r/tifu • u/Ok-Vermicelli-4674 • 5d ago
TIFU by trying to do something nice for my mom's 50th birthday. M
This happened last week but for context, my mom and me (18) don't have a close relationship, but she does have a close relationship with my younger half siblings which hurts. She can have candid and fun conversations with them but with me, it's like she always has a wall up when I try to talk to her. It doesn't only end at conversations.
They can go for lunches/dinners without me. They go on day outings and she justifies it with the fact that I am older and probably wouldn't enjoy it. The worst was probably on Christmas day last year. I woke up to the sound of the car driving off. They went to spend the day at my stepdad's mom's house. I spent Christmas by myself reading a book.
I've spent so much time wrecking my brain trying to figure what I'm doing wrong as it hasn't always been this way. I do well at school, I do chores, I cook, I babysit my siblings when she needs me too. Her 50th birthday was last weekend. She was really looking forward to it. Had a whole dinner planned with close friends and family.
I took all my savings and bought her what I thought was a really nice necklace. I asked opinions from everyone I could and took her taste into consideration too. It cost me $500 (well it was 479) and I also had it wrapped and included a box of chocolates. During the dinner party I was really excited and nervous to give it to her. When it came time to open her presents. She was ooing and aaing at all of them and, she even got tearful thanking everyone.
When it was time for my gift, she opened it and with this disgusted look on her face she said something along the lines of its nice thanks. I felt so small but I just tried to forget about her reaction. I thought maybe I was reading too much into it. That was until I saw my stepdad's sister wearing it the other day. Turns out my mom gifted it to her because she it wasn't her style and didn't like it. I died a little inside. I don't think she even ate the chocolates because I saw the kids eat them.
TL:DR I bought my mom an expensive necklace and she decided to gift it to my step aunt.
120
u/illimitable1 5d ago
This is not your error. Your only error here is throwing yourself after this person who isn't really interested in having a relationship with you.
I am as old as your mother, literally. I can tell you that sometimes we don't get what we want from our parents. My parents went to the grave without telling me that they liked me or were proud of me. I wanted that so much.
Since you weren't getting what you want from your mom, figure out other ways to get what you're looking for. Find other adults to relate to. Family of choice is always an option if family of origin fails. Most of all, whatever is missing from your mother that you wish you could have from her, figure out how to give that to yourself.
The person who is fucking up here is your mother. Don't spend more time than you have to throwing pearls before swine. Some people don't know what a good thing they have with their children or child. That's not your fault.