r/AITAH • u/ShowerElectrical9342 • 2d ago
aitah for considerinf leaving my son in the county jail hospital over the weekend instead of paying $9,500.00 in bail? Advice Needed
My son hit a pregnant woman with his vehicle and broke his nose and has stitches on his lip.
He was arrested and is in the county jail hospital. He wouldn't tell me how badly injured the woman is, except that she might lose the baby.
He's a careless, distracted driver who has totalled 2 cars, which his bio dad immediately replaced with even better cars!
But now his bio dad is gone (heart attack) and I don't want to enable this dangerous driving problem.
I'm overwhelmed.
He has had accidents before, and has always been bailed out.
I'm trying to get a regular lawyer because now he says she might lose the baby and sue him.
He's 19.
But no one wants me to take the time to get a regular lawyer instead of this public defender who insists I must send the bail money NOW or my son will be in jail all weekend.
Honestly, I don't know. Maybe that would be good for him. Like a wakeup call.
He didn't mention alcohol, but why else would he he arrested for a car accident?
Help! I have to move fast!
AITAH for even thinking about letting him spend a weekend in jail?
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u/TheElusiveSushi 2d ago
My mom would hire someone to beat me up in jail
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u/exjewel 2d ago
As a mom I can confirm.
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u/SlimShadowBoo 1d ago
If I did what this little shit did, Iād rather hide out in jail than face my mama.
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u/TopDesert_ace 1d ago
My mom is retired military. I'd rather the jail put me in solitary if it meant that I'd be safe from my mom's wrath.
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u/anti_social_dogmom 1d ago
If I did this, my mom would bail me out just to run me over with her car
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u/AlaskanBiologist 1d ago
My mom for sure would she's fucking nuts. I once DID get arrested tho, I didn't call my dad to come get me but he knew as soon as my friend dropped me off (where's the car?). Totally thought I was in for it, but my dad took me to get Chinese food instead WTF? I was on edge for weeks cuz I thought he was fucking with me, like when I least expected it I'd catch a back hand or something.
He really wasn't mad. Weird.
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u/0-Ahem-0 1d ago
Think my parents would kill me themselves. Just that thought kept me out of trouble. Trust me.
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u/AlaskanBiologist 1d ago
Lol for real are you my sibling?
I wouldn't even have the balls to call my parents and ask, even IF they decided to bail me out, it would only be to stomp my ass in the jail parking lot for making them have to come up there. I'd rather take my chances in jail.
Also weekend jail ain't so bad, they give you food and stuff. Its boring but it's county, not prison.
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u/bawtatron2000 2d ago
NTA - sounds like he needs a lesson, don't pay $$ for his bio father's mistakes.
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u/STUNTPENlS 2d ago
Let him rot in county lockup.
If the baby dies, in some states, he could be charged with vehicular manslaughter.
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPUSA 2d ago
He's 19 and still hasn't learned. A weekend might finally make him see reality.
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u/MtnMoose307 1d ago
Good thing heās over 18. If the victim sues, OP should avoid being involved with that.
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u/Remarkable-Foot9630 1d ago
Unless she was connected to the title, or if her son is still under OP auto insurance. Then they could legally go after her also.
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u/Loud-Bee6673 1d ago
Yup, I know someone whose adult son died in a motorcycle crash, and they ended up paying a huge settlement to the other injured party ā¦ out of their homeowners. Because the son lived over the garage on their property
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u/MtnMoose307 1d ago
Wow, I had no idea where someone lives can cause an innocent party to be sued.
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u/Cczaphod 2d ago
It would have been a much easier lesson as a minor (Juvenile Detention vs County Jail). The bio-Dad did him a huge disservice by enabling that behavior until he was an adult.
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u/Odd-Artist-2595 2d ago
And, if he takes off, your bail money is gone. Heās an adult. You canāt stop him if he decides to go. A weekend in jail isnāt going to hurt him in the slightest. In fact, it might do him some good. Besides, if he does get tried and sentenced to jail, the time he spends in this weekend will probably be counted toward time served. Heāll get out two days early.
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u/No_Appointment_7232 1d ago
It's late, but the exact perfect time for him to learn the consequences of his actions and choices.
One who is cautious to not drive recklessly bc one can't pay bail if they end up in jail.
He's an adult. These are his problems.
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u/NeedleworkerPresent6 1d ago
The math isnāt working. Right now it is just a misdemeanor car accident, unless DUI Iām guessing. And bail isnāt set until you see a judge. ??? And by the way, you go to the hospital with an officer there and then get transported to jail after being checked out if truly hurt. This is odd.
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u/roseofjuly 1d ago
And bail isnāt set until you see a judge.
Not necessarily true. Back when we were dating, my husband went to jail for a weekend after being pulled over for a minor traffic infraction (broken taillight). He'd gotten a speeding ticket in another state, and they'd sent the ticket to the wrong address; because he hadn't paid it, there was a warrant out for his arrest.
His bail was set at $3,000 at the front end of the weekend. (Nobody had that much money, so he stayed in jail for three days.)
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u/Top-Fox9979 1d ago
In our state ( WA) it's vehicular homicide not manslaughter.
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u/GreyPon3 2d ago
Agreed. Let him rot.
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u/dollywooddude 2d ago
Let him rot and ponder the failure of his life. He might have killed a woman and her child. Devastated her family. But heās uncomfortable. Who cares? Save the 10,000 op. Use a public defender. Stop wasting money on that murderous brat. Heās not worth it until he gets his shit together.
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u/itsyagirlrey 2d ago edited 2d ago
It's fake. I just saw this movie lmao. It's a bit from the movie Thelma about an old lady who gets scammed over the phone from a fake call about giving money for her grandson to get him out of jail. Very funny OP!
She gets a call saying her grandson hit a pregnant woman with his car, that his nose is broken and he doesn't know the details on the baby, and his public defender insists he needs 10k for the bail to get him out of jail. The old lady ends up getting 9,500$ back from the "bail money." It's a really good movie, highly recommend.
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u/maroongrad 2d ago
Except I know a family whose son did this TWICE as a teen and at 19? Third time? Killed an entire family. Put himself in a wheelchair so at least it won't happen again.
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u/Bigpapa42_2006 2d ago
FOURTH time? Killed an entire town when he was was driving a monster truck wheelchair.
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u/itsyagirlrey 2d ago
The details are the same from the movie. She gets a phone call her grandson is in jail for hitting a pregnant woman with his car, his nose is broken but he doesn't know any details, and the "public defender" wants 10k. She finds out it's a scam and transfer 9,500 back to herself cause she feels bad enough for the scammer. to leave him 500.
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u/Drabby 2d ago
It's also a popular scam in real life. My husband's grandfather got a call that my husband had been arrested for drunk driving and sounded funny because he'd broken his nose. He needed $9000 that very day, and nobody else in the family must know, for he was so ashamed! Of course none of it was true. Granddad sent the money. UPS stopped the delivery because they had the address flagged as a scam.
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u/crazyeagles62 2d ago
My dad, was in his 60's at the time, got this same kind of call. Fortunately, my nephew and my son, his only grandsons, were with him when he received the call. He acted all shocked and concerned, got some info from them, hung up and called it in to local PD.
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u/IHaveNoEgrets 2d ago
Ha! My grandmother got that, too. Except at the time my brother WORKED at the police station, so she knew it had to be bull. She still called my dad with the details, and he sent it to the PD on her behalf.
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u/LopsidedPalace 1d ago
One of my grandmother's got that. The only difference is she had three grandchildren, two boys and I, and knew not that none of us would be damned fools enough to pull that shit.
Her husband's father was, I am told, an abusive alcoholic. They weren't vocal about their views by any means but I'm pretty sure if we had managed to get involved in something like that they would have disowned us. Which, fair enough.
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u/Ok-Midnight-7084 1d ago edited 1d ago
This happened to my husband's Nonni. She was told my husband hit a pregnant woman and needed bail money. Luckily she had the thought to call me after she got the call as I am the one that handles basically everything in our life. I was so pissed that someone did that to her.
Edit: Spelling
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u/Siminiss 2d ago
Just because you saw a movie about it doesnt change that it actually does happen in real life
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u/Grandmothersdruggist 2d ago
Had a girl wreck in front of my parent's house. It was her 6th dui. She at some point as lost a leg from drinking, has no license, and still a drunk. They will never stop until they kill themselves.
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u/Hemiak 2d ago
I know plenty of paraplegics who drive. So unless heās a quad I wouldnāt count on that stopping him.
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u/HotRodHomebody 2d ago
This would make a lot of sense since no public defender is going to insist that itās an emergency to bail someone out of jail. That is not their focus.
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u/matunos 2d ago
Would he even have a public defender assigned at this point?
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u/LNinDPtx 2d ago
This is exactly what I was going to say. I know things differ everywhere but I donāt know of anywhere or any situation where a public defender would have been appointed before initial arraignment or 1st court date, etc.
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u/CreativeMadness99 2d ago
NTA. He deserves to be in jail
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u/CapOk7564 2d ago
honestly, if she loses her baby, he deserves prison time. people like him are why iām terrified to go on walks, or to even drive. i donāt want to die, because someone else is so reckless in their literal death machine
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u/webcrawler_29 2d ago
He deserves to go to prison either way. He shouldn't escape jail time based on a luck of the die. He's endangered the woman and the baby and that should be enough. I know that's not exactly how it works... But I've always found it stupid that jail time is linked to how lucky you are about whether you did or didn't kill someone from being reckless.
I hope the lady and her baby pull through.
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u/blackcatmambo 2d ago
There's a long stretch of road between two towns where I live, lot of straight stretches, lot of 18-wheeler traffic, lot of commuters. Speed limit is 55mph. I can't even count the number of times I've had to slam on my brakes to try and give some asshole the time to get around me because they just had to fucking pass me (I always go 60) and there's cars in the incoming lane and I don't want to be involved in a fucking pile up because they can't be happy with the speed limit or 5 over (which is the usual speed people drive around here). It astonishes me that there aren't more accidents on that road.
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u/CapOk7564 1d ago
my city is notorious for bad and fatal accidents. iāve been in almost 3 or 4. none were the drivers fault. one of the times my friendās mom had to swerve into a parking lot and lock up the brakes. horrific.
i live in a neighborhood, technically, but people use it as a shortcut and speed down it (limit is supposed to be 25mph). i had to walk to/from my bus stop in high school, so i wasnāt always scared. but when the same truck targets you for weeks on end, all bc you refused a ride from them, you start to feel on edge. i still go on walks, just not on the road. then i walked to work, abt 10mins away, and i always had to scramble into the ditch bc cars would swerve toward me, or theyād speed up and get far too close.
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u/Puts_on_my_port 2d ago
Iām confused as to how the state didnāt take his license away the first time.
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u/LopsidedPalace 1d ago
They won't take a license away unless you kill someone- and even then it depends.
Being drunk and operating a motor vehicle is one of the biggest get out of jail free cards I have ever f****** seen in my God damn life. Like operating a motor vehicle is one regardless usually but throwing alcohol into the mix really makes it hard to hold people accountable for some God forsaken reason. Don't ask me why I don't know I don't understand
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u/J9254 2d ago
NTA. The best thing you can do as a parent is teach a valuable lesson. Bailing him out for his 'comfort' will not do him any favors in the long run.
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u/deserTShannon 2d ago
Yeah it sounds like heās been bailed out before and never learnwd
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u/Thistime232 2d ago
But no one wants me to take the time to get a regular lawyer instead of this public defender who insists I must send the bail money NOW or my son will be in jail all weekend.
Send the bail money where, to the lawyer? Because that's not how bail works.
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u/itsyagirlrey 2d ago
It's fake. This post copied the bail money scam from the movie Thelma.
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u/delsoldeflorida 2d ago
Agreed. If look at their other posts thereās one about getting a film agent for their script.
Iām doubtful their script is any good if they already plagiarize other movies.
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u/TheManWith2Poobrains 2d ago
Indeed, sounds like either a scam IRL, or someone karma farming about a scam.
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u/zetzertzak 2d ago
I was racking my brain trying to figure out what you were talking about until eventually I realized that you werenāt talking about the movie Thelma and Louise.
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u/Foxy_locksy1704 2d ago
Right, I worked for the courts, unless he has already said he wants a public defender they are not going to assign one before his first court appearance (arraignment) where his charges will be officially added to the court record and where he will again have to say āI want a public defender and have not retained private counselā
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u/HouseofRaven 2d ago
Yeah and public defenders never call to tell parents to do that. They gain nothing from it and have other ways of asking for someone to be released.
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u/rjhancock 2d ago
1) Whose name is on the title for the car? If yours, get a lawyer for YOU. 2) Let him stay in jail. 3) Since he shows a habbit of disrespect, leave it at a public defender.
He didn't mention alcohol, but why else would he he arrested for a car accident?
Drugs. Alcohol. Attempted vehicular manslaughter. DUI. Speeding. DWI. Illegal Turn. Attempting to flee a scene. Any number of reasons.
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u/Level-Particular-455 2d ago
Are you sure you are not being scammed? The lawyer wants you to send him (the lawyer) bail money??? The lawyer reached out to you and said he was representing your son??? Did you speak to your son? Is there an arrest record?
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u/GuidedByPebbles 2d ago
Yeah, I'm wondering that too. Scammers tried this with my sister. Car accident, pregnant woman, needs the bail money immediately. (The scammers say their voice sounds a little different because of the broken nose.) OP: before you do anything, please make absolutely certain this does indeed involve your son.
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u/BONGS4U 2d ago
This is dead nuts what happens in Thelma the movie. It's a farce
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u/Level-Particular-455 2d ago
Makes sense I was thinking OP was being scammed not OP was writing a fake post.
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u/PeanutGallery10 2d ago
NTA.Ā Leave him there.Ā He'll get medical care there. Save the money for the lawyer when he's charged.Ā Ā
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u/Illustrious_Soft_257 2d ago
I wouldn't be funding a criminal defense lawyer. It can bankrupt her. Let him go public attorney.
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u/Careless-Run-3815 2d ago
DEFINITELY DO NOT GET HIM A LAWYER!!! He needs to reap the benefits of his own actions. He's an adult. There needs to be consequences for his actions!
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u/Traveler_Protocol1 2d ago
My son once got nabbed for shoplifting one item worth less than $10. They still took him to jail. He didn't even call me b/c he knew I would not bail him out as I have raised my kids with a few standards (don't steal, don't lie, don't hurt anyone...). Your son should definitely stay in jail for AT LEAST the weekend. A woman may lose her child! This is not a minor thing.
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u/OkEnvironment3961 2d ago
Try to contact your son by another means than the number he called from. This sounds like a scam that's going on. I got a call from somebody telling me this exact same story. He sounds funny because his lip and nose right? Right? He probably gave you a number for his lawyer, and the lawyer is pushing you to send money?
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u/MombieZ3 2d ago
Have you called your son? Not saying this isn't real, but I am going to say this is a common extortion scam. Word for word what you wrote is their script.
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u/Elon_Musks_Colon 2d ago
I remember reading in an Anne Lamott Book about going to Al-Anon and hearing the following advice - "Honey, just leave him where Jesus flung him".
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u/skyler0829 1d ago
$9500 or 48 hours in the county jail.... Sorry little buddy, 3 hots and a cot for you this weekend champ!
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u/Willing_Reaction_381 2d ago
NTA. Totaled two cars??? Clearly hasnāt learned anything about his bad driving habits and now someoneās baby may die?!?!! And that isnāt enough? He really needs to think about his actions and jail will be a true punishment for what heās done
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u/dinahdog 2d ago
Vehicular homicide if the baby dies. He should be in jail for a long time. Don't bail him out.
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u/bumbalarie 2d ago
Do not go into debt hiring an attorney for your son. Do not lose your savings, house, retirement. Heās guilty. Heās already shown you what happens after he gets ābailed outā of trouble ā he just does it again. He needs to learn an important life lesson before he injures (or kills) another innocent person. He needs to be off the street ā jail is the best place for him.
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u/LordChefChristoph 2d ago
My dad back in the 90s when I was a real fuck up left me in jail for the weekend over $350 bail which would have meant 35 dollars. I didn't get life turned around for a few years, but it taught me he was definitely not bailing me out anymore.
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u/Free_Independence624 1d ago
SUE him? That's going to be the least of his problems if she loses that baby. He can be, and probably will be, and probably should be charged with vehicular manslaughter. Bailing him out obviously hasn't worked so let him sit in jail and sweat it out. If he can't afford a lawyer the state will provide him one, just like everybody else.
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u/cartographh 2d ago
Are you sure this isnāt a scam? My father in law got a phone call from someone claiming to be my lawyer - and even put āmeā on the phone but my voice sounded different because my nose was broken. Donāt give anyone any money until you go in person to assess the situation.
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u/Baker_Street_1999 2d ago
He's a careless, distracted driver who has totalled 2 cars
Heās careless, and he oughta be carlessā¦!
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u/ordeci 1d ago edited 1d ago
NTA.
He has possibly killed a baby. I would leave him there for a few years.
If you pay this now he will do worse next time and expect you to help.
He's an adult. Let him have some time to think about what he's done (although he probably won't). It's only a weekend after all, use some of that bail money instead to have a nice weekend. Go to a nice restaurant, see a movie, take a helicopter tour, have a night of debauchery in Amsterdam. And tell yourself all weekend it's not your fault the kid is stupid and believes rules are for others. Don't fall for the guilt trip. It's a weekend, not a life sentence.
The dildo of consequence rarely arrives lubed. Don't be the guy who is taking it for him.
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u/ImALittleTeapotCat 1d ago
It's a weekend in jail, not a death sentence. Chill. It might even be good for him.
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u/dontdoitdumbass 2d ago
My dad told me that if I got myself into jail then it would be up to me to get myself out of jail. It worked for me. Sounds like your son is in the phase where he's going to need some tough love. Let him sit the weekend out, it won't kill him.
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u/ReadBastiat 2d ago
Absolutely the fuck not.
He likely killed someoneās babyā¦
At 19 he already has a worse driving history than most people will get in their entire lives.
Heās never going to learn from his mistakes when mommy and/or daddy always bail him out.
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u/SilentRaindrops 1d ago
I haven't read all the comments so sorry if this was already mentioned. Please make sure your son really was in this accident. Much of what you wrote sounds like a variation of the grandson in accident or jail scam. They will claim split lip or swollen mouth to explain why they don't sound normal.
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u/Nickilaughs 1d ago
Iām sorry thereās no way Iād pay for my kids bail if they did that. Iād be so heart hurt, furious they likely would be safer there anyway. Leave him in there, getting out of precious incidents with no accountability is what led to this in the first place.
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u/financiallysoundcat 1d ago
NTA let him deal with the consequences of his actions. He hasn't changed because he was allowed to act as though he was untouchable. He won't grow up if he's not forced to at some point.
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u/Big_Tie_8055 1d ago
Please donāt enable him! My nephew used my mom for years getting money and vehicles out of her because he was āmentally troubledā. We will never know how many people he hurt or used. He spent time in prison for stealing his momās meds (she was a T1 diabetic).
Let your son rot. Maybe he will learn. Maybe he wonāt. My nephew didnāt learn. You are NTA!
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u/StrategyAltruistic63 1d ago
I personally know 2 people who are banned from driving for life because of doing stupid shit. And it really sucks having to Uber everywhere but that's what they get because they can't be trusted. Your son needs a bus pass.
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u/SexMachine666 1d ago
NTA. Take this from someone who got in quite a bit of trouble when I was your son's age: let him rot for the weekend. He has to learn there are consequences for his actions and it's clear he hasn't been taught that in the past. It's natural to want to protect your children, but there comes a point when you have to let the consequences play out.
Also, he endangered lives and may cause the death of a baby. I'd be brutal to my sons if they did the same. I'd like to think they know better.
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u/Drachenfuer 1d ago
Probably wonāt see this this far down in the list, but this is a scam. There are several things wrong with this scenario but a big red flag is the broken nose and split lip so you donāt question why his voice isnāt right. Also the PD would not be calling you to post bail.
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u/DeadBear65 2d ago
Let him sit. If you pay a bondsman the 10% you never get it back. If the 10% is $9500, thatās a $95,000 bond,. He could be looking at vehicular homicide with a DUI attached. I know you love your son, but this is a life lesson he needs to learn the hard way. Otherwise, you bail him out again and again losing any retirement funds you may have. NTA, find out from the attorney what the charges are first.
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u/Vayle-666 2d ago
It sounds like your son needs a lesson that you can't give him.
NTA
Let him rot for a weekend.
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u/OutragedPineapple 2d ago
Let him sit in jail.
He might have killed a woman's child, and there's a possibility that she could die too. He is careless and has destroyed property before, this time is the only time he's getting any sort of punishment at all because he hurt someone else. How long until he kills someone? Kills multiple people? Are you going to be expected to bail him out then?
Don't bail him out and don't buy him a new car. He shouldn't be driving. Don't put money into legal defense or anything else for him. He's made his bed multiple times over and daddy lay in it for him - now he gets to lay in it himself for once, and hopefully he'll learn something.
NTA.
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u/BebeCakesMama2424 2d ago
NTA. Itās hard lesson time for him. He may have killed a baby and who knows how the mother is doing. Do not bail him out.
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u/love6471 2d ago
My parents leaving me in jail for a DUI was my wake up call. He might be mad now but you will only hurt him in the long run if you bail him out.
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u/Dom76210 2d ago
NTA, and let him sit in jail for the weekend at a minimum, longer if you feel like it.
Actions have consequences, as you obviously understand and he does not. He's 19. It's time for him to start learning what those consequences are. Plus, if she loses the baby, depending on the state, it's possibly upgraded to vehicular homicide, and a new bail will be set.
Honestly, I'd leave him in jail.
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u/PitchPurple 2d ago
You will only be enabling his downfall. Don't pay unless you want him to spiral further.
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u/Ginger630 2d ago
NTA for leaving your son in jail. He needs to learn a lesson. Youāve bailed him out before and he hasnāt learned his lesson. Stop enabling him. Let him figure this out on his own.
And let him get a public defender as well. Heās an adult. Heās done this before. He should have his license taken away for a long time.
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u/PettyWhite81 2d ago
Nta. Your son needs to face some hardship and consequences from this. Leave him on there for at least the weekend. The pregnant lady will be in the hospital at least that long, he can be too. He's not even willing to be honest and own up to how badly he hurt the other person.
Once he does get out, don't buy him any more vehicles or let him use yours. He's not responsible enough for that. Maybe by the time he saves up for one, he will appreciate it enough to treat it like the expensive and dangerous items they are.
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u/Various_Attitude8434 2d ago
Not only are you not the asshole, you would be the asshole if you bail him out. Let him stew in the consequences of his action - he desperately needs it.Ā
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u/Prudent_Valuable603 2d ago
Leave him in county jail for the weekend. Itās called tough love parenting thst his bio dad did not practice. At age 19 he should already know by now what not to do behind the wheel. Was he drunk or high? He needs a wake up call. If you donāt have the money for an attorney for him, donāt put yourself in debt for him. This is his mistake and he needs to clean it up. I repeat, do not put yourself in debt with hiring an attorney for him.
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u/PinkPrincess1224 1d ago
Heās 19 and already totaled 2 cars and now has possibly caused irreversible damage to a pregnant woman and her family. Itās time for tough love. Let his ass marinate in jail maybe heāll actually think about what he was doing for once.
He could have been on his phone or otherwise acting just as recklessly to have been arrested. But whatever it was, it was clear negligence for him to get arrested.
I know itās gonna hurt you but heās 19, itās not too late. Make him grow tf up now before he kills people on the road.
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u/Sarge4242006 1d ago
Had a classmate whoās dad bought him a new muscle car whenever heād wreck one. At 19, he died in one of those wrecks. If you care about your son, leave him in jail. Tough love. He may hate you for a while but at least heāll have a chance to grow up & mature. He may even thank you.
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u/OneLessDay517 1d ago
My parents always told us if we got arrested jail would be the safest place for us to be, and we never doubted it. But we didn't test it either.
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u/Lvanwinkle18 1d ago
NTA. Wrecked two different cars and is now 19? Time to be the adult he imagines himself to be. Let him sit and consider his actions, esp. for those around him, like that poor person who may lose Her baby.
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u/United-Ad7863 1d ago
If you bail him out, you'll be as much of an enabler as his dad. You're nta if you let him stay in jail.
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u/Flimsy-Flower-4807 1d ago
As a Mom, I say you would be doing a good thing leaving him there. You are absolutely right he must have been under the influence of something and if she loses her baby, that could be devastating for her. That could change her entire life. I wouldn't replace his vehicle either. Stay strong. Sending you prayers.
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u/Purple_Paper_Bag 1d ago
NTA
Your son should be in jail because he hit a pedestrian - a pregnant pedestrian who might lose her baby because of his actions.
He needs both a wakeup call and some kind of punitive response for his actions. He might actually be facing more than a weekend in jail for his lack of care and DGAF attitude.
Please do not bail him out. Let him feel some pain which he has managed to avoid until now.
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u/urzulasd 1d ago
NTA.
Heās 19 and has been enabled entirely. I donāt wanna be mean to you, but the fact you even considered picking him up, means heās got you under his thumb. This is grossly negligent behavior.
If I hit a pregnant woman and made her lose a baby, my parents would personally beat the shit out of me. I wouldnāt be able to live with MYSELF.
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u/ExtraDependent883 1d ago
A weekend in jail is a lesson
A year in jail is missing out on life
Leave him in there to think about what he's done. It may work it may not but it won't kill him. Just make sure you answer his calls
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u/puppypumper 1d ago
Only a weekend? Keep him in there. Spend 9500 on something else. He can earn his own bail money.
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u/Odd_Plant_1171 1d ago
NOT THE ASSHOLE! i would say youāre the asshole if you do bail him outā¦. he is a young adult and must learn his lesson before hurting more people/hurting someone even worse.
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u/Informal_Drawing 1d ago
I wouldn't pay 9 grand to get myself out instead of waiting 2 days. š
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u/youdoitimbusy 1d ago
A lawsuit is the least of his worries. That's a manslaughter charge if that baby dies.
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u/MistakeNice1466 1d ago
I made my husband sit in jail instead of bailing him out. Adults need to accept consequences. Sounds like he's not done that. At nineteen, it's past time for him to start
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u/thatboredchickster 1d ago
NTA and let him stay and let him handle EVERYTHING and deal with the consequences. He's not going to learn if people keep bailing him out. That poor woman and he baby is the victim. Not him.
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u/TheMapleSyrupMafia 1d ago
NTA! My mum and stepdad didn't bail me out when I was 19 and totalled my 2001 Pontiac Trans Am in a drunk driving accident.
Hardest lesson learned but THANK GOD they did that! I was never going to learn without understanding what the punishment was and I'm fortunate I didn't hit anyone. I did a lot of damage to a light pole, road signs were flattened by my 105mph sports car and definitely wrecked the car into an utter state of despair. I was so drunk I only got a bruise on my wrist... somehow.
I'm 38 and completely quit drinking when I was 24. Tough lesson learned but I'm so glad my parents didn't spoil and baby me through it.
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u/Theodore__Kerabatsos 1d ago
He wants bail but wonāt tell you why he was arrested. He sounds like an entitled piece of shit. Nta
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u/Winter-Blackberry594 1d ago edited 1d ago
NTA - Don't you dare bail him out. It will not be a positive investment for anyone. That includes your son. He needs to face the music for his recklessness. It has now potentially cost a life and there absolutely be consequences. Do not bail him out AT ALL he is young, foolish, spoilt and a flight risk. If he flees to avoid prosecution you will lose every dime. He is a legal adult and needs to work this out on his own, which if the baby dies will very likely be a charge of vehicular homicide not just a lawsuit. Sometimes loving your child correctly means letting them suffer the consequences of their actions however harsh. I wouldn't get an attorney for him either the public defender is good enough. Let the pregnant woman get her justice, she deserves it. Let your son finally get the wake up call he sorely needs before he does something even worse. Don't be one of those mother's that you see on court tv crying for "their baby" and putting themselves in the poor house when "their baby" has done something terrible to someone else and dishonored their family. Also something important YOU DON'T PAY BAIL TO A PUBLIC DEFENDER. IF THIS IS WHAT HAS BEEN SAID TO YOU, YOU ARE BEING SCAMMED.
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u/Ok_Scholar4145 1d ago
Your intuition here is right. This is such a terrible situation :( that poor woman.
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u/VioletDupree007 1d ago
Let him stay in jail. Heās 19. He has to eventually learn that there are consequences for his actions. Someone may lose their child because of his irresponsibility. I think thatās worthy of a weekend in jail.
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u/nerdgirl71 1d ago
Unless youāre wealthy I would wait. If something happens to the baby he will face more charges and if he gets bail it will be higher. If youāre determined to get him out youāll need the money then (bail or a lawyer)
I would leave him there and have him deal with a public defender. Consequences are the only way he will learn. Donāt enable his behavior like his dad did. NTA
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u/6417725 1d ago
NTA- his bio dad created a feckless twat that doesnāt know consequences and now left you to deal with it. He needs jail or youll be posting the same post in a year instead asking for legal advise because he took your car for a joy ride since he canāt have one because no one will insure him, and now heās killed someone. This will snowball. Leave his ass in jail and get him a tricycle
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u/twittermob 1d ago
Leave him in jail and don't waste your money on a lawyer, it's his mess he needs to learn.
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u/Glum-Fennel-7241 1d ago
First off ā¦ he just got arrested .. he doesnāt have a public defender yet. Secondly .. a public defender is not going to tell you that you must send 9500 or he will spend the weekend in the jail. You probably got this information through your son who said it came from a public defender. The way the system works is you contact a bail bondsman and pay them a percentage of what the bail is and they bond them out. So if $9500 is what the bondsman wants the bail is probably $100-200k. Let him sit in jail and donāt answer his calls for a while. The lies will start getting bigger and bigger .. he will say anything to manipulate you so you will get him out. The next one will probably be that folks are beating up on him .. or threatening to kill him.
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u/1MushyHead 1d ago
Just the weekend? Id ask them to extend the holding to a month, so said son can take responsibility and accountability for his actions. Keep your money safe...it's time for kiddo to learn about real life consequences...that poor woman. I can only imagine the heart wrenching circumstances she is going through right now.
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u/Beautifully80 1d ago
As an Insurance Adjuster who sees this on a daily; this is one of the biggest issues with accidents today. Leave him there, let him work with the public defender and allow him to truly sit in his mess. If heās done all this and possibly killed someoneās unborn baby he needs to suffer some consequences. Pray for him and support him ONLY once he truly sees that he has some issues and starts to address them or you will be spending unnecessary money and even possibly burying your son.
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u/Bucky-Katt-Guitar 2d ago
He needs to stay RIGHT WHERE HE IS! Don't pay him out of a situation that HE CAUSED. He's potentially KILLED this woman's baby! She's grevioulsly injured too. He needs to rot there.....you too if you keep buying him cars. YTA
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u/skitti93 2d ago
NTA. Sounds like he has been bailed out quite a few times thus far and has not learned his lesson.
He is an adult, and he made adult choices that led to adult consequences. I donāt think bailing him out would help him or anyone else out at this point.
I would figure out the specifics and details of the case against him before you make any decisions or act on his behalf. Like was alcohol/substances involved? Was he driving recklessly? Context matters.
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u/Devegas49 2d ago
NTA. Your son is a Menace. He might hate you for this, but sometimes loving your children means forcing them to face consequences for their actions
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u/Evening-Ad-2820 2d ago
Stop covering for him. It's time he learned some consequences for once. He is going to kill someone if he hasn't already.
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u/Shallayna 2d ago
NTA, time for some tough love. Should have taught him earlier before a life was/is on the line. Sorry OP that this lesson is also for you too.
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u/No-Broccoli-5932 2d ago
NTA. Unfortunately, it's going to be up to you to correct the destructive behavior your husband encouraged. Flying monkeys will tell you what to do, but take no responsibility for the consequences. A woman may lose her baby and poor baby boy may have to spend a weekend in jail? I say time for reflection and a great deal of humbling. If that baby dies or is damaged without a cure, a weekend in jail is going to seem like a weekend in Baja.
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u/No1-Sports-Fan 2d ago
In the infamous words of Nick Lowe "You've got to be cruel to be kind". Leave him in lock up and to his own resources.
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u/That_Toe4033 2d ago
Time for a hard lesson, hes avoided the consequences of his driving so far and now has hurt someone else, potentially killed a child, and injured himself.
Its about time he sits and thinks and faces punishment before he kills someone, or another person if the baby dies.
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u/No_Secret_4560 2d ago
Leave him there so he can get used to it. If he continues to act like that, he'll be spending a lot of time there. Also, if she loses the baby, he may be charged. Decide now how much you are willing to sacrifice for him.
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u/PhoenixEpiphanies115 2d ago
Let him be. Your late husband enabled him this badly and you're now left to clean up the mess he created in your son.
Stop getting in the way of his karma or you'll get fucked too.
NTAH
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u/Travelandwisdom 2d ago
I always told my kids that if thereās a DUI, they have to handle it themselves. Add in your son constantly being enabled by his parents, itās time for him to figure out how to be an adult. A weekend in jail would be a good beginning.
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u/hideymchidersons 2d ago
A weekend may do him well. Ā At least youāll know where he is and know heās safe (unless itās some terrible type of jail). Ā
Use that time to take a breath and figure out your next move to help him.Ā
NTA and really hope the mom/baby will pull through.Ā
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u/Dull-Economics8103 2d ago
If you bail him out, you will have aided in the next accident. Sounds like jail will be the cure for his "affluenza"
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u/StrawberriesRGood4U 2d ago
NTA. He is an adult. He made a choice that resulted in serious injury to an innocent person, and further, his history indicates previous lessons have not been learned. Police may have arrested him for a number of reasons beyond just DUI. Many jurisdictions, for instance, treat street racing or dangerous driving causing bodily harm as criminal offenses rather than minor traffic infractions. If he is in jail for this, there's likely a damn good reason for it. Leaving him there to spend the weekend thinking seems quite reasonable.