r/AITAH • u/Few_Relative4595 • 5d ago

AITAH for ghosting my girlfriend after she nearly killed both of us?

So, my girlfriend (20f) and I (22m) have been together for a little over 10 months now. We haven't had any heated arguments or fights, except for the fact that she keeps tickling me randomly despite the fact that I've repeatedly told her to never do it again because I can act strangely to it (something from my childhood which I won't delve into).

Now to get to the current situation: this week I've had my car returned from a paint job and some major look changes and I was really satisfied with the results, so I took a day off from work and took my girlfriend on a short trip outside the city. We drove to a lake, ate some food and relaxed for a couple of hours until it got pretty dark and we decided to head back home to get some sleep as I had to go to work the next day and she had an exam. On the way home, I started talking about how happy I felt with how the paint job turned out and out of nowhere, she starts tickling me. I pushed her hand away and told her to stop, then she reached for my ribs with both hands and got me swerving off the road.

Thankfully, nobody was hurt (although my car got some deep scratches but that doesn't even matter anymore), as I already slowed down after her first attempt to tickle me. I'll admit that I told her "what the fuck is wrong with you" as soon as we stepped out of the car and she started crying, but I couldn't care less as I felt as if my veins were about to pop.
When we got home, I told her to pack her things and go to her best friend, but she threw a tantrum and begged me to forgive her for "a little mistake".

I didn't say a word, I simply stared in disgust and pointed to her luggage. After her friend picked her up, I tried to go to sleep but my mind was racing, so i barely got any rest. This happened on tuesday, and she's been blowing up my phone ever since, but I haven't answered any calls or texts and just blocked her. This led to her friend coming to my house and telling me to at least hear my girlfriend out, but I've told her to fuck off and leave me alone, which made her tell me that I'm more in love with a car than with my girlfriend.

So, AITAH in this situation? Should I talk to my girlfriend? I already feel like I can't trust her after what happened and that our relationship can't be fixed.

Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/55iHa59YgW

20.5k Upvotes

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6.7k

u/FinallydamnLDnat5 5d ago

I am a 42 F married. My kids are 11 and 9. I have taught them they can not argue and shout in the car to NOT DISTRACT THE DRIVER as all of our lives could be put at risk. The kicker for me was she did it a 2nd time after you told her to stop. OP you may have many girlfirends over the years, but you will only have one life. NTA my dude. Kick her ass to the curb.

1.1k

u/boredandinarut 5d ago

I taught my children this as well. Also, no strange noises. We always drove old cars ( single mom) and I would think the car was causing the noises.

406

u/Slappybags22 4d ago

I had to ban my kids light up shoes at night after I thought I was getting pulled over once.

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u/Cbbundles 4d ago edited 4d ago

This made me LOL. I had to tell my son that if a bug got into the car when he was driving he couldn't panic, like the way he does at home. He's 22 and acts like he's set on fire when he sees a bug.

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u/Rare-City6847 4d ago

Unrelated to any of this, but I've got to tell SOMEONE, two weeks ago, I got into my truck with my dog,and there was a snake in my door jamb. I'm not afraid of snakes, and even had a pet rattlesnake as a kid, but I freaked out.

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 3d ago

Lol, I love snakes but that might jump scare me too due to the....unexpected placement of said snake. What kind was it?

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u/sagegreen56 19h ago

I had a lizard run up my leg while driving in Florida once...not freaking out definitely took control.

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u/Slappybags22 4d ago

OH MY GOD SAME. My kid has twice sent me into adrenaline-pumping, car-lifting mom mode because she saw a damn bug. The dramaaaa

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u/Cbbundles 4d ago

He was around 8 when he found out roaches could fly. That was hilarious, the entire family still laughs about it.

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

God bless their little hearts before they get a stern talking too.

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u/Historical-Path-3345 4d ago

It would be wiser to tell him that he could not panic.

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u/Cbbundles 4d ago

Thank you grammar nazi.

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u/Historical-Path-3345 4d ago

There is difference between yes and no.

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u/Cbbundles 4d ago

Look, I'm going to go back and fix it just for you and your OCD of correcting the masses on Reddit. You may now move on to your next victim. Happy hunting.

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u/Defiant-Ad-1385 4d ago

That really made me laugh because I actually WEAR the light up shoes (I'm a 50 year old woman). You shouldn't feel bad about that - the reason Im commenting is because I SCARED MYSELF! I must have been rocking out or something, which caused my shoes to light up and the ones I have are hot pink, white, and blue alternating lights. OMG for a few seconds I just about had a heart attack thinking I was getting pulled over. I felt like such a dumbass once I realized it was my shoes, but I fully understand how it happens - it's like that light bounces off of every surface and the mirrors...so ridiculous! On the other hand, my husband likes when I wear them at night when we go out because he can find me much easier (I'm only 5 feet tall and get lost easily in a crowd haha).

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u/Slappybags22 3d ago

Hey! I’m 5 ft too! Short girls unite!

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 3d ago

👟🚔😂

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u/Elly_Fant628 3d ago

Wouldn't a light up head band be better for finding you? But I do love your husband's attitude. I gather you have small feet. I don't and have never been able to buy the light up shoes.

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u/Defiant-Ad-1385 3d ago

Lol yes I can wear a size 3-4 girls shoe and I buy the Sketchers twinkle toes because I'm a big kid at heart and I like the fact that they are not always lit up...just with you walk (or drive apparently lol)

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

OMG what a mom story, lol!

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 5d ago

Lol, we drive our cars into the ground, so same.

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u/ByteSizeNudist 5d ago

Dang, that many tunnels near you? *ba-dum-tch*

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u/vamexlife 4d ago

I read that as ba dum bitch

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

Lol, I see it now

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

Lol, a Redditor after my own heart 😘

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u/ByteSizeNudist 4d ago

Wocka wocka!

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u/oppositecougar 4d ago

lol same, it was a regular occurrence to hush everyone in the car, roll down the windows, and listen to see if that noise was our car or someone else’s

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

😭 I have done this more times than I would like to admit.

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u/boredandinarut 4d ago

I'm always rolling the windows down to listen to decide if it's my car or another car!

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u/banned_bc_dumb 4d ago

Samesies!!

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u/ZeldaMayCry 4d ago

My boyfriend randomly gets hyper and will shout at times and I'm a jumpy person. I get so angry when he randomly screams! If he tickled me, we would be done despite me loving him so much. I'm not going to risk my life or hurt someone else on the road for him.

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u/VapeNGape 4d ago

My grandma had a minivan when I was young, and when I sat all the way in the back and she was backing up, I would elbow the side panel, and she slammed the brakes every time lmao

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u/boredandinarut 4d ago

You were a mischievous one!

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u/Positive_Bet_4184 4d ago edited 4d ago

My kid had a huge stern warning after he saw a small bridge coming up and shouted, "BRIDGE!!" at the top of his lungs while I was driving. It scared the absolute crap out of me and my heart was racing the whole way home.

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

To be fair, bridges are super exciting 🙃

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u/Defiant-Pool-2400 4d ago

Even my dog is impeccably trained not to distract the driver (he'll go to any other seat in the car wether human occupied or not though).

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

Lol, if a dog can learn....

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u/Alternative_Beat2498 4d ago

I think the bigger problem here (And why hes so rightly upset) is that she decided to tickle him knowing full well that he didnt like it.

Why, when he was feeling good and flying high about his new cars paint job did she feel the need to bring him down and annoy him? Why was him feeling good something she felt she needed to put an end to?

I think we forgive innocent mistakes and even gross stupidity when its genuinely innocent, but there seems to be a whiff of malevolence here, and thats why OP is so annoyed.

457

u/Far-Government5469 4d ago

The worst part of this is she's decided he's mad at her about the scratches on the car. Not that she nearly killed them both, in her heart it's all about the car.

It's the only reason I want OP to sit her down and break up with her is to get it through her thick skull that the tickling wasn't funny, it wasn't funny after the third time, and she nearly killed them both.

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u/No-Safe-571 4d ago

There's nothing to discuss.

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u/Mindless-Pass-1694 2d ago

I agree with this. If she’s this delusional, talking to her about it will change nothing. No need to give her false hope that she can guilt him into taking her back. Leave that chapter closed and move on.

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u/x_shoot_4_the_moon 4d ago

This but also even if he did enjoy tickling time and place NEVER mess with the driver I think I’d leave my bf if he did this to me

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u/PatHughesSweater 4d ago

Why was him feeling good something she felt she needed to put an end to?

My emotionally abusive narcissist sensor just caught fire. That's my ex-spouse in one sentence and exactly why I made them an ex-spouse. Always, ALWAYS run from people who get off on bringing you down.

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u/Justokmemes 4d ago

i hate people who get off, on getting on other ppl

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u/keeshaleig 4d ago

This, and she got called out on it. That's why she blew up his phone, to cover her tracks.

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u/Sufficient_Judge_820 4d ago

Yep. Exactly. She’s having one big fat tantrum. She seems so childish for not respecting his boundary.

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u/boredandinarut 4d ago

Or respecting his life.

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u/Maleficent_Draft_564 4d ago

Yes! I was reading this and immediately noticed how immature and annoying AF his (ex) girlfriend was. 

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u/Sufficient_Judge_820 4d ago

Agree! Well said! 🙌🏻

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u/tbaby64 3d ago

Maybe she’s just an idiot.

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u/Throw13579 22h ago

Maybe because his happiness had nothing to do with her, so she had to turn his attention back toward herself.

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u/Dry-Pomegranate8292 19h ago

The bigger problem is she's a moron

-7

u/clanmccracken 4d ago

Are you saying that a consent violation is a bigger no-no than attempted homicide?

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u/Alternative_Beat2498 4d ago

Surprisingly in the context of why hes mad? yes.

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u/Impossible_Command23 4d ago

Come on, it was completely idiotic, but she wasn't attempting to kill them both

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u/clanmccracken 4d ago

That is exactly what she was doing. It isn’t what she intended to do, but that could have been the result of what she did. It’s why we have laws like manslaughter and reckless endangerment.

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u/Dangerous_Bass309 4d ago edited 4d ago

Also, consent! Someone says don't do that to me, you stop. She needs to learn it and respect your wishes for your body.

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u/moondaisgirl 4d ago

I am really annoyed that I had to read this far down to find CONSENT. I used tickling as the way to start to teach my kids consent when they were small. NO MEANS NO!!!!

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u/MedicJambi 4d ago edited 3d ago

While I'm sure it's been addressed elsewhere in the comments but from OP's comments it seems like the GF is under the impression that OP is upset because of the car damage and not the fact that GF refused to not tickle OP when asked, then did it while driving, and when asked to stop doubled down wherein she nearly caused a car accident.

Perhaps OP didn't explain fully the trauma born from his childhood experiences as a result of events, but the fact she continued to do it (this wasn't the first time) shows that she doesn't respect OP enough to take his request seriously.

I appreciate the responses. I did not intend to give the impression of victim blaming. It should be enough for anyone that OP said no. Period.

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u/mykyttykat 4d ago

I know you land at the same point regarding the gf but, I don't have the sort of trauma that op has but I do not enjoy being tickled, so my husband doesn't tickle me. You don't need trauma to not like it or to be required to explain your trauma to justify someone respecting your physical boundaries. It shouldn't matter that he "didn't explain fully the trauma."

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u/No-Safe-571 4d ago

If someone doesn't want tickled, there's no back story required to justify being respected.

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u/123photography 4d ago

also you dont tickle the driver what the fuck

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u/Imilla_bandida 4d ago

Yup, especially when this very person is driving

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u/Truantone 4d ago

Saying he “perhaps didn’t explain his trauma fully” comes across as victim blaming.

Nobody owes anybody an explanation of their trauma unless the result of that trauma is completely weird and abnormal behaviour.

Not wanting to be tickled is a universal, normal reaction. No means no.

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u/MedicJambi 3d ago

Upon rereading my post you are right and I agree that it comes off as victim blaming and that was not what I intended. I should have written that the GF failed to appreciate and respect the fact that OP does not like to be tickled, does not want to be tickled, and that should be enough. Period. If someone respects you it should be enough that you said no.

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u/Truantone 3d ago

You’re an awesome human for coming back and thinking about it. I don’t believe for a second that you meant to victim blame OP.

I have my own problems with tone and/or language on Reddit a lot!

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u/RadioNo3892 4d ago

I'm guessing that line is in one of the messages she's sent to him.

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u/Buffalo-Woman 4d ago

Sigh....I agree with everything except for the "OP didn't explain fully" That's so not needed she was told he didn't like it and to not do it before this. His body, his rules no further explanation needed.

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u/boredandinarut 4d ago

Glaciers are faster than this girl's brain. If he has to explain to her in detail like you are talking about, he'll have to quit his job to have the time to "fully" explain it to her. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

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u/Unsureunknown0 3d ago

There is no way to rationalize it. No is a complete sentence in any situation.

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u/jemhadar0 4d ago

Cars are not jokes , they are weapons . I have zero tolerance for bs in the cars. Kids / family know it .

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u/Inner-Worldliness943 4d ago

Growing up, I was told to not even gasp dramatically lmao! So to actually tickle someone...TWICE??? I'm surprised he let her ride home with him

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

Growing up my mom would do dramatic gaps in the car and it would imedately make my dad (driving) jump and the car would swevre a bit. As an adult if my mom does that with me driving I tell her to knock it off.

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u/Recyclops1692 4d ago

Okay OP, you asked a different question from what you really meant so I have two things to say. You are NTA for wanting to break up with her over something like that. However, your question specifically asks about ghosting so I'd like to add, in any relationship, romantic or otherwise, good and open communication is key. So one thing that is good to learn early on in dating is that you need to be able to have hard conversations instead of just going no contact as soon as you get upset about something.

You dont need to consider any reconciliations or even explain yourself, but you do need to be able to say to someone, hey I am not happy or comfortable in this situation so I am breaking things off. Then you just move on with your life. That is for you, not for the other person. Being able to directly state your needs and boundaries is essential in any relationship.

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u/mutantraniE 4d ago

But he did. He told her to pack her shit and move out. That was the breakup. Not responding afterwards isn’t really ghosting, it’s simply not talking to an ex. It would have been ghosting if they lived apart, he said nothing at the time and then just started ignoring her. But she was living at his place and now isn’t. That’s pretty clear.

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u/Dieter_Knutsen 4d ago

Right? WTF is with these people acting like she has a right to his attention after they've broken up?

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u/Aggravating_Suit7443 4d ago

Honestly he did that by asking her not to tickle him the first few times and she didn’t listen. She chose to do it at the worst possible time not once but twice after he asked her to….that was his boundary she crossed. I don’t blame him one bit

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u/Warm-Advertising4073 4d ago

Agree. It seems like we are losing our ability to communicate with each other to resolve conflicts.

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u/OkControl9503 4d ago

Exactly. From age 2-3 my kid knew to be quiet when I said "OK I need quiet now to focus on driving" (and would say OK now we can make noise again once in the clear). Same with kicking my seat, or doing anything at all that involves touching me or being in my space. If a 2-3 year old can do this wth is wrong with this woman thinking tickling the driver is OK, especially when it's been made clear it's not appreciated in any other circumstance? NTA, OP, her disrespect caused a car accident.

2

u/Soggy_Explanation_65 4d ago

Agreed! My kid is 3 and knows to never distract the driver. NTA.

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

Parenting quest "no kids distracting drivers" achevied!

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u/preyta-theyta 4d ago

yeah... my kids know whatsup when i yell at them to stop fucking around in the car after a couple of warnings

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u/DesktopWebsite 3d ago

The fact that none of this is a big deal to the ex, and the ex can't even see what she did as a big issue is where I would have let her think I cared more about the car and the relationship is over.

You can't explain consequences to someone who has never had to deal with them. She has to fully take on the consequences of her actions multiple times before she will understand.

Unless the ex found a way to mature on her own, this relationship was going to end eventually. Better off cutting ties while it's under a year.

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u/delirium_red 3d ago

I also taught my kid he has a right to bodily autonomy, and he doesn't have to get tickled / hugged / pinched / kissed by ANYONE including me if he doesn't want to.

Somebody missed out on teaching that to your ex gf. NTA

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 3d ago

Yes, this is the way.

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u/MessyJessy0826 3d ago

The girlfriend being 20 and all these comments out here stating that their CHILDREN have better passenger etiquette should speak volumes. OP very much NTA.

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 3d ago

Yeah, this was the vibe I was going for.

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u/Eyydis 2d ago

Exactly. This is less about the car and more about the unsafe driving situation she put OP in. I'd be upset and pissed too

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u/dumpsterphyrefenix 1d ago

I’d like to add: bodily autonomy is non-negotiable. If she really really needs this, it’s a big conversation, not a joke she gets to spring on you- you’ve told her more than once that you are not ok with being tickled. It’s clearly not fun or light-hearted, so why would someone who cares about you do that? (On top of the “don’t startle or mess with the driver”, which is a standing rule everywhere, ffs. )

Nope, NTA.

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u/Legendary_Bibo 1d ago

Back in high school, one of my brother's friends was dating a girl we knew and she was mad that he dumped her and kicked her out of his truck when while driving she grabbed the wheel and started moving it back and forth. She really tried to get sympathy from everyone and tried to play it off as if it wasn't a big deal and she was just joking around, but no one could get through to her how stupid that was. And we were all a bunch of dumb teenagers at the time, but even we saw that was too dumb for us.

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 1d ago

OP's ex GF's sister????🤔

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u/Almost_Anything67 1d ago

Was rear ended about a year or so ago by a distracted driver disciplining her children in the back seat. Luckily no one was hurt but I couldn’t agree with you more!

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u/curious-by-moon 4d ago

☝️☝️☝️this.

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u/BWChristopher86 4d ago

Even Gratuity Tucci knew this

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u/elgun_mashanov 4d ago

take my upvote !!!

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

Thank you kind sir/madame

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u/BlackBurnedTbone 4d ago

You'd kick your kids to the curb if they did so too? 😶

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u/RatchedAngle 4d ago

You think like AI. 

No ability to think critically or expand beyond what is fed to you. 

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u/Left-Adhesiveness212 4d ago

why slur the AI? It’s much smarter than that!!

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u/BlackBurnedTbone 4d ago

Because what I say follows the general consensus?

Very eloquent.

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

The children I bore with my own body is quite a diffrent thing to a 20 year old I have no blood relation too. If you took 1 minuite to think before you posted, you would have realized how silly you sound.

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u/Odd-Albatross6006 4d ago

Not only are you a huge asshole, but you need therapy ASAP, Dude!

She was showing affection. Most people like to be tickled. You aped out because of some sort of weird baggage from your past.

I suspect this has nothing to do with the car or the driving. You just can’t stand to be tickled, and instead of seeing it as YOUR PROBLEM, which you need to resolve in therapy, you projected it onto her.

If I were her, I would not want to be in a relationship with someone so volatile. She would be wise to thank her lucky stars that you showed your true colors and exploded like this. She needs to stay the hell away from you. Who knows how you might react to some other little trigger?

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u/FinallydamnLDnat5 4d ago

Hahahaha did we just find the boundary stomping ex girlfirend? Hey are you also the kind of person who likes to go up to people and randomly touch thier hair?

"What, I just wanna feel you hair because I like it. It's a compliment that I am touching you. Oh you don't like it? Well that's your problem because I am showing you I like you."

No means fucking no even in a relationship.