r/AITAH • u/Few_Relative4595 • 2d ago
UPDATE AITAH for ghosting my girlfriend after she nearly killed both of us?
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1dpz91n/aitah_for_ghosting_my_girlfriend_after_she_nearly/
So the past couple of hours have been insane, honestly. Before the actual update, I just wanted to sort some things out: * I've seen people talking about this post being rage bait or fake. Honestly, I wish it was, but I actually needed to hear some opinions on what happened. * Some people talked about me having anger issues: this is not true at all, I never snapped at her like this for tickling me (let along hitting her or anything like this), but in the rage of the moment, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I might consider myself to be a calm person, but that doesn't mean I will laugh and giggle through stupid stuff. * The actual crash happened at a speed that could've killed us if I swerved in the wrong direction (I was driving on a country road, and could've frontally hit a car coming from the other direction, as the speed at which the crash happened was around 40mph/65kmph) * The tickling part and childhood trauma: I've mentioned that to my (now) ex-girlfriend around 3 months into our relationship, but as many pointed the obvious, I wasn't dating the sharpest tool in the shed and it took me a while to realize it, so I guess I might be a bit dumb as well lol. * I think I might've misused the term "Ghosting". In my head, telling her to get out of my house was already a clear sign of our relationship status.
Now, to the actual update:
After reading nearly all the comments, I took the decision to send my ex a message where I told her we should meet face-to-face. Some people suggested that I should file for a lawsuit, but my ex is still in uni and her parents can barely afford helping her. She obviously has done an insanely dumb stunt, but I don't want to punish her parents for it. The car is in the process of getting fixed and I can afford it without major financial issues. Still, I took screenshots of her messages in order for me to have some proof in case the situation escalates.
So, we met earlier at a coffee shop. She looked as if she's been crying for a long time, but it didn't change my mind at all. What shocked me was the fact that she leaned in for a kiss when she saw me, as if nothing happened. I stopped her and told her that we need to have a serious conversation. I explained that what happened wasn't because of the car itself, but because of her disrespecting my boundaries and not thinking for a second about what might happen if she did that thing. Besides that, I also felt disrespected by the fact that her best friend came knocking at my door to demand things, despite not having any rights to do so, which led me to ask my ex if she told her best friend the truth or if she lied about the situation.
She said that she only told her friend that we had a small car crash and I'm pissed at her. Hearing that made me feel disappointed as hell, but I did my best to remain calm. I told her to tell the real story to her friends and family, and she raised her voice and told me that I'm accusing her of being a liar, something that led to a 15 minutes discussion about how the crash was solely her fault and how she put our lives at risk.
I asked her if everything's clear to her about our situation and her response was "Yep, 100%, can we go home now?". That honestly shocked me. I told her that there's no way we can be back together and I suggested she should be more careful and considerate with her future partner. Her reaction was all tears, shaking, begging me to reconsider my decision, but I just can't look at her the same. I explained again that for me it wasn't a small mistake she made, it was a full-on stupid decision that shouldn't be done by an adult, as it could've resulted in something deadly.
She just thinks I'm exaggerating and this back and forth argument led to her asking if there's someone else in my life and I'm just using the accident as an excuse. I denied and told her that she's too selfish to even realise that she broke my trust and disrespects me by saying this crap.
I left the coffee shop feeling like I've been talking to a wall, but at least I can't say that I didn't try to have a conversation. An hour ago her mom texted me asking what happened and I told her everything. I said that I don't want any money from them, but the only thing I'm asking is for my ex to keep her distance from me. She apologized for what her daughter did and wished me all the best. As for her friend, from my understanding she just came to my house without talking with my ex on wether she should do it or not, so I guess she just tried to be the main character in this whole story.
Right now I'm preparing for work, but my chest isn't heavy anymore. In case anything will happen in the future, I'll keep everyone updated, but I hope it won't be the case lol.
Thank you for helping me navigate this weird situation and thanks for all the kind messages. Hope everyone stays safe!
Edit: Sorry if this wasn't the drama-filled update some people might've expected, but I came here with the desire to get some perspective on my situation and be as transparent as possible, I never intended to post this story for votes or anything like that.
1.7k
u/North-Reference7081 2d ago
you made the right call. sounds like nothing was really registering with her. it's one thing to make a mistake and be completely apologetic and learn from it, but from your description, I don't think she was gonna learn anything.
575
u/ZaraBaz 2d ago
I'm glad her mother and him had a chance to talk. She sounds reasonable, unlike the daughter.
321
u/Even_Budget2078 2d ago
Sounds like mom knows her daughter, too. Probably heard OP's story and was like "yep, sounds like daughter, sigh"
→ More replies (1)36
2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (2)54
u/Tfuentexxx 2d ago
You now what, even all those things I can forgive (boundary breaking, stupid behavior). Some people do stupid things, we are human and make mistakes. However, what ended things, for me at least, is having to convince her to take accountability of her actions and even failing at it. He say it himself, he was talking to a wall, you can have a relationship with someone like that. Is not just apologizing from the mouth to outside, but taking accountability and repenting on your mistakes is what makes you move on from them. This girl seems like a spoiled brat.
15
u/Leopardodellenevi 2d ago
The kind of spoiled brat with parents bleeding themselves on work so she can have the best life without knowing or recognizing the effort.
→ More replies (1)31
u/Witchgrass 2d ago
Imagine if it had been a minivan with babies in it and not a guardrail. This is the living breathing definition of an airhead.
70
u/alansar5 2d ago
True, her mom's response shows where the real maturity in that family lies.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (1)24
u/Fuzzy_Laugh_1117 2d ago
As a mother of two girls, my daughter's ex would pretty much have to do something illegal for me to have the audacity to call them after a break up. That's some weird ass parenting behaviour and only serves as backup, smaller red flags compared to the enormous one OPs ex was waving.
51
u/craigiest 2d ago
It sounds like the mother’s call was a real blessing. OP is reassured that the ex’s distorted, responsibility-denying version of events isn’t the narrative others believe. Having OP’s perspective, the mom is in the position to better support the ex in learning from her mistakes and respecting boundaries in future relationships.
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (8)42
u/Witchgrass 2d ago
Sounds like she was calling thinking they might have to pay for the damage. I'm sure she was calling to get the truth of the accident knowing whatever story her daughter was spinning didn't make sense.
29
u/Even_Budget2078 2d ago
Can you imagine how your stomach would drop when you found out that a car accident was not just a minor bumper thing, but that your kid *tickled* the driver going 40 mph??
8
u/Bice_thePrecious 2d ago
This is what I was thinking. Imagine having to tell your potential suiters that your last partner broke up with you because you tickled him while driving.
Of course, she won't say that. She'll spin it to make it sound like he randomly stopped the car and told her to get out of it and his life.
87
u/JYQE 2d ago
She really doesn’t sound too smart. How is she even in university?
165
u/DazzleLove 2d ago
Common sense isn’t the same as ability to pass exams intelligence
→ More replies (2)72
u/banned_bc_dumb 2d ago
I have a friend who is a lawyer who I saw walk face first into a sliding glass door. Twice. In a span of 2 hours.
→ More replies (1)32
17
u/Internal-Test-8015 2d ago
I mean all she has to do is pass the classes really and I'm sure she probably has to do like extracurricular assignments and stuff which is why Uni is a joke because anyone can weasel their way through. Plus the fact that she's clearly socially illiterate doesn't necessarily mean she is educationally.
16
u/ExcitingTabletop 2d ago
Ah, schools aren't what they once were. If she picks the right major, it's no harder than HS, sometimes easier.
→ More replies (5)5
u/North-Reference7081 2d ago
I think being able to study well doesn't always translate to someone actually being intelligent tbh
37
u/nfstern 2d ago edited 2d ago
Emphatically seconded! An ex-girlfriend (from hell) did that tickling shit with me. I repeatedly asked her nicely to stop and she wouldn't. One night I lost my temper with her about it and yelled at her about it. Then she was upset because I yelled at her. I told her she refused to pay attention to repeatedly asking her politely to stop. She refused to get that either.
That week she spoke to one of her girlfriends and (thankfully) the girlfriend unloaded on her about it. The girlfriend had an abusive ex-boyfriend that did that to her and she was still pissed.
The lack of respecting boundaries was one of many red flags with that woman along with her not listening. It only resonated when a friend of hers told her, a pattern that repeated itself until I finally decided I'd had enough of her bullshit - which took me way too long.
One of my takeaways from that relationship is to cut it loose when this behavior's present. It's seldom worth trying to work through this nonsense with a so.
4
u/North-Reference7081 2d ago
oh for sure. if they're old enough to date then they're old enough to have learned that already. so the chances of them learning it still, aren't great. it's like sure, give them a chance to learn, but honestly the first time you address it with them will likely give a good indication as to if they're gonna catch on or not, lol
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)4
u/hrakkari 2d ago
Some non ticklish people just can’t understand what it’s like to be tickled. She’s probably thinking “bro, just like hold it in and we would’ve been fine.”
What she did could’ve been as dangerous as tasing him or throwing a drink in his face.
955
u/Environmental_Exit19 2d ago
Good for you. She's not even mature enough for a relationship if she can't even take accountability for her own actions.
460
u/TrainingFilm4296 2d ago
That "can we go home now?" was crazy to me. She has the mind of a child. Couldn't even fathom the idea of him not wanting to be with her after not only stomping on a previously placed firm boundary, but also could've resulted in serious injury or death.
I hope someone shows her these threads, but then again, who knows if she's even capable of self-reflection.
180
u/strega42 2d ago
Sounds like my ex, who had the attitude of "if I make the right mouth noises, she'll stop bitching and things can go back to normal"... where normal = ignoring everything I said and pretending there's not a problem.
OP, you dodged a bullet.
82
u/Environmental_Exit19 2d ago
Right? And who tickles someone who she knows doesn't like it, WHILE THEY'RE DRIVING?
→ More replies (2)69
u/ElectricalTeardrops 2d ago
Abusers pushing boundaries to see what else they can get away with.
At least, that's what I think. I can't fathom why else she'd blatantly violate her partners repeated boundaries, especially to put them in a dangerous situation.
20
u/Erparus 2d ago
I wouldn't go as far as to label her an abuser. She may simply me immature and oblivious to her own effect on the world around her and lack impulse control.
29
u/ElectricalTeardrops 2d ago
I don't think an abusive person necessarily intends abuse.
Her refusal to accept any accountability throughout, ignoring personal boundaries, putting them both in a dangerous situation, and gaslighting him afterwards (treating him like he's massively overreacting) is all abusive behavior. If she does nothing to address it, she's an abuser.
24
u/the_gabih 2d ago
Yep. A lot of abuse doesn't come from a place of active malice, but simply not thinking of the other person as a full person with thoughts, feelings and boundaries.
→ More replies (1)15
u/ElectricalTeardrops 2d ago
Exactly. And being dumb or immature isn't an excuse. Especially not for adults in adult relationships. "She's a bit immature" works if she has trouble managing her emotions or if she has some dumb takes occasionally.
It doesn't cover repeatedly violating boundaries and acting like you have a right to do so without consequence. It definitely doesn't cover violate boundaries, but up the stakes by making it dangerous
14
u/Wonderful-Impact5121 2d ago
This is always a massive issue, in my mind, when people discuss abusers and their behavior.
I’d honestly argue that the vast vast majority of abusers in human history are not doing it in a super intentional, calculated, Machiavellian way.
It’s like how Reddit tends to talk about cheaters like they’re 100% banging someone else and only thinking about their partners emotional pain the entire time. No physical orgasms, just enjoying the sadism. That’s it.
Which is silly.
The common traits and behaviors of abusers are typically the result of their overall character, their biases, their emotions, their knowledge, their culture, their sense of how things “should be”, their selfishness, their poor emotional intelligence or coping methods.
But when you describe different cycles of abuse it inherently sounds very intentional.
… and then people in abusive situations process all of that. But they’re intimately in that situation. They know their abuser pretty well and lot of the time, rose colored glasses or no. And they can pretty reasonably assess that it’s not a calculated intentional thing. And a lot of the time they’d be right.
You don’t have to plan out getting defensive, then aggressive, slapping your girlfriend and yelling… then genuinely (in the moment) feeling like you went too far and did a bad thing and your girlfriend is going to be more hurt and upset than usual… so you start being nicer, doing things for her, because you did kinda go too far maybe and let your emotions go away… until you don’t care enough to even remember it happened and it becomes normal.
It’s one of the most common cycles in abusive relationships and I bet a monkey could replicate that, let alone a human being and all of our weird emotions. Doesn’t require conscious scheming.
And because all of the literature generally makes it sound intentional it’s easier for people to dismiss.
Because their partner is an abusive emotionally unstable asshole with controlling entitled beliefs sometimes… but it’s clearly not likely intentional. So maybe there’s a chance, maybe they are working on it and they’ll get better like they said the last 3 times. Life’s a journey and all that shit.
4
u/ElectricalTeardrops 2d ago
100%. I think there's an innate desire to separate abusers and their actions into an "other" category. We don't want to think that it's applicable to ourselves. It's difficult to be objective, because abuse tactics are often stemming from emotions that most people have to grapple with at some point. The feelings behind abuse are often valid - the problem comes when those feelings are used to justify and perpetuate abuse.
Which is why it's so important to recognize the behavior, the impact, and when to take accountability.
→ More replies (2)7
19
9
u/PurpleAntifreeze 2d ago
Yeah this was just mind boggling, I don’t think reading will help this person figure anything out.
→ More replies (3)10
u/pppjjjoooiii 2d ago
I wish everyone in this thread would stop giving this behavior a pass as though it’s some kind of innocent naivete.
She’s been straight up lying and gaslighting at every point throughout this situation. “Can we go home now” wasn’t a misunderstanding. It was her implying “you’ve got your stupid and irrelevant rant out of the way, now can you shut up and forget about it”. It was her final attempt to just strong arm him back into the relationship.
58
u/sexyyygamer 2d ago
Agreed! she must first know how to admit her shortcomings and learn from it before engaging into a relationship. OP is NTA. I hope you heal well.
357
u/Ok-Reserve6251 2d ago
Even without the trauma, someone who tickles someone repeatedly despite being told not to is a massive asshole. A boundary is a boundary, regardless of the reasons for it, and someone who violates a boundary doesn’t get to ask their target to justify it.
122
u/Svihelen 2d ago
I mean my issue isn't even the tickling boundary per say.
It's the who the fuck tickles someone driving a car issue, ya know?
Thats like car safety 101, don't fuck with the driver.
86
u/Ok-Reserve6251 2d ago
No, ticking after someone has clearly told someone it isn’t welcome is a major asshole move. Doing it and causing an accident with it, then getting mad with “it’s just a car!” takes it to 11 and 12, respectively.
→ More replies (2)14
u/Servo__ 2d ago
Agreed. I have a similar sensitivity to tickling and tickling him in the car is egregious and beyond stupid, but OP would be justified even if she only did it while they were watching TV. I've had to set the same boundary before, and I've stopped seeing someone because they refused to respect it.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (1)8
u/henrebotha 2d ago
I've learned a new word this week and I'm going to use it for the first time in this conversation:
The breakup was overdetermined. Repeatedly violating a partner's boundary is sufficient reason for a breakup. Also, interfering with and distracting someone who is driving a vehicle is sufficient reason for a breakup. Either reason by itself would have been relationship-ending; remove one, and you are still left with a breakup. Overdetermined.
20
11
→ More replies (6)20
u/Pimp_Daddy_Patty 2d ago
I'm not 100% sure if it's a real thing, but I was told that this forced tickling behavior is a sign of abusive tendencies.
21
→ More replies (2)8
u/We_Roll_This_Stone 2d ago
Can be, yeah. It tests how much you're willing to put up with having your bodily autonomy taken from you.
345
u/Snoo-55425 2d ago
Great news. Every loose end neatly tied. Here's hoping that this doesn't weigh on you too much while you move on.
→ More replies (1)
237
u/Hayzey22 2d ago
Now her mom knows the truth so if she starts lying again/omitting the truth about why you two broke up someone who’s still in her life will be able to hopefully call her out on it.
→ More replies (1)23
146
u/Walrusoflike 2d ago
It seems like you were indeed talking to a brick wall, and now you’ve dodged it. Good move!
→ More replies (1)
74
u/violentpwn0graphy 2d ago
I'm very glad you left her OP. You will find someone who understands car safety (should be a real easy task) and someone who can respect boundaries even out of the car. I'm glad you're okay. You have been very mature during this experience.
→ More replies (1)
64
u/Drewherondale 2d ago
You handled this well! Her behavior baffles me
→ More replies (5)43
u/tosil 2d ago
Emotional immaturity
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-a-emotional-immaturity
63
u/nandopadilla 2d ago
Yea she's too immature to be taken seriously. She almost killed yall and she thinks you're overreacting? Nah she needs to go somewhere else
13
41
35
u/rlyfckd 2d ago
She doesn't seem to be able to take any accountability or understand her actions (tickling) was making you feel uncomfortable and was a breach of a boundary for you. Even if tickling is not a problem with you, it is a very dangerous, inconsiderate and stupid thing to do to someone who is driving.
In my experience, many people don't seem to understand that the action is irrelevant, it's the impact that action has on people and the fact people have different boundaries and it should be respected. "It's just tickling, why are you making a big deal out of it?", is what emotionally immature people would say.
My partner is touch sensitive and sometimes he's not in the mood for hugs or kisses if he's overwhelmed. I am different. I don't mind if he does it to me, but that doesn't mean I automatically apply that logic to him. Although he doesn't need to ask me to give me hugs and kisses because it's not a boundary breach for me, I still always ask him because it is for him and I'm also not a mind reader. Ultimately, it's not about the action but caring about how that action impacts or would make my partner feel. I don't ever want my partner to feel uncomfortable for any reason, even if it's me expressing love or affection. It's the other person's place to decide what is loving and affectionate to them, not mine.
Ultimately, it's selfish behaviour to express affection or love (in this case the tickling) in a way that doesn't land that way with you. Your ex partner was selfishly making herself feel like she is doing a good deed and self soothing at your expense, thinking her behaviour is "loving". Impact and intent are two different things.
I think she needs to do some growing up - she does seem quite emotionally immature.
30
u/SyllabubOk4983 2d ago
I had a similar thing happen. I (f) was driving on expressway in a large metro area when my boyfriend started tickling me. I got pissed off and hit his hands away saying to leave me alone I was driving. He said the typical stuff about joking and I'm too serious. Cue a car crossing 4-5 lanes of traffic directly in front of me to catch their exit. I said THAT is why I need to focus. I got a humbled "yes ma'am " in response and he kept his hands to himself after that. I would have lost my mind if he'd kept it up.
17
62
u/__Demyan__ 2d ago
You gave her a second chance, and even after some time between what happened, she can not even see that what she did could have led to a life threatening situation for the both of you!
It's a good thing you dumped her, all the best for you!
26
69
u/NerdySwampWitch40 2d ago
Good for you. Now change your locks.
37
u/NefariousnessSweet70 2d ago
And get Ring door bell cameras. .
18
u/Excellent-Mango-3003 2d ago
And keep a camera on that car where ever u park it or hopefully it’s garage kept.
20
u/sophieornotsophie_ 2d ago
Glad you stayed firm on your decision as she’d never respect any of your boundaries moving forward. Ignore her friends, you owe them nothing.
37
u/Bitomaxx 2d ago
Good for you, she didn't take a single thing on board you dodged a future killer bullet.
17
u/DawnShakhar 2d ago
I'm glad this was resolved. You were generous not to demand damages, and more than generous to agree to meet her to give her closure. As it happened, it didn't give her closure because she is in denial, and still rejects the conclusion that she did anything wrong - she just thought that once you got it off your chest, you would take her back. Of course you did the right thing in rejecting that. I hope the meeting at least gave you some closure.
16
31
u/angyalka1111 2d ago
I just want to say, be so proud of yourself. Your patience is admirable, and also the way you stood on business even though she tried to invalidate your feelings and the absolute seriousness of the situation. My blood was boiling reading both posts, I wish you well in the future!
13
12
u/Dr_FunkyMonkey 2d ago
Man, you did more than what you ought to do for her. Big respect you did your part and even more. The positive outcome is that everyone is fine and alive. Focus on that.
13
u/ZZartin 2d ago
She just thinks I'm exaggerating and this back and forth argument led to her asking if there's someone else in my life and I'm just using the accident as an excuse.
This is a level of ditzy that goes way beyond cute and is obviously physically dangerous to you.
→ More replies (1)
12
u/butterytoastandtea 2d ago
You did the right thing, she does have to learn from this. It’s really hard for people to accept they’ve done something wrong when they didn’t have bad intentions and it will be really hard for her to accept the breakup and take the blame when she did not intend to do anything wrong or to hurt you but it was immature to have done it in the first place and her behaviour afterwards only drives home how immature she is and disrespectful to you.
11
u/Nervous-Tea-7074 2d ago
Kinda feels like this was an expensive life lesson, but the value of it was priceless.
I would honestly put some cameras around and just watch your back for abit, because she generally sounds so unhinged.
9
9
u/LaFlibuste 2d ago
Even ignoring all the boundary-stomping red flags, which would be enough for a break up in themselves, WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK TICKLES THE DRIVER?! What an absolute moron. Good riddance and NTA.
→ More replies (2)
9
u/BlueGreen_1956 2d ago
Still NTA.
Your only mistake was assuming that she would ever take any accountability for her actions.
She has probably never been forced to do so even once in her life and cannot fathom doing so now.
Dumping her was the correct decision.
7
u/Known-Quantity2021 2d ago
Wow, she tries for a kiss, lies about the accident, doesn't listen to your explanation because her response is "can we go home now", when she finally hears your no she asks if there is someone else. The girl has no self-awareness.
7
6
u/Low-Teach-8023 2d ago
She violated a boundary by doing something she’s been asked multiple times not to do. It doesn’t matter if OP has trauma related to that or not. I don’t like anyone touching my belly button. No trauma. I just don’t like the feeling. Guess what. My husband avoids it because I asked him to.
4
7
6
u/Takethemanout 2d ago
I’m happy for you, she’s extremely immature and definitely not someone you want to end up unless she’s willingly changing, genuinely she’s not serious and has no idea about what she could’ve caused.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/NerdAlert1229 2d ago
You did nothing wrong in this situation. She has no respect for your boundaries and is so oblivious to her short comings. Move on. You dodged a bullet.
4
6
u/Own_Experience863 2d ago
Not only is she a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. She genuinely believes she's the victim and that you're either overreacting or using this as an "excuse" (as if you need one) to dump her and move on.
Madness.
5
5
u/cmari3bral3y 2d ago
Man, as someone on the spectrum, tickling sends me into a RAGE. Bless your heart for being as calm as you've been throughout. And may you be blessed moving on and forward 🙏🏻
3
4
4
2
u/Spiritual-Cheek-1168 2d ago
Wow. Your (now thankfully ex) GF needs a wake up call about respecting boundaries and how not to get a Darwin Award for dumb ways to die. Hopefully she wisens up soon without dragging anyone else with her.
Good call on sparing yourself the stress and misery of this relationship
4
5
u/curlyquinn02 2d ago
It sounds like your ex has issues with thinking that she can do no wrong (possible narcissist); especially since she ignores your boundaries. Hopefully, you learn a lot from this, and am able to keep her out of your life with minimal issues.
4
u/Noobagainreddit 2d ago
"Sorry if this wasn't the drama-filled update some people might've expected"
Don't, it had enough drama! :)
From your description of the meet in the coffie shop you did good.
Updateme!
4
u/FamouslyHugeTurds69 2d ago
Girl broke OPs one boundary and my man went full Pantera on her ass.
RE.
SPECT.
WALK!
Good on you, OP, for holding your ground. That can't have been easy.
5
5
u/Practical-Ordinary-6 2d ago
I applaud you for acting like an adult. You actually took some responsibility and had a conversation to resolve things. You didn't run away like a coward and use electronics as a crutch to solve your problem. Human relationships are human relationships, not electronic relationships. You can only resolve something with another human by talking to that other human. "Resolve" doesn't necessarily mean fix, some things can't be fixed, but they can be resolved when both people are on the same page about where things stand. Do you see how saying "get out of my house" and electronically running away did not resolve things? Because that wasn't a conversation. You need a conversation for that.
As you said, you feel a weight has been lifted off your chest, and that's no surprise. That's what happens when things are resolved. It might be hard and painful and difficult in the moment, but the key is to get it done for real and really put it behind you instead of letting it drag out. As you said, you can't say you didn't try and that's one of the key parts of moving on -- doing something to provide clarity. You had that necessary conversation, you realized you were talking to a wall, she knows where you are at with no ambiguity, and moving on is now possible.
Well done.
5
u/BigJohnThomas 2d ago
Good job OP
Your ex just showed you who she really is. Listen to her 100%. Things are never going to change. And now you have 10 other problems that have been uncovered.
Walk away and don’t look back.
5
u/KyleRoberts 2d ago
That “Yep, 100%, can we go home now?” part would have me seeing red. It would be all I needed to know. You’re trying to have a serious conversation, and she’s just, “please stop being mad at meeeeeee….”
3
u/Choice_Pool_5971 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yep, sorry to say but your ex is dumb, selfish and irresponsible to a level that honestly makes me think her biggest accomplishment in life will get getting a Darwin Award someday in the near future.
Edit to add: for those unaware, the Darwin Awards is a joke competition that “prizes” people for doing remarkably stupid things that end up with them either getting themselves killed or mauled to a point they can no longer have kids.
Fine examples are a guy that decided to use his lighter to check if the was any gasoline left in the container of his tanker truck (spoiler, there was), a guy that decided to scare his ex by firing fireworks from his moving car in the direction of her house and forgot to lower the window to do so, a guy that thought it would be funny to light a firework with it stuck on his ass but slipped after lighting it cause he was nearly passed out drunk, the brazilian “legend” the balloon priest, a showman priest that decided to fly strapped to hundres of small party balloons with hellium…without any training on how to navigate, no parachute, a gps he did not know how it worked and a cellphone with less than 30% battery, in the coast…
5
u/HeyyyKoolAid 2d ago
Man. Props to you for handling it like an adult. The fact that she responded with "yep, 100%. Can we go home now?" made my blood boil. Literally no remorse or accountability. And the fact that she tried to turn the tables around on you by accusing you of calling her a liar when she clearly did lie, or at least a lie of omission.
4
3
u/Ok_Introduction5606 2d ago
Two facts you learn from Reddit relationship posts: don’t date dumb people and for crying out loud people need to use birth control/condoms
4
5
u/No_Eye_7963 2d ago
Tickling someone after they tell you they don't like it FOR ANY REASON, is a huge violation of your boundaries. It's annoying at least, clearly dangerous at worst! I'm irritated of her for you, she thought it was cute, destroyed your property and almost had you both killed! To anyone who says you have rage issues can fuck off
8
u/fleurdesurreal 2d ago
Well, first of all: You 100% are NTA and you handled the whole thing very mature and definitely made the right decision for yourself.
However, I do feel for that girl as well, as she most likely isn't well and definitely needs help. The way she reacted on the breakup makes me think she is very co-dependent. I hope her mum reacts and tries to find the right help for her daughter.
6
u/navyvetchattanooga 2d ago
May want to get the locks changed before you go anywhere. And arrange for any of her belongings to be picked up by a neutral third party or with a police officer present. Just my suggestion.
3
3
3
u/TeddyKGeeB 2d ago
Forget about boundaries or previous tickle drama whatever that means… Why would any sane person try to tickle someone while they're actively driving a car… She's the one that should be checked for her obsession with tickling you/other people...NTA
3
u/peterm69 2d ago
now that we know OP isn’t the AH, can you show us the car? (pre-incident of course)
9
u/Few_Relative4595 2d ago
Sure thing, as I've mentioned before, it's absolutely nothing special, but I still feel like a BMW E39 is still a good car lol https://ibb.co/6mHnzcq
→ More replies (2)5
u/BeckyWinchester1976 2d ago
I am so sorry that you’ve been through this. There is something very immature and wrong with your ex-GF. Very wrong and dangerous behaviour. You have absolutely made the right decision. You are young and deserve a nice companion. I hope she learns a lesson and stops playing the victim.
Best of luck with your life.
3
u/serenidynow 2d ago
This was the update that I was hoping for. Good on you for knowing yourself. I hope your ex treats other people in her life with more respect in the future. Best of luck to you.
4.3k
u/RocketteP 2d ago
Boundary issues aside (which is also a huge red flag), tickling someone while operating a vehicle imho is ridiculous and stupid. You’re better off and I hope she continues to keep her distance. Make sure to change any passwords she may know of yours.