r/BreakUps • u/NotATypicalSinn • 2d ago
Do you keep stuff your ex gave/gifted you?
Personally, I do choose to keep them.. Pictures on my phone, childhood pics, diaries, necklaces, old student IDs, everything. I keep every single one I get from them. Not as a form of desperate attachment, but to remind myself and show myself that even if things ended, no matter how hard or sad or bitter it was, I loved them with to the best of my capabilities and with my whole being.
I keep them because it reminds me that love isn't some trap or meaningless thing, no matter how much it breaks me. Because in spite of it all, I loved the only way I knew how, and that the love I gave was as real as I could ever show.
But what about you guys? What do you think?
If you've got any other questions you wanna ask me about why I think this way, feel free to ask too. Don't be shy ^ ^
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u/Fr1zGum 1d ago
yes and I 100% agree with you. Those moments and relationships brought me happiness and love (even some of them were toxic). People put effort and wanted to make me happy, so I respect that. Of course i put it away in boxes, but I’ll keep it forever since it’s memories. One thing i give away to my exes are printed photos. I don’t know why, maybe it’s too many emotions…
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u/tidespell6789 1d ago
Each person finds their own way of managing memories, and it's important to do what feels right for you.
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u/BadGuyBusters2020 1d ago
I got rid of almost everything. I don’t want reminders of how he messed up my life so catastrophically - I want to forget as much as I can, as quick as I can. All the gifts, etc., just made me think he was lying every time he gave me something, every time he said how much I meant to him, etc.
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u/NotATypicalSinn 1d ago
Completely fair and understandable! My friend went through something similar, and though I can't say I fully understand how you feel, I can imagine how hard it is. Do what you need to do, for your peace of mind. :) I hope you have a wonderful day too ^ ^
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u/derylle 1d ago
Everyone is different. Me, I have burned everything. This current ex, the before her and the one before her her. I have burned every single item from every single EX. BUT, that being said, just my and how I deal with it. Your mileage will always vary and just my 2 cents.
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u/NotATypicalSinn 1d ago
Fair and understandable. Do what you deem best, especially if it's for your mental health ^ ^
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u/External-Project-408 2d ago
I (20M) do the same. I’ve only been in two relationships. One senior year of high school and the other just ended a month ago. Both were good relationships and definitely taught me a lot. Also, I ended on pretty good terms with both.
I do keep many of the things I got from them (letters, toys, art, etc). I don’t feel an attachment to them, more of an appreciation to how fortunate I have been to have them in my life. And to see how much I’ve grown. I always feel bad when I hear people burning or deleting pictures/gifts from past relationships.
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u/NotATypicalSinn 1d ago
I always feel bad when I hear people burning or deleting pictures/gifts from past relationships.
Honestly I can understand WHY some choose to. My friend did it concerning her ex, and I could see why she did it, and honestly it was very healthy for her. There's many things that can happen and many ways to move on, just as there are all types of relationships.
And also, same(with the first paragraph). I had a great time with my exes, and even if things ended up somewhat bitter, I cherished the time I had with them and am happy to have spent my time with them.
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u/dpo11122 1d ago
I got broken up with last Saturday night and dropped everything I had from the relationship to Goodwill Monday morning. I’m kind of regretting that now as maybe I did that in like the heat of the moment and maybe years from now I’m gonna wanna have that stuff. We still have pictures though that I never planned on getting rid of and will definitely be printing out at some point.
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u/NotATypicalSinn 1d ago
Whatever happens, happens. If you can get them back and want to, you can try! But if you feel like you can't bear to, then don't.
The most important thing is you choose what's best for yourself. You'll have regrets no matter what you choose, so it's a matter of picking your poison and which regret you'd rather live with. It's hard and it will be harder, but stay strong comrade.
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u/Herreber 1d ago
I returned most of them. She kept all mine , God knows why.
If they can lie to your face, they can shove their gifts up their ....
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u/NotATypicalSinn 1d ago
It prolly depends on the circumstances of the break up then, I guess—
Hope you're doing well after yours 🙏
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u/Herreber 1d ago
I guess it does. Been 3 years since the blindsided dump and it's all good, you will get there too
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u/Appropriate-Art-9712 1d ago
I don’t keep anything unless is very expensive and I can sale it or it doesn’t carry any sentimental value. I do have a few handbags that have been gifted to me worth 3-7K. These are the only things I keep lol
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u/TemporaryTop287 1d ago
I kept them. I often wonder if he still has the lovely gifts I gave him. 🤞
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u/Any_Recognition5986 1d ago
And what would that be . You gave me a pair or shoe and a bracelet that is all you have given me in 3,5 years
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u/Only_Yato 1d ago
besides some gifts that didnt felt like it held value to me to them, i deleted pictures. It reminds me of them of the love and hate post relationship. How I was told I was the best they ever had and they didnt want to leave me, yet kept making me upset and I slowly started to not feel like I meant anything.
I know in my heart I tried my best. The pictures just always reminded me it still wasnt enough
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u/gerdain 1d ago
I’ve kept a box of our memories (tickets, gadgets from when we were travelling, pictures, dried flowers from the ones he gifted me, a plush toy he won for me on a fair) and I was planning to give it to him as part of the gift for our anniversary. He left me a week before that. Now I’ve added the engagement ring and the dollar coin he gave me as a promise of his love and I’ll put it in the stuff that he needs to come and get from my place.
I’m trying to be as noble as I can about this and not be petty, but he broke things off because he was convinced I didn’t love him enough and that he wasn’t good enough for me. He left with the words “the wedding is off”, I couldn’t reach him for two days and after that he still had the nerve to put it on me and say I didn’t care enough and was not even making an effort to save our relationship.
I’ll be petty and give him this box, because all I ever did was love him, support him and be there for him for better or worse, apologised when I wasn’t wrong just to get back to him, calmed him when he was hysterically shouting at me and I feel deeply hurt and offended that he left me and that he still fails to take accountability.
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u/Dependent-Split3005 1d ago
I kept the Trauma then decided Fuck It, I deserve better and focused on my Happiness.
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u/NotATypicalSinn 1d ago
Epic move. Good on you!
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u/Dependent-Split3005 1d ago
Best Revenge is Being Happy...2nd Best Revenge is knowing that they are going to die alone and be devoured by their cats.
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u/NotATypicalSinn 1d ago
Ey watch out, revenge is against the rules HAHAHAH
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u/VivianDiane 1d ago
I keep the gifts if they are of any use to me but the trash I threw away. (Think poundland plastic, skull shaped cocktail mixer, missing its cap, that was my 21st birthday present.) The cards I bin as the sentiments behind them were lies.
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u/customarymagic 1d ago
I boxed up a lot of it and put it in a closet. I'm lucky in that our relationship ended fine, I didn't want to end it but it wasn't anything traumatic. So they're just little trinkets of good memories of someone who isn't in my life anymore
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u/imsofuckingtired00 1d ago
I get rid of every picture, every little lover letter/note, any old clothing. But the trinkets I keep cus I’m able to detach my emotions tied into the object. It’s just a cool little thing I have lying around.
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u/Chicken_Nugget_Luvr 1d ago
I kept mostly everything. My first birthday and Christmas gifts were art that she made for me. One is a clock out of an old record, it's so cool. I smile everytime I look at it
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u/Spiritual-Pudding653 1d ago
I gave her the physical pictures we had on the wall. I kept one I don’t look at but I have it anyway. Reminder of when her and the dogs were a part of my life.
I still have all the pictures on my phone, which is why I gave her the physical ones. I refuse to look at them right now and won’t delete them. It’s not me holding on, it’s just me keeping the happy days as a part of my memories. 7 weeks NC, going on 4 months since she left.
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u/setsuna_f 1d ago
Already stored all in a box, including the gifts. If she wants them she can have them all. What i want is to create more fond memories together as we age, not to keep memories that remains to hurt.
I'm definitely happy during those dates, but what I'm not is the departure of the other who chose to walk away
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u/AnonPianoPlayer22 1d ago
If I got rid of all the socks she gave me I’d have to buy 2 new packs so I’m keeping those lol. And a shirt that has gotten more compliments on itself than any other article of clothing I have. Everything else went byebye
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u/Substantial-Film7301 1d ago
My situationship gave me some fancy teas, gifted them to my new guy, didn't want to waste food. ( My new guy knows, he thought it was funny)
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u/onlineventilation 1d ago
I keep some things and toss others. I keep some pictures. I keep some objects, but usually if they are too sentimental I get rid of them. I never keep jewelry. I keep love notes.
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u/Latter_Detail_2825 1d ago
Well, for some of the stuff I don't have a choice, like ALL of the furniture in my house he got for me because he didn't like mine much.
He also gave me most of my wardrobe....so unable to dump some of that.
He also gave me makeup (that lasts so long that I haven't gotten rid of that.
BUT, there have been some hats and other things that were hurting me deeply to look at and I had to throw them away.
Presently, there is a picture of Lucille Ball and Dezie in my bathroom that reminds me of him and I and I have been contemplating throwing that away because it faces me everyday when I get out of the shower & if I am not thinking about "us"....all of a sudden I am in a tailspin.
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u/forgettingitagain 1d ago
Not really. I burn most of it lol. My way of clearing shit out. Might keep a picture or something special. Most burn or give back. Don’t need reminders, memories are enough.
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u/jowones10 1d ago
Still have most of it since I still think of him fondly and we ended things on a good note or as good as a breakup can be if that makes any sense
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u/Chemical-History5179 1d ago
I debate with myself about this every day, my first ex I kept nothing and tried to completely remove any trace of her from my life, now though I don’t know I spent 15 years with this relationship and I don’t know how I feel about this question.
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u/HelloSir55 1d ago
I still have some letters she wrote to me. I haven’t read them since the day she gave em to me. I feel like if i do it’s going to make me even more sad. I also still have some candid photos and videos i took of her. I do have a lot of silly pictures and videos i took with her daughter tho. I miss that little girl she was so sweet and loved me unconditionally. Her mom didn’t have to tell her to tell me she loved me, she would do it all on her own. Haven’t seen her since the breakup and i fear she probably thinks i abandoned her which was the last thing i ever wanted to happen. Her 5th birthday was 2 days ago and I’m devastated i didn’t get to be there with her.
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u/Ok_Long5367 1d ago
Mine asked for everything back which, me personally, I find super tacky.
I moved on though, I just delete pictures of my phone of him
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u/marvel_addict_1228 1d ago
I also kept the pictures throughout the relationship. I know people delete them to show they’ve moved on from a person, but those pictures are attached to memories that he just happened to be apart of: prom, graduation, my school’s musical, etc. Deleting those pictures also deletes the memories I’ve captured. I do the same with photos of old friends that I’ve drifted away from.
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u/Stillbroken29 1d ago
The rings and the necklace is all I kept, I don’t wear the rings but I use the necklace as a reminder of the pain and it keeps me moving forward
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u/Separate_Ad9745 21h ago
I barely had any gifts from them, threw all three. There was one item that he made me promise to never throw even if we break up, i threw it down the trash after he blindsighted me left me for someone else :)
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u/ThatAltAccount99 1d ago
I didn't keep pictures and the likes but I really like this way of thinking and it's why I don't regret our relationship regardless of how toxic she ended up being. I genuinely loved her with everything I had and I believe she loved me with everything she had but was just a very flawed person unfortunately. I'm glad I got to experience being in love. It was worth the pain.