r/tifu • u/Cheap_Beach_ • 3d ago
TIFU and looked up my 20 year old crush. S
[removed] — view removed post
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u/pogiguy2020 3d ago
Now I see her walking the dog dressed in sexy outfit and picking up dog poop in a provocative manner. LOL
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u/weallwearmasks 3d ago
Bend…and snap.
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u/Cyrus_114 3d ago
A little less bend and a little more snap.
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u/macenutmeg 3d ago
Don't snap too hard, that flings the poop.
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u/Rigormortis321 3d ago
Some people pay good money for that kind of thing
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u/H8T_Auburn 3d ago
We call that the Tiajuana #2 step
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u/cobigguy 3d ago
What the hell did Aunt Juana do?
(You're looking for Tijuana, adding in the A makes it Aunt Juana.)
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u/Darth-Serious 3d ago
You usually have to pay double for that kind of action Cotton!
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u/blackforestgirl86 3d ago
I read this as, the dog will be dressed in sexy outfits and I'm chuckling at the image in my head lol
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u/OverMaintenance6657 3d ago edited 3d ago
You're not the only one. In my head, I was picturing a slutty Chihuahua in a skimpy bikini barely covering her 8 nips!
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u/briber67 3d ago
Meanwhile, I'm thinking of how this poor dog can't help but get runs in her garterbelted stockings.
Having claws on your hind paws makes the whole experience quite the challenge.
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u/addandsubtract 3d ago
What's a sexy outfit for a dog?
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u/Sky_Wino 3d ago
4 lacey bras and a thong?
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u/marsthegoat 3d ago
I was picturing a lab in french maid outfit lmao
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u/SacThrowAway76 3d ago
Why wouldn’t it be a French poodle in a French maid outfit?
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u/TheBlueNinja0 3d ago
You expect a French poodle to be wearing a French maid outfit.
You don't expect a Rottweiler to be wearing the Maid outfit.
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u/Fizzbytch 3d ago
OMG I fucked up by looking up my ex crush. Then I fucked up by finding out where he lives, than driving by his house. I’m just waiting for him and standing outside waiting for him to come out and the meet cute of “discovering” each other again. Ya, that doesn’t sound at all like several crime shows I’ve watched.
Unrelated but have you seen the show “You”.
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u/Tiger_Widow 3d ago
Baby Reindeer
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u/cosmic-kats 3d ago edited 3d ago
Sent from my iPhon
Omg thank you for the gold ❤️
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u/Tiger_Widow 3d ago
Sont fram totally yor Ifon. 100% legit real and true. I concur
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u/CaligoAccedito 3d ago
This made my brain go squiggly
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u/Tiger_Widow 3d ago
(Sent from your iphone [totally real])
Hopefully un-squiggled now! Squiggly is no bueno, unless you're a squiggly enjoyer ofc, in which case I retract my statement.
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u/Davido400 3d ago
As a Scotsman, I love to yell Bumhole Lover when it's just me on ma weekly country walk:
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u/Theopeo1 3d ago
For future reference, it can be very useful:
Right-click the video and select "Copy video URL at current time"
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u/Fizzbytch 3d ago
I need to finish that show, but that’s probably more accurate.
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u/ArltheCrazy 3d ago
AITA for murdering my husband and my former high school crush’s wife when i got drunk and stalked him online and found out that he only lives a block away?
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u/ChewySlinky 3d ago
She didn’t drive by his house after finding out where he lives, she realized that she drives by his house regularly because be lives so close.
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u/ZombiesAtKendall 3d ago
And now, completely by coincidence, she’s going to start driving that way more often, walking the dog that way more often, at first she will just quickly glance over and keep walking, but soon she will stop to “tie her shoe” right in front of their house, check her phone, find any excuse to stop for a “chance encounter”. Next she will find out where he works, map out his schedule, manufacture a few more “run ins”. Too little time to type though, I’ve gotta go on a walk before uh so I have time to go do a thing because now is when I walk.
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u/burnusti 3d ago
I was sitting on a pub patio with friends the other day, had a view of the street and a green space on the other side of the street. This young woman, dressed to impress, hot af walking a Westie goes across the street. And a few minutes later she comes back across the street. She went back and forth about eight times, stalling, checking her phone… her poor dog was like “let’s go let’s go” and she was just… lingering. Then I see her whole posture shift like she got struck by lightning, she smooths her clothes and hair, and starts walking casually but sexily in the direction of someone leaving the pub. Pulls out her phone, pretends not to see him. He walks by, they don’t say hi or anything, he doesn’t seem to notice/know her. But she goes off in the same direction he does, and doesn’t come back. I drew my own conclusions from the information at hand; she was some kind of secret agent. Or she took Baby Reindeer as gospel. But I’d rather like to think that there’s a secret agent hangin’ round my local.
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u/Financial-Raise3420 3d ago
It seemed more like she’s saying she’s always walked her dog past his house without knowing, and passes by on her way home every day.
But still
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u/GibsonMaestro 3d ago
Please update us when you meet for coffee for the first time and when you eventually TIFU by sleeping with your neighbor.
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u/pogiguy2020 3d ago
and my husbands boss
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u/SpicyEnticy 3d ago
And my axe
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u/ozarksnark 3d ago
You need people of intelligence on this sort of mission quest thing
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u/anothersip 3d ago
.....
Well, that rules you out, Pip.
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u/whiteclawthreshermaw 3d ago
Nine companions. So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring.
In theater Title drop!
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u/Get_your_grape_juice 3d ago
I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee...
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u/Ranger_Ecstatic 3d ago
The blacksmith said this Axe has a +4 to Int. It makes me smarter when I'm filled with blinding rage and go for the head!
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u/Tiger_Widow 3d ago
And that guys dead wife.
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u/MysteriousDesk3 3d ago
and that teenager with the broken arms’ mom
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u/ZoraksGirlfriend 3d ago
It’s always a good idea to have a proactive person on the team who is good at noticing when someone is getting “frustrated” and makes a point of offering to help them out.
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u/KaneMomona 3d ago
Or the AITA for throwing my husband out of the house for sleeping with my crush.
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u/thejawa 3d ago
"NTA. Husband didn't put a dish away in the dishwasher!?🚩🚩🚩 This shows he never truly cared about your feelings, you're justified in cheating on him and kicking him out."
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u/Beginning_Key2167 3d ago
That literally happened to me. It was in the fall and I opened up the dishwasher to grab a clean glass to get some water. I had intended to empty the dishwasher as well wanted to get a glass of water first.
My now ex-wife erupted at me verbally. I was literally walking back towards the dishwasher and she completely freaked out called me a MFer.
That following March, I was driving cross country for my new job.
She started finding major fault with every minor thing. The last straw for me was a sandwich I bought for lunch. I know now that she had found somebody else and was trying to force me into filing for divorce. So she could say it was me that asked for the divorce.
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u/phage_rage 3d ago
My ex did the same thing. Which was not ideal because im stubborn (aka stupid) and was not gonna get divorced unless he hit me or he was cheating. So he basically just got to treat me like an animal he hates for 4 years and f teenagers on the side while i tried desperately to fix our marriage until i figured out he was f-ing teenagers.
Some people are just shitty people. I hope you're doing better now that you dont live with a shitty person!
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u/thejawa 3d ago
Sucks my dude, hopefully you're happy now.
Don't have her post on AITA though, they'll 100% side with her.
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u/Agreeable-Echidna650 3d ago
This is how you know a relationship is over. When one person finds fault and literally everything the other person does, it's over. The last girl I dated got like this towards the end of our relationship. Everything, and I mean everything, that I did was somehow "wrong". Maybe a month or so before we broke up we had a few drinks at our house on a Friday night. It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I thought to myself "how about I go by us some lunch from our favorite barbecue place?"
My girlfriend was asleep in bed, nursing a minor hangover. I told her that I would go get us lunch. When I got to the barbecue place, we weren't accustomed to see me without my girlfriend, asked me where my girlfriend was. I told the worker "we had a long night last night, partied a bit, she's at home in bed."
When I got back home, my girlfriend asked me if the workers had asked about her. I told her that they had and that I had told them we had partied last night and that she was at home in bed sleeping. She absolutely erupted at me. Said that I was embarrassing her and making her seem like a drunk. Keep in mind that I had just willingly gotten both of us a perfect hangover meal and paid for the whole thing just to be nice. I haven't told the workers at the barbecue place that my girlfriend was hung over or that she's a party animal or anything like that. It had been an innocent conversation. Things have been rocky between me and my girlfriend before this happened, and I think at this time both of us kind of knew that the relationship was basically over, but I was so mad about it. I had tried to do something nice and she found fault in it over a silly thing.
There were many other instances of her fighting fault in something that I did that were stupid and trivial. But this is the one that I still remember six years later, doing something nice for her, pay $30 out of my own money, and then her being ungrateful and blowing up on me For "tarnishing her image". We didn't know the people at the barbecue place other than when we were in there to order. The people at the barbecue place we weren't judging her. But at the time just looking for something to be mad about.
Best of luck to you. And anyone else who reads this, know that the biggest morning side that a relationship is over is when partner constantly is looking to find something "wrong" with EVERYTHING that the other person is doing.
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u/Beginning_Key2167 3d ago
So true. Thankfully since my divorce about 13 years ago. I know the warning signs.
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u/GeneralChillMen 3d ago
I look forward to seeing the OF link in their bio in the coming days
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u/Brad_Brace 3d ago
Nah, there's no mention of OP being petite. That's how you know they're OFfers, they're always petite.
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u/DennenTH 3d ago
This is the inevitable. How do we know? Because she still refers to the guy as her "20 year old crush".
That's not to say that the crush is the age of 20.
That's to say that she worded it as her crush of 20 years.
But don't worry, folks, she has zero intention to do anything! She just cyber stalked this dude to his house and is still referring to him as her crush after 20ish years of no contact. It's fiiiiiiiiiiiine.
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u/WexExortQuas 3d ago
I clicked on an anime thread and was reading this post thinking it was a summary or description of the anime (the post I clicked on was like a key note visual) and I was so god damn confused for a moment cause...let's be honest this post kinda sounds anime...
I need to get off the internet...
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u/pogiguy2020 3d ago
Future TIFU How do I tell my husband our baby is not his and is my crushes.
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u/Borgalicious 3d ago
Future post by her husband
AITAH for asking my wife to stop hanging out with her high school crush.
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u/MaybeDyingSingle83 3d ago
What was the point of this…………??
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u/xKitey 3d ago
this is just the intro to the TIFU by fucking my HS crush that we're gonna get in a week or two
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u/Val_Hallen 3d ago
Account is 4 hours old at this comment. No comment history.
This is what we call a creative writing exercise. Though it may stop here now that so many people seem to be catching on.
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u/xKitey 3d ago
uh.. probably because her husband knows her main reddit account and might get a bit upset reading this??
throwaway accounts are throwaway for a reason and it's not like anyone is actually invested in this story if this is creative writing they really need to rethink their career path
the best part of this thread are the comments
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u/ImWadeWils0n 3d ago
Throwaway accounts exist… and so do karma farming accounts writing creative fictions. It could be either or tbh, we’ll see ina week or two I guess
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u/the_sinking_feeling 3d ago
Genuinely curious what the point is of a karma farm. It’s not like you can monetize something like that right?
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u/jnmtx 3d ago
Once an account has karma, and is about 1mo old, it can spam by posting in more restrictive subreddits. https://www.reddit.com/r/NewToReddit/s/BNvUOGK0Oo
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u/smashy_smashy 3d ago
Sometimes really cringey things like this happen to me but I can’t tell the people in my real life, for obvious reasons. So I tell people on the internet anonymously, and well, they just remind me why it’s best to keep it to yourself and move on quickly.
I hope OP got this off their chest and feels better, and that they mean well, just a moment of cringe.
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u/alvvavves 3d ago
Yeah this is probably one of the few believable TIFU posts I’ve seen. Not just because it’s not super outlandish, but because similar things have happened to me. I met someone on hinge once and it ended up just leading to three platonic-like hangouts, but after I moved to a new place I realized I had moved right down the street from where that person worked at the time. Didn’t even consider it before hand. If it had been an actual ex in OPs situation then that would be totally different.
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u/Equal-Tea-9743 3d ago
I think, since this is reddit, we should tell her to divorce the husband.
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u/jwuonog 3d ago
To be read by an AI voice over a video of subway surfers in the near future
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u/HoRiChit 3d ago
' It doesn't help that I was totally an overly attached girlfriend type although we never dated. '
If I'm not being too intrusive, may i ask, why did you even need to mention this if you never dated him? Did you had sexual relations with him or no?
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u/PM_ME__YOUR_HOOTERS 3d ago
Same reason she brought up her daddy issues when we have no idea how old or what kind of connection they had. The world may never know.
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u/Zer0C00l 3d ago
Soooo... chatGPT.
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u/mOom-moOm 3d ago edited 3d ago
ChatGPT/creative writing/bot checklist:
Less than one day old account - check
No comments/replies to their post- check
Weird sexual/unnecessary phrasing in their post - check
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u/Resident_Sundae7509 3d ago
Hm, I'm not sure about the veracity of the story but it doesn't sound or look like GPT, unless they've done some good prompt work and a few iterations
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u/Yasirbare 3d ago
It like we are listening to a phone conversation on the train - now they landed on Reddit.
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u/MelodyofthePond 3d ago
Not together but overly attached sounds a lot like stalking imo. Ever watched Baby Reindeer?
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u/Attygalle 3d ago edited 3d ago
Because it fits his made up story [edit] his, not her
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u/dannyboyy14 3d ago
She Sounds Crazy. I was overly attached but we never dated. That guy may run for the hills if he sees her.
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u/Mr_Rogersbot 3d ago
I read the title as "hooked up" and was mildly surprised when you mentioned your husband.
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u/bajajoaquin 3d ago
Baloney.
He’s not on social media but his address is just a click away. I was a clingy girlfriend but not his.
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u/LandoBlendo 3d ago
Actually you would be unpleasantly surprised how easy it is to lookup random people's addresses by name only, especially if they own the property
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u/Shadesmctuba 3d ago
My old job used to involve looking up property information on my county auditor’s website. It’s shockingly easy to find out who owns any property, and most local websites have robust search tools that lets you search by name, address, street name, even previous owners
Still, it involves effort to find that information, more effort than “gee, I wonder where so and so lives”, so OP might just be down bad and letting their mind wander. It’s innocent now, but they did the homework at least.
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u/afunnywold 3d ago
Yeah I've had fun internet stalking random people. It is scarily easy to find whatever info you want.
Idk that this post is real. Same block does seem sketchy. And makes it all more creepy haha
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u/imadragonyouguys 3d ago
I did this for my high school crush only to find a bunch of pictures of her and Donald Trump and news articles about how she got caught embezzling money from her job.
I can still fix her.
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u/Dimpleshenk 3d ago
Yeah, I looked up a gal I had a crush on and wanted to date, and found her social-media account where it's MAGA everything and 50% of her posts are about "owning the libs" and "we need to stop woke nonsense" and "I went to Trump's rally and it was SO AMAZEING! (sic)" and so on.
Made me retroactively glad I was too shy to ask her out.
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u/uthrowithrow 3d ago
Do you still have a crush on him? Crushes don’t tend to last that long. So at best you have a crush on a memory not the real person. You’re all good. 👍
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u/Dimpleshenk 3d ago
Right, she has no crush, just looked him up obsessively and then posted about it like it's worrisome and has turbocharged her midlife crisis. But not a crush-crush so OK.
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u/Maleficent_Leg_768 3d ago
Yep this is bad - forget this has happened but my guess you do some physical stalking and it’s going to mess up your marriage.
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u/mintyfresh25 3d ago
Maybe you should be overly attached to your husband instead of looking up an old crush...
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u/kirbcheck 3d ago
In high school (more than 20 years ago) I definitely had my cringe moments. It was the heyday of yahoo games. I used to play yahoo pool all the time. There was a way back then to search for competitors by location and I used to find people near me to play and chat with. One time I started chatting up this girl who was close in age and about 40 miles from my home town. She had a public picture and I thought she was cute. So after a few games I asked her if she wanted to hook up. Not hang out or even trade pics, I jumped straight to hooking up (back then it didn’t necessarily mean sex to a teenager but still def a creeper moment). She blocked me immediately. Rightfully so.
More than 10 years later I’m having a beer watching tv with the wife, when something reminds her of this time some creeper in yahoo pool asked her to hook up. Cue flashback in my brain to my high school self doing just that. I am that guy. I hadn’t thought about the incident since then but I know she is from the town of the girl I pulled a creeper move on. I had a strong association to that tiny town and remember my side of things really well.
I have never admitted to it. But often think of it when I need to mentally punish myself for being a douche. Oh how the wheel turns.
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u/tru_madness 3d ago edited 3d ago
For all you know, he’s noticed you… and his wife has noticed your husband… and they are in an open relationship… A pineapple goes a long way if you know what I mean… im being 100% facetious.
On a serious note: I got back together with my high school sweetheart after about 20 years; it lasted for about 5 years. It was an utter disaster and ended with me taking out a 1 year protective order that I had to increase for another two years. It was horrible. I’m not over the trauma and it’s been more than 18 months. Chances are this won’t be your experience. My point being… live your life as it is now.
Let it go. Live your best life. Don’t let this person live rent free in your head. And in the grand scheme of life: this isn’t really a fuck up (I am not trying to down play your embarrassment. Laugh it off, cause it’s one of those “oops and oh shit” moments we all have).
Edited: words.
Edited: more words.
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u/FatFreddysCoat 3d ago
"I was the overly attached girlfriend type but cringe at the memory, love my husband and wouldn't do anything now"
Proceeds to do overly attached girlfriend things and then tells strangers on the internet about it, leaving them in no doubt she'll definitely do something now.
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u/jam_rok 3d ago
I looked up my old college girlfriend years ago.
One post had a picture of her beautiful kitchen in a magazine (like good housekeeping or something).
A month or two later there was a post about raising money for her because her house had burned down.
It was really nice to see how her life was going.
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u/rsmiley77 3d ago
Boredom and buzzed…. Looking up 20 year old flames…. Saying out loud how much you love your husband in order to convince yourself. This is how affairs begin. Tread carefully before it upends your entire life.
— I was once the husband in this picture. Im not married anymore.
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u/ballsnbutt 3d ago
Why would you be pissed to find out your husband lives nearby a high school crush? Why assume he'd be pissed at yiu? Sounds like this relationship wasn't built on trust or tbh built to last if you can't talk about seeds of doubt.
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u/Independent_Net_9203 3d ago
Damn that's fucked up and I feel bad for your poor husband who has already been cheated on emotionally and will get cheated on eventually
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u/skillfulltomcat 3d ago
This is only going to be a thing if you make it one. The crush was twenty years ago when you were both kids, it’s meaningless now. For your husbands sake, please don’t make this a thing.
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u/Empty_Ambition_9050 3d ago
“Can’t come to work today I’m sick”
Boss: “my wife can see you loading camping gear into your car”
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u/Dontbemadsmokeajoint 3d ago
Feel bad for your hubby, 20 years have passed and you're worried about some guy who you've never even dated. I'm not trying to mean but that is kinda creepy. I can understand looking up old high-school buddies but when you start searching for adresses....that's stalker territory.
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u/Southpawn 3d ago
Oops I feel bad for looking up my crush. Oops I feel bad for finding out where he lives. Oops I feel bad for-GAWK GAWK GAWK GAWK
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u/shakeyfire 3d ago
You’re fucking up by not telling your husband. You are sowing the seeds of deception that will lead to cheating if you don’t communicate and stay honest. You don’t only share the things that make each other happy. You need to share important, sometimes hurtful information. And then stop doing the hurtful things
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u/Professional_Self145 3d ago
Imagine how horrified he must be 20 years later when he’s moved an hour away from his home town to get away from the girl that stalked him in highschool, and now he sees her “walking her dog” by his house every day.
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u/nessager 3d ago
My old crush added me on Facebook, I honestly don't care anymore. It's weird feeling this way about someone I used to have such strong feeling for. If I saw her in the street I would say hi, then go about my day.
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u/bigwig500 3d ago
“Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of Our Lives” definitely an episode on this soap!
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u/Tiki-Tactical 3d ago edited 3d ago
Sounds like OP is one bad argument away from a “AITA for sleeping with my 20 year crush after an argument with my husband” post followed by a laundry list of weak excuses as to why she’s the victim for cheating.
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u/Strange_Idea_8272 3d ago
I really hope this is some sort of creative writing assignment or something because if not then your husband is in extreme danger. Lol. The only reason you're in panic mode over this is because now that you know how easily you could meet back up with the guy, you're 100% considering doing it. You wanted to before you knew where he lived, or else why would you dig that deep? Now that you know there is no physical barrier (such as distance) in your head there is nothing holding you back from making a huge mistake. Your midlife crisis is in full swing and is about to ruin your marriage. I wish your husband luck in his new life after you ruin this one. :)
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u/TinglingTongue 2d ago
You people are having your home addresses publicly displayed on your socials for every stranger to see ?!
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u/Rino-Sensei 3d ago
« I have zero intension to do anything with this information »
Yeah sure … we all know that it start like that …
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u/paracog 3d ago
Seems like now you figure out how to let it go, and leave the past in the past. Humans are curious nosy animals, you're not weird in any way.
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u/JustASt0ry 3d ago
This wouldn’t be a fuck up if you had zero interest because you wouldn’t give a shit some guy from 20 years ago lives down the street. Feel very bad for the husband.
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u/Finito-1994 3d ago
You were an overly attached girlfriend type even though you never dated….isnt that just being a stalker?