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u/mattyjoe0706 2d ago
I've never held a girl's hand either and yes it definitely gets lonesome sometimes. Just remember it might not be that no one is attracted to you guys might be nervous themselves. I haven't approached anyone directly and I know it's bad because usually the guy is supposed to but I just have such social anxiety and fear of being rejected. DM's are open if you need to talk more
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u/Ok-University3114 2d ago
100% feel you, and I know it’s tough for a guy too. There’s gonna be a girl for you 100% she’s gonna approach you and appreciate you!
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u/OGDeathbane420 1d ago
Im just saying as an average looking guy who has approached women (at least in my experience) if you approach a woman out of the blue and try to strike up a conversation ( ive tried bars, clubs, libraries, even back in the day when pokemon go was huge id ask girls while out and about playing) that you will undeniably be treated like a creep. Even if all you do is say hi and compliment an accessory they are wearing (which was recommended to me by my little sister [who is also a lesbian so knows a thing or 2 about this]).
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u/FOXlegend999 1d ago
so how do you meet them? Where do you find more friends if not through friends?
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u/PlateBoring678 2d ago
I totally relate to this. It makes you wonder what’s wrong with you. Why everyone else in your life can easily do these things when they’re so hard for you
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u/TheHoss_ 1d ago
21m The furthest I’ve ever gone with someone is handholding(8th grade girlfriend lol)
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u/how_do_I_use_grammar 1d ago
hey. I want to let you know that your situation isn't too weird - lost my V-card at 22 less than a few months ago, so be gentle with yourself.
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u/Inomaker 1d ago
As a guy I felt the same all throughout high school and college. I've learned that it's just hard interacting with anyone that's part of a demographic that you don't normally associate with. Or maybe that's just my own personal experience. Either way I've been able to get over this nervousness or fear by simply talking with the women in my life more and including them on things that I'd normally just do with my friends. Like inviting my sister, cousins, etc to just do things and they can bring their friends too if they want. The more you associate with that demographic, the more comfortable you feel.
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u/Sad-Lonely-Gamer 2d ago
Are you in a lot of places to be approached? I hear from women that they often have to deal with people approaching or being creepy with them often.
As for being scared, that would be understandable if you've had limited interactions with guys.
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u/Ok-University3114 2d ago
Hmmm as for going to clubs or parties? No I don’t do that.
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u/Sad-Lonely-Gamer 2d ago
Neither do I. But that would make more sense. The less outgoing you are, the less likely you are to be approached.
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u/Blackpilledassf1 1d ago
The only time i held a girls hand was when our gym teacher made us square dance with the grade 10 girls. I was in grade 9. I blushed so damn hard, probably made a fool of myself. and it gave me this high for weeks. I cant even fathom what regular intimacy is like.. smh, i feel you OP. Im now 24 and same shit.
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u/Lew3032 1d ago
Have you ever thought about how you act around people you like? I ask because I know a girl who gets very distant with the people she likes and doesn't even realise it.
I'm not saying you're doing something wrong or that if you do it's a bad thing, but it is possible that you're giving off vibes of 'don't try anything' without realising it? So people around you will never try anything and just stay friends.
Maybe ask a guy you used to like if he knew, and how he thought about how you acted. It might give you some hints.
Just to say it again, I'm not saying this in a bad way, or saying you're doing something wrong. Some people will just naturally give off a 'we are just friends, don't try for more' vibe, you know?
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u/jamalzia 2d ago
I was above average in looks, according to the many women who found me hot. I didn't lose my virginity or have a relationship until 23. Everyone moves at different paces, no big deal. That nervousness you feel is normal, we get nervous over things we're not experienced in that are important to us. Enjoy that innocent nervousness while you can, because as you grow and gain experiences, you'll never feel it again, at least not in this context.
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u/GraniteSmoothie 1d ago
Me too. I'm trying to accept being alone, but it's hard. I wouldn't chose to live this way.
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u/ATallyOnMyHeart 1d ago
as a man, i feel nervous to ask out a woman as well. atp it's just society's fault. i don't think i'm ugly, and i'm by no means a supermodel, but sometimes it's just hard to ask someone out.
try not to force a thing with someone, i have friends who are pushing 30 that haven't started dating yet. everyone has a different stage in their lives where different things matter.
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u/Paul-with-a-bigP 1d ago
You might be intimidating. Pretty girls can inadvertently be that way to guys.
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u/Brave-Age-701 1d ago
Guys are desperate. If you talk to them or ask them for their number they will be thrilled. Unless you are into like the top ten percent type guys who will cheat on you and then you can come here and complain about guys.
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u/ImBadAtOw2 1d ago
Im scarred of girls approaching me, (16M) cuz….im kinda scared that I’m gonna do something stupid and then being made fun of by the girl….it kinda sucks bc in that way I can‘t talk to my crush without thinking: „don’t do stupid shit ok!?“
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u/KamiNite3 1d ago
If u want a guy and guys arent approaching you, why not approach guys? Not that hard, when women approach guys there is more succes
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u/Miller-Guy 1d ago
Hun my two cents worth here for what it's worth after way too many years tending bars.... just be genuine as well as true to yourself and others. You'll find your person in time when it's right. Attraction is and always will be a factor, however way less important than true connection. Superficial love will never compare and most of the time fail where as true love will always draw you to the "soulmate" if you will. I hope this makes sense and wish you the best in life. ✌️❤️
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u/rrrmmmrrrmmm 1d ago
I'm on the other side and I never asked a girl out. So far all my ex girlfriends asked me out.
So my advice would be that you might want to ask guys out if you like them.
Also some guys might be intimidated by beautiful girls and some people, including myself, consider women from the Netherlands more attractive. So this might add to that.
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u/Plane-Focus-4964 1d ago
oh same 20F, when i was little i was holding hands with guys (like just friends company) but since teenage tears i been completely isolated and talked only online, always scared to actually meet them...im not a teenager anymore but still got this nervous feel anytime a man gets closer .
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u/River_Grass 1d ago
It feels really fuckin bad when people you grow up with well, start growing up. They start getting lives of their own, finding people of their own.
I just try to remind myself that there's also people like us out there. And maybe someday we'll find other people like us and see what all the fuss is about.
It's a big cope but it's nice to think about.
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u/_iprocrastinatealot_ 1d ago
I get that, I am literally the same. Like I fully relate to your post to the point where I thought I wrote the post in a half asleep state or something, especially because the age, gender and experiences you mentioned matches perfectly with me lol. But it's tough especially when you want to have that connection with guys. I've been on a few dates and spoken to guys and stuff but it still doesn't get that much easier especially when there is lack of experience since a young age so I know what you mean, especially with the nervousness :(
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u/Testobjekt88 1d ago
If you are really attractive as you say, then it's only a matter of Time, before u get asked out by a Guy. But you need to be approachable for them. When you go out, you are never alone right? Always as a Group with your Friends, no Guy is gonna asked you out with your Friends there. Most Guys are Shy, doesn't matter how pretty you are, if you are surrounded by your Friends, then he is not gonna make a Move.
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u/bound_to_the_burn 1d ago
I don’t think guys just stop girls and ask for numbers. I wouldn’t take that as a negative on you.
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u/TacticalStupid 1d ago
It kinda creates a conundrum if you think about it. If a girl and a guy notice each other, but they are both shy/nervous when around the opposite gender, who initiates then? Just my two cents on the whole deal. I mean like, as a guy who has never dated, nevermind having a good and proper face to face convo with a girl, I have noticed that there are girls out there in the same boat as I am. It probably just boils down to the fact that we just don't know how to initiate.
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u/UnclePuma 1d ago
Have you asked anyone out, in your life? Like walked up to them and made small talk? Maybe start there
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u/ShyAngryTiredLost 1d ago
i had two bf that i had sex with and got some experience with and still felt nervous and unwanted. they were soft little boys who used me and i used them not to feel alone. to feel something anything. especially after my bio mom died when i was 19. being alone made me cray and angry and sad all at the same time. i am such a whirl wind of emotions most days and my bf has accepted all of it. a part of me wishes we met when i was eighteen but i would not have been desperate enough for him to make the first move and the whole reason we moved from big brother and little sister was because i told him like him at 22.
lots of guys have never held a girls hand before. try and find someone you like that is sweet and treats you well. being inexperienced does not hurt you. if anything it makes you highly valuable. as a woman you have so much power you have not realized yet. i cheated. i went the nearly forty year old gym rat hypersexual daddy dom type with a wounded heart and tragic villain disposition he thinks he is not leaking who happens to be lawyer. oh my god i wrote so much freak fanfic about him and i had not idea how much there was to him but he loves more than he fucks thankfuly.
i got where i am because i was bold and cray and my bf had gotten the ablert einstein line about insanity in my head before we started dating when he cheered me on romantically to try things and take chances. luckily he likes crazy obsessive girls. i do not think you need that much exposure to the deep end. find a college guy that is dorky and sweet and go from there. but know that my parth is an option too lawl.
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u/Revolver-Knight 1d ago
I remember once with my ex we went to the store to pickup her birthday cake,
And we were walking in the parking lot and she was like
Your walking to fast
So I slowed down
And she grabbed my hand and said
“Arm Now!!”
She linked our arms and intertwined our fingers
Her demanding it was so like equally adorable and equally super hot of her to to
But it’s a good experience
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u/TwinSong 1d ago
From a male perspective there's always a high risk of it being considered creepy to try and ask out a woman. It's something of a social minefield.
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u/Western_Gur1177 22h ago
I’m not surprised. Not everyone will be noticed or paid attention to. But it’s nice to be needed.
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u/GetOfMyShip 1d ago
Damn, life on easymode too hard?
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u/maullarais 1d ago
I'd argue they're probably on hard mode going easy, because there's a lot of background noise and trauma you don't see.
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u/Jo__King22 1d ago
Given how the dating scene has changed in the last 10 years, don’t expect guys to ask you out. Society hates masculinity anyway now.
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u/asteriskelipses 1d ago
dont give up. done ever give up. i love hand holding, and im not the only one.
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u/ToPimpAPenguin 2d ago
Dont blame yourself. Our current culture makes it extremely difficult for men to comfortably reach out to women. Its scary for all of us. You could try reaching out to them. I understand how scary it is, but i guarantee that no guy is going to feel upset that you talked to them.