UPDATE AITAH for ghosting my girlfriend after she nearly killed both of us?

[u/Few_Relative4595]

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1dpz91n/aitah_for_ghosting_my_girlfriend_after_she_nearly/

So the past couple of hours have been insane, honestly. Before the actual update, I just wanted to sort some things out: * I've seen people talking about this post being rage bait or fake. Honestly, I wish it was, but I actually needed to hear some opinions on what happened. * Some people talked about me having anger issues: this is not true at all, I never snapped at her like this for tickling me (let along hitting her or anything like this), but in the rage of the moment, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I might consider myself to be a calm person, but that doesn't mean I will laugh and giggle through stupid stuff. * The actual crash happened at a speed that could've killed us if I swerved in the wrong direction (I was driving on a country road, and could've frontally hit a car coming from the other direction, as the speed at which the crash happened was around 40mph/65kmph) * The tickling part and childhood trauma: I've mentioned that to my (now) ex-girlfriend around 3 months into our relationship, but as many pointed the obvious, I wasn't dating the sharpest tool in the shed and it took me a while to realize it, so I guess I might be a bit dumb as well lol. * I think I might've misused the term "Ghosting". In my head, telling her to get out of my house was already a clear sign of our relationship status.

Now, to the actual update:

After reading nearly all the comments, I took the decision to send my ex a message where I told her we should meet face-to-face. Some people suggested that I should file for a lawsuit, but my ex is still in uni and her parents can barely afford helping her. She obviously has done an insanely dumb stunt, but I don't want to punish her parents for it. The car is in the process of getting fixed and I can afford it without major financial issues. Still, I took screenshots of her messages in order for me to have some proof in case the situation escalates.

So, we met earlier at a coffee shop. She looked as if she's been crying for a long time, but it didn't change my mind at all. What shocked me was the fact that she leaned in for a kiss when she saw me, as if nothing happened. I stopped her and told her that we need to have a serious conversation. I explained that what happened wasn't because of the car itself, but because of her disrespecting my boundaries and not thinking for a second about what might happen if she did that thing. Besides that, I also felt disrespected by the fact that her best friend came knocking at my door to demand things, despite not having any rights to do so, which led me to ask my ex if she told her best friend the truth or if she lied about the situation.

She said that she only told her friend that we had a small car crash and I'm pissed at her. Hearing that made me feel disappointed as hell, but I did my best to remain calm. I told her to tell the real story to her friends and family, and she raised her voice and told me that I'm accusing her of being a liar, something that led to a 15 minutes discussion about how the crash was solely her fault and how she put our lives at risk.

I asked her if everything's clear to her about our situation and her response was "Yep, 100%, can we go home now?". That honestly shocked me. I told her that there's no way we can be back together and I suggested she should be more careful and considerate with her future partner. Her reaction was all tears, shaking, begging me to reconsider my decision, but I just can't look at her the same. I explained again that for me it wasn't a small mistake she made, it was a full-on stupid decision that shouldn't be done by an adult, as it could've resulted in something deadly.

She just thinks I'm exaggerating and this back and forth argument led to her asking if there's someone else in my life and I'm just using the accident as an excuse. I denied and told her that she's too selfish to even realise that she broke my trust and disrespects me by saying this crap.

I left the coffee shop feeling like I've been talking to a wall, but at least I can't say that I didn't try to have a conversation. An hour ago her mom texted me asking what happened and I told her everything. I said that I don't want any money from them, but the only thing I'm asking is for my ex to keep her distance from me. She apologized for what her daughter did and wished me all the best. As for her friend, from my understanding she just came to my house without talking with my ex on wether she should do it or not, so I guess she just tried to be the main character in this whole story.

Right now I'm preparing for work, but my chest isn't heavy anymore. In case anything will happen in the future, I'll keep everyone updated, but I hope it won't be the case lol.

Thank you for helping me navigate this weird situation and thanks for all the kind messages. Hope everyone stays safe!

Edit: Sorry if this wasn't the drama-filled update some people might've expected, but I came here with the desire to get some perspective on my situation and be as transparent as possible, I never intended to post this story for votes or anything like that.

[u/shard746]

She just straight up doesn't believe it. I've met people like her, to them nothing is ever really a big deal, because their immature brain doesn't understand that certain actions have immensely serious consequences. These are the people you see getting mutilated or dying from the most brain dead actions that baffle you.

[u/Longjumping-Map-6995 → u/shard746]

It's like they can't even imagine what it would look like 30 seconds into the future after their actions.

[u/JerrySmithIsASith → u/shard746]

to them nothing is ever really a big deal

A slight modifier: nothing bad THEY do to OTHERS is ever really a big deal. I'd bet that she'd be a lot less cool with a situation where somebody else badly wronged her.

[u/TomatoTrebuchet → u/shard746]

I suspect the issue is that they have an incredible difficulty in predicting what could happen. the only information they have to go off of is that they weren't hurt severely. so basically they have proof that it wasn't that big of a deal and worrying about anything worse that was very likely is exaggerating.

there is quite a bit of translating you have to do to communicate with people like her.

[u/NarwhalTakeover → u/shard746]

You described my former best friend. Former, for that reason.

[u/shard746 → u/NarwhalTakeover]

I feel you, I had to cut some people off as well. It is simply impossible to coexist with them, because they always end up destroying both themselves and others around them eventually.

[u/SnooPets8873 → u/shard746]

I think they also can’t accept things that don’t fit their world view. Like this girl has probably been raised being told she is so sweet and funny and nice. She can’t accept fault because “I am someone who nearly killed my bf with my inconsiderate and stupid behavior” is not how she sees herself. Like parents who insist with horrified tone that they aren’t abusers even though their behavior matches abuse because that’s not the kind of person they are.