r/AITAH • u/Zealousideal-Stay773 • 2d ago
AITAH for telling my partner off for commenting on my weight Advice Needed
I (26) have a long history of ED, went to therapy and cured it, I recently gained 10kg due to life situations and was vocal about this to my partner(58). Yes I know, he’s old.
He was very supportive and said my weight doesn’t matter to him. His daughter has ED so I have tried to support him. He mentioned that his ex wife had left herself for go too.
A few weeks ago, I mentioned I still have 9kg to go, he said yes, I can tell your thighs are a lot bigger now. I told him off and he apologised, he didn’t meanto say it.
Yesterday, mentioned I have 2 kg to go and he said I can tell you’ve lost weight, especially on your waist, but your waist was a lot smaller when I met you three years ago. I was shocked. He apologised. It took me a while to process it and I bought it up again, one day after, told him how it made me feel, if I get pregnant, how my ex did the same and it triggered me ED, questioned whether he would he compare my body to the way it was before pregnancy and leave me for an escort. This triggered him. He got up and left, literally packed his things at 6am and left. We have had these arguments before because his phone history had escorts on it.
I have no family so feel stuck, I know I should leave him, he said I blew things out of proportion and shouldn’t have mentioned the escorts or the comments he made about his ex wife. He said my thinking is out of order, how did I get to pregnancy from a small comment he made. I explained it wasn’t a small comment and he knows my history of ED.
He said I bought up the weight issue, which I agreed but didn’t expect him to make those comments, he said he would be fine if I commented on his weight and he would improve. I replied that men and women think differently and what he said was wrong.
Edit: I don’t comment on my weight for attention, it’s a part of me and wanted to share it with him. His daughter has an ED so I expected him to be more understanding.
16
u/Scarlet_Lycoris 2d ago
An almost 60 year old man isn’t dating someone in their mid 20’s for their personality. They’re doing so because they’re attracted to their bodies and/or because they want to have control over someone a lot less experienced.
He sucks, and I hope you start realising that now. It’s not going to change. The only weight you need to lose is that dude.
NTA
4
u/Zealousideal-Stay773 2d ago
Thanks for the advice. You’re right, I tried to look past this and see him differently but I really can’t. I’m going to leave him but need an exit plan
7
u/slashfan93 2d ago
What is ED here, exactly? I’ve been reading this whole post thinking it means Erectile Dysfunction….
6
1
u/Bungalow_Man 2d ago
Same, couldn't figure out what else ED could mean after OP said the daughter had it too.
1
u/slashfan93 1d ago
Lol, when I got to that part I thought it might be a really bad troll but I didn’t want to say that, because it’s clear it does mean something else 😅
9
u/Late-Arugula-5012 2d ago
You know you should leave him so you need to make plans on how you can exit this relationship.
This person is toxic and is trying to manipulate you. Most likely, he thinks you are an easy target to control as he's many years older.
Take care of yourself and don't let yourself stay in a toxic relationship like this. You deserve better ❤️
-7
u/Ok-Boysenberry4029 2d ago
He literally said nothing toxic, it’s just the age gap that you’re worried about. She brings up her weight but will be upset by any response so she’s doing it to herself
3
u/justaskmeforit 2d ago
I agree with you. Try to talk with him again, u guys are a couple and need to talk with each others about the comments u guys give to each other. The way that he hurted u was with words and u did it the same way. U guys need to put some boundaries on the "honest" comments
3
2
u/Open-Incident-3601 2d ago
He’s not dating you because he’s such a great guy, hens dating you to have a young, skinny, piece of ass to show off.
2
u/Ok-Boysenberry4029 2d ago
NTA but why are you constantly bringing up your weight if you don’t want to hear any comments? It seems like you’re doing it on purpose to make yourself upset.
1
u/Fickle_Screen_1828 2d ago
INFO: Was he with escorts before or while you were together?
1
u/Zealousideal-Stay773 2d ago
He said before but I saw search history afterwards
1
u/Fickle_Screen_1828 2d ago
Did you know he had a history with escorts before you became partners?
0
0
u/sweetttyyy1111 2d ago
NTA. Your feelings are valid, and it's not okay for your partner to make comments about your weight, especially knowing your history. You deserve to be with someone who supports you and makes you feel good about yourself.
-7
u/B3r6h 2d ago
You are overreacting, if you cant handle a conversation about your weight then dont start one. You are the AH from your post. Alot of People will defend you becauce you a women with a man twice your age. But if we only talk about the topic you came from then you are the AH.
Stop making being a victim a part of your personality.
-4
u/CertainPlatypus9108 2d ago
Yta. Be single. Get some help. Your problems probably stem from serious father abandonment issues.
3
u/PassionfruitSmartini 2d ago
How can you possibly say a clearly vulnerable person is the AH in this situation? She's being taken advantage of. Where her issues stem from are not relevant, they're not her fault (especially if they ARE abandonment issues because that is literally someone else's fault). She hasn't done anything wrong yet you're willing to give a free pass to an abuser because you think she should not have issues? You're definitely an AH.
-2
u/CertainPlatypus9108 2d ago
I am an ah. But she is choosing this life. She's 26.
3
u/PassionfruitSmartini 2d ago
You don't know her history. If she's had an abusive past you don't know how to choose anything else without proper support. I really hope she doesn't read your comment and take it to heart, because there are plenty of people on here who want to SUPPORT her to make a better choice, and not shame her for it.
OP you're not an AH, but you do need out, and you should get some therapy so you know how to recognise people who are gonna treat you badly.
2
u/Zealousideal-Stay773 1d ago
Thank you for your kind words! I went to therapy for other issues stemming from my ED but I need to address this too. Thanks again
1
0
u/CertainPlatypus9108 2d ago
If your method worked all problems would be solved. Which they aren't. Ppl need a kick up the butt to get them to change.
23
u/coppeliuseyes 2d ago
There are only 2 reasons 58 year old men date 26 year old women: their younger bodies and the fact that they haven't been so weighed down by years of that man's particular brand of bullshit to deny him sex when he wants it. A bonus reason is that they're easier to manipulate.
His ex-wife had "let herself go", he's cheated on you with escorts, he packs his bags and leaves when you bring up the natural consequences of his shitty actions. He doesn't want an equal partner to build a life with, he wants a fit, young body to have sex with.
Your fears around what he'll do if your body changes are entirely reasonable, he will leave you one day for someone younger than you. Don't kid yourself into hoping for a different outcome.