hii. hum i'm not sure where i'm going with this.. but today is my birthday, i'm turning 23 and feel like an absolute failure 🥲 i always get sad around this time, never feeling like it's a special day and not celebrating it...tbh i've always wished, since as long as i can remember, that i wasn't born.

i've been neglected throughout my childhood, never had stable relationships with the people around me, and now i have many issues that i just can't seem to overcome even if i'm really trying. i'm shy, awkward, socially anxious, don't know how to make friends. i've tried befriending some on the internet but i'm just not great at holding a basic conversation; i don't know how to approach them, and i'm horrible at small talk. but i do enjoy a deep conversation and i think i'm a good listener. it's easier for me tho to attract with like sexy pictures (i tried on other platforms) and i like roleplaying, but i know it's not the best way to find genuine connections lol. this is like the only way i find a little confidence within myself cause i basically have no self-esteem irl.

also i dropped out of college several times because i either get bored or burnt out. i have way too many passions and idk what to do about it, i tend to become so overwhelmed that i end up doing nothing at all. i took a year to reflect and think about trying again this year, chasing my dream, i don't know how this will go and i'm terrified but i wouldn't want to regret not pursuing it when i had the chance.

anyway..that's it i guess. not even sure if this is relevant but.. thank you for listening ^'

I really hate that social anxiety has kept me from making meaningful long-lasting friendships. I’m definitely a lot better talking-wise than I was last year and have made two new friends, but I’m not very close with them. I just want some best friends who understand the struggle of having social anxiety…

If anyone wants to be friends, dm me! I’d like to make a little group and help each other grow <3 Please be 18+!

Do you feel the same way? Everytime I'm present in a group I end up feeling dumb and boring.

As stated in the title. No matter how hard I try to be informed, I always end up being laughed at, criticized, corrected, talked over, invalidated, etc to the extent that I no longer accept invitations to spend time with friends. I can barely even hold a conversation with my husband, who I'm sure would love to have a wife who is confident and able to play board games with shared friends and have a conversation about important matters (family finances, politics, TV shows we've watched, etc). I'm lonely, but finding that being alone is also more peaceful, as I'm not constantly waiting to end up feeling bad and regretting leaving my house or trying to do something that I am not any good at and feeling like a loser that brings everyone else down. Outside of academia, I have no hobbies or interests that I can bring up in conversation, nor do I have any opinions that I feel comfortable sharing because I'm too dumb to defend them once someone starts arguing with me. Within academia, I'm unable to find a job that pays above poverty wages and I'm frequently treated like I barely exist. I've lived almost my entire life as an outsider no matter how hard I tried, and now I'm tired of trying.

Im so lonely, i dont know what to do anymore, i cant stop the shitty thoughts and isolating from everyone, i suck, i suck at living

Has anyone else tried drinking alcohol before a social event to cope with their symptoms?? I had maybe 2 shots of vodka (low tolerance) and got pretty tipsy but once i arrived at the place i just, wasnt tipsy anymore?? like the anxiety took over and idk if some else had a similar experience 😭

I absolutely dread it when people give me attention online. Especially groups of people — In Roblox, In discord chats, Even in My past reddit posts. I feel guilty not responding but EVERYTIME I RESORT TO FREEZING and immediately go silent or leave the game once social interaction comes in play.

It is so embarrassing and I have no idea how to be social even on an online level, is this even normal?

Hey guys, I hope you’re all doing well. I’ve noticed that my anxiety in real life social situations has gotten better, but my online anxiety has gotten worse. Downvotes and negative comments just give me so much anxiety. I want to deal with this because I don’t want to avoid it. Any tips would be appreciated.

I messaged multiple people on this sub because I thought maybe I could bond with someone who is like-minded or I could relate to struggles with only to end with no responses. I go to discord servers relating to mental health and social anxiety topics. Only for me to witness popularity contests of who has cut their wrists the most to get the majority of responses. While everyone else got ignored. The popular users in these servers didn't even describe actual anxiety but mild shyness because they say they frequently go out with people and socialize. While those with actual anxiety aren't even being heard. But how would it even be possible for me to meet someone in real life to become actual friends with? So many of these users don't report their location or could be from another country/continent. This is hopeless. I'm alone no matter where I go. Not even in these "mental health" communities can I really find anybody. Only people outside family and friends who talk to me only do so to poke fun at the fact I'm socially inept.

Hey all,

This Sunday i’m going to a Hozier concert by myself. This will be the first time I go by myself. So i’m already very anxious already.

I have no friends so I couldn’t ask anyone. And my sister was busy on that day.

I don’t know if anyone on this forum has done this before but i’d love any advice on how to calm the nerves? All encouraging messages are welcome.

All my love🫶

I am so tired of reading into and dissecting every social interaction I ever have. This is why I just prefer to be by myself, I don’t have to worry about anyone judging me or worry about them having some sort of negative opinion. I don’t have to worry about dissapointing anyone or worry about if I said or did anything to offend or hurt anyone. I’m just so over it. I know it my heart I do nothing wrong but my brain still convinces me that I do and that I am a bad person and somehow I screwed up. I can take any social interaction and just convince myself that I acted weird or dumb or rude etc. it is so exhausting living in your head. Social interaction is so important, I used to love it. My social anxiety has never been this bad. I’m tired of feeling like everyone hates me or thinks that I’m stupid or lame. I always convince myself that’s what people think of me so I don’t even try to build any new friendships or anything like that. I guess I dislike and judge myself so I expect others to as well. Sorry for the sob story I’m just really struggling a lot. If anyone has advice please let me know.

Hello!

A little background about me. I'm 27yo male, quite successful in professional life, athletic and I'd say rather good looking, have quite a few friend groups which we are really close with. I've been in multiple relationships, one of them lasted for over 5 years, so I'm not alien to dating, or women in general. I also have multiple girl friends.

Recently I've been struggling approaching women. When I see someone I think is attractive, I think I should approach them, strike up the conversation, but I simply freeze and do nothing about it. I start to think what should I say, what would be appropriate time and how to not make fool out of myself. This happens multiple times a day and I never make any move, this makes me very upset, because I'm in constant "what if" instead of "at least I tried" mindset.

I'm not sure if there is some kind of advice or anything else which would help me out here, if there are any questions which would help you guys to give better insight on the situation, ask away!

I just got back from a 4th of July BBQ where I knew only the host and was almost too anxious to go, and - guess what? Actually had a very good time!

I was invited by a friend of a friend, and had already RSVPed yes when our mutual friend ended up not being able to make it. I didn’t want to sit at home alone on the 4th of July, so I got dressed up, made a side dish (as requested) and showed up! I got so anxious on the front porch that I almost turned around, but the host opened the door and found me mid-panic (yikes! lol) and let me in.

I was the only one who brought a side dish and an alcoholic beverage, even though the invitation said BYOB potluck, and the dish that I brought ended up being nearly the same as one of the side dishes the host had made. Awkward, but we all laughed about it, and everyone was very sweet and appreciative.

I even ended up speaking up and making a couple of jokes during dinner, which felt awesome since normally one of my biggest anxieties is saying something lame/weird in front of a group.

I told myself I only had to stay an hour, so after dinner we watched the fireworks and then I excused myself when everyone was getting ready to play a drinking game. Another girl left right before me too, so I didn’t feel bad about being the first one to leave.

Anyway, this is way longer than I meant to write - I’m excited and proud!

She’s gonna have her husbands side of the family there. I feel embarrassed going because I’m 30 and feel like I have to interact with the adults. I used to talk to my nieces at parties and I would feel less awkward but they kinda stopped talking to me since they turned 15/17 and when I try and have a conversation with them they ignore me or it’s a yes no response which I feel dumb talking to them now. I’m really hoping if I go later it’s not awkward and I can stay calm and not feel judge or have an anxiety attack.

When I turned 13 and hit puberty, everything changed. I was the loudest in the room. I was a wild spirit. I made everyone laugh...And it's still inside...but it's trapped. I have missed out on SO MUCH because of this God damn illness and im so so so sick of it. My entire highschool era was hell because of it. I didn't participate, even in fun events because i was scared id mess up or look stupid...Everything I do doesn't work. I do exposure therapy, and I force myself into social situations to make sure I don't regress...but it doesn't get easier? I take medication...God, I've taken SO much medication to try and beat this and nothing helps. I feel so hopeless with this and I'm scared that I'll never be able to be that flaming soul again. I can't go on dates and persue a love life, I can't work, fuck, I can't even go into walmart without getting the panic sweats and have an anxiety attack. Even with my own family i get anxious. What do you guys do or have done that helps you so your SA doesn't completely debilitate you? I use medical marijuana, and that helps on some level...but it isn't a permanent solution. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thank you in advance.

I'm (20M) heading into my third year of college and I'm heavily regretting not having formed any social circles the past 20 years after seeing groups of friends and people around me hanging out. I'm naturally introverted and I'm slowly overcoming having anxiety over my appearance, which I always felt had to do with my inability to make a lot of friends. I currently only have only 2 people I would say are friends, having been from the same high school and all. Since high school, I would keep to my devices and I wouldn't be talkative when hanging with friends and peers; the daily routine would be wake up, go to school, go home, and sleep. I didn't talk much to people at school and certainly didn't talk to people at home. I didn't pursue any hobbies outside of school, and I slowly became kind of a shut in with a porn addiction. I grew up as an only child without my parents in a household that doesn't speak English well so I never had the privilege of going to places with my family like other teens. I was slowly trying to branch outside my comfort zone during early 2020 until COVID killed my momentum and I went back to being a social recluse until now. I'm discovering that the biggest factor that affects my social anxiety is my lack of hobbies and life experiences; any time I'm hanging out with large circles or seeing other people socializing I realize they're always able to carry on long, interesting, and funny conversations because they've done things, went places, and met people their whole life that allow them to having meaningful and fun convos. As for me, I would have very surface level things to offer about any given topic because I've never experienced, felt, or know the things being discussed. I've basically done nothing my whole life so I have nothing in common with anybody. Sometimes friends would discuss a TV show I've never watched like the X-Men series and I would sit there stone-faced because I've never watched it; sometimes friends would talk about their interesting job moments and I would have nothing to contribute since I've never had a job (due to personal issues). Fortunately, I was able to secure an internship for the summer, and I'm hoping to use this summer as an opportunity to really begin a social life and feel alive. Is it too late for me to make anything out of my life now that I'm 20?

I was really craving some kfc tonight, usually i just order food but the Uber delivery fee is $9.00 and i only live a 3 minute walk away from the restaurant, so tonight i decided to try and face my fears and save money.

I felt confident but as soon as i walked in i felt like was in a cage and wanted to leave immediately. The place is surprisingly tiny and has very little room to stand around or sit down, with a big divider in the middle of the store. Im not even clustrophobic and this shit was triggering something in me. I sighed in relief when i saw one of those self order screens. There was 4 and two of them were taken so i tried one and the touchscreen wasn’t working, i had to scoot inbetween two people to use the other and the same thing. It felt like standing in between two people at a urinal it was so uncomfortable. I awkwardly wandered around the shop to the counter but no one was there. There was no menu at the top to choose food and the counter was completely empty. Im pretty sure you can order at the counter but no one does it apparently so i just left. I couldn’t handle feeling everyones eyes on me and just being there. I went home and I’m biting the bullet on the damn $9 delivery fee.

I am proud of me for having the “bravery” to try and order food in person, but i don’t think this experience helped my anxiety or my wallet.

My 21gf really wanted me 22m to come to a 4th of July celebration with her family today. This is my first time really meeting and hanging out with most of her family. This was a bit nerve wracking for me because of a few things. I’m an introvert with a very short social battery and I’d be staying two days at a place I’ve never been to with people I’ve never met.

I know coming to this means a lot to her so I tried to put on a smile when I arrived. But, couple me being anxious with meeting a bunch of her extroverted and jovial family and I just ran out of energy so fast from being stressed. I’ve been in fight or flight mode all day. We’ve been hanging out and playing games with them and I am so burned out. I don’t dislike her family, but I’m struggling to be happy, even after taking some alone time to recharge. Even my gf asked me why I look miserable, and did so repeatedly.

I tried to explain to her in private in my car, and we ended up hugging and kissing too. Now, since I didn’t have my car on and it was pretty humid the windows fogged up a lot and one of her family members noticed and told her whole family. They started making fun of us when we came in. I get that it’s in good humor, but man feeling embarrassed on top of what I was already feeling was so overwhelming. I tried to laugh it off which helped a small bit but I’m just done rn.

I just feel like absolute crap, which is hard when everyone else immediately around you knows each other well and is having a blast and joking around. I just finished playing a game that they taught me on the fly and they were very supportive, but it’s at the end of the day and I’m in a daze while trying to learn a complicated game on top of trying to let go of the strong negative feelings. I can’t keep up with conversations. It feels like I forgot how to talk to people. I wish I could just have fun for a long time. I wish I could naturally talk to her family and join in with them because they seem nice, but I’m at a loss for words. I wish I wasn’t like this.

I’ve been so overwhelmed and started feeling kind of sick so she offered that I could go to bed early, which is where I’ve been for the past hour, unable to fall asleep. I took some antihistamines to knock myself out hopefully. I feel bad because I’m missing out on fireworks and more games with her family and her but I feel like I can’t function rn. Again I’m just done. I feel like I’m letting her down and she might break up w me because of my SA and that is anxiety inducing too. Ngl it’s hard to like myself rn.

So, I have mild social anxiety. This means I'm still able to socialize and bare (certain) social interactions, even though the very deep and piercing angst that comes with it doesn’t leave me for one second. There are some particular situations that I am 100% unable to face (as talking on the phone, even if it's with a good friend) and I have gone through panic attacks in the past due to my anxiety. But overall, most of the time you wouldn't know I have social anxiety if I didn't tell you.

I say all this because maybe what more or less works for me could not work at all for other cases. But I wanted to share anyway cause it may help at least one person as much as it helped me.

What I do when I have to face a particularly difficult social interaction, such as ordering at a restaurant, is to think that no one knows what they're doing. I imagine (and convince myself) that absolutely no one around me has a clue how they're supposed to behave in society. Just like me! That they are as uncomfortable as I am and everyone would prefer to be alone at home, reading a good book or watching a series. The waiter is worried that they're gonna say the wrong thing, the lady at the next table told a joke that no one laughed at and she wants to disappear, the person I am with is still thinking that they made a weird noise earlier while laughing... basically, it's my own take to the classical "imagine that everyone is naked".

Of course it is hard to get into that mindset, cause normally I think all the opposite. I always feel like everyone naturally knows what to say in every situation and that while all people are able to just "go with the flow", I'm just a weird tense ball of nerves all the time. However, once I am able to convince myself that everyone else is as dumb as I think I am myself, then I handle these situations better. For example, I was able to go through a whole job interview (my worst nightmare!!!) (and even in English, which is not my first language) by convincing myself that the interviewer was incompetent, that they didn't even know what to ask me or how to reply to the things I said, and that they wanted the thing to be over as much as I did. Incredibly, I got the job!

It works for me because my main problem with social anxiety is feeling judged by others. By thinking that the rest are as "stupid" as I am, then I get to think something like: "ah, but really, how could they even judge me? They don't even know what they're doing themselves. Why would I care what a clueless person thinks? And they're probably not even judging me cause they are too busy judging their own weird behavior."

Is it nice to think that way about people? No. But for me i'ts not a big problem, cause deep down I don't think those things for real and it really is just a temporary coping mechanism. I do think it could be dangerous to have too many of these thoughts if you are prone to internalize them, cause you could technically become a hater and go around bullying people. For me, I am 100% sure that's not gonna be the case, cause I never take it further than what I strictly need to survive a situation.

In the end, it is about finding what works better for you. This won't ever make my issues dissapear, but at least it allows me to go through life and fake a more chill personality when I need to. I hope this helps at least one of you out there, to go tbrough at least one small thing that you normally wouldn't be able to do.

Stay alive!

For some reason, I agreed to be a groomsmen at my brothers wedding even though we’re not really close at all. My fellow groomsmen (my bros friends) seem like such … like functional confident human beings and I’m just over in my own headspace trying to pretend like I belong. Anyway, wish me luck as I try to combat my self-criticism today

My Excuse Nah bro I don't use mics I find them a distraction I play worse talking to people. kids are sleeping even though I don't have kids 😂 does anyone else do this

I thought I was getting better, making progress, beating this fear that has taken everything from me but I was wrong. I got a job and it was good for a few months, I was talking to customers, coworkers, and my boss like a normal person but then everything started deteriorating. I started closing myself off, hating everything, dreading going to work, dreading talking to anyone. I didn’t care about anything, I didn’t care if quitting this job would hurt my family and I financially. All I knew was I needed to get the hell away from everyone and everything. Now my family is struggling and I can’t do anything to help because Im so scared to even leave the house. You know how ridiculous and pathetic that makes me feel? I feel so selfish. It’s been 6 months since I worked and I have rarely left the house. I’ve done this so many times, it’s a constant cycle I can’t seem to break.

I'm good at making first connections with people. Even meeting and going to meetings for the first few times, but then when I have a panic attack or an anxiety attack with the same people, I can never go back. Also, I get so scared of continually seeing people after the first initial "bond" I make. It's scary af to continue being their friend. Anyone else?

I am switching into a public school and I am worried that I will get clowned and bullied for having rabbit teeth.

Is this going to be the case?

My friend was upset when I told her before the gathering that I didn’t want to go. I have very bad anxiety, and was already overstimulated due to a previous party I had gone to, and she knows this. I went and saw many faces I didn’t recognize. I felt sick to my stomach seeing so many people that I didn’t know. I was literally an outsider and I could barely speak when I was spoken to.

I stayed inside and called a friend, and 40 minutes later her dad asks if I want to leave and I said yes. She came with us looking upset and now I feel like a total asshole.