AITAH for ghosting my girlfriend after she nearly killed both of us?

[u/Few_Relative4595]

So, my girlfriend (20f) and I (22m) have been together for a little over 10 months now. We haven't had any heated arguments or fights, except for the fact that she keeps tickling me randomly despite the fact that I've repeatedly told her to never do it again because I can act strangely to it (something from my childhood which I won't delve into).

Now to get to the current situation: this week I've had my car returned from a paint job and some major look changes and I was really satisfied with the results, so I took a day off from work and took my girlfriend on a short trip outside the city. We drove to a lake, ate some food and relaxed for a couple of hours until it got pretty dark and we decided to head back home to get some sleep as I had to go to work the next day and she had an exam. On the way home, I started talking about how happy I felt with how the paint job turned out and out of nowhere, she starts tickling me. I pushed her hand away and told her to stop, then she reached for my ribs with both hands and got me swerving off the road.

Thankfully, nobody was hurt (although my car got some deep scratches but that doesn't even matter anymore), as I already slowed down after her first attempt to tickle me. I'll admit that I told her "what the fuck is wrong with you" as soon as we stepped out of the car and she started crying, but I couldn't care less as I felt as if my veins were about to pop.
When we got home, I told her to pack her things and go to her best friend, but she threw a tantrum and begged me to forgive her for "a little mistake".

I didn't say a word, I simply stared in disgust and pointed to her luggage. After her friend picked her up, I tried to go to sleep but my mind was racing, so i barely got any rest. This happened on tuesday, and she's been blowing up my phone ever since, but I haven't answered any calls or texts and just blocked her. This led to her friend coming to my house and telling me to at least hear my girlfriend out, but I've told her to fuck off and leave me alone, which made her tell me that I'm more in love with a car than with my girlfriend.

So, AITAH in this situation? Should I talk to my girlfriend? I already feel like I can't trust her after what happened and that our relationship can't be fixed.

Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/55iHa59YgW

[u/Proper_Career_6771]

Not removing their clothing without consent is a good start.

I got buried in r/askmen for saying that having sex with a woman who is too drunk to consent is rape.

This was in the context of "teaching men not to rape" because some moron said "teaching men not to rape doesn't stop rape".

I used "don't have sex with blackout drunk women" as an example of society literally teaching men not to rape, because that behavior doesn't come automatically.

I guess summer-reddit and the andrew tate npcs didn't like that very much.

[u/lavenderpenguin → u/Proper_Career_6771]

But I think you inadvertently proved that person’s point when you got buried. Perhaps you think I’m a “moron” too but I truly also believe you cannot teach men not to rape — you’ve got to actively stop them from doing so by force and action (more self defense, stricter punishment, and risk avoidance whenever possible). It’s actually ludicrous to me that any women buy the whole “we don’t know, teach us how to stop raping!!!1!” act that some men put on.

I’m sorry but I just don’t believe in my bones that men don’t intuitively know that having sex with a blackout drunk woman is rape and morally incorrect. How many women do you know who’d see a hot dude passed out and think hey, I should take his pants off?! That line of thinking itself is NOT normal and anyone who thinks having sex with a clearly drunk person is okay isn’t going to change their mind by being told not to — they’re going to change their mind if the punishment outweighs the “benefit” in their mind.

It’s the same with things like date or marital rape. Intuitively every man knows that forcing himself on a woman is NOT okay, regardless of his relationship status with her. It’s not some groundbreaking info to be like “hey actually you know that’s wrong to pin your wife down and force yourself on her when she’s screaming no and you should stop.” He already knows it’s wrong.

[u/Proper_Career_6771 → u/lavenderpenguin]

Ok I have a stupid-simple metaphor for you.

Suppose I said "teach men to not wreck cars".

Am I saying every man is a bad driver? No.

Am I saying there's men who have wrecking cars in their blood? No.

I am saying "teach men healthy habits to drive safely" by saying "teach men to not wreck cars".

Teach men to not rape = teach men healthy habits to have safe consensual sex

Get it?

[u/lavenderpenguin → u/Proper_Career_6771]

That metaphor does not work because driving is a de facto taught skill and someone can be a bad driver unknowingly because it is not an intuitive human skill like eating, shitting, having sex, etc. since cars are a modern invention.

Men do not rape unknowingly. If someone is drunk/not conscious, it is self evident that you should not have sex with them and anyone old enough to have sex should know that intuitively. Same with pressuring someone to have sex or being forceful, you should intuitively know not to do that. Hell, put sex aside, and most of us automatically know we’re not in the right when we pressure or trick someone to do something against their will for our benefit. It’s common sense.

So the question is not (and has never been) about “teaching” that informed and enthusiastic consent is important and should be respected. It is about raising the consequences (societal AND legal AND sometimes physical - shoutout to the lady who chopped off her would-be rapist’s dick) enough that they actually stop the problematic behavior.

Think about it this way — did YOU need to be taught not to take off a drunk man’s pants and start having sex with him? Like did someone need to sit you down at some point and say “Hey, Proper_Career, if you happen to see a frat guy passed out at a party, it would be WRONG to take off his pants, pull out his dick, and start touching it?” I’m guessing not. And the reason is because anyone with a modicum of human decency would know not to do that.

Most men know the boundaries intuitively and wouldn’t have sex with an unconscious woman. And the men who would? They would do it whether or not they are affirmatively told it’s wrong because they already know in their hearts that it’s wrong, the same way we intuitively know not to hurt animals or murder or steal or a million other things that we automatically know aren’t right. And the men that fit into this latter category only behave when the punishment is high enough to deter them.