So I was at the mall with my son, whose a toddler. Anyway my son was playing really well with this little girl.

Like they where two peas in a pod playing together, just having a blast.

I'm a big dude, Lotta people say I look scary type look.

Anyway my son is playing, I'm eatting my lunch and I decide I need to figure out who this girls parents are.

I figure it out, she's apparently a hot mom.

So I walk up and go "Hey our kids are playing together, maybe I can get your number and we can setup a play date" she looks at me and goes "um, married" I was thinking that's nice, my son wants to play with your daughter so I said

"Me too, my wife would love to meet you, our kids are playing well together, do you wanna set up a play date"

At that point her husband walls up and she goes "this guy is asking for my number after I told I'm married"

At this point I'm thinking fuck it, not worth it. I apologize and sit down and wait for my son to finish playing.

Tl:Dr son was playing with a little girl, tried to get the girls parents info so we could setup a play date. Her mom thought I was trying to pick her up.

Yesterday was a normal day, and as usual, my 14-year-old son was having his post-school screen time. He's a good kid, so I don't hover too much. I went to check on him and noticed he quickly minimized whatever he was watching. He said it was "just a gaming stream," and I let it slide, but something felt off.

A bit later, I went back to offer him a drink and caught a glimpse of his screen before he could close it. He was watching one of those hot tub streams - Kick streamer Amouranth.. For those who don't know, it's basically streamers in swimwear, sitting in hot tubs, chatting with viewers. It's not explicit, but definitely more on the suggestive side.

I tried to handle it calmly and asked him why he was watching it. He got embarrassed and mumbled about it being popular. I explained that while these streams aren't outright bad, they're not exactly suitable for his age. I told him he needs to be careful about what he watches online.

He seemed pretty embarrassed, and I left him to think it over. Now I'm second-guessing myself. Should I have been stricter? Should I trust him to make better choices? I'm also thinking about whether I need to set more restrictions on his internet use.

TL;DR: Walked in on my son watching a hot tub stream, had an awkward talk about appropriate content, and now I'm unsure if I handled it right or if I need to be stricter with his internet access

I have a 6 year old son. We went to a fair a few months ago and there was a display of livestock that the public could pet.

Me, trying to be jolly, told him that he'd be eating them for dinner someday.

My son was shocked and asked me how was that possible. I told him that meat is made by killing animals and cooking them. He then asked me what all the meats were. I told him that it's chicken, beef, steak, sausages, salami and mutton.

Later that night at home, I noticed him seperating his dinner. He removed all the meat pieces from the rice and only ate the rice. My wife asked him what was wrong and he said he doesn't want to eat animals.

Thankfully, he's fine with milk and eggs. However, he continued refusing to eat any meat. A week passed and we went to the doctor. The doctor said that it's probably just a temporary phase and we should feed him vegetarian alternatives for the time being.

We now buy canned beans, lentils, greek yoghurt, olive oil, whey protein, soy nuggets and plant-based patties/sausages. We also order a cheese pizza for him.

It's been a few months now, and I've bought iron and B12 gummies for him. Even my wife and I are starting to go more vegetarian.

TL;DR: We went to a fair and there was a display where the crowd could pet livestock. I told my son he'd eat those animals soon, and he's a full blown vegetarian now.

This is not satire. I wish it was. Let me start with that.

My partner is staying at my house for the week while my parents are away. We’re doing the typical Boyfriend/girlfriend stuff (sleeping together, sex, cuddling, kissing, showering together etc). My boyfriend takes significantly longer showers than I do. He spends between 20 mins and an hour. I typically spend 10-20 mins in. We had a shower a few days ago and I left to get dried, giving him some alone time. He likes to spend some time by himself to meditate. Little did I know, his “meditation” today was merely time for him to plot. Once I heard the water go off, I went to give him a towel (I took it by accident) and admired his naked body inside of the hot water mist. Naturally, I got curious. While he was air drying, waiting for me to hand him a towel, I went up to him and played with his ding dong. I was just hitting it off my hand while he was dying his hair. It was limp so it was hitting off of my hand quite easily, and felt good against my palm. You know those door stoppers that people play with? That was the way I was hitting it. Back and forth, up and down. Not sexually. Just curious about the male body as an assigned female at birth. At one point, he said to me “squeeze and pull it”. Thinking this was the beginning of some sort of after shower sex, I did. This was a mistake.

After my gentle grip had wrapped about his peepee, and I tugged it a little, I heard him rip the fattest, juiciest, earth breaking fart I have ever heard in my whole life. His little trick was the equivalent to the “pull my finger trick” with a bit more spice. He was laughing his head off while I retracted myself in disgust. I left the bathroom, raging at his stupid prank while the smell of the fart lingered behind me.

TL;DR: don’t pull your partners weeny. It doesn’t end well.

GUYS SUCK

Edit: a lot of ppl are asking my age. I am not 12. I just did not want to get shadowbanned again. Also, “assigned female at birth” refers to me being non binary. I was just trying to make a funny story a bit funnier with the other language. Lighten up guys :)

Edit: I am a non binary person who refers to myself as she/they. More specifically, (but I didn’t want to confuse all the older people) genderfluid. I am not here to debate my gender. I also refer to myself as his girlfriend. I have used the word choice for his penis AS A JOKE. I am not 12, or 13, or a child. I just have a funny story I wanted to share. Yes, fart jokes are funny. Yes, I didn’t use the word “dick” or “penis” bc I didn’t want to be shadowbanned or the story turned into a weird erotica sex skit. Stop being mad. Have a problem? DM me. Otherwise, have a fantastic day.

Edit: DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK. Happy now? Also, I don’t want to talk about my gender but BEFORE ALL THESE EDITS, people kept brining it up. Before you comment, fucking use your eyes and read some of the abuse I have been receiving. I don’t give a fuck what you believe in. I’m not debating this anymore. I will now be ignoring all comments about my gender. As I said, DM me. I was trying for keep my comment section a fun and healthy place to be. Clearly some dickheads need to ruin it. Also, not a child for the last fucking time.

Title says it mostly. I accidentally walked in on my dad going down on my mom. This just happened like 15 minutes ago

I was playing Fallout 4 for several hours, and I had no clue where my parents were. Keep in mind, that I also have a hearing deficit and I was not wearing my hearing aids at the time. On top of that, it is currently very late where I live so I figured my parents were in bed or something.

After playing Fallout 4 for several hours, I go into the hallway and I see a small amount of light coming from the game room. I thought that maybe someone left the TV on and I went to turn it off. I open the door and lo and behold...

My father's head is in between my mom's legs, like 6 feet away from me. I just shut the door and ran downstairs and outside. I became a little concerned about what would happen next.

My father came outside, and I asked: "How are ya?" And he said: "Fine, but next time knock."

I explained that not only had I been unaware of where they were, but it was also late and I thought maybe they were in bed. I also mentioned that I was not wearing my hearing aids and could not hear behind the door very well. I also added on top of all of that I saw a light coming from the game room and thought that maybe someone left the TV on and intended to turn it off. I also apologized and said that I just made an honest mistake.

My father said everything was fine and I had absolutely nothing to worry about. He just said that Fridays and Saturdays are the only two days that he has time to spend with my Mom, so I should be more... vigilant about opening a door on those days.

TLDR: I walked in on my parents having sex. My father asked that next time I knock, but he acknowledged that I made a genuine error.

EDIT: Holy F-Word 6k upvotes! I want to thank the people who have given me positive reinforcement so far.

EDIT 2: I am at a loss for words. More than 10K upvotes. My inbox is so demolished that I don't think even Vault-Tec could have made a vault sturdy enough to protect it.

I feel so embarrassed. I (23F) have had my period for more than 10 years now, and I just learned, from a Reddit post of all places, that you are not supposed to just shove the whole thing, applicator and all, up there and then leave it like that. I have a Biochemistry degree. I have travelled the world. And yet somehow I never figured this one out. This is my first and probably last reddit post because I cannot keep my horror at the fact that I’ve been keeping pieces of plastic in my vagina for ten years inside, but I absolutely cannot fathom telling anyone I know about this. I have always thought that tampons were super uncomfortable (for reasons that are now glaringly obvious) and mostly used pads, but I love swimming and so I use tampons fairly frequently during the summer. As best as I can figure, I have used hundreds of tampons in this way. I have been scouring my brain but I don’t think that anyone ever told me about this, despite the multiple, wildly uncomfortable health classes I had to take in grade school. The worst part is that I knew the plastic bit was called the applicator, I just figured that was because it made putting it in easier and you were just supposed to leave it in. Thank you, redditors, for listening, and I can only hope that this horrifying blunder of mine will convince you to explain very clearly to your children how tampons work. TLDR; I have been using tampons wrong for ten years and am extremely embarrassed

Edit to answer some common questions: yes, the whole thing fit up there. Maybe I just have a long vagina idk. No, it probably didn’t work great but I only kept them in for a couple of hours at most while I went swimming and I used them very infrequently, maybe a few times a year. There are lots of comments asking why I didn’t read the instructions. Well, my mom always just had loose tampons lying around. I’ve bought my own maybe once or twice but that was when I was much older so by that point I felt confident in my tampon-using abilities and never read the instructions (lol). I had health class and went to grade school in a fairly liberal public school district. Now I am questioning what I thought was a fairly comprehensive health education.

There are some comments asking if I can read or saying that I must not have gone to a good college/ worked hard for my degree. Please don’t be rude. In my experience sometimes it’s the people who are really smart at one thing that are super dumb at others. I want to thank the people who shared their own tampon blunders for helping me feel less alone in this embarrassing mistake.

Another edit: people are also asking about how I could have had that much of a lack in curiosity about how it worked. I think when I was younger I felt a lot of shame around my body and didn’t want to think about it any more than absolutely necessary, and once I got older and more comfortable I kind of thought I knew everything I needed to about tampons

Title covers it, thought I was on mute and was not. Someone was messaging me on the side asking if I could meet at certain times (my very limited free time is on my calendar). I yell in pure frustration "Jesus Christ, check my fucking calendar!" The meeting got really quiet and I realized what happened. Just gave a little sheepish "my bad, thought I was muted" and went silent. The person I was yelling about messaged me on the side and apologized, which made me feel even worse.

I apologized, and said it was very unprofessional. I tried to explain how I am really stressed with deadlines (I am) and was venting but I still feel like a total ass, which is accurate. This was a smaller group of decent people so I don't think anyone will complain to my boss or anything like that, I just get to live with my embarrassing FU.

TL;DR: Yelled at/about people in an online meeting thinking I was muted.

edit: grammar

Last Friday I had the day off work and decided to surprise my girlfriend at her job by stopping in to take her out to lunch as her shift was about done. She works at a very large and popular wholesale store that has hotdogs. She told me beforehand that I could come see her at work any time and there would be no trouble.

I walked in the front door and walked past the card-checker girl. She did a double-take and asked if I work there. I replied “no, I do not. I am here to see an employee, however. I’m looking for ——— in ———.”

She sheepishly got her radio and said, “management to front entrance; non-emergency”

A manager with the largest tablet I’ve ever seen strapped to her arm walked up and I explained again why I was there. She called for my GF on the radio but she was not near her radio. I apparently kicked the hornet’s nest and I could hear chatter on other employee’s radios.

“Who’s that guy here to see ———-?“

“Are we being audited? He looks important”

“GUYS, LOOK BUSY”

I caught glances from just about every worker nearby and I could feel them trying to figure me out

It was at this time my GF got back to her radio and heard the commotion and stepped out of her office and made eye contact with me. She wrapped up her work and we went out to lunch finally. I asked her why there was such a ruckus. She said that I dress nicely and I’m very polite which are characteristics of a corporate rep who comes in to fire people. That’s when she also admitted to me that I sometimes have asshole resting face. I guess I need to smile more.

TLDR: I surprised my GF at work and her coworkers thought I was there to perform an audit or fire somebody.

I'm a student supplemental instructor at my university for genetics. My job basically revolves around reinforcing concepts already taught by the professor as an optional side course. Earlier this semester while going over parental bloodtyping I got to explaining how having a AB bloodtype works as opposed to AO (half A - type A) or AA (full A - type A) in little genetics punnet squares. I asked if anyone knew their parents blood type to the class and someone raised their hand and told me that his father is AB and his mother is type A and that he is... type O - which is impossible - I went through with the activity for some reason and ended up having to explain to him that the only way this can happen is if his mother is AO and his father was type O, AO, or BO. He now didn't know if he's adopted or if his mom cheated on his dad. After the session I walked over to the genetics professor's office and confirmed with her that this is impossible and she said she'd be mortified to try to tell him the truth behind that and hoped he was misremembering. Fast forward to today, a friend of his updated me and said that he confirmed the blood types has kept it to himself and figured out he wasn't adopted. I ruined how he sees his mother and I kinda feel guilty about it. At least he did well on his exam ig.

TL;DR: I "teach" genetics and a student of mine found out that his mother cheated on his father. He confirmed it and I potentially ruined a family dynamic.

Today is my boyfriend’s birthday, the coffee shop down the road does birthday glitter in your drink for free. I thought it would be cool to get him a drink with the glitter in it because it just looks cool. I thought he would think the same.

Well I came home, glitter Red Bull infusion in hand and he just does not want it at all. Wont even try it. He says “why would I drink a drink with glitter in it” and I told him because it looks cool and doesn’t affect the flavor of the drink. He’s just refusing to because of the glitter and because it doesn’t look right.

Now I feel bad. I thought he would think it looks cool or thought it was funny (we joke about how he always has glitter on his body but I don’t wear glitter, that’s what I was going for. “You can’t escape the glitter” sort of thing) but he won’t even touch the drink. I offered to go to the coffee shop again and get him a new one, he said no it’s a waste of money. And now I feel like I ruined his birthday because of this stupid idea I had

TL;DR: Bought my boyfriend a drink with glitter in it for his birthday, he refuses to even touch it

UPDATE: I have been asked for an update. I’ll make it quick because I’m supposed to be playing games with my boyfriend right now.

To everyone who says he’s cheating on me:

I don’t believe he is. The glitter was suspicious at first. But it’s a very very fine glitter, so I went to check my makeup bag to see if it could be anything in there. Lo and behold my eyeliner pen (that has glitter in it) didn’t have a cap and has been rubbing raw in my makeup bag. Everything in there has some glitter on it.

Those who are saying he is abusive:

Please understand that this is just glitter in a drink. He never yelled at me, insulted me, or hit me. We didn’t even argue over it he just simply refused to drink it. He isn’t abusive. I find it out of pocket for some people to just outright say he is abusive. Especially if there are people out there who are actually in abusive relationships.

To those who say I’m forcing him to drink glitter:

Please believe me when I tell you I cannot force this man to do shit. He is stubborn. And almost 100lbs more than I am so forcing him isn’t really possible.

Now that I have gotten those out of the way, here’s the actual update:

We talked about it, I told him that I just didn’t feel appreciated. He said he appreciated the gesture but the glitter in the drink caught him off guard and it doesn’t look like the normal drink he gets so he couldn’t bring himself to drink it.

We aren’t mad at each other. I AM overdramatic, I have always been a very emotional person. After talking I feel dumb for thinking I ruined his birthday (as I should). We are now playing videogames together enjoying reading some of the comments under this post, and later tonight we’re going to dispo and going out to dinner. I love my boyfriend and he loves me, this was just a silly mistake I made (which ended up benefiting me because now I have a glittery drink). I’m not going to say we made up, because there was no fight to begin with.

And to those who were looking for the update where I say I found out he is cheating on me and we are now broken up, sorry to burst your bubble, but that isn’t the ending for this story!

AND to those saying this post is fake:

Believe what you want I guess, I feel like this is such an odd thing to post, people wouldn’t think it’s fake? But I guess Reddit does have a lot of fake posts so now redditors have trust issues.

EDIT: TL;DR: We love each other, nobody is cheating, nobody is abusive, we are now playing videogames together and we talked it through ☺️

I had a date planned for today. Was gonna meet a woman in a city about 45 minutes away from home by train. she had last minute work commitments as she works as at a busy bar and unfortunately had to cancel.

I thought I may as well not waste the free time I now had and since I'd already bought the train ticket, I may as well go into the city. flash forward 45 minutes and I'm in the city.

I entered some random bar, and unfortunately it happened to be the one my date worked at. I didn't know she worked there, all I knew she worked at a non specific bar. The moment I realised was visceral and will stick with me for a while. My blood ran cold and she actually went a bit pale.

I struggled to get the right words out to explain that I'm not some crazed stalker, I think I managed to get the words "I'm so sorry I didn't know". She politely said it was fine and then immediately disappeared behind the bar. I immediately left and got the next train home. I got home to find I was now blocked by her. What a depressingly awkward day.

TL;DR my date who happens to work at a bar cancelled. I went out for a drink on my own and happened to go in the bar she worked at, making me look insane.

I'm (40F) currently on a road trip with my daughter (9F). We arrived at a random hotel last night about 9 pm and shortly after started getting ready for bed. My daughter has ADHD and takes Vyvanse. Well, somehow when I went to take my nighttime med I accidentally grabbed her 20mg Vyvanse as opposed to my Doxepin, and then took two! It took me a few hours to piece it together. I was laying awake so anxious and grinding my teeth. It was an awful night! But at least I get to drive for 6 hours later! We may need to pullover at some point for sure. I take driving safety very seriously! Currently, I'm still buzzing from the meds. Glad the grandparents are on the other end of this drive so I can hopefully nap. Definitely a big FU.

TL;DR: took my kids Vyvanse at 9:30 pm instead of my own nighttime med. Have a six hour drive ahead of us!

Update: Got some sleep before leaving the hotel and made it to our final destination.

I don't have time to sort through all the comments, since we're spending time with family.

I see a lot of people concerned about the use of stimulant ADHD medication, which I can understand if you don't know the science behind how it works. Some are also sharing their own bad experiences using stimulants to treat their ADHD. Anecdotal evidence can't be applied broadly. Once again, I understand and hear the concern. The use of this medication was not made lightly and is not the only intervention we are using for ADHD. Thanks though!

I don’t really think this is a huge deal but all of the older people in my family are freaking out at me. I was in charge of cooking the Christmas turkey for the first time this year so I got up early, seasoned it, and put it in the oven. I’ve been basting every hour or so and I just pulled it out of the oven. Then my mom and grandma started freaking out because I cooked the turkey breast side down. I genuinely didn’t know that there was a right side up for cooking a turkey. It is thoroughly cooked and it’s not burnt or anything but they are acting like I ruined Christmas. Now they are saying that they can’t trust me to do anything and I’m completely incompetent. They are trying to figure out where to get a turkey in a hurry since this one is ruined. I was in the middle of baking a cake but now I’ve been ejected from the kitchen until it is time for me to do the dishes (usually the people who cook the meal don’t have to do dishes in my family).

TLDR: I cooked the turkey upside down and now I’m banned from the kitchen

Update: The guys of the house and I ate the turkey and it was genuinely the best turkey I ever had! The ladies sat there glaring the whole meal and refused to touch anything I made. I helped with dishes just to keep the peace since I’m home from college for another almost 2 weeks. Many lessons were learned today and I am probably going to cook the turkey upside down for the rest of my life!

I'm in a long distance relationship and my breasts have become huge due to hormone changes lately and I sent my boyfriend a photo of them this morning.

Today at work I had to take portraits of a newish staff member for the website and showed her the photos I'd taken, swiping through to shortlist the ones she liked best, I forgot about the photo and swiped onto a photo of my face with my tits out. I apologised and laughed about it, she seemed to just find it funny, I told my manager because I knew she would get a laugh out of it and to get ahead of any possible HR complaint. The co worker was chill about it but couldn't keep a straight face whenever she saw me today. It was an honest mistake but didn't really anticipate showing the newest hire my nudes, it's one hell of an onboarding process.

TLDR: took a pic of my tits this morning and forgot, had to take photos of staff member for the website and swiped on it as i was showing her the photos I'd taken of her.

This was years ago but I recently told the story to some one again and wanted to share here.

Back in college I used to hang out with the girl one dorm building over. We would hang out and smoke a cigarette and then go out merry way most of the time. It was late December and she mentioned the movie Elf which I had never seen. She insisted I come up to her room and watch it so I did.

We are watching the movie for about 20 mins when she says,

Her- "hey did you know my boobs are different sizes?"

Me- "oh neat, like dramaticly different? That's kinda cool."

Her "yeah want to see?"

Me - "sure"

she then took her whole top and bra off and sure enough one of her boobs was noticably larger than the other.

Her "the bigger one is heavier. Feel the difference."

I then reached out and pushed the underside of both boobs to compare and sure enough one was heavier. I told her that was cool and went back to watching elf.

Eventually she put her shirt on and I ended up leaving cause I was tired or something. I legit didn't not even consider this was anything else then sharing a neat fact about her tits till weeks later.

Poor girl tried being even more direct a few times later after winter break but I had started dating some one and it just never lined up. I apologize if you're some how reading this dude. I really had no clue.

Obviously I'm still just as oblivious today.

TLDR Girl invited to her dorm room, showed me here breasts and asked me to feel them and I assumed we're we just buds watching a movie.

I went to a Chinese buffet against my better judgement. Ate my food. It predictably opened my bowels right up because the fat content. Couldn't really hold it and wait for the bill. So, I grabbed my stuff because I didn't want it out in the open when I'd be in the bathroom a while. Apparently, the waitress only saw me load my stuff up and then just disappear when she looked back.

I got done taking a long shit and came out to them talking to the police. They saw me. I talked to the cops. They got called for a dine and dash and showed up cause its a slow day.

Explained the situation to them. They asked why I had taken all my stuff with me. I told them it was because "I knew it would be awhile and didn't want anything stolen".

It was light-hearted. The cops, waitress, and me had a laugh. I paid my bill and left

TL;DR: was in the bathroom so long that the restaurant thought I had dined and dashed and called the cops.

Hello reddit this is NOT my proudest moment but I thought y'all would like this I a 19 yr old female went on a second date last night with a guy! Now this should be put out there that I was a virgin before this and had never bought condoms before. Anyways he asked if I could buy some condoms from the store while I was there and I obliged. He only told me to get trojan thin, he never told me that he was allergic to spermicide (also I didn't know that condoms came with those that's kinda cool). Anyways the dates going good and we end up in his truck and the deed starts (I honestly don't recommend having sex in a truck that shit sucks) anyways we are on the second condom and he starts saying that he doesn't feel right and asked what condoms I got. I showed him the box and he said "oh shit". I feel so embarrassed idk if I can see this guy again 😭. He said it wasnt my fault since I didn't know but like HE IS SWOLLEN. Idk what to do. Do I send him get well soon flowers and balloons?

TLDR; I got the wrong condoms and ended up giving my date an allergic reaction

UPDATE: after ghosting me for two days he ended up sending me a message saying he isn't attached to me and called me a slut 🫠 on to the next one ig, luckily I never sent him flowers/balloons

My son asked for a ride to school after lunch. I said no, he could walk the 10 minutes and I'd go back to work.

He called me to say the dog was following him to school. I told him she does that sometimes, but she'll walk home once he's inside.

A few minutes later, he calls me panicking that some older kids let the dog into the school, and she was running all over and wouldn't listen to him. By the time I got to the school, the principal had the dog by the collar and was kicking her out.

I've now learned that she took a shit in the hallway, and a student stepped in it. My son is having a full blown panic attack, and I am just waiting for an angry call from the school. We live in a super small town, and my other kid, who is abroad, sent me a text because she already heard about this whole thing. It happened less than 20 minutes ago.

FML.

TL;DR: Dog followed my kid into the school, shenanigans ensued, I might need to move.

A few months ago I (F) met two awesome people (M) that I like to play music with. They are both super sweet and very nerdy, and you can clearly tell they are close friends. I eventually developed a crush on one of them, but did not get the impression that he liked me back, even though we had good chemistry.

Fast forward to now. I randomly stumbled across them on the street. The guy I liked told me he had just flown back from Bali, and invited me to join him and his friend to try some Balinese snacks. On the way to his house he mentioned that he had had sex with guys on his trip. I was surprised, because I had always assumed he was straight.

At some point during the evening I asked my crush if he was gay or bisexual and he said he was gay. He then asked me if I thought he was flirting with me, and I panicked and said no not at all.

Later on in the conversation he mentions something like "since we’ve been dating..." and points at his best friend, who is apparently also gay. I can hardly believe it. "You guys were a couple the whole time!?". "Yes, you didn't know?". We spent the next minutes hysterically laughing about the situation.

I feel like such an idiot, and the worst part is that I still have a crush on this guy :(

Edit: they are in an open relationship

TLDR: I assumed my two male friends were straight, but they were actually a gay couple. I had a crush on one of them so now I am sad :(

Currently job hunting and found a great position that I thought would fit me well. I met (meet) the qualifications and there were (are) several positions open, so I was excited and felt confident. I applied last night.

Jump to this morning when I received an email stating that I did not meet the minimum qualifications and my application was not passed along for further consideration.

Flabbergasted, I reviewed my application and found that somehow, instead of checking off yes to the question "are your answers truthful and honest etc. Etc." I checked off no... I'm absolutely crushed. I've had the question before and always say yes to myself while clicking, but somehow I fucked up and clicked no...

TL;DR: applied to a job last night and checked a box that said, "no, my answers are not truthful. I lied," instead of yes, I was truthful.

I’ve been at my company for about 8 months. I have a reputation for being good at my job, but I am overly sarcastic and jokey at times. My company routinely records and transcribes internal meetings with Microsoft Teams. I was going through the recording and transcription of a call to doublecheck something, and I noticed that the transcription, for some reason, randomly had a co-worker that I routinely joked around with saying: “you’re fat.”

NOTE: My coworker did NOT say you’re fat at any point in the call. The transcription picked it up for some reason.

I thought it was funny, so I took a screenshot of it and sent it to the coworker with the note: “Teams’ transcription thought you said this during the call yesterday 😂”

My coworker didn’t react to it. I thought they would find it funny and just react to it or whatever; it’s not anything serious, and I thought it was funny in context because we are under pressure to start using AI for meeting notes. Instead, I ended up getting a message from my boss and called into a meeting with HR.

My boss and HR showed me the message that I sent my coworker. They asked if I sent it. I said yes. Apparently my coworker alleged that I digitally manipulated an image with them saying something offensive and they were worried I was going to use it to try and get them fired or something. I would never do anything like that… I just thought it was a funny example of AI’s limitations/flaws.

I’ve formally been put on “notice.” If I mess up again, I’m going to be fired. We also got a memo that we are to discontinue using the record and transcribe feature on Microsoft Teams due to “privacy issues” until told otherwise.

TL;DR - took a screenshot of an inaccurate meeting transcription, sent it to a coworker as a joke, and got MS Teams recordings and transcriptions banned at my job after a meeting with HR.

UPDATED

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I (50M) have been married to my wife (53F) for 26 years. We have a strong and healthy marriage with 3 kids and I am in love with this woman.

At this point in our lives we know all of each others likes and dislikes. One aspect of our relationship is that I enjoy trying to make her laugh with cheesy pickup lines, dirty jokes, and embarrassing comments (usually about myself). These are things that I only share with her and only in private. Normally I am a quiet and stoic in public.

Recently on her birthday, after presents and birthday wishes, we were alone at home I slapped her on her ass, which I do a lot, and said: "Oh baby lets get it on! I've never been with a chick as old as you!" Of course I was joking but holy shit, she was not amused.

I apologized and we worked through it but she said that I was a colossal asshole for making that joke. I didn't think that it was that bad but I kept my mouth shut since I was in the wrong here. I now need to make up for this so that her birthday ends on a positive note.

TL;DR I slapped my wife on the ass on her birthday and said "Oh baby lets get it on! I've never been with a chick as old as you!" This is going to cost me.

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EDIT:

Thank you for all of the kind and not so kind words. I appreciated reading everyone's thoughts, opinions, and insights. Again, Thank You.

Also, to the person who reported me to reddit for mental health support....my wife thought that was hilarious.

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UPDATE:

My wife and I worked through this issue quickly and she wasn't really that upset about my joke. It turns out that right before my joke she was thinking about her age and the changes to her body, specifically her hair.

I don't think that I would shock anyone here when I say that my wife's hair color is not natural. She started going gray in her late 20's and has been regularly coloring it to hide it. She is self conscious about this and is bothered how society sees men with gray hair as distinguished but women with gray hair as old (her words not mine). Adding fuel to her internal fire is the fact that I have almost no gray hairs, only a few in my beard.

Don't get me wrong, my wife is beautiful and it baffles me why she is concerned about her grays but it's one of her insecurities so I always try to reassure her. Well the combination of her birthday, the insecurity of her gray hairs, and the slight resentment of my lack of grays had her primed for an argument. I joked about her age then BOOM, it was on.

As soon as she was done venting she realized that she was being irrational and told me as such which was awesome because I'm not dumb enough to point that out to her. I'm making it sound like she is unstable argument prone but that not true. Two or three times a year she will do something like this but it's just a coping mechanism that she has. I'm 100% ok with this and it helps her so in my opinion it's good. It's like she is verbally massaging some anger out of her body, it offers her relief in the end and I don't mind helping.

On an positive note she has decided to embrace her grays. She is deciding on how to transition and I suggested getting a pixie cut. She had one when we were dating and I think she would look great with it.

TL;DR- pulled up restaurants in an app and accidentally ordered my breakfast the app charged double what the restaurant charged.

This morning I found myself with free time and wanting to get out of a funk. I decided to take myself out to breakfast. My friends recommended a few places around town, and to easily compare the restaurants and prices I pulled them up in door dash rather than multiple phone browsers.

I decided on the most delicious breakfast bagel I’ve ever seen- toasted on a cheese and tomato bread, cream cheese, avocado, bacon, and I went crazy and added extra tomatoes. I had a plan and knew what I wanted.

Out of curiosity, I wanted to see what door dash would charge to have it delivered. My $23 gourmet bagel and coffee would be $43 if ordered through the app. I audibly laughed and took a screenshot and through nothing of it.

I put my phone down to get ready to go, and when I got out of the shower I realized I somehow hit the order button and my bagel was on its way.

I somehow ordered the world’s most expensive bagel. Was it worth it? Absolutely- but not for $43 bucks. This is probably my new favorite breakfast item- but would be way better in person and fresh and hot. For the record, even delivered lukewarm it was spectacular.

Behold the world’s most expensive and delicious bagel. https://imgur.com/a/xZclEaf

You may have read my original post this morning about how I had a Lyft driver pressuring me to give him my personal phone number and email address before my ride. I felt unsafe and canceled. Even after escalating, Lyft refused to refund me. Only after my posts hit 3 million views, did they suddenly try to call me and they offered me my $5 refund.

But get this. Suddenly I'm getting tagged and I discover that their official account has posted for the first time in ages.... and DOXXED me in the thread. Instead of tagging my username, since I posted anonymously, their post reads "Dear [My real name]".

And here is the kicker, that is normally a bannable offense. Instead, the comment is removed by the moderators from the thread, but it has not been removed from their profile nor has their profile been banned as a normal user would be. It's still up!

Not sure what to do to get it removed. Any media I can contact to put pressure on Lyft??

TL;DR: Got myself DOXXED by the official Lyft account, which reddit apparently does not want to ban or even remove the comment.

Edit: After 5 hours, they removed my name. One of their execs just emailed me to inform me that they removed it, and suggested I could delete my Lyft account. I suggested they clean up their PR and CS teams because they're not doing so well today.

For your amusement: she is one of the top execs and she is located in the central time zone, so she was doing this at 11:00 p.m. 😂 Sounds like they are finally awake and paying attention. 👋

Update Tuesday morning: the customer service rep (same one who doxed me) who insisted he wanted to speak to me on the phone did not in fact call me at the appointed time. Of course, it's entirely possible that he woke up no longer employed by Lyft.

I went to the bar by myself to blow off some steam because my mom is currently in the hospital and it's not looking good. Funny story is I didn't actually drink anything alcoholic because I don't drink due to witnessing her struggling with alcohol addiction throughout my childhood even though I convinced myself that I would try just one when I made the decision to go to the bar in the first place. Anyway afterwards I was walking home when I saw this obviously very drunk girl walking alone ahead of me.

These two random dodgy looking guys walked up to her and tried to walk off with her. The whole thing just seemed pretty off to me and but maybe they were genuinely trying to help her? I don't know what came over me but I just found myself sprinting towards them and asking her if she was okay. The guys immediately walked away without saying anything when I got there. She told me that her friend who was also her ride ditched her so she was going to walk home as 'it wasn't too far'.

I told her that was a bad idea as it was really late and that I could request a ride for her if she was okay with that. She agreed so I did and her address didn't even seem like a walkable distance for that time of the night. I waited with her and made sure she got in and went on my way. All was well until I got slapped with a $150 charge because she threw up in the car and I died a little inside.

TL:DR I requested a ride for a girl in what seemed to be a sketchy situation and I got more than what I bargained for.