r/AITAH • u/HopefullyIntentional • 4d ago

[ Removed by Reddit ] TW Abuse

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

451 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

504 comments sorted by

View all comments

50

u/NervousAd7170 4d ago

Are they trying to raise a psychopath? I kinda agree that you shouldn't have slapped him although a good spanking could set him straight. These people nowadays saying "spanking is bad" don't understand that they are raising entitled bullies that will never learn. But you were defending yourself, even a 9 year old can have enough strength to break your nose if he threw a basketball at your face from that distance. IDK maybe he will learn something about not putting his hands on someone else because there are consequences. The parents should just be glad it wasn't a stranger, it could have gone a lot worse.

40

u/throwitaway3857 4d ago

100%. I had a patient who was a private school assistant principal. A repeat problem child finally one day hauled off and broke her eye socket. The mother swore he couldn’t have done that and to not press charges. He was 8. My patient is 4’10”. And tiny.

That was after multiple incidents of spitting in her face, pushing her and telling her she can’t do anything. The mother is an asshole just like SIL in this story.

Children need discipline so they don’t become psychos.

NTA OP. Some kids do need a spanking bc “gentle” parenting isn’t working.

2

u/thebearofwisdom 4d ago

I was once punched in the eye by my four year old sister. She fully cranked her arm back and whacked me. I couldn’t fucking see for an hour after and I got a black eye. She was four, her little fist got right in my eye socket.

Granted I marched her home, and I didn’t hit her back although I wanted to. I knew I’d get hell if I’d hit her as a fourteen year old. That said, she was easily picked up and moved, and a nine year old is twice her age. I don’t know what I would do to be honest, I’ve never had to fight a child or had a child beat on me like that.

2

u/Effective-Essay-6343 4d ago

It's not gentle parenting it's permissive parenting on this post. You dont need to hit kids to teach them respect and kindness. In fact all studies have shown that hitting kids is damaging. The SIL is obviously not setting boundaries or disciplining this behavior though.

2

u/throwitaway3857 4d ago

That’s bullshit. Beating a child is damaging. A quick pat to their bottom isn’t going to damage them.

Some of you really can’t figure out the difference.

Gentle parenting does not work for all kids. Some kids do need that quick pat bc that’s how they learn consequence. It’s not a first method, it’s a last resort method.

0

u/Effective-Essay-6343 4d ago

All of the studies have shown that hitting kids causes more damage, especially in children that are already behaving violently. Hitting children is lazy parenting. It uses violence for an immediate response instead of using patience and education to teach a child so they can make better choices overall.

And in this situation a pat on the butt wasn't what happened. A child was hit so hard that a mark was left for days.

2

u/throwitaway3857 4d ago

Did you miss the last resort part?

And obviously gentle parenting doesn’t work since there are so many entitled little shits running around disrespecting their parents.

Time out works for some kids. Taking away toys works for some kids. A pat on the bottom works for others when the first two don’t work.

Oh no, the above little shit needed to be smacked. His level of violence is not ok. He needed to learn consequence. Bc that “gentle” parenting wasn’t working. It wasn’t passive. OP stated mom would “talk to him” and just “hold him back” during his episodes. She wasn’t being passive or ignoring it.

0

u/Effective-Essay-6343 4d ago

She was absolutely being passive. Gentle parenting or authoritative parenting is rooted in establishing boundaries and consequences. Some parents will use time outs and some might lean towards natural consequences but there are consequences. Like if a child was unable to control themselves and was behaving violently removing them from the situation and discussing they cannot return until they're safe would be a consequence.

The science says you're wrong. There are so many alternatives to hitting kids. It's lazy parenting to not find a way to parent that doesn't include striking a child.

Leaving marks on children is not acceptable unless it is an immediate life threatening situation.

1

u/throwitaway3857 4d ago

And sometimes science is wrong. Having worked as a nanny, science is definitely wrong when it comes to some children.

Some children don’t give a shit about time out, talking to’s, and getting stuff taken away.

So science be damned. Bc it’s not always correct. And children are individuals, not to be treated the same as another.

Not lazy parenting. Apparently you can’t read very well. Bc again, I said it’s a last resort. Do you not understand the phrase last resort?

Also, Most of those studies were for beatings not one pat on the bottom.

And a mark no, that’s not ok normally. For this kid, he deserved the slap. He was going to use a weapon on someone’s head who he was trying to hold down. That’s a sociopath.

0

u/Effective-Essay-6343 4d ago

A nanny who hits kids is not a scientist so I think it would make much more sense to listen to the behavioral studies that have been done by educated researchers than people who are biased because they want to harm children.

1

u/throwitaway3857 4d ago

Get off your assumption horse. That’s a dickhead assumption. I’ve never hit a kid I’ve nannied. Ever.

You apparently really can’t read. So this conversation is over. I’m not dealing with someone who is illiterate.

You just see the word hit or spank and fly off the handle. Total projection there. Now go back to reading class and learn how to read what is written instead of stating your assumptions and false accusations.

→ More replies (0)

2

u/NervousAd7170 4d ago

I have no damage from getting spanked. I do however have damage from the mental abuse of my grandmother, she didn't believe in spanking but she did believe in calling names and such... I would really have rathered a spanking. It hurt like a bitch but I learned what not to do in the first instance.

1

u/Effective-Essay-6343 4d ago

Verbal abuse is still abuse and shouldn't happen. Replacing one form of abuse for another doesn't make either less abusive. I'm sorry if you went through that. Plenty of people come of abusive situations and feel like they're just fine. I didn't realize exactly how much my parents hitting me affected me until I was mid to late 20s and I started noticing things. That was also when I realized that the fact that I thought it was okay to hit kids was a red flag to the fact that what was done to me was not okay. I would never hit my kids.

19

u/slaughtbot 4d ago

Research is not in favor of the efficacy of spanking. It has minor, short-term effects for reducing the behavior in that moment; however, it tends to lose its efficacy long-term meaning you have to hit harder and harder. Additionally, research suggests that children who receive corporal punishment are more likely to be aggressive and defiant as adolescents and young adults.

That being said, punishment does have to happen. Just in a different way than spanking.

10

u/PurplePenguinCat 4d ago

But this wasn't corporal punishment. It was a fight or flight reflex to OP being in danger. She couldn't flee because her nephew had her trapped on the ground. The only thing she had to protect herself from harm was to fight.

I don't agree with corporal punishment. I've done the research. I wrote multiple papers on it to get my Bachelor's and Master's degrees. This wasn't punishment. It was protection.

3

u/slaughtbot 4d ago

I wasn't responding to the situation at hand. I was only speaking to the comment directly above mine that I was responding to that eluded to the "spanking is bad" attitude causing greater rates of bullying.

1

u/PurplePenguinCat 4d ago

Fair enough.

2

u/Dependent_Buy_4302 4d ago

Is it a reflex when you give a warning and then take the time to count down from 5? I thought reflexes were near instant reactions.

Situation is pretty fucked up though and they need to figure out how to get this kid to regulate himself. He's old enough that he should be able to unless there is some disorder OP is purposely leaving out.

14

u/Bonkiboo 4d ago

Literally a known fact that most child bullies are raised by child-abusers. So yes, spanking is indeed bad. You don't punish by spanking. You also don't let the child do what it wants. But if it's too difficult for one to use proper child-raising measures instead of just either letting them do what they want or teaching them that violence is how to solve issues, then just don't have children.

Defending oneself is very different, however. Everyone is entitled to do so.

-17

u/MeanCommission994 4d ago

Spanking is such pedo vibes, so much worse than a deliberate backhand

2

u/NervousAd7170 4d ago

I'm not sure why you have sexualized spanking from your parents but I'm sorry for you and hope you get some help.

0

u/MeanCommission994 4d ago

My parents aren't creepy peeps so they would never spank me.