, i realised what I did was wrong and I went out and brought Katie a new Barbie doll

24

u/Magdovus 2d ago

Sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound bad- it was a logical response but you need to ensure that you're punishing the right person. 

How are you getting on with Katie?

48

u/Hour_Peace9278 2d ago

No, no it’s fine I didn’t think you made it sound bad- Me and Katie get on good but I wouldn’t say it’s the best bond not because of the doll incident but because of something else that I don’t really want to disclose for personal reasons

27

u/Mysterious_Shark_15 2d ago

Abby sounds like a c.. bitch. Buy Katie a non scary Childs Play Chucky doll. Later add a red/orange & black jumper then buy a hockey mask for it. Watch a wholesome robot movie her like Short Circuit then the not so wholesome Deadly Friend. Get her to like the horror genre, that will really piss off Abby. NTA obviously

→ More replies (1)

22

u/neurotic-pineapple 2d ago

NTA Your step mom doesn’t NEED a home office. She can work from the kitchen table or have a desk in HER room. It’s insane to prioritize having a private work space over allowing two very differently aged siblings to have their own personal space. She is selfish and your dad is spineless if he lets it happen.

3

u/Rhodin265 2d ago

Not even siblings, step siblings who may have only lived together a few months.

20

u/shwk8425 2d ago

OP, you should privately go to your dad and show him all the comments on this thread.

He needs to be aware that *HE* contributed to this by not telling his new wife no when she insisted on an office, which triggered all this conflict.

9

u/Accomplished-Math740 2d ago

NTA, your dad needs to get a spine. The step mom does not 'deserve' an office.

I hate this kind of crap from step parents. I had bad experiences with similar issues.

Best of luck to you.

10

u/PettyHonestThrowaway 2d ago edited 1d ago

I hate that Michelle Obama said “we go high” and now everyone says “ take the high road” and particularly now that’s it’s being used over and over and over again in NON-APPLICABLE SITUATIONS

NO. The high road doesn’t always work with entitlement assholes. The high road doesn’t work with narcissists.

Is what you did extreme? Yeah. But when things get to extremes WE REACT TO OUT EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES IN EXTREME WAYS. What I read is a grown ass adult removing the entire presence of her new husband’s old family. Basically an erasure of which you are and were natured to be. Your father was okay with who you are and raised you to be this way and that shouldn’t change with a new wife TBH.

This is an extreme failure on your father’s part to protect you.

What you did was human. If you were 25, we’d say childish. But YOU ARE A CHILD. This isn’t a 100% pass for what you did but I can empathize and am feeling very understanding of feeling overwhelmed and backed into a corner. When backed into a corner and trapped we snap and you snapped

While technically yes you were a displaying AH behavior it is understandable given the circumstances from my POV. You r stepmother was behaving 100% like an AH and to a certain extent so was your father

14

u/QueenScarebear NSFW 🔞 2d ago

NTA but next time, break the stepmoms shit, not the little kids’. Not her fault that her mother has no respect for you or your things - and I very much doubt she deserves it either if you and the kid get along ok.

6

u/Lula_mlb 2d ago

NTA But there are a lot of F*** things here:

1) Putting a 15 and 8 together to have a home office to work 8-16 hrs a week

2) Moving the 8 year old w/o warning while you were out

3) Taking YOUR things out of YOUR room while you were out

what is next? moved you out while you are at school? you need to talk to your dad... this stepmom is walking all over your household. Things obviously change when you blend a family, but she moved in to your family house and is treating you like a guest...

19

u/TheGoldenSpud 2d ago

NTA, you can be out in a few years and can cut them all off.

18

u/zooktittyfondel 2d ago

NTA but your father is a weak person. Why would anyone want a teen to share a room with an 8 year old? Also why get married and not take space into account? Do you have grandparents you can move in with to leave as this is only going to get worse?

This relationship seems not well thought out.

37

u/Hour_Peace9278 2d ago

My dad isn’t really the one for conflict but at the moment we are looking for a bigger house so we all can have our own house but they way things are going I don’t want them to even move in the new house

27

u/Used_Mark_7911 2d ago

You need to ask your Dad why he would choose to be with someone who would treat his child this way .

16

u/Maleficent_Draft_564 2d ago edited 2d ago

‘Isn’t one for conflict’= spineless. She should’ve been told to leave when she 1. Threw that box at you and 2. went into your personal space and attempted to remove your things while you were gone. She cannot move into someone else’s house and demand they get rid of their things to accommodate her child(ren). If anything, she should be the one without the home office seeing as she and her kids are the ones moving in. But honestly, your dad created this mess. He should’ve had a conversation and a plan prior to marrying and moving them all into your space.    

NTAH. 

7

u/AntSpiritual3269 2d ago

Is your home owned or rented? 

This whole situation is off, at best your step mum is vile, at worst she’s plotting and vile 

If the home is owned is she forcing the bedroom issue to get a pre marital asset turned into a marital asset by moving 

Your Dad seriously needs to get a spine and his priorities straight 

→ More replies (1)

20

u/VictoryShaft 2d ago

You are NTA.

There are a number of AHs in your post. Your step mom and your dad are the biggest AHs in this story.

What did your dad yell at her about? He was obviously on her side at the beginning of your post. Did it take her actually breaking your things before he realized that she was wrong?

54

u/Hour_Peace9278 2d ago

So my dad and stepmom were talking them she started yelling how her child is scared and everything but Katie never complained once about my horror stuff and if she did I would understand but I would still be pissed if she’s still did it

So my dad said you broke her picture frame(it has a sentimental value to it) and she said it’s a frame get over it and it was a back and forth thing but I might update tomorrow depending on how I feel

35

u/YouMadeMeGetThisAcco 2d ago

So she needs an office because she works from home not even 50% of the time, starts taking down and moving your stuff without you around, and dismisses that she broke your stuff with "its just X get over it"? Wow she is incredibly selfish and horrible, Im almost amazed. I hope things get better for you, but with a woman like that around I doubt it...

14

u/Boszz 2d ago

dont hold back :) stay your ground and explain it to your father.
If you let it be it will only escalate till stepmother will get her way 100%

!Updateme

9

u/RedGhost3568 2d ago

“It’s a frame; get over it.”

What a bitch your step-mother is.

6

u/Neweleni7 2d ago

How long has your stepmom been in your life?

(She sounds terrible btw but I like the fact that it sounds like your dad was standing up to her on your behalf…albeit later than it should have been)

5

u/LilithWasAGinger 2d ago

This mom is proud of you for standing up for yourself.

4

u/Nuicakes 2d ago

UpdateMe!

3

u/Sad_Clerk_6846 2d ago

Are you ok? This was a traumatizing event. You’ll remember and replay this in your head for a long time. I hope things are more settled. You sound like a really nice person. Thoughtful and sweet. I’m so sorry your stepmonster is so horrible.

→ More replies (2)

13

u/winterworld561 2d ago

Nope, don't feel bad at all. She absolutely had NO RIGHT to go into your personal space and touch anything. She's trying to force you out. Even your dad could obviously see that she was out of order packing your room up. What did she break in the box btw? Was it anything expensive that you can demand for her to replace?

41

u/Hour_Peace9278 2d ago

In the box was a glass picture frame with a picture of me and my childhood dog shadow with a few spooky touches to the frame , I just really don’t know what to do, I might update tomorrow if I manage to talk to my dad

15

u/winterworld561 2d ago

That's very sentimental and she should at least pay for a new frame. Btw, I'm also a horror fan and very jealous that you have a chucky doll lol. I always wanted one :)

27

u/Hour_Peace9278 2d ago

Yeah, I’m going to talk to my dad about it, I got the the Chucky doll from this shop called damaged society :)

9

u/Accomplished_Role977 2d ago

Show him this thread, let him read it all.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

4

u/Digital_Catnap 2d ago

Look online for kintsugi kits. You still might be able to save the frame and make it look even cooler. Plus every time she sees the repaired frame it will be like a silent FU to your evil stepmom.

Keep hammering home the point that she's so selfish SHE took HER daughters room because she needed TWO bedrooms. 168 hours in a week but her 16 hours of WFH is what's the most important. She obviously doesn't care about her daughter's needs. SHE chose to kick HER daughter out just like she chose to work from home. So she can choose to buy a desk and put it in her own damn bedroom!

Also 100% NTA

→ More replies (1)

5

u/angel9_writes 2d ago

Your stepmother is awful.

She should not be invading your room without discussing it with you first. They had no right to just move Katie in without asking you and discussing it with you -- and asking you to figure how to lessen your decor so Katie would be more comfortable...

Though question: Is Katie actually scared of it? What has she said? She's 8 she can speak up herself on all this. Is she actually scared of YOUR stuff.

Your father should be standing up for you and your privacy.

Katie and you should have your own rooms and she can make do with a desk somewhere. You're age difference is too vast.

6

u/celticmusebooks 2d ago

Does your step mom NEED an office at home OR just WANT an office at home? If it's the latter then your dad should have had your back here. If it's the former then your dad is back in a corner and is doing his best (though your things being packed without you was a total AH move and your dad should ABSOLUTELY force step mom to replace the item she broke.

Given the age gap sharing a room is going to be problematic at best. Obviously you two have very different bedtimes-- where, for example, will you do homework when the nine year old is supposed to be sleeping? Where can you have a private safe space to talk on the phone or read if the nine year old is supposed to be sleeping? How are you going to keep a curious middle schooler out of your stuff?

6

u/shammy_dammy 2d ago

You're 15? You have grandparents? Where's mom? You should be old enough to tell a judge you don't want to live with dad any more because your new stepmother is abusive.

5

u/Ashkendor 2d ago

NTA. Making a 15-year-old share a room with an 8-year-old is a huge no. If she really wants her kid to not be miserable, she can do WFH stuff in her bedroom or at the kitchen table. Working from home two days a week doesn't warrant an entire office imo.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/No-Abies-1232 2d ago

NTA this is all your father’s doing for moving a family into your home when they don’t fit. They need to buy a bigger house or your dad’s wife needs to find a new office area bc a 15 year old and an 8 year old shouldn’t be sharing a room, even if they were related. Can you move in with your grandparents permanently since your dad seems fine pushing you aside to get his 🍆 wet? 

9

u/xmac 2d ago

Look forward to your "AITAH for going no contact with family after step mum controlled dad and ruined my life"

→ More replies (1)

7

u/QX23 2d ago

Step mom is pushing you out. She has here new husband and new house and you are not a part of that picture. The timing was planned as you were supposed to tell, “I’m going to live with grandma and grandpa.” She didn’t expect you to be so reasonable about sharing your room, so she found a new way to dispose of you.

→ More replies (1)

8

u/GeezUp777 2d ago

Stepmom sounds like a jerk

23

u/Hour_Peace9278 2d ago

She is she’s a horrid woman

6

u/GeezUp777 2d ago

Blending families isn’t easy and the way she went about it wasn’t right. I hope the best for you

9

u/Greyeyedqueen7 2d ago

First of all, reacting violently and screaming threats just makes you look bad to the adults. I know you are angry and rightfully so, but it's time to think about the long game here.

Think about how you've seen your teachers react when a kid has started screaming and breaking things: staying calm and in control gives you more power in the situation.

It's time to go to your dad. You need to calmly explain how his house doesn't feel like your home anymore and that being forced to share a room with an 8 year old and then forced to give up your things tells you that you aren't equally family. Remind him you're only home for a few more years and that his choices now determine what choices you make as an adult. If he really doesn't want to be in your life, he can keep letting his new wife do what she's doing. If he wants to be your dad forever and not just for now, he needs to put the 8 year old in the office and require his wife to put her home office in their bedroom and then work on the family relationships.

Making you do all the sacrificing when his new wife and step kids don't have to do anything on the same level makes you a second class citizen in your own home, and he's doing that, not just the stepmom.

→ More replies (2)

4

u/macaroni66 2d ago

No don't feel bad. And don't give in

4

u/No_Repeat4435 2d ago

At this rate, just ask stepmonster if she's trying to force you out of your childhood home in front of your father. If she is, might as well spit have her say it. If she isn't, well, she definitely is. The office is a luxury and as the adult and newcomer, she should be the one making adjustments and not you.

4

u/Pleasant-Court9768 2d ago

*Me reading this from the small corner office space I jam packed into my bedroom so that my sister could move in to my spare bedroom after she lost her job… *

5

u/Creepy_Push8629 2d ago

NTA.

Stepmom needs to get a bigger house if she wants an office.

Is living with your grandparents an option?

4

u/Diasies_inMyHair 2d ago

Your Stepmother's need for a home office does not take precedence over you and stepsister's needs for your own spaces - especially since she is trying to rearrange. You handled things as well as you could have under the circumstances - when Abby started breaking your things, you needed a way to make her stop. You used what you leverage you could use, no one should be blaming you for that.

NTA

Your stepmother needs to accept that you are going to be living there for the next three years. It sounds like she's trying to make you uncomfortable enough to want to live elsewhere.

4

u/LK_Feral 2d ago

NTA. Your stepmonster is a major B. Hopefully, your dad is seeing that.

Your stepmother doesn't need, or deserve, a whole room for her office. She is willing to displace, not just OP, but her own 8 yo daughter for 2 days WFM convenience. Obviously, it's far worse to displace OP, who was there first.

I do think the stepmother is trying to force OP out.

OP, can you make your little step-sis your Mini-Me? My sister - 13 years younger - loves horror, too. That's because I watched her a lot growing up, and my friends and I watched a lot of classic 1980s horror. She hung out with the big kids, eating snacks, screaming & yelling, and pausing the VHS to recover. 🤣

My sister still finds horror movies comforting because we all had such a good time. My friends all loved her.

Bet your stepmom would love it if her little girl went goth. 😉 Black is a nice hair color for an 8 year old.

4

u/pepperpat64 2d ago

See if you can find fake tattoos of horror movie villains and wear them in plain sight.

→ More replies (3)

3

u/B0jack_Brainr0t 2d ago

Nah your stepmom doesn’t even need an office from what I read in your reply’s, she’s just being self-centered and selfish. She’s taking over your life, pushing her kids unto you with very little regard to how you might feel, and giving you ZERO adjustment time and taking no accountability for it. Your stepmom sounds like a nightmare, and your dad a pushover.

3

u/Jerseygirl2468 2d ago

NTA. Screaming and ripping up the kid's stuff is not the way to handle this, but Abby is the real AH here. You should not be sharing a room 24/7 so she can have an "office" occasionally.

You need to talk to your father without her. He married and moved in this woman and her three kids. That's stressful on you, for sure. For her to then do this with your room and take down all your belongings is incredibly unfair.

4

u/Any_Lead_5506 2d ago

Talk to Katie and find out if she really is scared or if her mother is just making assumptions. Funko Pops are, in general, not very scary, so I'm questioning it. She might be too young to watch the actual movies, but if you get her into the genre and toys now, it would probably tick off her mom. You don't have to be an instant big sister, but just talk to her and find out if she is scared. If she is, you can explain that it's not real and they are just toys. And if she is not scared, then this might be something you can bond over.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Jammin_neB13 2d ago

Wow. NTA. your dad needs to wake tf up and step up. She doesn’t need an office. You are a teenager, you need your own personal space.

Would love to see your collection once you get it back! Check out r/horror_collecters too!

20

u/DangerNoodle1313 2d ago

You are supposed to have your own room at your age. Privacy and independence are extremely important. Sharing a room with someone so much younger is wrong. Please talk to your father.

9

u/Picklesadog 2d ago

Supposed to? Buddy, to a lot of kids having your own room is a luxury. I shared a room with my 9 year old brother when I was 15. A close friend shared a room with his two younger sisters until he was 18.

That said, it does sound like a luxury they can afford as long as step mom doesn't absolutely NEED a home office (and it doesn't sound like she does.)

5

u/PrismInTheDark 2d ago

Yeah I shared a room with my sister (5 years younger) until I moved out. There was no extra space for another bedroom (our brother had his own). But that’s different from a new step-sister moving into your previously-private room, and especially when there’s another room that step-mom took for herself instead of sis. If there’s enough space for everyone op should keep her room. Not to mention all her decor and collections which don’t need to be touched even if they do share a room, and especially with no discussion or even her presence when changes are made. That’s basically kicking her out except for the physical sleep space.

14

u/MrGrieves- 2d ago

Abby is a cunt who doesn't need a home office.

NTA

→ More replies (1)

6

u/MyyWifeRocks 2d ago

NTA - I was a terrible kid who also lived in an abusive household. That’s what this is. Abuse. I dealt with it for 19 years.

I’d break her laptop and piss on all her clothes to even the score. Repeat as often as needed until she’s gone. Fuck her.

7

u/MombieZ3 2d ago

NTA for being upset and it looks like you fixed the doll situation with your step sister. Your step mom wants to have a room set apart that is used 2 out of 7 days of the week. She is incredibly selfish.

12

u/MuttFett 2d ago

Of course step-mom “needs” a home office………..

A 15 year old should not be sharing a room with an 8year old. And did Katie say anything about the stuff she’s allegedly scared of? Since you didn’t mention it, I get the sense that Abby is the one who’s got an issue with it, and since she just unilaterally started removing your belongings from your room, your dad is too weak to tell her to knock it off.

This only escalates from here, unfortunately, until your “loving stepmom” drives you out of the house.

And don’t break anymore of Katie’s stuff; she’s a pawn in all this.

3

u/CarrieDurst 2d ago

NTA it is selfish of her to have an office in a house like that

3

u/Cactus_love249 2d ago

Abby and your dad should have talked to you about the changes and not just done this to you when you were gone visiting the GP’s. That is Abby saying that her kid is more important than you in your room.

Your dad should have stood up for you and this should have been an ask if you were ok with sharing your room. Her children are not more important than you. I would sit down and have a calm conversation with your dad and explain that you don’t mind sharing your room. However, you are just as important as Abby’s kids, and you deserved to be asked. And if your stuff scares your roommate, then Abby should have asked you if you wouldn’t mind taking down some of the more scary things.

Both of your parents handled this extremely wrong. This was your home first and you are also dealing with a lot of changes. You deserve to be treated as well as your new siblings!!

Your dad probably wants to make this family meld well and everyone to get along. How would he feel if you moved into his private space while he was out and then started packing up his stuff and breaking his things? He would obviously be upset and reasonably so.

If you’re calm and talk to him about your feelings with any name calling or negativity, I bet he will listen and respond accordingly. Don’t include Abby. She’s not trying to make things work, she’s asserting her position as the mom here. She’s doing a very poor job and a total disservice to her own daughter. Now her Barbie is broken and I’m sure she had no say in any of this.

It’s not a great situation, but your reaction was understandable and it sounds like you generally get along with her kids. I hope everything works out for you!!! 👍🏻😻

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Sufficient-Bar-7399 2d ago

As a formerly completely freaked out young child, I understand your step-sister. On the other hand, why does stepmom need an office? Does she work at home? Is there room in her bedroom? I raised 3 girls and did not push one of my girls out of their rooms. I put my desk in the bedroom. I was a medical transcriptionist and worked hard. I did not want to displace my daughters.

3

u/Outside-Inflation-20 2d ago

Your stepmother sounds like a nightmare to deal with. She shouldn't be touching your stuff without permission.. She takes it upon herself to claim a room for herself while forcing her children into your space and trying to force you to accommodate her kids . I'd put all my stuff back up .also, she needs to replace whatever she breaks. Your father seems like a spineless whimp.

3

u/SomeWomanfromCanada 2d ago

I question whether the 8 year old is truly scared.

My kid is newly 8 and she’s not fazed by much. She’s an only and declared that all of the Harry Potter films “aren’t scary at all” and scoffed at some classmates when they cried while watching the original Lion King Disney movie when she was 6.

Kids these days are pretty resilient and with two older siblings I call BS on your step monster’s assertions that Katie is truly scared.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/made_of_salt 2d ago

until she threw a box and a glass object shattered.. so if she wants to brake my things I’ll brake her kids, I know this is going to abound petty but I grab her kids Barbie and ripped its head off and pulled the legs off and turned to her and say “brake anymore of my things and I smash your laptop up”

This is the only way some people learn. By "some people" I mean my mom and dad.

My mom cut up my favorite hoodie because she thought it was old and ratty, but it still looked fine, she just never liked it. So I cut up her favorite jacket. My hoodie was from Pac Sun, and couldn't have been more than $60. Her jacket was a designer brand and was in the range of $500. My dad, ever the flying monkey, came to her defense, so I cut up the jacket to his favorite suit and left the shreds on the bed.

My parents didn't learn to respect me. They learned to fear reprisal. They still don't respect me, they never will, they don't have the capacity to respect others. But they behave around me because they know that whatever energy they give me I'll multiply it tenfold and return it to them. I also gave them the warning that next time I'll go nuclear. And after that event, with a single word I could make my parents stop what they were doing and reconsider, "Car" was all I had to say, and they knew I was serious about taking a baseball bat or a hammer to the brand new car. I would have smashed every window, every light, every panel. I would have gone inside and demolished the dash and radio. I would have taken scissors to the upholstery. I would have put the hose in there, turned the water and walked away. I would have destroyed that thing beyond repair. And I told them all of this. So when my mom got the crazy eyes and started ranting and raving I would say "Car" and she would shut up and walk away.

We don't really talk any more. We were already on that trajectory before this incident. If anything, I consider this when our relationship improved.

3

u/Cybermagetx 2d ago

Nta. If there isn't enough room for yall step mom doesn't need an office.

Your dad failed here. Might be time to go live with you mom .

3

u/ophaus 2d ago

Definitely step mom's fault. She doesn't need an office, that has to change back.

3

u/Kittytigris 2d ago

Your stepmom needs to either rent an office space out side of the home or she needs to share an office space with her child using it as a bedroom as well. The rooms arrangement should have been discussed before moving in. That cannot have been the first time that she or her kids notice all the horror stuff you have in your room. If I were you, I’d keep all the important stuff under lock and key just in case.

3

u/increbelle 2d ago

NTA

she knew what she was doing when she waited for you to leave to do that. it's incredibly invasive. i dont blame you for responding the way you did. what makes it worse is that your dad is allowing this to happen.

3

u/waisonline99 2d ago

In 3 years you can move out and get your own horror themed house.

3

u/DukeRains 2d ago

No you shouldn't feel bad.

You're being railroaded by your stepmother. If she wanted her kid to be less scared, maybe give up the office and work from a table elsewhere in the house?

Clearly she wasn't concerned about her childrens living quarters when she needed office space. Just trash.

3

u/WoodsColt 2d ago

Nta. Buy a lock and install it on your room. Pitch her kids stuff into the hallway and make her deal with her kids without invading your private space. You are already sharing your home and your dad you shouldn't have to share your room just because she wants an office.

3

u/Head_Photograph9572 2d ago

Mother, and especially STEPMOTHER, goes uninvited into a teenage girls room... this will end well

3

u/BadLuckBirb 2d ago

NTA. Your step mom doesn't need an office. Making two kid share a room for an office she will use once or twice a week is not ok. Can you start spending more time at your mom's?

3

u/sonia72quebec 2d ago

This is not a compromise, this is an invasion of privacy. I would have been furious too.

3

u/ChickenScratchCoffee 2d ago

NTA. Call your grandparents and tell them this lady is abusive, breaking your stuff and throwing things that shatter. They will rip into your dad rightfully so. If she needs an office, that is her issue. She can share with the kid or find another place. She doesn’t get to come in and destroy your stuff.

3

u/JupiterSkyFalls 2d ago

This is ridiculous. You're 16 so you shouldn't be sharing a room with an 8 year old anyway, not with a whole room in the house dedicated as an unnecessary office space that's used only once or twice a week. The better solution would be use their own bedroom or her kids bedroom as an office for that small time frame.

OP, you need to sit down with your dad when you're calm, and have a one on one talk about why this isn't ok. Make sure Abby isn't home or won't be able to interrupt this conversation. You said you didn't mind sharing the room, so if that's true your dad should already be grateful you didn't make a fuss about that. But this is going overboard on step moms end by disrespecting your things and boundaries. You shouldn't have to change everything in your life to accommodate someone you never asked to have in the first place.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/Visual-Shopping-6295 1d ago

NTA... it's your room. The age gap/personality differences are too wide. The office is not a necessity. They need to be more creative in what area can be converted into an office space. I don't understand why people create an issue under already strained circumstances.

3

u/Kaestar1986 1d ago

Seriously honey fucking no. I was raised in horror, I watched Child’s Play when I was around eight and I’m 37 now. You may be a minor but that’s still YOUR property and it is not cool for them to dissemble (uproot, destruct) your lifestyle for some rando kid your dad brought in. I know my phrasing is rude and uncaring, but their actions are worse. Fair play is fair play, she wants to break your shit, show her how it feels. Usually I’m “be the bigger person” but you’re an effing teenager still developing and they need to not be tearing down your mental development.

8

u/Tall-Negotiation6623 2d ago

NTA. Your dad is the real asshole here. He moved in a woman that doesn’t respect you and her three kids into a house that isn’t big enough. Your dad should be picking you over the woman he fucks, but he’s selfish, so he won’t. You need to make it clear to him that her presence and her putting her need for an office and her kids needs above you, will ruin your relationship with him and in the end he will lose you. If she picks her kids above you, then your dad needs to pick you. He needs to grow a spine and stop thinking with his dick.

6

u/CyberArwen1980 2d ago

Update us

4

u/desert_jim 2d ago

NTA. Your Dad's being an ass and not being a good parent. He's supposed to be looking out for you and failing. It's very telling where he's not prioritizing your well being in all of this. They moved into your house and you are being pushed around. I wouldn't be surprised if you go NC with your Dad when you turn 18. And he'll be all I wonder why she doesn't talk to me anymore.

5

u/avatarjulius 2d ago

If some woman was moving into my house and touch anything of mine things without my premission I would destroy everything of her, especially after breaking one of my things. I wouldn't have threatened her lap top, that would've been the first thing I break.

8

u/PissedOffFunnyanWarm 2d ago

Hi Step-parent here, while I haven’t done everything right and have made plenty of mistakes, the one rule I always went by was respecting my Steps space. I’ve never and would never change anything about his room. It’s HIS space. 

NTA.

11

u/Hour_Peace9278 2d ago

So do you think I should apologies to her? Or no

I don’t really know what to do

16

u/Lady-Meows-a-Lot 2d ago

Do not apologize to that vile woman!! She is straight up nasty and selfish and should not be a stepparent.

15

u/Veteris71 2d ago

Not to your stepmother, she sucks. You should probably apologize to Katie for breaking her doll.

Do you have grandparents or other relatves who can keep your stuff safe? i wouldn't trust Abby not to "accidentally" lose it or destroy it somewhere along the line.

→ More replies (7)

7

u/SamuelVimesTrained 2d ago

I guess in about 3 years - dad hears the door slam and wonders why his child no longer talks to him.
Guess his bedpartner is more important than his child ..

stepmonster needs an office room - well , then RENT one, build one - but some of these people "need" it to assert dominance.

NTA - and please, make sure you take your hobby things, memento`s etc out and store in a safe place.

7

u/SparrowLikeBird 2d ago

Wow

Breaking your things is unacceptable FULL STOP

  1. She needs to replace that item immediately with a new one of it, or a mint condition one if they are no longer sold. Cost be damned.

  2. She needs to issue an immediate apology.

  3. And she needs to be enrolled in anger management.

I am impressed that you handled it as well as you did (tho not the ideal handling). I would have done far worse.

Her daughter needs a separate room, or she needs a separate house.

  1. Room decor is a BIG DEAL and should have been discussed well before the marriage and move in

  2. She made you feel unsafe.

  3. If you compromise on this now, you will be a doormat forever. IDK if your mom is around anymore, but if so this would be a good time to ask to stay with her

4

u/sinister710_ 2d ago

This is pretty crazy tbh. You go from a life of just you and your dad to having an overly self important step mother, 3 extra kids and sharing a room with an 8 year old. That’s pretty fucked up imo.

2

u/Ill_Rhubarb3104 2d ago

Nta sorry you have a step bitch to deal with hopefully your dad gets his shit together

2

u/superwholockian62 2d ago

NTA. But you should've broken something of hers and not her kids stuff.

2

u/Electrical-Sleep-853 2d ago

NTA but I wouldn't have broken Katie's stuff I'd have broken some of abbys stuff

2

u/ExtremeAd7729 2d ago

Why has it become acceptable to just blend the families without first making sure the existing kids are on board? It's the dntire house dynamics changing. Why is it ok with society for the parents to be this selfish?