How do I accept the fact I’ll be alone forever? Venting
How do I accept the fact I’ll be alone forever?
Exactly what the title says. I (33M) have been in one relationship in my life. That was during college and while it was very serious (lasted four-plus years), it ended a decade ago. I can probably count on two hands the number of dates I’ve been on since.
I just don’t see how I will ever meet a woman who is romantically interested in me. I have very little social life, I have a small group of friends from a former job and basically no one I talk to anywhere near regularly outside from them and my parent and sibling. I don’t have many hobbies. I have depression and social anxiety, and it’s the last one that I feel really holds me back. I’m not the type to go out to events or places by myself and talk to strangers; I’m just not. As much as the thought of being alone terrifies me, the thought of putting myself out there like that, being uncomfortable and risking rejection, might be even worse.
I know that statistically speaking I will probably find someone, but in truth there’s a very large part of me that absolutely is convinced I will never find love again. I had my chance and blew it, and that’s that. I know for a fact my ex has moved on, and part of me is happy for her, but I also feel… jealous, I guess. In truth, if I could go back in time and try to correct the mistakes I made that led to the breakup, I would.
It sucks. I miss intimacy. I hate feeling like everyone but me has someone, like I’m missing key milestones. I miss having a partner and the feeling of being in love. Part of me is sad about the fact I’ll never have a kid, even though I try to rationalize it by telling myself it’s best I won’t pass my genes on (my mental health sucks, and I do wonder if it’s ethical to bring a child into such a troubled world) but ultimately that’s largely something I say to just make myself feel better.
I know I have a tendency to see the grass as “always being greener,” and I know things I value now, like autonomy, will change if I had a relationship, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I am just desperate. Yes, I would rather be single than be in a bad relationship, but why does it have to be one of those two? Being alone is literally my worst fear, and I genuinely believe that’s my fate. It sucks. It truly is enough to make me want to end it sometimes, if I’m being completely honest.
Life could be worse, absolutely. But why do I feel like I’m missing such a vital part of life, and why am I condemned to such a fate of loneliness?
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u/Independent_Studio21 4d ago
Same here I’m divorced for years and have accepted I may be alone for my life.