r/tifu • u/Fabulous-Tiger9480 • 3d ago

TIFU eating before sex S

Me and my bf haven’t seen each other in a couple days so decided to go to my favourite fast food place, and ngl I pigged out since I’ve been really strict with my diet and going to the gym.

I ate more than I would ever usually eat, and had a huge lunch at work cause I thought fuck it. Then after a long day, we finished watching the euros and one thing lead to another.

Since no one’s home we decided to go all out as we didn’t have to be quiet and I guess me being louder than usual turned him on more and he was being a lot rougher than normal.

As soon as we finish I get up and feel nauseous and I projectile vomited all over his carpet, ran to the bathroom and missed the toilet so vomited all around the toilet, he ran a bath for me and I was sick in there too. Was genuinely like a crime scene except there was no blood just a bunch of vomit.

He says he still loves me though and finds it funny but safe to say I’ll NEVER pig out before sex ever again. Not fun at all. Now we have a huge mess to clean.

TL;DR I ate 2 massive meals today and had sex with my boyfriend which resulted in me projectile vomiting everywhere.

1.7k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

89 comments sorted by

1.9k

u/jtrage 3d ago

Could’ve been worse. You could have shit on him during. Or could’ve been better if he is into that.

493

u/Tofushopdriftin 2d ago

I'm sorry, but after the past two weeks all I can see is "shit on that thang" I'm wheezing

265

u/matt1484 2d ago

Oh you mean the “cock poo-ah”

55

u/FrothyCarebear 2d ago

I’m not sure how this comment hasn’t won a Grammy.

4

u/TheMammothHunter 2d ago

I luh you “poopy”

11

u/reddottor2 2d ago

Cockapoo?

17

u/littlebitsofspider 2d ago

hawk pfbbbfbffffbffbbbfff

4

u/walk_through_this 2d ago

Not hawk. Hngh.

23

u/dantodd 2d ago

Could be worse if she does and he likes it but she doesn't

23

u/jtrage 2d ago

True. Shit gets complicated.

14

u/dantodd 2d ago

That's a corny pun

12

u/jtrage 2d ago

One more layer to the fetish.

16

u/stooges81 2d ago

Thats the SPECIAL squirt.

Only for special lovers when they go above and beyond.

6

u/walk_through_this 2d ago

Technically, below and behind...

7

u/FycklePyckle 2d ago

I was afraid this is where that was going, but I couldn’t avert my eyes. I’m relieved it was just puke.

3

u/DickJackerr-Overdose 2d ago

definitely better

5

u/Ecstatic-Parfait-748 1d ago

Came here to say this…as someone who has been shit on during sex and very much NOT into it. 🤮

Before I get the question: it was an accident. We were in high school and skipped class to get home before anyone else so we could have sex. He was too excited about the sex to take a minute to use the bathroom first, thinking he could hold it til after. He could not. 😭

1

u/Tom-Cymru 2d ago

Movie 43 style!!?? “MEXICAN FOOD MAKES A MESS”

349

u/Transki 2d ago

I never like to mess around on a full stomach.

133

u/RetroReactiveRuckus 2d ago

Every incident I've ever had during sex can be traced back to eating way too much way too close to sex. Thankfully for me they were mostly with the same person, and I'm not even embarrassed about things.

46

u/tankgrlll 2d ago

"EVERY INCIDENT"?!?! This has happened more than once??? 🤣🤣

17

u/pacstermito 2d ago

Technically if you've done it only once then you can say "every time" as well.

9

u/RetroReactiveRuckus 2d ago

To be quite honest about things, I could write a short novel about things going very fucking wrong in my sex life.

32

u/Tarabomb 2d ago

Me neither! Like, some people get it on after Thanksgiving! HOW!?!

110

u/odddutchman 2d ago

Dan Savages advice: Fuck first, then eat…

6

u/fimbleinastar 2d ago

I call if the "stuff and go"

15

u/ihhi99 2d ago

I feel like "stuff and go" could easily be misunderstood. Sounds a lot like what OP did

93

u/GingerNinja88 2d ago

Don’t feel bad, I did the same with my gf years ago. Ate a huge meal then got home and went hard as hell. Afterwards I felt sick to my stomach and told her “don’t take this as commentary on what we just did” before running to the bathroom to throw my asshole up.

55

u/BasketballButt 2d ago

I’ve had not one but two different women vomit on my dick while giving me oral. I’ve also had a woman fart in my face while I was giving her oral. Shit happens (sometimes literally). It’s just a funny story between you two years down the road.

18

u/MA-01 2d ago

I, too, have fallen for the oral fart slip.

She'd always give me such a smirk with a half hearted/sarcastic apology before resuming my duties.

4

u/GetOwned123 2d ago

Same here, took my girlfriend some time to be confident enough to give bj again. Cause damn it turns her on as well. But she's scared as hell after the incident. Even though she was drunk when it happened, so it wasn't that big of a surprise 😂

44

u/hyzmarca 2d ago

When he cleans up your vomit, you know he's a keeper.

71

u/arrowtron 2d ago

Meanwhile, bro is high fiving himself. “Yo, I rearranged that girl’s guts! I fucked her so hard she puked!”

8

u/seanprime 2d ago

To his bros… “Yo I fucked the *puke outta my girl last night!”

30

u/ScrotusTR 2d ago

Depending on the "other" outcomes... Definitely could have been worth it.... ?

19

u/DirtDawg21892 2d ago

Get stuffed BEFORE you get stuffed.

48

u/SaphironX 2d ago

Wait… NOW you have a huge mess to clean?

The man’s home is awash in vomit and you stopped to post this first?

32

u/Fabulous-Tiger9480 2d ago

Hahaha he didn’t want me to be sick from looking at the vomit so he cleaned up himself

14

u/SaphironX 2d ago

Miss you owe that man a PlayStation or something at this point. Dude is a saint.

6

u/vadkender 2d ago

It's called doing a favour. Sometimes you don't expect anything in return and do a favour too later.

8

u/SaphironX 2d ago

Sometimes you crack a lighthearted joke and don’t expect folks to go crazy too, but here we are 🤷🏻‍♂️

Come on, guy.

13

u/mrlotato 2d ago

Yo I had a whole a whole bag of gummy worms one time before sex and immediately throw them all up after we finished lol the bag was like $8 too. Wasted.

10

u/dietbongwater 2d ago

Not like you were eating them for nutritional value ahaha at least you got to enjoy them going in 😂

31

u/shong109 2d ago

yea it woulda been worse if you got the runs and couldnt hold it in on the other end

19

u/Taz_mhot 2d ago

Awe be happy he was laughing about it and drawing you a bath. He sounds sweet. Probably proud he rocked your insides so much :)

10

u/Fabulous-Tiger9480 2d ago

This is the cutest way to see the situation ♡ he’s still being so chill about it all, luckily I just bought a carpet cleaner

5

u/Taz_mhot 2d ago

Yep, I read that and thought “he’s a keeper” and the fact you bought a carpet cleaner is honestly really sweet too, makes me wanna puke!! lol you guys sound like a good pair

9

u/Fencingbear 2d ago

Amateur. I once threw up in four separate rooms on a (too) late dash for the toilet. Red wine too.

BTW: Projectile vomiting ? I'm blaming the food, not the sex...

5

u/RavenousMoon23 2d ago

Some people are just projectile vomitors lol pretty much any time I puke it's always projectile and ends up in my nose 😭 I hate puking.

2

u/Fabulous-Tiger9480 2d ago

Hahaha, no I literally never ever vomit and whenever I do it’s diabolical. Literally like a hose 😭

11

u/AvgDragonEnjoyer 2d ago

I assumed this would be a anal related story at first

4

u/Ok-Sun7936 2d ago

Happened to me and my date last night… I found it funny too haha

3

u/Known_Disk818 2d ago

Well, at least you know he's a keeper.

5

u/Classic_Pilot_9791 2d ago

This sounds like a positive to me, Everyone has moments like this infront of a long term SO sooner or later, it sounds like your partner is a mature and caring person and was more concerned with making you feel better

4

u/RexIsAMiiCostume 2d ago

Oh man, that sucks for everyone involved. I'm glad he was so chill about it, though!

5

u/Floridaman9393 2d ago

Vomit is better than shit, which is where I thought this story was going.

3

u/2000bunny 2d ago

I’ve done this twice but on the person. It happens, but if they love you they won’t care lol

6

u/No-Manner2949 2d ago

Meh. I've thrown up on a dick before, sex is messy

3

u/Vast_Reflection 2d ago

Same, it was super awkward because of who it was with and when

5

u/No-Manner2949 2d ago

We just showered and kept going hahaha

2

u/Jasuu06 2d ago

Uff... Learnt the hard way...

2

u/RedMissy42 2d ago

I feel this I pigged out once....was mainly stuff with garlic. Had a nice time with bf and then decorated his carpet with a nice smell.

2

u/RavenousMoon23 2d ago

Ugh Garlic already makes your breath stink I can't even imagine what garlic puke would smell like 🤢

2

u/RedMissy42 2d ago

Yup im never living it down. Bf won't let me forget even tho technically he shouldn't have been so rough lol.

2

u/Vegas_off_the_Strip 1d ago

This is a great opportunity for you and your fella. Don't tell him it was you overeating. Rather, you should brag about how he 'rearranged your guts' so aggressively that it made you sick.

This way, anytime it comes up the story is more about his sexual prowess than your binging and banging.

It'll be flattering for him and I can assure that men like no flattery more than sexual performance flattery.

You capitalize on this story and he'll never be willing to break up because you're the only proof of his exploits.

3

u/8Deez135 2d ago

I think you took the Hawk Tuah thing a little too literally.

2

u/ericemc 2d ago

Guy dosen't matter had sex

1

u/Responsible_Trifle15 2d ago

Man of culture🫡

3

u/ojipogi 2d ago

Always wait 1 hour after eating before swimming

1

u/StatOne 2d ago

I don't eat aged meat/steak any more if I am planning 'happy time' later, or have a longer drive home. I ate the best steak available at DC Ruth Chris and almost didn't make it to a bathroom in time.

1

u/turtlehk21 2d ago

Wasn't there a similar story in subreddit with bbq?

1

u/mytodaythrowaway 2d ago

I fucked the vomit out of her just doesn't have the same ring to it.

1

u/B0udr3aux 2d ago

Yeah. Not involving food but drunkenness…I hurled on a girl and she put me in the bath, then banged me after cleaning me up…

2

u/tethan 2d ago

You had sex. Nice!

1

u/ernie_renee 1d ago

My husband and I once got some nice steaks and made a fancy dinner for ourselves. After dinner one thing led to another and afterwards I grabbed a shower. He ended up running in and puking in the commode while I puked in the shower. We laughed but were also upset at the wasted money on the steaks.

1

u/Outkastin2g 1d ago

I appreciate the fact that she said now "we" have a huge mess to clean.

1

u/Radiant_Boss4342 1d ago

Didn't have any food involved, but many moons ago, I was going down on my then girlfriend, and her cat jumped up on the bed. Little turd horked up a hairball about 1 foot from her face. She didn't see it happen.

I was wearing a set of thigh earmuffs, so I didn't hear a thing until she looked. She gagged, muscles clenched, as they do, and I was suddenly the proud recipient of what I came to call "The Foreplay Flashbang." Basically, she blew me a kiss from both sides, simultaneously. If ya know, ya know.

1

u/christofc 2d ago

Ahh to have such simple life problems 😌🤣

1

u/SpecialistScheme7863 2d ago

Would be worse if you threw up while giving head but he might like it you never know

1

u/SodaBred 2d ago

I once fucked up bad by making a Thai curry for tea including the paste which involved lots of chilli's. Obviously I washed my hands before we started getting it on but....well....not enough apparently. Took us about 2-3 mins to realise what it was after she was squealing in pain and saying "Holy fucking shit my fanny's on fire". Used ice cubes. Not gonna lie. I was really sympathetic but also laughed my ass off after. We're still together so she forgave me.

1

u/yoshiltz 2d ago

Fast food is garbage. I still can't comprehend why people buy it, much less enjoy it...

-1

u/rururuined 2d ago

you gotta give him that HAWK TUAH and spit on that thang!

0

u/k3nz0diaz3pine 2d ago

at least he was a champ about it and laughed it off. at least you’ll have something to look back on in the future and potentially laugh about together

0

u/pitterpaw 2d ago

New fetish unlocked

0

u/Austin_Weirdo 1d ago

tbh it's common for women 

-4

u/N2S1N 2d ago

I'd join the fun and puke with her lol now it's raunchy!