r/AITAH • u/HopefullyIntentional • 4d ago

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u/InviteAdditional8463 4d ago

NTA: I get where SIL is coming from. I practice the same sort of parenting style, however I’m not “all in.” If being gentle isn’t working, I’ll move on to other methods. We’re human and not every method of leadership or authority will resonate with everyone, some folks need a sterner hand, and some just need gentle guiding. It’s kind of up to the kid. If being gentle works 90% of the time, do that first. Clearly there is an escalation to 9 year olds behavior. Throwing things, then charging. SIL should be intervening when he’s throwing stuff, and removing him from the situation. The other side to that is that the 9 year old ought to have enough emotional regulation ability to keep his hands to himself. 

As I said, NTA. You aren’t the parent, and occasionally it’s not bad to remind kids that parents and family put up with shitty behavior but other people won’t. Once in awhile family won’t either. I hate to say it, but it’s true. The kid needs to learn his place. 

Not only is SIL currently (not that it’s written in stone, people do change and it’s never too late if the people involved want to change) doing him a serious disservice. She’s not effectively teaching him emotional regulation, or how to deal with his anger/frustration/whatever. There aren’t any easy answers or solutions. Just keep not putting up with it