r/AITAH • u/throwawayxop • 4d ago
AITA for Reporting My Best Friend's Fiancé to the Police? TW Abuse
I’m going to start this off by saying this is a throwaway account since my best friend knows my reddit and this post will be deleted after I receive enough feedback since she is active in this subreddit.
I've known my best friend, "Emily," for over 20 years. We've been through everything together—high school, college, first jobs, breakups—you name it. So, when she got engaged to "Tom" last year, I was thrilled for her. Tom seemed like a great guy: charming, funny, and attentive. Emily seemed genuinely happy for the first time in years.
A few months into their engagement, I started noticing some red flags. Tom was becoming increasingly controlling. He'd get upset if Emily went out with friends without him, and he'd constantly check her phone. Emily brushed it off, saying it was because of his "protective nature." I was concerned but didn't want to interfere too much. I have been in abusive relationships in the past and i knew that interfering could make it worse. As far as i was aware there was no physical abuse happening at the time.
Last weekend, Emily and Tom threw an engagement party at their place. The night started off great, but as the evening progressed, I noticed Tom getting visibly drunk and more aggressive. At one point, I overheard him having a heated argument with Emily in the kitchen. When I walked in, Tom looked shell shocked stormed out, and Emily was left in tears. She insisted it was nothing, just a drunken argument, but I could see marks on her arm that hadn't been there earlier.
I confronted Emily privately, and after some persuasion, she admitted that Tom had hit her and this wasn’t the first time. She begged me not to tell anyone, fearing it would make things worse. I was torn, but I couldn't just stand by and do nothing.
The next day, I went to the police and reported Tom. They took it seriously and started an investigation. When Emily found out, she was furious. She accused me of betraying her trust and potentially ruining her relationship. She hasn't spoken to me since, and some mutual friends are saying I overstepped and should have respected Emily's wishes which took me back. How can they say that after knowing she’s been physically abused?
Now, I'm left questioning if I did the right thing. I couldn't bear the thought of Emily being in danger, but now I've potentially lost my best friend and caused a massive rift in her life.
AITA for reporting my best friend's fiancé to the police?
-2
u/Sympraxis 4d ago
What you have to realize here is that it is her responsibility to go to the police, not yours. Her handing you alleged evidence to give to the police or anyone else is not going to work. The police will NOT do anything unless she makes a complaint and a statement to back up her complaint. The fact that she is sending things to you, not to the authorities, indicates that she could possibly trying to manipulate YOU in some way.
The fact that she was "furious" with you for going to the police simply reinforces the probability that something is amiss here. When the police interviewed her, what did she say? Did she tell them that her boyfriend assaulted her or not? The whole situation is lacking in integrity.
Your correct action here is to be supportive and encourage her to do whatever she needs to do, but you should not be making complaints yourself, because you are not the victim and you have witnessed nothing.