Am I AITAH for asking my daughter not to share any information about me with her father?

[u/Individual-Opinion49]

I have not spoken to my daughter's father in 20 years. I ended the relationship due to physical and emotional abuse (broken ribs, if I disagreed with anything he said he would pin me down and scream at me "Am I right" until I said yes). At one time I had a no contact order. We live in a small town and he is known to tell anyone that he wishes I was dead. He repeats this phrase to his daughter quite often. My daughter has discussed my personal business with him through the years- that I went back to school to become a doctor, that I got my black belt, etc. He rants that I ruined his life and that I will pay for doing so. I have respectfully asked my daughter not to say my name to her father or discuss any aspects of my life with him- yet she refuses to do so. He has not made any overt violent gestures towards me but I have a security system, a Glock and a personal protection German Shepard who pretty much goes everywhere with me. Am I over reacting and am I the ass hole for requesting that my achievements, locations, and other information not be shared with my ex-partner. She says her dad is wounded and is unhappy that he lives in poverty while I have created a good life for myself and he is just venting.

[u/DawnShakhar]

NTA. "Just venting"? He physically abused you, caused you physical harm and wishes you were dead. You went to extremes to protect yourself against him. You have every right to want no connection with him. As for your good life - you worked hard to achieve that, and it has nothing to do with him.

You haven't mentioned how old your daughter is, but since you haven't spoken with your ex for 20 years, presumably she is an adult. That means that she is old enough to understand your concerns, and old enough for you to cut contact with her if you feel her actions violate your privacy and put you in danger. This is your choice - whether to accept her actions despite the fact that she is hurting you, to stay in contact with her but reveal nothing about your life, or to cut off all contact. But if she is living with you, it's time to tell her to leave. Your home should be safe from intrusion, including the intrusion of sharing details of your life with your abusive ex.