Am I AITAH for asking my daughter not to share any information about me with her father?

[u/Individual-Opinion49]

I have not spoken to my daughter's father in 20 years. I ended the relationship due to physical and emotional abuse (broken ribs, if I disagreed with anything he said he would pin me down and scream at me "Am I right" until I said yes). At one time I had a no contact order. We live in a small town and he is known to tell anyone that he wishes I was dead. He repeats this phrase to his daughter quite often. My daughter has discussed my personal business with him through the years- that I went back to school to become a doctor, that I got my black belt, etc. He rants that I ruined his life and that I will pay for doing so. I have respectfully asked my daughter not to say my name to her father or discuss any aspects of my life with him- yet she refuses to do so. He has not made any overt violent gestures towards me but I have a security system, a Glock and a personal protection German Shepard who pretty much goes everywhere with me. Am I over reacting and am I the ass hole for requesting that my achievements, locations, and other information not be shared with my ex-partner. She says her dad is wounded and is unhappy that he lives in poverty while I have created a good life for myself and he is just venting.

[u/AmishAngst]

I'm assuming your daughter is aware of the abuse you suffered?

I'm also assuming since you haven't seen your daughter's father in almost 20 years your daughter is at least 20 years old?

Your daughter is old enough to know these things and understand the gravity of the situation. At this point, you need to start treating your daughter as the adult peer that she is and not your daughter. It's hard - I get that. But when people betray your trust, even when that person is your daughter, you need protect yourself and act accordingly and that means an information diet going low or no contact with your daughter. Do not discuss things with her unless absolutely necessary - she gets the Christmas Card treatment and superficial conversation only (movies, tv, "Hey I tried out a new recipe and it turned out pretty good").