r/AITAH • u/Xtwa • 4d ago

UPDATE: AITA for “performing” in front of the camera my mom forced me to have in my room? NSFW

Hello everyone, as you know from my last post, I jerked it in front of a surveillance camera my mom put in my room, as a way to really get the message across that I wasn’t going to take that type of treatment.

So today, after I got off from work, I sat down to have a conversation with my mom. Initially, she ignored me and tried to avoid talking about my smooth strokes, but my dad intervened and insisted that we address the situation.

Firstly, I apologized for my actions. While some of you believe I did nothing wrong, I recognize there were better ways to communicate my frustration that didn’t involve tricking my mom into seeing me butt naked with a log in my hand.

However, I emphasized that her treatment towards me has been unfair and unnecessary. At 17, nearing adulthood, I believe I deserve more privacy and trust, not less. My dad supported me, pointing out that approaching the issue with more openness could have avoided this situation altogether.

My mom surprised me by apologizing too, admitting that she feared losing control over me and worried I might "fall from grace" like my older brother, who has gone NC with our family due to his views on Mormonism. She confessed that she had already begun arranging a marriage for me in an attempt to keep me grounded within the church, which has only added to my anxiety.

Sorry that there were no crazy new moments in this update, but I feel like these stories are much better when there is an honest, good ending. It just goes to show how many problems can be fixed with good, honest communication between one another.

Oh and also, I’m going to speak to my sister soon and if anything interesting happens I’ll leave another update.

TLDR: I became the smooth stroke king in front of a camera my mom installed in my room to assert my privacy. After a long conversation, she apologized for her actions, fearing I might stray from our religious community like my older brother.

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u/HelloJunebug 4d ago

Well you just dropped a whole other bomb. Your mother has arranged a marriage for you? Do you want that? I’m sorry but the horror stories I hear from friends and family about not just Mormonism but arranged marriages within these highly controlled religions is rough. Don’t do something you don’t want.

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u/Xtwa 4d ago

Honestly I don’t know. My mom’s marriage was arranged, and they turned out fine, but I don’t know how much I really believe in god or mormonism. I think she noticed my doubts and that’s probably part of the reason this whole situation began in the first place.

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u/not_another_mom 3d ago edited 3d ago

“They turned out fine”

Did they? Did they, though???? Your mom put a surveillance camera in your bedroom.

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u/-whiteroom- 3d ago

You should pay attention here OP

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u/LopsidedPalace 3d ago

And your dad's response was not shutting it down violently with all the condemnation and disgust it deserves.

They're both madder than a bag full of wet cats- it just seems perfectly normal from your perspective because you have no thing else to base it on but their behavior, so you don't actually have a baseline for actual normal.

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u/island_lord830 3d ago

And that's why his parents arranged marriage "turned out fine ". Dear ol dad goes along to get along.

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u/wolfysworld 3d ago

I agree the mom’s behavior is unhinged and as a person recovering from religious abuse, I also feel enraged by the marrying off bit but I don’t think OP was saying his parents as individuals are fine, I think he is saying that their arranged marriage seems to have turned out fine. From my own experience, you can’t actually be fine with self or marriage with the weight of religion like that sitting on your chest, but to 17 yr old OP it may honestly look fine. It’s not of course.

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u/Thisisthenextone 3d ago

he is saying that their arranged marriage seems to have turned out fine

His parents couldn't have a conversation to solve this until something physical had already happened (the camera going in) even though they disagreed, and their treatment of their children already cost them one child.

The husband could only speak his mind once the kid had already pushed back on the mother.

I don't think their marriage is fine.

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u/shelbycsdn 3d ago

I believe OP was referring to his parents marriage, not his mother's emotional balance, or lack their thereof.

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u/handyandy808 2d ago

Yea, they know that, the other commentor was pointing out their marriage isn't OK because the father was either unwilling or "couldnt" talk to his wife and prevent the camera going into the room in the first place. He only did so after there was family incident.

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u/HelloJunebug 3d ago

I was raised Christian. My husband was also raised Christian. The only thing we respected from our parents once we became adults was waiting to live together until we got married. Which I regret. We were 22 when we got married. I wish we would have lived together prior. And wish we would have waited to get married. I see people now getting married at 22 and I’m like wtf it’s sooo young haha we are 36 now and been through a lot. Definitely wasn’t easy dealing with all that plus parental pressure that young. I imagine your mom wants you to married super fast, so you’ll be “safe” and “locked down”.

The thing is, your parents made their life choices, whether they caved to family pressure or not, you should have the same opportunity to make your own life choices. Mormonism is a dangerous religion and it’s hard to see that from the inside. You don’t know what your mom went through to “seemed to turn out ok”. I learned a ton about my parents once I moved out and had some space. It’s really so different than we think.

I’m not talking out of my ass or from a place of judgement, just from experience with friends and family who had to get out for their own health and safety.

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u/SnooWords4839 3d ago

Thank you for sharing a 1st hand account on how it isn't easy to marry young.

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u/HelloJunebug 3d ago

I’m just happy my husband and I made it out the other side happier. Doesn’t always work out that way. If we stuck in a religion we couldn’t get out of or had controlling parents, man I dunno what would have happened. My husband and I are both very strolled willed, independent, and don’t take shit so it probably wouldn’t have mattered, but it would have been much harder.

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u/SnooWords4839 3d ago

I married at 19, hubby was 20. No religion involved. We have been married for 41 years, it takes work and strength to be where we are.

MIL wanted our marriage blessed by a priest, never happened and I don't miss her 10 years after her death.

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u/HelloJunebug 3d ago

Good for you guys! We’ve been together for 17. Lots of work for sure but so worth it.

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u/SnooWords4839 3d ago

Sure, is a lot of work. Loving the grandkids, we have 4.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

Young people want to have sex. If they are waiting until marriage then they will marry young. I lived in the Bible Belt for 20 years where my boys mainly grew up. So many of their friends got married the second they graduated college…all of them virgins. Safe to say my kids will not be marrying that young. Lol

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u/HelloJunebug 3d ago

lol that’s the problem with the whole chastity purity abstinence bullshit. I’m well aware tho, I grew up with it.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

My 82 year old mom grew up Catholic and says “What a crock of shit. We all just married who we were going with at the time just to get laid. I should have been a slut instead!” 😂😂😂

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u/HelloJunebug 3d ago

Lmao that’s hilarious

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u/Lathari 3d ago

Not a problem, feature. Trap them into family life as young as possible so they don't have time or energy to see what is outside their community. Keep social services underfunded so young families need to rely on the "village" and thus are kept in the bubble.

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u/FirebirdWriter 3d ago

The women in my family tend to go through husbands like water because they marry for sex even after the first rotten match. I have been married once. He was an asshole. He died during our divorce so technically I am a widow. I will never be married again. Mostly because of the paperwork making it hard to get safe if I screw up my choices. It is tragic to me how religion and appeasing people can cause so many generations of bad choices

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

I’m sorry about your marriage and even if he was an asshole that still had to be hard.

My mom’s side is Irish Catholic and the divorce rate in our family is insanely low. I told my mom “That’s not necessarily a good thing. Some of you are miserably together but that damn Catholic guilt makes you stick it out at all costs.” Geeze.

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u/FirebirdWriter 3d ago

It was hard. My family decided to try and make me return to a man who tried to murder me a few times. They finally got the message at my uncle's funeral. Most also were in denial about my being disabled in part due to the family bullshit and my marriage. They wouldn't let me get close to my aunt and blocked me in. 30 people telling me what a whore I am for getting divorced and how evil I was for not having children with a man who already had children. I had just gotten past the point where abuse has you convinced you should go back and I let myself be defiant. Defiance is a consistent thing in my life and it usually ends well for me.

I listed their divorces, marriages, number of children that resent them for their upbringing and emulated me going to college (first one in my family), and listed all the early deaths in the family from domestic violence and untreated disability. I emphasized how everything wrong with me is genetic. Then went "Ee are at a funeral. Have you just been pretending to be good people or did you at least talk to Aunty?" The way they got out of my way like they melted was amazing. My aunt actually thanked me for that and admitted she had been unable to successfully leave my uncle. She also has fertility challenges and my refusal to pretend that's my fault awoke something in her. I eventually had to go no contact with everyone to be safe but she was surprised when I understood why she stayed. For one women didn't have much ability to work when single when she was a young adult, for two she was married at 16 or 17. For three? Abusers work very hard to make us dependent so we can't. She expected me to be angry she was speaking ill of the dead. I don't believe in that. If someone's an asshole why should I pretend they were a saint because they died? My uncle did a ton of good for me that laid the groundwork for my independent streak sustaining despite some things that no one alive knows about except me now. I have out lasted most of my abusers and enemies. He was someone who was abusive because he didn't have any coping skills vs a conscious choice. This doesn't excuse what he did but it does make it complicated to discuss. When I told her I believed her and that I knew people like that put on a different face for those not close family there everyday she was so happy. I don't know if she actually called a therapist after but I tried.

The hard things sometimes are the things we need. No one needs abuse mind you but I needed to defend myself and to point out that they're upset I wasn't following the rules. It was why when I tried dating and chose a toxic person again I didn't go on a second date. I remembered my aunt being so proud of me and so hopeful she could live on her own on his pension. She did take some financial literacy courses with me so I know she was proactive for a while. It was however not safe because she kept giving my mother my new address and phone numbers and my ex magically turned up. So I had to let her go too. She apologized and admitted she couldn't withstand my mother's manipulation. Few can. Diagnosed narcissist things. My father is a diagnosed sociopath. This was one of the things I listed for why they're pitiful. I had neither parent and still managed to get therapy and try to make a life. They had marriages and regret.

That date? It's been over 11 years. My partner was a new friend at the time and supported me when I went nuclear and pushed him out of the social group. A few backed him even with it being one date and somehow with 6 hours to sleep before he went off the rails I was cheating. The idea we were not exclusive without a conversation and that anyone else in my life was up to me was too hard for them. I decided to not date until I met some goals. I did but I also already found my chosen family and figured out that it's how we argue with someone that is a fantastic test for healthy. So I didn't even have to date after. I have not experienced depression except for tiny windows since I cut my family off. It went from treatment resistant to moderate within a month. So it's absolutely worth the hard parts because they are where we learn what strength we already had. The abusers like to claim they made us stronger. That's an abuser lie because if we take credit for it? They cannot manipulate us.

I wanted to put out there that it can get much better when you leave. Especially with therapy. Also in my case very sassy and very smart cats. Apparently I am such a cat person that even my landlord pushed for me to keep my current cat after two years no cats because I was not up for more grief at that time. Whatever the key things are for whoever is reading this will be different but they're the effortless relationships and hobbies. The ones that leave you content. For me that is cats, nerdy people, and letting myself play. The rest of life has its challenges but meeting those other needs means I can deal with the hard stuff and get back to the good and happy.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

Damn, girl. So happy that you took all of that hurt and turned yourself into a badass.

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u/FirebirdWriter 3d ago

Thank you. I am proud of myself for succeeding. The way I used to envision what this would be like was far from accurate. My life is wonderful because of doing the work. It's so much better than I could have dreamed and while there's challenges? This is a part of why I try to encourage people to try making a change. One step at a time and I climbed a mountain and built a palace made of happiness.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

Yes!!! We need to take accountability and get out of victim mode. Nobody else will change especially not abusers. Good for you!!!

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u/FirebirdWriter 3d ago

I think it's okay to acknowledge we have been hurt. Making being victimized something bad puts the blame on the victim. I understand your intent but I would rephrase that as taking accountability for our healing vs getting out of victim mode. It's lumping people who are not yet coping with trauma for whatever reason be it fresh or not having access to coping skills and putting them into the same category as people who claim everything they do not like is someone being abusive to hide their abuse. Again I appreciate the sentiment and am for celebrating our success it's just an easily misunderstood phrasing

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u/StarlightM4 3d ago

Sorry, OP, but your update has just shown your mother yo be even more unhinged and controlling than ever. She's planning on marrying you off? You are 17 ffs, all you should be thinking about is going to college and getting as far away from this shitshow as you can. Your brother went nc? Wonder why!

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u/InsideAdvanced2625 3d ago

OP: "Sorry nothing new crazy here"

Every one else: "IT'S PLENTY CRAZY"

OP you seem to be so used to her being helicoptering that you don't realize what she is trying to get you into. It's your future life and you should have a say in it. And she doesn't seem to be the kind of person to allow that.

Imho you really should try to read up more about mormonism, to make your own informed decision. You should really go for education and such before deciding - for yourself - what you want to do in terms of marriage. And consider the fact that the marriage arranged by her will mostly likely bring into your life more people with same views and behavioural patterns - wife, inlaws, extended inlaws. She already uses your sister to black mail\guilt trip you, what do you think will happen when all those people join the coven? And you really should try and contact your brother. Talk to him, get his perspective on things, ask him what made him go no contact with mother. Doesnt mean you have to do the same as he did, but it might help you to see the situation more clearly.

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u/JuliaX1984 3d ago

Look at how your mom turned out -- is that what you want to become? If not, get out as soon as she can't legally stop you. I'm so sorry you were born into this. Teaching not-concretely-real religious beliefs to your kids is one thing -- blackmailing them into agreeing with you or else is another.

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u/calamitylamb 3d ago

Your mom created child porn of you because she was so desperate for control. She absolutely did not turn out fine lmao

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u/CenterofChaos 3d ago

Bro... This is even more insane behavior than the camera. She was going to marry you off. Marriage is a huge commitment, many people consider it life long. I'll assume whomever you were off too will be mormon and not want to do any family planning. Gambling with having to support a whole ass family being barely 18 is frankly a raw deal for you. And a raw deal for whomever is selected, they deserve to marry someone equally yoked. Being unsure about the very building blocks of your relationship is bad no matter what you believe.    

If nothing else tell your parents you want to honor the commitment marriage is by being self sufficient first. You can't be a good providing husband or father at this point in your life. Both should understand that. 

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u/YoloKraize 3d ago

I find it funny you then type "feared losing control over me" yeah no shit, welcome to religion. Might be a good idea to reach out to your brother, seems like he has his head the right place.

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u/HeyYouGuyyyyyyys 3d ago

Given the intensity of your religious upbringing, I've revised my opinion of your behavior in front of the camera. I used to think you were the king. Now I think you are the GOAT.

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u/UrsinetheMadBear 3d ago

They turned out fine?

Your mother made CP of you because she is incapable of trusting anyone. They did not turn out fine.

And no fucking wonder your brother left.

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u/Fun-Frosting-5673 3d ago

Oh no I do not recommend it. I have a bunch of Mormon friends that cut me off once they got married and are now in abusive relationships with no way out

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u/Top-Effect-4321 3d ago

Your mom is literally a crazy person. Find out if she’s arranging a marriage for your sister too. Watch it be some old creep twice her age. 

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u/maryjaneFlower 3d ago

Keep all your beliefs secret until you can get out and go no contact

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u/Single_Vacation427 3d ago

So your father is basically a coward that lets his wife put a camera on their son.

Their other son does not talk to them.

Do you really think this turned out fine?

You really need to go away for some time, go to college or get a job in another state, then see if you actually think what you are going through is fine or normal.

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u/HelloJunebug 3d ago

I also want to say, maybe their marriage is ok, but your mom does not seem ok. She’s so controlling because of what she went through in her life and the control Mormonism has over her and her life that she put you through all of this cause she’s afraid you are going to leave. It’s wild. She’s not ok. No one in that religion is ok.

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u/Garden_gnome1609 3d ago

It's not "fine" to put a camera in your 17 year old's room and it's not "fine" to justify it with religion and it's not "fine" for your dad to just passively go along with this till you had to solve the problem yourself. Your parents and their relationshp are absolutely not "fine".

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u/sylbug 3d ago

They didn't turn out fine. Your mom is controlling to a dangerous degree. Religious abuse is abuse.

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u/TheGoldenSpud 3d ago

Dude, its a cult and she is trying to keep you enmeshed. Believe what you like but go out and experience the world and everything before you decide and get hitched and tied down in the church, because leaving later in life, especially with kids will be a horror.

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u/FirebirdWriter 3d ago

They did not. What she did is abuse. Your brother left for a reason. Reach out and see if he will talk to you about this without the "go to hell do not pass go" goggles. Listen to him about what it's like away from your family. This doesn't mean you need to do the same thing but rather marrying someone because you think this is normal doesn't mean it is healthy and things will not get better.

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u/tropicsandcaffeine 3d ago

Tell your mom if she keeps trying to force you into an arranged marriage you will release the video.

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u/grayblue_grrl 3d ago

Yeah... no one is "fine"

Your mother is making desperate moves that she shouldn't have to make.
Including arranged teen marriage. Insane!

You should talk to your brother.
And maybe check out ex mormon reddit subs.

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u/Maria_Dragon 3d ago

If you have doubts and work through them, you know your faith is real. If you continue to have doubts, you may choose a different path (which is also fine). If you marry someone arranged through the Church, you will feel split between being true to yourself and splitting your family.

Don't marry for any reason other than love.

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u/Lizardgirl25 3d ago

Was it a wanted arranged marriage between them though like both of them wanted to get married and so they asked their parents to help them find a partner? Because that is the only okay way for an ‘arranged’ marriage to happen kid.

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u/NotNobody_Somebody 3d ago

Dude, if you think an arranged marriage at 17 is not some new crazy stuff, I am really worried for you.

17 is WAY TOO YOUNG. Is your mother TRYING to drive you away?

It is normal to question religion. It should be encouraged. Ask your mum why she thinks that you will suddenly start being a bad person if you stop going to her church. Does she think that you will completely lose your moral convictions and start murdering and stealing?

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u/Locurilla 3d ago

it depends on what you want in life. do you want to do other things besides just marriage. do you want to marry later? how will you actually provide for a family being that young. maybe wait for this marriage thing, get skills/job/life experience and then you can marry either within or outside of the church.

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u/Thisisthenextone 3d ago

My mom’s marriage was arranged, and they turned out fine

Did they?

She's a control freak who is driving her own children away with her issues.

Your father can't have a serious discussion with her without her first physically going to drastic measures.

You sure their marriage is good?

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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad7742 3d ago

Sure. Your dad participated in an orgy. So much fiction, man. Keep some twists for the next post.

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u/Wildlife_Njoyer20 3d ago edited 3d ago

If your mother noticed that you have doubts in your faith, she could've just simply educated you more about your religion and after that it is up to you to decide whether you are convinced or not, because I too am from a religious background and that is how it's done in a healthy way.

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u/First_Pay702 3d ago

Look, I know this is all you know, but even IF your parents turned out fine - with heavy emphasis on the IF - that is no guarantee that yours will. Especially if your mom is approaching it as a new way to control your future as opposed to hearing what you want. Since you have access to the internet, look up the stories of people that have left mormonism. I know they are supposed to be shunned or whatever, but they are the only ones giving the true story of what their marriages were like. They are also the ones that know best what your life inside the church is, and have a more nuanced perspective on the whole thing.

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u/online_jesus_fukers 3d ago

You need to get away from religion. Religion has never been good for anyone.

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u/Moebius80 3d ago

I won't bash your religion though I can say it has many dark skeletons in it's closet for such a recent religion. Your mother is hyper controlling and you should probably run. Your apostate brother had the right idea.

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u/Tall-Negotiation6623 3d ago

You don’t actually know if they did. You only see the outside version of their marriage, not what they are thinking inside. They might be pretending. And many many arranged marriages turn out to be awful. Why risk it? If you are having your own doubts, then please don’t. You are allowed to question your beliefs, but it’s important to make sure you marry someone that shares your beliefs, so don’t marry someone your mom suggests. You are young and if I were you, I would spend some time researching and learning how you actually feel about your religion. Don’t let your mom control you. There are great people out there that are having open discussions about mormonism that you can check out.

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u/RepFilms 3d ago

Many people move away from the church when they get older. I can see how the church might provide comfort to you now. Be careful with any lifelong decisions such as getting married. You might find yourself drifting away from the church in the next five years.

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u/DeanXeL 3d ago

Hey, bud... Your mom is very very wrong. If she's sincerely afraid you're losing your faith, she'd talk to you about it, ask you to see a priest/elder/whatever it's called in your particular sect and have a conversation about it. Instead she chose to spy on you and try to trap you in said religion. Your brother was right, if your parents can't treat you with respect, they don't deserve none of yours.

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u/SheBelongsToNoOne 3d ago

Fuck no man

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u/FruitParfait 3d ago

Turned out so fine they’re arranging a marriage for a teen and watching him from a camera in his room as their other son is NC. The bar for good parents is in the ground lol

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u/WildLoad2410 3d ago

Bro, your mom is a controlling, religious fanatic psycho. She's not fine. You're not fine. None of this is okay.

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u/Timelyeggtart 3d ago

Girl your family isn't fine. It's abnormal

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u/cwinparr 3d ago

You might want to contact your brother and ask for his experience and opinion. Since you're not completely on board with the religion, maybe you should consider leaving the church as well.

Instead of a young arranged marriage, perhaps you'd rather travel, get a trade, go to university, meet someone you choose, etc etc.

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u/SpoofExcel 3d ago

Turned out fine? Bruv they're shoving cameras in a room that you cranked it to, to make a point.

She's fucking tapped in the head because of this religion shes trapped in.

Accept nothing

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u/Verbenaplant 3d ago edited 3d ago

It’s best you find someone you actually want to be with. Marry for love not because your mum is scared you will leave the religion.

do not let your mum arrange your marriage.

work on education, job.

Consider maybe your brother left for a good reason. Can you contact him? I doubt he’s gone nc through choice. More likely mum lost control because he didn’t do what she wanted. She can’t cope with a non religious son Who didn’t want an arranged marriage. Your brother would probably be very happy to hear from you.

must be hard to have lost your whole family over religion.

end of day you cannot base all your info of an arranged marriage on just your parents. Do you want kids? Do you want them right away? Can you afford them? Don’t you want to explore the world first?

also your mum put a camera in your room that’s freaking insane. She’s made child porn. She’s trying to keep you under control. Don’t let her control you.

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u/ilovechairs 3d ago

No crazy update, but I guess my mother has arranged a marriage for me so there’s that to look forward to. -OP

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u/CupcakeRude8983 3d ago

I’m just curious, so please don’t hate on me, but I grew up Mormon in Mormon central (Utah) and I have never heard of arranged marriage in the Mormon faith. Like ever. Also masturbation is a sin in Mormonism, so if my super Mormon mom had put a camera up in my room and saw that, she’d be dragging my ass to the bishop to confess my sins and repent. (Not that putting a camera in your child’s room isn’t horrifying, I have teenagers myself, that’s terrible!) Just to note, I’m not Mormon anymore, but still live in Utah surrounded by them, still no arranged marriages going on. I’m a little skeptical of this story.

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u/ThatKehdRiley 3d ago

"turned out fine"

"already begun arranging a marriage for me in an attempt to keep me grounded within the church" (AKA Nutters and supremely controlling)

Read those again.

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u/space-time-invader 3d ago

They watch their son masturbate in what they believe hidden camera, I'd call them freaks

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u/Complex_Storm1929 3d ago

Don’t do it man. Go out and live your life. Go to college and meet new people. If you still want that life after experiencing other ways of life then at least it’s your own choice. When you grow up like you did sheltered from the outside world you (or anyone) can not make a decision based on your own experiences. From your viewpoint now you have just been fed what other people want you to believe. Not saying there is anything wrong with religion or Mormonism in itself. I just recommend living life outside of the bubble for a while so you can make an informed choice.

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u/angel9_writes 3d ago

Your mom wants to control your entire life... that is not fine on any level.

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u/justadubliner 3d ago

You're just a child. That your parents are thinking about marriage for you, let alone an arranged marriage, is incredibly primitive. Hope you escape like your brother did.

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u/yesimreadytorumble 3d ago

your definition of “fine” is very skewed, but i guess that happens when you’re raised in a cult.

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u/DJ-Ilium 2d ago

That’s super weird, I grew up Mormon, and have never heard of an arranged marriage. I don’t need to be an active member to see that you’re mom is psychotic

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u/OkExternal7904 3d ago

Get out and go to college. Not Brigham Young. Experience stuff, then decide on a religion. This is what I did. I believe in the Universe, remembering in Catholicm, they taught us that God created everything into infinity. And that God was everywhere and knew everything.

I considered that God is the universe where there are many religions and many ways to live your life. It took 63 years, and I'm still working on myself.

Your mom has to get over owning you. And jeez, get a lock onto that bedroom door cause nobody wants to see that!

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u/tyreka13 3d ago

You might watch Cults to Consciousness on Youtube (private mode and not logged in). She does interviews of different people from different religions and came from standard mormonism herself. She has interviewed some who practice polygamy, a recent one who was gay but tried marriage and had issues keeping contact with his 7 kids, etc. Some people kept their religion in a different capacity (like going more general Christian) and others left entirely. It does a good job at pointing out high control practices that are not safe and okay for people. They point out that the problem isn't religion but when it is used a tool to control the lives of people. Arranging a marriage for you to lock you into the religion, where you would likely have to leave your wife and kids to get out isn't ok. You should get married to someone that you joyfully want to spend your life with.