r/AITAH • u/WideCorners • 4d ago

My daughter just contacted me after 17 years asking if I want to meet my granddaughter. AITAH for telling her that I don’t care about her or her daughter and to never contact me again?

I am not sure if am I an AH. Going to provide some background.

I am in my 60s now. I was married to my ex wife, and we had a daughter. Our marriage was going through its ups and downs but I was really close with our daughter. But as our marriage was going through its difficulties, I made a huge mistake I still regret to this day. I started having an affair with my coworker. She was in an violent physically abusive relationship at home. We became friends at work, and things just escalated from there. She got “an out” from me, she got the support she needed to file for divorce from her husband, who is currently in jail now. The affair went nowhere and we called it off shortly after, but I was glad that she got off her abusive relationship and that she was safe. 

But when my ex wife found out about the affair, things expectedly didn’t go well. She lashed out and said a lot of horrible things about me to our daughter, who was 15 at the time. I admitted full fault with the affair, but even after the divorce, I sensed that the distance between me and my daughter was growing, until one day, my daughter said she wasn’t going to speak with me anymore, and she was going to cut me off from her life forever. That was the most painful thing anyone had ever said to me. I begged her to please reconsider. I still remember that day.

But time passed on. My daughter kept her word, and after trying to connect with her for the first year, I gave up. I found out from one of my mutual friends that my ex wife married a great guy. I was happy because I was hoping that would remove the hatred from my ex wife and my ex wife would advise our daughter to at-least rekindle a relationship with me. But that never happened. I moved states a year later. 

I am at peace now, but still have some aching sadness. I have retired. Both my parents have passed away, my brother passed away tragically a couple of years ago. To be honest, I am waiting for my turn. I have only my dog and my sister left.

A couple of hours ago, my daughter called me on my phone. I haven’t spoken to her in 17 years. I instantly recognized her voice, but I didn’t feel anything. No happiness, no sadness, just indifference. She was crying a lot on the call, and we caught up on life. She’s married, and she has a daughter who’s now 12. She apologized for cutting off contact, and she says her mom asked her to reconnect with me, as her mom felt guilty about how everything played out. She said she really wanted me to meet her daughter, and her daughter was constantly asking about granddaddy. But, I wasn’t feeling anything. After we caught up on everything and our life, I told her I don’t care about her or her daughter, and to never contact me again. I then hung up.

Was I the AH?

UPDATE:

Look, I was extremely drunk last night. The words which came out of my mouth weren’t the best, and my comments on my post weren’t great either. Seeing how everyone said I was the AH, I decided to call my daughter again an hour ago. I didn’t really expect her to pick up the call but she picked up immediately. I apologized for last night, and she said there was no need to apologize. I then sent her a link to this Reddit post on messages, and told her I know I was the AH, and thousands said so. She again said I wasn’t the AH. She started crying again. 

I told her she’s free to come to my house anytime the next 4 months, because after that I will be leaving the country with my sister and our dog. Our parents left us a nice farmhouse in their home country, and we will be spending the rest of our lives there. 

I sent her my address on messages, and my daughter said she’d come with her husband and her daughter by end of next week. She asked if she was welcome to stay there for multiple days, and I told her she could stay for however long she wanted, as our house was spacious enough.

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8.0k

u/MameDennis1974 4d ago

Ain’t nothing like a dead beat narcissist claiming to be the one victim in a situation he created for himself.

“I wAS hELpiNG mY Co WoRKER gEt oUT of aN AbuSiVE MaRRIage!”

2.9k

u/Wael3rd 4d ago

I helped out a coworker ou of an abusive marriage and didn't even have to sleep with her!

SHOCKING !

990

u/Solkre 4d ago

Phht. Obviously you did it wrong.

439

u/Adept_Gur610 4d ago

I'm more interested in how exactly that phone call went where they basically spent some time catching up and talking about things and then out of nowhere he just says he doesn't care about her and hangs up? Like was he all happy before and catching up and then just decided not to?

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u/LOD616 4d ago

Facts "we had a conversation, we caught up on everything that happened in our lives, and then I told her to never talk to me again. I hope she reaches out to his sister and they get really close 😂

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u/PatientFuzzy6232 4d ago

Me too. If the conversation went as he’s written he’s wild, totally diabolical.

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u/NiceGuyJoe 3d ago

I feel like the word “diabolical” implies some kind of intelligence

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u/Naejakire 3d ago

Yeah, that's usually what comes from alcoholism. Wild mood swings, irrational behavior.. Shit like this. Exactly why I haven't talked to my own dad since I was 17! One min they're nice, the next they're fucking evil and the next day? They either don't remember or thunk they're not responsible because they were drunk.

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u/jacoblb6173 3d ago

It went like this:

“Hey it’s me your daughter.”

“Ohh hi? How are you? How is life”

“Pretty good. All this happened.”

“Sounds great! Happy for you.”

“Would you like to meet your granddaughter?”

“Nah. I’m good.”

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u/Alive_Channel8095 2d ago

Right?! That’s some narcissist shit right there. Cruel for no reason other than petty revenge on his own child.

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u/notdoreen 4d ago

r/thathappened

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u/v74u 4d ago

I think you’re underestimating how dumb and illogical people can behave by a couple foot ball fields. He had probably been waiting over a decade for this phone call. He wasn’t going to just say “I don’t want to talk to you” and hang up.

He needed to feel the revenge. So he let her talk and pour her heart out to him then crushed her. It literally makes perfect sense, I think you’re just revealing that you don’t understand other humans at all.

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u/HauteG 4d ago

Yes, the fact that he explicitly said that the daughter cried a lot on the phone. He was enjoying it. He knew she was emotionally involved.

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u/KillaIcon 2d ago

You mean emotionally damaged. The only thing he wanted assurance of.

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u/Slytherin_Forever_99 3d ago

This made me chuckle 😂

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u/relayadam 3d ago

Nail them when they're vulnerable

1

u/EMBARRASSEDDEMOCRAT 3d ago

😆😆🤣🤣😂😁

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u/Somethingisshadysir 4d ago

I used to work with a lady who my dad had helped escape from one many years before. She specifically talked about how he was the only one who'd wanted nothing from her for helping her, that he was a true gentleman and most offering to help were not. Lot of creepers trying to take advantage of women in such situations.

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u/Worth-Two7263 3d ago

No kidding. I had cancer years ago, you wouldn't believe the number of married men who went after me. And being sick with chemo, I didn't even look so hot...ugh.

I lost a lot of possible women friends because their husbands gave me the creeps.

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u/Somethingisshadysir 3d ago

Sorry you had to go through that. You're doing better now, healthwise, I hope?

12

u/OneFaithlessness382 4d ago

How? I don't get how anything besides sex would work. 

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u/BertTheNerd 4d ago

Yeah, the infamous magic dick power, helps women in all situations in life /s

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u/DrAniB20 4d ago

Are you sure? You didn’t even slip once and fell in between her legs?! How can we really know you helped her then?

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u/Aidrox 4d ago

You….you skipped a step.

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u/OrganizationMore5855 4d ago

Underrated comment. Also, thank you for your service 💪🏆

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u/Most_Cartoonist5736 4d ago

Is that even possible? /S

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u/oohlalaahweewee 4d ago

My parents helped my maternal aunt escape an abusive marriage by driving to NJ, picking up her and her kids, and bringing them back to Boston while her husband/abuser was at work.

And neither of my parents slept with her even once!

3

u/Alternative_Law7690 4d ago

Oh this guy's bragging because he got friend-zoned.

1

u/Verdant_13 4d ago

I tried to help my coworker who was in an abusive relationship but I just ended up sleeping with her, so we’re kinda like kindred spirits in a way

1

u/Ludicruciferous 3d ago

Sir, that’s impossible.

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u/herdo1 3d ago

Lol yeh I'm pretty sure you can help someone and not need to fuck them.

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u/teanations 4d ago

lol well then she didn't really need your help did she?

-24

u/og_sysadmin 4d ago

Probably why she wanted out of your marriage.

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u/intoon 4d ago edited 4d ago

I helped two women leave abusive men. I never slept with either. How much of that affair was just an ego boost for him plus taking advantage of a broken person in a dangerous situation. If he’s really the savior he thinks he is, the victim coworker would have stayed with him. This man is delusional

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u/GoodBoundariesHaver 4d ago

Not just taking advantage of her, but putting her in more danger too. What does he think happens to someone in an abusive relationship if they're caught cheating? He literally was endangering her life to get laid

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u/Swimming_Onion_4835 4d ago

1000%. Some creepy guy did this to my mom when she was about to leave my (severely abusive) dad. He was in his 70s and she was in her early 50s, and he completely manipulated her because she’d been with my dad since she was 15 and that’s about where her emotional/romantic maturity stopped. He said manipulative, nice things to her and I wound up losing my ever-loving mind on her when I found out she was sneaking around to see him because my dad would have fucking killed her if he found out about it. No question, she’d be dead. Unsurprisingly, when my mom cut things off with that guy he cussed her out and basically told her she owed him sex because he’d been nice to her (they hadn’t had sex yet). 🙄 That fucker still sends my grandmother steaks in the mail yearly trying to get a way to communicate with my mom. My mom has her own issues, I’m not even in contact with her anymore, but also predatory men like that can go fuck themselves.

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u/owiesss 4d ago

I cannot believe the same thing hasn’t happened to my mom. Actually, I know why. My mom’s religion and church has scared her into believing that leaving her abusive husband will send her to hell for all of eternity. If it weren’t for the predatory bullshit church she’s a part of, she’d most likely be in the exact same position as your mom, and that makes me sad.

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u/Swimming_Onion_4835 4d ago

To be fair, my mom was also brainwashed like that. I remember she went to my childhood pastor about the abuse (towards her AND us), and he basically told her oh well, you married him, you’ll go to hell if you leave. Fun fact—that POS has a son who is now a VERY famous Christian music star. They’re worth millions. Fuck that whole family.

The only reason she finally left is because my brother recorded a violent fight while he was still living at home and sent it to me, and I called the police (usually my dad could talk his way out of police calls). We told her to get an order of protection, and if she went back to him we’d never speak to her again. She’s really only free because of that. Sadly, she’s so fucked up and wrapped up in her narcissistic victim complex that we no longer have a relationship. She just doesn’t know how to be a loving mother. :/

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u/BuzzyBeeDee 4d ago

As someone who also had an extremely abusive narcissist father, would you mind sharing who the Christian artist you’re referring to is? Even if you tell me in a DM if you don’t want to say it here. As someone who sometimes enjoys listening to certain Christian artists, I just don’t want to unknowingly support someone like that.

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u/Swimming_Onion_4835 4d ago

I don’t care about outing them publicly, no NDA for me. 😆 It’s Matthew West.

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u/BuzzyBeeDee 4d ago

Thank you! 🙏🏻

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u/Swimming_Onion_4835 4d ago

You’re welcome!

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u/xx_gypsy_xx 1d ago

My mom sat me down with the Bible and told me that if I were the godly wife I was supposed to be, he would WANT to treat me better. And that if i left him, i would be alone forever. I didn't speak to her for over a year, and I haven't been to church since.

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u/ghostfrenns 3d ago

Thank GOD it didn’t end that way for my mom. Her abuser’s immediate reaction was to let go of her because she was “tainted.” After he tried and failed on the dating market, he started stalking and harassing her to try and get her to come back. But my mom found strength in herself pretty quickly, so the threats meant absolutely nothing to her.

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u/Lady_Caticorn 4d ago

He could've asked his wife if the coworker could stay with them while she was leaving her husband. He could've looped his wife in and they could've together found a way to help his coworker. So scummy that he slept with her and put her in danger instead.

7

u/-effortlesseffort 4d ago

Honestly, since the affair did happen, they might have done it in the house, which would have made everything so much worse.

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u/Lady_Caticorn 4d ago

Yeah, it's risky to have an affair with someone who is married to an abuser. It's a terrible idea all-around.

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u/ValorousUnicorn 4d ago

Also, imagine a world where a woman with a perfectly non-violent working-man husband wants 'an out', because they are bored and want excitement. Said woman may claim abuse when canoodling someone else, to entice them in with a 'cute little victim' routine.

Realize you live in that world, and rethink this situation, just two assholes fucking each other for fun and thrills, justification is always made after the fact.

11

u/ToiIetGhost 4d ago

No thanks, I’m going to believe women when they say they’re so badly abused that they need help to escape their abuser. But you have fun with your incel pretzel logic fun little hypotheticals.

0

u/00365 4d ago

Tbf, this isn't a woman narrating the story. It's a man. So, yes, "believe women" is good and helpful, but even if you believe what is being said, it's neither a woman nor a reliable narrator speaking.

We genuinely don't know if the woman in his story was bring abused. We just don't know.

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u/SprayDefiant3761 3d ago

It wouldnt change him being an AH anyway.

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u/ToiIetGhost 3d ago

He was speaking generally and being an incel. “‘Cute little victim’ routine”? The word routine signifies a known pattern of women who lie about abuse. The word cute makes light of victims. Just two (of many) problematic things in his comment.

If he said that OP is an unreliable narrator (the type of person who’d make up a story to justify his actions), that’d be different.

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u/SprayDefiant3761 3d ago

Then you still shouldnt fck em you dumb dumb. That was HIS choice. Also, who tf is sexual attracted to people in abusive marriages. Are you sick?

0

u/ValorousUnicorn 2d ago

Never said he should. The OP is a dumbshit, and all kinds of people have savior complexes. I would argue almost all men go easy on morally corrupt women and female criminals because men are hardwired to feel protective of them.

This is why women in media that are shy and demure are supposedly the creme of the crop, the MC is always saving the shy princess from the evil guy.

1

u/SprayDefiant3761 20h ago

Ah, that is why most crimes commited to woman are by man... becaus they have a saviour complex and are hardwired to feel protective of woman.... sure.....

1

u/ValorousUnicorn 17h ago

What?

Reevaluate your context.

You are white-knighting so hard, you are taking a third party accound of some woman, whom if she DOES exist, you assume the OP whom thinks he is doing her a favor by cheating on his own wife to 'help' her, you then assume that HE put her in further danger because the PERCEIVED threat to her is now higher.

So already you ASSUME 2 men have power over a woman's decisions, and she has no equity. Then some rando points out this makes no sense, you take the OPs side, thinking women need saving, but denying men have a savior complex.

Go figure out your fucking grammar, then your fucking 'argument'.

Fucking a victim of abuse is not a hero moment, no matter how much you or OP want it to be.

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u/RedInAmerica 4d ago

I’m currently helping my future sister in law leave her abusive husband, and It in no way involves my penis. Definitely a delusional narcissist who probably cared very little for his daughter in the first place.

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u/laughingthalia 4d ago

Is your future sister in law your partner's sister or your sibling's new partner?

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u/RedInAmerica 4d ago

Fiancés sister

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u/Swimming_Onion_4835 4d ago

Hell, in college I helped a roommate’s ex boyfriend through their breakup when she cheated on him while on foreign term in Rome, and he found out about it through one of her classmates (he was a friend of mine, also, and I was admittedly closer to him than my roommate by the time they broke up). Never had any interest in anything other than helping him, because that poor guy was fucking DEVASTATED and it outed a lot of really fucked up, sociopathic behavior on my roommate’s part.

It really grosses me out when people of complementary sexualities try to turn this kind of support into something romantic. Even if the injured person initiates—they’re not in a position to think clearly or appropriately consent when they’re that vulnerable, especially in situations of abuse where the hurt person is probably desperate to be validated and treated well by a romantic partner. It’s not appropriate or okay, and as the non-distressed party, it’s your job to politely and respectfully turn them down.

1

u/RIPAugieRFC 3d ago

Ya really missed out on abused rebound pussy. 11/10

0

u/PleaseDaddyYesYesYes 4d ago

One more, and they'll upgrade you to CaptainSaveAhoe. I once watched my dogs catch and eat a squirrel. My dogs never left me, and neither did the squirrel. The remains are in my pet simitary.

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u/thrownededawayed 4d ago

"It was nothing really, my penis did most of the work, I deserve no adulation or praise"

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u/killedsophtly 4d ago

I’m crying

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u/jockonoway 4d ago

Looks like his wife got out of an abusive marriage too. Infidelity is emotionally and psychologically abusive. Plus I consider it sexual assault if you’re having sex with me while also having unprotected sex with your side piece. OP has always been TA.

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u/driftxr3 3d ago

I wish we could consider cheating SA, but I think that's going a bit too far.

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u/jockonoway 2d ago

I feel how I feel.

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u/DangNearRekdit 4d ago

This is what I come to Reddit for

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u/EpilepticMushrooms 4d ago

Great.

Now I have the image of an old man's penis spinning like a helicopter and smacking some asshole husband in the face until he fled.

Godamnit. It's gonna stay in my head like a brain worm.

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u/Biggie39 4d ago

That’s so funny thanks for pointing it out…. How you gonna make yourself the hero in a story like this is just fuckin wild! 😂

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u/Resident-Bluejay2801 4d ago

Seriously. Fuck this guy. As a daughter whose dad also fucked up - I wish he’d try to play this with me.

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u/ginamaniacal 4d ago

Daughter with a dad who also fucked up, he cheated on my mom and married his mistress and they’ve been married now for 20 years. I spilled the beans that I’ve known about their affair for almost all of those 20 years and somehow he is the victim. No apologies to me. Just stating his feelings of betrayal from me and his mom, who initially told me. His reaction is somehow worse than his affair

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u/Resident-Bluejay2801 4d ago

Damn I’m sorry. I genuinely can’t understand dads like this. Why is it so hard to be decent? They have no idea the wreckage they leave behind.

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u/Main_Following1881 4d ago

obv he is the asshole for cheating but imo she should have cut him off for life

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u/minorkeyed 4d ago

Sounds like you have some unresolved anger toward your father. Ever tried understanding him and using empathy? Or is the pain still blinding your wisdom?

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u/Resident-Bluejay2801 4d ago

Missed the mark there. This is why using psychology based on one comment doesn’t work. Thank you for your false and condescending concern, but my relationship work my father was resolved 5 years ago and he’s a wonderful grandfather as well. If it wasn’t for my empathy and understanding, I wouldn’t have forgiven him. People screw up. That isn’t the main problem.

My anger is towards dads like this who think it’s the child’s responsibility to make amends with them. He fucked up. He should have spent more than one year attempting to make it up to his child.

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u/minorkeyed 4d ago edited 4d ago

Why should he have? To appeal to your narrow, self serving morality? People aren't capable of endless suffering and different people have different tolerances for pain. Just because a person disappoints you by not living up to your expectations does not make them wrong or bad. Even parents can only endure so much hurt before they must leave. A child's pain is not the only pain that exists or matters, that's incredibly narcissistic, especially for children who are adults. Growing up means accepting your parents are also people with limits and can suffer because of your choices as their child.

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u/CharlieLeo_89 3d ago

What an utterly ridiculous comment. She was a child, and he’s the father. He destroyed his family with his own shitty, self-serving behavior. What he did was wrong and bad. He should’ve spent as long as it took, years if necessary, begging his daughter for forgiveness and doing everything he could to make it up to her - and even that still wouldn’t be enough.

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u/minorkeyed 3d ago

If it can never be enough, why do it? Children aren't always worth the effort. Some of them deserve to be left to their choices.

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u/Upstairs_Whole_580 4d ago

What? You wish he'd try and play this with you?

Who? Your Father who also fucked up, or the OP?

It's also really obvious how much the "AITA," comments are really for the 'don't forget about me today' crowd!

Every thread it's half 'something vaguely similar to this happened to me and this is what I would/did say!

1

u/winosanonymous 4d ago

Is it your first day on the internet? Lmao

0

u/Resident-Bluejay2801 4d ago

Sooo keep it moving. What’s your point in responding? What do you get out of it? Again, keep it moving.

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u/Mother_Goat1541 4d ago

With his penis

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u/UnderstandingSad8886 4d ago

There's noth8ng like helping the coworkers with your dick, do it all the time myself.

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u/Smtxom 4d ago

Is there another way?

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u/Remarkable-Ad2285 4d ago

His wang

2

u/EmphasisFew 4d ago

This guy wangs

105

u/Better-Strike7290 4d ago

Obviously the primary thing you use to help abused women leave their marriage is your dick.

It's just so glaringly obvious.

/s

15

u/ronansgram 4d ago

Same happened to me! My ex husband was comforting a co worker when he had his own wife and child at home with a broken leg! We got divorced and he married her eventually. They both got arrested several times for DV and DUI’s, in-fact she drove her and their two kids into a pond on her way to return some movies while drunk. They are now divorced as well. In the end my son and I got the better end of that deal after the hurt settled.

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u/Apart-Papaya-4664 4d ago

Seriously, his take on the affair was really twisted. He clearly pats himself on the back for it.

46

u/WatermelonSugar47 4d ago

Right, like lets not even mention that ye took advantage of said coworker who was extremely vulnerable but sleeping with her.

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u/monstera_garden 4d ago

If you think about it, he's actually the HERO of this story!

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u/koolaid_snorkeler 4d ago

He certainly thinks so.

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u/Sorry_Plankton 4d ago

Can you imagine if the only way to save someone from abuse was to have sex with them?

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u/OneFaithlessness382 4d ago

I got fired from my EMT job because I kept banging the patients. You can't even help people these days without getting nailed for it. 

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u/Spanishishish 4d ago

Seems like every single female coworker involved in a work affair is in a dangerous abusive situation and needs saving and somehow has the enough freedom to actually get away with an affair with seemingly minimal consequences

-8

u/BertTheNerd 4d ago

Well, if the dude is in jail since 17 years (assumption), than phps he did something to the AP (most probably) and this was phps bc of the affair (assumpiton). Phps this was the way, wife found out?

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u/UnderstandingSad8886 4d ago

Right, like did that include both of you undressing and slipping on top of her? Like please, you broke your vows and broken own your marriage. It's all you, bud. You should be groveling at your daughter's feet.

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u/ConfusedAndCurious17 4d ago

Seems like he helped two women get out of an abusive relationship. His coworker and his wife. What a fuckin saint.

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u/sssRealm 4d ago edited 4d ago

There is evidence that OP is on the antisocial spectrum. He outed himself when he said he felt nothing after his daughter's emotional apology. Now his ego wants validation from us. Update: I saw OP's update. I'm happy he reconciled with his Daughter, but I'm still leery of OP. He seems to lack his own moral compass and his conscience seems to be largly of what gets socialy reflected back to him. I still see narsissism at work here.

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u/ConfusedAndCurious17 4d ago

Fuck OPs update. If you need thousands of strangers to tell that you are a jackass in order for you to not tell your child that you don’t care about them, then you are pretty irredeemable in my eyes.

60+ year old miserable prick. I really don’t think I’ve ever been so heated about a Reddit post because my parents act the same fucking way. Hurt someone and then act like the victim even when forgiveness is given. I’ve met toddlers more reasonable.

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u/sssRealm 4d ago

I agree, something isn't right about OP. Maybe he's loses his moral compass when he drinks, which is isn't an excuse and he should probably get sober. I want this to be a happy ever after, but I can't predict it being that.

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u/ConfusedAndCurious17 4d ago

Having gone through the same type of shit with my own parents, my opinion is that the “happy ever after” would be for the daughter to go back to no contact. These types of narcissistic old fucks never change. They apologize and act sympathetic, then they seem to go out of their way to hurt you again when you have forgiven them.

They care about themselves and their self image, and that is it. That’s why this pricks first thought was to try to get validation from random Reddit users rather than addressing his own feelings.

5

u/sssRealm 4d ago

Your probably right, not seeing signs of sincere humanity in OP. There are volumes of untold information in why the daughter didn't contact her dad for 17 years. I can't imagine the daughter doing that for so long if she had a good relationship with him before. She could be hoping for age to change him into a grandfather figure.

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u/Homezgurl 4d ago

As a therapist, my mind immediately said "OP is a grade A narcissist". Lol

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u/shortmumof2 4d ago

Ikr you can do that without fucking them.

17

u/Dazzling-Law-4910 4d ago

Right!? Also, hey, I took advantage of a woman at her most vulnerable state. This guy.

4

u/Hot-Care7556 4d ago

I was going to say, this post is the definition of vulnerable narcissism. This dude is might not be "the asshole" per se (in the strictest sense of how an asshole in a situation is judged), but he is a loathsome and detestable character to an almost comical degree

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u/Spiritual-Farm-3254 4d ago

Yes I guess the dick just slipped in her out of sympathy amirite

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u/Special-Amphibian646 4d ago

With mah diiiiiick!!! 🍆

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u/Pig69Farmer 4d ago

He’s hilarious

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u/TwoWild1840 4d ago

Yes he is a douche

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u/Dorzack 4d ago

He really meant, 'I took advantage of my already being abused coworker and she dumped me to she get out of both abusive relationships."

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u/Both-Cucumber3130 4d ago

100%. Ruins his family, stability & trust of his daughter then plays victim. Truly an AH.

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u/xx_gypsy_xx 1d ago

And then sends the reddit link to said daughter???? WTF?

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u/MakingSenseOfCrap 4d ago

What sort of dirtbag disowns their kid. You disgust me. Nobody can call you the bigger man.

6

u/JadeGrapes 4d ago

Thank Gawd his magic peen was there to save the day!

Everyone knows it's not possible to help someone unless you can dick them down, ya know?

Lucky it wasn't a guy coworker being attacked, or OP woulda had to take one for the team and learn to swing that way to save the day.

Magic peen, thank you for magically taking advantage of a victim in need. Amen.

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u/sevisythe 4d ago

You said it.

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u/ins7inc7 4d ago

Those facts are irrelevant.

2

u/Aidrox 4d ago

Damn, this guy came for some sympathy and, rightfully, got torched. But, it’s true, fuck this guy and I’m glad his daughter and her daughter won’t ever have to deal with him.

2

u/NoNecessary8409 4d ago

THIS. No fucking shit, what a total douche bag. Then to blame it after the fact on alcohol and to show his daughter “what Reddit said” how fucking grown up of you into of everything else. This just screams douche bag through and through

1

u/mushank3r 4d ago

Your lack of humanity is actually disgusting.

1

u/Shoddy-Secretary-712 4d ago

I should send this to my soon to he ex husband so he can see his future and how stupid he sounds.

1

u/OMGSheCrazee 4d ago

Right. Helping with his 🍆

1

u/Baelyh 4d ago

I tried to buy Reddit gold for the first time ever to give this the proper award it deserves and it keeps saying an error.

But THIS. 🙏🏼

1

u/ginger_kitty97 4d ago

But his marriage had downs, you see. /s

1

u/Jiujitsuizlyfe 4d ago

This is also about not turning kids against a parent no matter what. The man said he was wrong for the affair. The mother was hurt and wanted to hurt her husband through the only thing that would kill his soul, his daughter. That’s why therapy is needed before and after divorce for the whole family. I mean he spent years trying to get his daughter back and now 20 years later the daughter thinks she can just walk back into his life. Also it wasn’t even the daughter’s idea to talk to him again it was the mother from her guilt for deliberately and maliciously turning the daughter against her father.

1

u/xx_gypsy_xx 1d ago

He spent LESS than ONE year "trying" and then gave up and moved away. That told her everything she needed to know.

1

u/derekismydogsname 4d ago

Right! I'm screaming. 😂😭 I read this and was like "the fuk?"

1

u/BiscottiOpposite9282 4d ago

That's the exact excuse mine used too.

1

u/TheSightlessKing 4d ago

Look, it’s true. I had to help a coworker out of an abusive relationship once as well. It specifically required sweaty, stinky, not so good sex for her to be free. Sometimes, it’s the only way.

1

u/LifeBuilder 4d ago

He helped her out of those clothes and onto dis dick.

1

u/glenda_vajmire 4d ago

😂😂😂😂my exact thoughts

1

u/Awkward_Potential_ 4d ago

It's such a stupid scenario I question if it's even real. OP either is absolutely TA or this is entirely fictional.

1

u/harrybepis 4d ago

I sure hope she sees this bro. What an ally.

1

u/HiVi48 4d ago

Yeah, this guy needs a shitload of therapy and an honest, ongoing discussion about how narcissism destroys people.

1

u/FatSingleM0M 4d ago

I don't see where OP was a deadbeat, just a bad husband and then an AH to his daughter for the comments in the call.

1

u/Excellent-Shape-2024 4d ago

I wondered if there would be commentary on this. Like there wasn't anyone else in the entire universe, except OP who could come riding in on a white horse, shag the rescuee and destroy his whole family. It reminds me of those 9/11 firefighters who divorced their wives (and children) to be with the widows, because "they need me". Sheesh.

1

u/Falkenmond79 4d ago

Hey now. He had to basically push her out of that relationship with his dick. That’s not easy to do.

1

u/MeringueLeft1412 4d ago

How much you want to bet the AP's husband wasn't abusive, and it was just an excuse AP used to justify the affair. Funny how the affair ended right after she was "free".

1

u/VQQN 4d ago

Not only was he helping his coworker get out of w marriage, he was helping himself get out of a marriage.

1

u/WildMoonMan 4d ago

Give it a rest, the relationship with the daughter shouldn't have been sacraficed by the ex wife out of anger, that wasn't OK and can't be gauges against the affair, that's seperate.

1

u/MarshMellowLoVe 4d ago

He can help her get out, but did he have get off??

1

u/Ok_Policy_1745 4d ago

The only thing he did right was stay out of his kid's life when she asked him too. 

1

u/kafka18 4d ago

And only gave his daughter a year to get over it because he already did then proceeded to never contact her again for next 16yrs after that as if they're the asshole

1

u/APsWhoopinRoom 4d ago

Obviously he's the asshole for that, but is he really an asshole for no longer wanting to be a part of his daughter's life after she cut him off? Sure, it was his own fault she cut him off, but you can't really blame him for accepting it and moving on with his life. Was he supposed to instantly want to be a part of her life again and pick up like nothing happened?

1

u/irrationabiliter 4d ago

“My dіск just happened to be the only instrument which could help her to escape the abusive relationship!”

1

u/AK47gender 4d ago

This exactly. How will the banging another woman help her out? He could've done it without getting into the affair. Narcissist with a savior complex, what a gem!

1

u/Pheronia 4d ago

I helped her get out of an abusive marriage by putting my dick in her. I am the hero.

1

u/Gilly2878 4d ago

😂😂 Nothing as helpful as getting your dick wet to ensure an abused woman gets free of an abuser. 💀💀

1

u/Lonely_Thought4459 3d ago

Right. Throw the tomatoes and boo

1

u/faddeeeeeaway 3d ago

And only called his daughter to apologize after reading the comments and excuses his behavior by saying he's drunk. Typical.

1

u/Patient_Storage_7544 3d ago

Would ppl please stop using "narcissist" so willy-nilly???! You don't have to have a clinically diagnosable cluster-B personality disorder in order to tell yourself simple stories to live with mistakes you've made. A healthy person actually will use "white lies" all the time, and can own up when confronted to them. Otherwise, it's pretty much a mechanism to feel deserving of your place in the world & it's overall a positive way to be, within reason.

In no way did he ever sound like a narcissist in his post. There's clearly an empathy for each person he's describing, and an understanding for the series of events. You're either so triggerable/traumatized that you are seeing enemies where there aren't (really not helpful then), or you've never actually known a narcissist. Either way, stop and check yourself. As someone who has near fatally been harmed by a caregiver narcissist, you're making it harder for my pain to be truly understood.

1

u/pibblesandglocks94 3d ago

He sounds like the thought he did the coworker a favor by comforting her with sex. Big ew

1

u/CeleryZestyclose112 3d ago

“Helping”

I screwed her… look, mom I helped!

1

u/MisterTacoMakesAList 3d ago

And GEE! My hormonally charged teenager said she hated me and never wanted to see me again! She must have been very serious.

1

u/TheGraphingAbacus 3d ago

this guy really thought he was the hero in all of this.

his daughter loves him so much that she said he wasn’t an AH after all the pain he caused, and he latches onto that one comment….. she deserves so much better.

YTA, OP.

1

u/Flaky-Tangelo9502 3d ago

Narcissist? He took full accountability for cheating. He never said “well I wouldn’t have cheated if my wife…” And deadbeat? Are you aware that women get automatic custody in America? Also, his daughter wanted nothing to do with him. How TF does that qualify as a deadbeat?

1

u/Agitated_Front_7476 3d ago

And he could only help her is he stuck his D in her.

1

u/Informal_Appeal_3766 3d ago

Yeah, sure! In his mind he helped her by getting in bed with her and blowing up his family life in the process. Obviously, his actions caused a lot of pain and wasn't worth it; but I still don't think he feels that way at all.

1

u/flashxs5 2d ago

Wait, all I had to do to get out of my abusive marriage was sleep with someone?

1

u/TolAnu42 2d ago

Tiktokker Texturella just posted about this

1

u/SnoopyisCute 1d ago

I have helped a lot of people out of dangerous situations and never had sex with any of them.

It's outrageous how some can rationalize destroying other people's trust without an ounce of self-awareness.

1

u/Kenittop 13h ago

There’s a saying in my country that in essence say that “Men helping other women by turning their wives into single mothers”. 🤣

1

u/No_Calligrapher6912 4d ago

To be fair, he fully admitted it was a mistake

1

u/neddythestylish 4d ago

That's not the same thing as admitting he did something morally wrong, though. He doesn't seem to actually think he has anything to apologise for.

0

u/No_Calligrapher6912 4d ago

What do you mean? He said "I made a mistake I still regret..." and "I admit full fault".

0

u/neddythestylish 4d ago

"I made a mistake and I regret it" isn't of itself acknowledging that you did anything wrong in a moral sense. I made a mistake in staying in my last job as long as I did, and I thoroughly regret that, but I didn't do anything wrong. It was just a terrible idea for my own well-being. Likewise, "I admit full fault for the affair" is really just saying he admits he did it. These phrases are remorse-adjacent, but they're not remorse.

You know what's completely missing from this post? Acknowledgement that he hurt his wife and their daughter. Guilt about that. There's NO "I did a bad thing, I hurt them both and I was so incredibly sorry." There's no empathy for his ex or daughter anywhere. Instead it's, "I did a thing that looks bad but was actually good in many ways, and then my wife and daughter hurt me when they found out."

1

u/No_Calligrapher6912 4d ago

He's not simply admitting he did something. That's an incredibly uncharitable reading of his comment. Why do you think he regrets what he did? Admitting fault is not just admitting he did it - he admits he was at fault for doing it. Implicit in that statement is culpability, which is a moral stance.

You know what's completely missing from this post? Acknowledgement that he hurt his wife and their daughter.

Agreed. But it's still clear from his post that he understands the infidelity was wrong.

0

u/neddythestylish 4d ago

I think he understands that it screwed up his life, and that's why he regrets it. "I admit full fault" is just pompous speak for, "yeah, my bad." The only real delving he does into the rightness/wrongness of his own actions is to heavily suggest that he was doing something noble for his AP.

1

u/No_Calligrapher6912 4d ago

If the focus of his post was the infidelity, you may have a point in expecting a more drawn out, deliberate apology, but the cheating was just context. I think it's clear he knows what he did was wrong.

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.

-3

u/z34conversion 4d ago

claiming to be the one victim in a situation he created for himself.

Huh, that's the point that stuck out? Nothing like people interpreting things in ways I can't relate to I guess.🤷🏻‍♂️ Merely saw that as additional context that could be weighed however the reader prefers to, not as any major point being pushed on anyone. I read it as backstory, but basically didn't even factor it into the equation in regards to his decision on the phone.

1

u/NewSatisfaction4287 3d ago

So for some reason you just assumed the core part of the entire story was irrelevant? Sounds like that’s more of an issue with you not understanding human emotions 😭

1

u/z34conversion 3d ago

The core of the story for you was the details of the affair almost two decades ago, and not the modern day reaction to the daughter's call? Interesting, and thanks for the feedback.

I admit I tend to analyze things from a different perspective then others, but that's why I was asking questions in the first place; to identify the disconnect.

-1

u/Agitated_Archer_5901 4d ago

That may be the way he justified it with himself, but he definitely isn't a narcissist. A true narcissist cannot accept that they're at fault. They accept no blame or accountability. This guy is accepting that, so the narcissist part is unnecessary and wrong.

1

u/sambthemanb 4d ago

There’s no accountability from op tho. Just excuses and playing the part of the victim. He shows complete lack of empathy and emotion

0

u/Agitated_Archer_5901 4d ago edited 4d ago

The accountability is that he admits that he "made a huge mistake that he regrets to this day"

I was married to an actual narcissist. They are incapable of admitting that anything even might have been their fault

The lack of empathy and emotion could be attributed to the fact that its been 15 years since his daughter spoke to him last and he was hurt by the silence.

I don't see his post as "playing the victim" its actually pretty matter of fact and to the point. He doesn't use overly colorful language to say he was hurt. Just this is what happened, here's what I said. He also came back and editted that he was drunk when he made the post and comments last night and called her back today to apologize.

Narcissists don't apologize. They twist it around and gaslight you so you end up apologizing to them.

-2

u/minorkeyed 4d ago

The ex sounds like more of a narcissist than he does. He isn't a dead beat, he was kicked out of his family after making a mistake they refused to forgive. I doubt his daughter made that choice freely and not without his ex chirping in her ear.

1

u/sambthemanb 4d ago

Cheating isn’t a “mistake” it’s a choice you make. It’s many choices you make. He did this to himself. He kicked himself out of his family. No empathy for cheaters. He’s the one who blew up his marriage.

0

u/minorkeyed 4d ago

If choices aren't mistakes then there are no mistakes at all. Everyone chooses to do everything they do. Your position makes zero sense.

1

u/sambthemanb 3d ago

It’s not a single mistake. It’s a bunch of decisions. A mistake is a mistake. Cheating is deliberate.

0

u/minorkeyed 3d ago

Deliberate just means a choice and a choice can still be a mistake.

-14

u/NoLimit_Curry 4d ago

Man stfu

-2

u/mjf617 4d ago

What a dipshit response. If your marriage is going south, you can't see a situation where a guy is truly trying to help a friend/co-worker out of an abusive situation, then they catch feelings & make a mistake? I'm not saying it's right; it's not. But it's understandable, and it doesn't make you a fucking narcissist. I'd say someone attempting to make an absolute yet feeble-minded psychiatric diagnosis while being comically unqualified and seemingly unable to get their analytical capabilities outta 1st gear would seem to have more narcissistic tendencies, no? At the very least, you seem to suffer from delusions of grandeur. Just sayin'....

1

u/sambthemanb 4d ago

We’re saying he’s a narcissist bc of how he’s said things dude. His structure of his story, how he’s always magically the hero or the victim. His backpedaling. Lack of emotion for his own daughter. He shows absolutely no empathy. Blames it on “alcohol”. This story has “IM A NARCISSIST” written all over it.

When you know a thing or two about how narcissists operate, you can see and call out that behavior in the future. My dad was a diagnosed narcissist and this is exactly how he would frame things. No empathy. Needing others to tell him he’s the AH and fighting with people when they’re like “yeah YTA”, only a few hours later to post an “update” on how he was drunk and blah blah blah.

Theres always an excuse, but never true accountability. Op is a narcissist. You should live with one for 13 years, then it might be obvious to you.

-20

u/MemesJihad 4d ago

Hey now he might be the a hole but he may of paid full child support at the very least. Who knows if he was a dead beat

-5

u/bustinciderrr 4d ago

Cheating is not great but that doesn’t make him a dead beat narcissist. How do you equate that?

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