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[u/HopefullyIntentional]

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[u/NervousAd7170]

Are they trying to raise a psychopath? I kinda agree that you shouldn't have slapped him although a good spanking could set him straight. These people nowadays saying "spanking is bad" don't understand that they are raising entitled bullies that will never learn. But you were defending yourself, even a 9 year old can have enough strength to break your nose if he threw a basketball at your face from that distance. IDK maybe he will learn something about not putting his hands on someone else because there are consequences. The parents should just be glad it wasn't a stranger, it could have gone a lot worse.

[u/throwitaway3857 → u/NervousAd7170]

100%. I had a patient who was a private school assistant principal. A repeat problem child finally one day hauled off and broke her eye socket. The mother swore he couldn’t have done that and to not press charges. He was 8. My patient is 4’10”. And tiny.

That was after multiple incidents of spitting in her face, pushing her and telling her she can’t do anything. The mother is an asshole just like SIL in this story.

Children need discipline so they don’t become psychos.

NTA OP. Some kids do need a spanking bc “gentle” parenting isn’t working.

[u/Effective-Essay-6343 → u/throwitaway3857]

It's not gentle parenting it's permissive parenting on this post. You dont need to hit kids to teach them respect and kindness. In fact all studies have shown that hitting kids is damaging. The SIL is obviously not setting boundaries or disciplining this behavior though.

[u/throwitaway3857 → u/Effective-Essay-6343]

That’s bullshit. Beating a child is damaging. A quick pat to their bottom isn’t going to damage them.

Some of you really can’t figure out the difference.

Gentle parenting does not work for all kids. Some kids do need that quick pat bc that’s how they learn consequence. It’s not a first method, it’s a last resort method.

[u/Effective-Essay-6343 → u/throwitaway3857]

All of the studies have shown that hitting kids causes more damage, especially in children that are already behaving violently. Hitting children is lazy parenting. It uses violence for an immediate response instead of using patience and education to teach a child so they can make better choices overall.

And in this situation a pat on the butt wasn't what happened. A child was hit so hard that a mark was left for days.

[u/throwitaway3857 → u/Effective-Essay-6343]

Did you miss the last resort part?

And obviously gentle parenting doesn’t work since there are so many entitled little shits running around disrespecting their parents.

Time out works for some kids. Taking away toys works for some kids. A pat on the bottom works for others when the first two don’t work.

Oh no, the above little shit needed to be smacked. His level of violence is not ok. He needed to learn consequence. Bc that “gentle” parenting wasn’t working. It wasn’t passive. OP stated mom would “talk to him” and just “hold him back” during his episodes. She wasn’t being passive or ignoring it.

[u/Effective-Essay-6343 → u/throwitaway3857]

She was absolutely being passive. Gentle parenting or authoritative parenting is rooted in establishing boundaries and consequences. Some parents will use time outs and some might lean towards natural consequences but there are consequences. Like if a child was unable to control themselves and was behaving violently removing them from the situation and discussing they cannot return until they're safe would be a consequence.

The science says you're wrong. There are so many alternatives to hitting kids. It's lazy parenting to not find a way to parent that doesn't include striking a child.

Leaving marks on children is not acceptable unless it is an immediate life threatening situation.

[u/throwitaway3857 → u/Effective-Essay-6343]

And sometimes science is wrong. Having worked as a nanny, science is definitely wrong when it comes to some children.

Some children don’t give a shit about time out, talking to’s, and getting stuff taken away.

So science be damned. Bc it’s not always correct. And children are individuals, not to be treated the same as another.

Not lazy parenting. Apparently you can’t read very well. Bc again, I said it’s a last resort. Do you not understand the phrase last resort?

Also, Most of those studies were for beatings not one pat on the bottom.

And a mark no, that’s not ok normally. For this kid, he deserved the slap. He was going to use a weapon on someone’s head who he was trying to hold down. That’s a sociopath.

[u/Effective-Essay-6343 → u/throwitaway3857]

A nanny who hits kids is not a scientist so I think it would make much more sense to listen to the behavioral studies that have been done by educated researchers than people who are biased because they want to harm children.

[u/throwitaway3857 → u/Effective-Essay-6343]

Get off your assumption horse. That’s a dickhead assumption. I’ve never hit a kid I’ve nannied. Ever.

You apparently really can’t read. So this conversation is over. I’m not dealing with someone who is illiterate.

You just see the word hit or spank and fly off the handle. Total projection there. Now go back to reading class and learn how to read what is written instead of stating your assumptions and false accusations.

[u/Effective-Essay-6343 → u/throwitaway3857]

You still are in charge of people's children and think it's okay to hit kids. I wouldn't trust someone who thinks it's okay to hit a kid with my kid.

What does a "pat on the butt" do if it doesn't cause pain? You're the one arguing with the science and trying to categorize hitting kids. I think that the lack of literacy may be on your end.

[u/throwitaway3857 → u/Effective-Essay-6343]

I read & comprehend perfectly fine, I’m also knowledgeable unlike you.

I didn’t say to use spanking as a first resort. It’s a last resort if said child doesn’t stop after everything else has been tried. You’re just a moron who would rather run your mouth about “science” than read what is written bc you don’t think hitting is ok.

I really don’t give a shit what you say next bc I’m not even going to read it since you can’t seem to understand the phrase “last resort” and only want to focus on the hit part.

(PS: science is constantly being proven wrong when new studies come out. So there’s that).

[u/Effective-Essay-6343 → u/throwitaway3857]

These are the new studies. As well as studies that are decades old. If the consistent and well done research were to change then I would change my mind. However, I think following unless that happens leads to minimal if any harm whereas ignoring it because there's a chance it might change could lead to harm to my kid. And I'm not shocked that someone that feels it's acceptable to resort to hitting is also resorting to swearing and name calling. Violence should not be used as any resort against a child unless there is a need to prevent imminent danger. Not a first resort or a last resort.

You ignored me about the "pat on the butt" part. So it seems you are acknowledging that it is done with the intent to cause harm to the child.

I am educated. I don't assume my individual situation or opinion is indicative of all situations or opinions. Instead yes, I look to the research that was done by people who have dedicated their lives and careers to it.