r/AITAH • u/HopefullyIntentional • 4d ago

[ Removed by Reddit ] TW Abuse

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u/NHFNCFRE 4d ago

Info: what, are they doing to help him learn to relate himself at home? What is different at school? Is he identified in any way (ODD, defiance disorder, something else?)

Frankly, I question if he is controlling himself at school; too often teachers and paras are expected to just put up with physical violence.

A growing 9yo is soon going to be too big to physically hold back. They're creating a monster. Is he in counseling? Really, the whole family should be. If he needs methods to get his aggression out, boxing, karate classes or similar would be appropriate outlets for him.

I'm going with ESH. The kid for the aggression, the parents for allowing it, and you for hitting so hard that long-term marks were left. It's not uncommon to react out of fear or hurt, but this doesn't sound like that happened.

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u/HopefullyIntentional 4d ago

He is not diagnosed but he has childhood trauma that SIL and her partner know about, I think maybe he has PTSD.

He is definitely not violent at school as they have called home for much smaller infractions.

They have put him in sports but no counselling yet. I genuinely have seen that it’s just violence at home. He’s very humble at sports practice and he is student council at school due to being a trustworthy student.

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u/Connect_Amoeba1380 4d ago edited 4d ago

It seems pretty clear that he knows when boundaries will be held (at school) and when they won’t (at home). He has issues that he needs to go to counseling for, and his parents are just not holding any boundaries with him at all, so he’s acting out when he’s at home. The kid needs help, and his parents are being ridiculously permissive.

EDIT: That being said, a slap that leaves a mark for 2-3 days is not self defense.