r/lonely • u/ser_bronn21 • 1d ago
Why Are People Here So Obsessed Over height? Discussion
I was taller than rest of the class since my childhood and still was bullied and discriminated.
and now I am 5'11" which is above the average height of India.
I have never got any upper hand in dating..heck girls don't even want to talk to me due to my looks.
the height aspect works in dating apps , I have never seen girls demanding for 6ft guy in real life.
Looks>>>>>Height anytime.
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u/UbiquitousWobbegong 1d ago
It's what women say they want. And, to be fair, you are 5'11. It wasn't enough on its own to land women, but you're tall enough that most women wouldn't count it against you.
Forgetting the fact that women don't actually know what they want until they get to know him, of course men are going to be insecure when women en masse claim they won't date anyone under 6'. Just like women are upset en masse when men say they don't want to date them if they are over 150 lbs. Neither side completely represents reality, but both genders feel like shit when we're excluded with a broad brush stroke like that.
Also, women pretty much universally prefer men who are taller than them. That preference is clear and obvious, and men who are already insecure about their height see that and it just affirms their insecurities.
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
150 lbs
being fat is avoidable and curable by maintaining healthy lifestyle.
being short is genetic and is out of anyone's hand.
and obsession over height is still of no use
from my experience,
Looks>>>>>> height
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u/catflower369458 1d ago
Really? Women en masse say these things? The women on tic tok claiming this crap is just bating engagement for money. Women off of social media don’t do this crap.
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u/Art-Is-Life 1d ago
There is a combination here. First of all height is basically a beauty standard for men. For average people the beauty standards do not matter too much, but there is a second factor here.
If you are not successful in your life with something you look for the reason. Now any kind of social interactions reasons are difficult to figure out because we always work with vague information. And for dating not fullfilling a certain beauty standard is the easiest solution. Basically the same way you say looks matter.
Most of the time the lack of success is probably more about approach, personality (keep in mind, you dont have to be a terrible person, but you only have a very brief time to get the other person to know you which might make it more likely they think you have some bad traits, regardless of you having them or not), avoiding socialising and so on.
Why a person has problems finding a partner is a very complex question. But we tend to settle for easy answers.
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
All that wordsalad concludes to only Looks>>>>> anything.. I have real life experience of girls ignoring me after looking at my face. It's not rocket science for me and i can say by experience.
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u/Art-Is-Life 1d ago
Thats wrong I can assure you :)
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
You can't
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u/Art-Is-Life 1d ago
Yes I can. You are absically doing the same thing as people who put importance on height.
Its also easy if we give something we cannot change as a reason, that means we dont have to do anything. But the reality is its usually not about something we cannot change because the things that we have in our control are usually enough to find someone.
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
Tried - failed - tried - failed- got called ugly from everyone- still tried- failed- got called ugly by everyone- still tried- failed- stopped
Conclusion - Looks>>>>>>anything
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u/Art-Is-Life 1d ago
And then you will habe people say the same about height saying height>>>>>anything because of their personal experience.
Yet you have small people that look similarly good as you having no issue finding a partner. Whats the conclusion from that?
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
I care about my experience because it happened in my life .. what can i do with other experiences? Does that affect me?No
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u/Art-Is-Life 1d ago
So you dont care that apparantly looks are not the cause?
Look I dont know you, I dont know who you are and I dont know what you are struggling with, but data and science shows that no matter the looks people can find a partner. That are the facts. That means things which are in our control are the deciding factors. Thats what the data does show us. And if we do not strive to change and better our lifes but instead give up based on something we cannot changed even though its not the deciding factor we simply sabotage ourselfes.But anyway. your original question is answered I guess. People that have issues with their height and think its the deciding factor are basically in the same mindest as you are. So for them Height is the important factor.
So if you truly believe that things out of your control are the reason you can hopefully accept know that for those people height is the factor causing them problems with dating.
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
Again, according to my experience my ugly face was the reason so yeah Looks>>>>> anything
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u/lindahlsees 1d ago edited 1d ago
Because height is one of if not the most universally attractive feature in men for women, at least in my experience. It's as close to objective in nature as it can get really. There's basically no woman in this world that would prefer a man to be 5'8" than 6'5". Whereas you will find a pretty diverse opinion on face aesthetics, body type, eyes, skin tone, etc, etc, women will consistently prefer a bigger height.
Now I'm not saying height is the end all be all for attractiveness but if you're tall you know that's going to be an advantage in pretty much every single case. Of course a human being is composed of much more than that, it's not like you instantly can have any girl just by virtue of being 6'7" but yeah you can't really go wrong thinking taller is better (up to a certain point perhaps).
In regards to dating, you almost always would be worse off if you were shorter and better off if you were taller. The only exception I could think of would be if you're already really tall to the point where being taller would actually be a detriment in terms of your proportions and your health. Say like being 6'10" maybe being taller would actually be worse.
Keep in mind I'm no sociologist or have any particularly big amount of data to base this opinion off, it's just what I've learnt off dating myself and hearing and seeing what others experience.
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u/ropemaxxer_01 1d ago
Height is extremely important. You're saying this because you're 5'11 yourself in India.
A jacked 6'3 guy with average looks may still be considered somewhat attractive/masculine compared to a 5'4 jacked guy with average looks.
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
Short (5'7") handsome guy(my bullies) >>> Tall ugly guy(me)
Height never helped me in social situations.
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u/systematicdissonance 1d ago
That guy isn't even short
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
Shorter than me though.
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u/systematicdissonance 14h ago
So you were trying to prove height doesn't matter by using an example of someone who's globally average height and above average in India (apparently the average there is like 5'5)?
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u/andreirublov1 1d ago
I would just lie about your height, everybody else does. Every young guy you see on TV claims to be over 6' - that's almost the default - and if they really are 6' they say 6'4" or 6'6". They seem to get away with it so I think, though girls say they want someone over 6', they don't actually know what that looks like.
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u/Additional-Gap666 1d ago
Women are obssessed men's with height, men are obssessed with women's weight. Everyone got their struggles.
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
It's astonishing that you put "weight" in here. Being overweight is a choice.. Being short is genetic.
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u/Additional-Gap666 1d ago
I know you can't control height, but controlling your weight isn't easy either, is not "just stop eating" to get a fit body you need to go to gym everyday, eat only specific types of food, and some people also drink medicine, else your weight won't mantain. You need to have motivation and most of all: money. Most guys don't want someone with average weight, they want super skinny women.
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
Not easy but achievable, my point still stands.
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u/Additional-Gap666 1d ago
You just ignored everything i said, as expected.
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
Yes just like you.. Achievable and not achievable.. Men expect too little or sometimes nothing from women.
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u/Additional-Gap666 1d ago
LMAOOOOO i'm not even gonna say anything. You are prob the type of dude who gets proved wrong millions of times, but still stay with the same mentality and beliefs.
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u/pu-3rh 1d ago
Height is only one feature. And we can’t assume you’re being rejected for your looks. Maybe it’s something about your personality? Social awkwardness? Low confidence?
Also, I don’t know the culture in India, but maybe the girls where you live have been socialized not to approach guys?
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
They get along with handsome guys and have relationshuip with them, it's their choice..
But they gave me disgusted looks and called me ugly on my face many times..
You don't have to assume anything , i have my life experience where i was discriminated against because of my ugly face I don't have social awkwardness as i gave a presentation in college, workplace and gave many speeches and approached many unknown people with confidence but they ignored me because of my ugliness. How do I know it?
Disgusted look and sometimes eww or gosh you're ugly.
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u/systematicdissonance 1d ago
I don't believe that being short in itself is a death sentence, as it depends on how short
For instance women won't date a guy for his height the closer he is to the female average, (I'm using "female" as an adjective please don't post me on to r /menandfemales), a Good face can definitely save you but as you get shorter it becomes unsalvageable, not to mention having an insanely good face isn't the norm, so to speak an average 5'11 man will be preferred over a 5'6 guy with the same face and their dating pool diminished, at 5'3 it's almost impossible.
A 5'11 ugly guy>>>>a 5'4 ugly guy, well sometimes from what I've seen a 6'3 below average guy will do better than an average 5'5 guy
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u/Pure-Preference4646 1d ago
Coming from a woman… we don’t. At least us who have matured and are not shallow. Sure, i get why tall women would care ab height, I think? As a 4’10 woman myself though, I outgrew that “I want a tall bf” mentality cause honestly it’s such juvenile mentality. And vise versa. Guys who only go after short girls & clown on tall girls are weirdddd.
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u/ser_bronn21 1d ago
The height aspect in men and women for dating never made sense. You can say that about looks but height is not essential.
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u/Blackpilledassf1 1d ago
On a good day im 6ft, white, and women ignore tf outta me. If you're unattractive + poor your chances are low as fuck. not gonna say all women are shallow, but tbh when someone like me gets 0 likes on a dating app it makes me wonder how shallow they really are.
I saw a tinder 'chad' experiment where this 6'3 guy with nice facial features, good beard, friends, passions, etc only got a few matches over 1000 swipes lol.