Am I AITAH for asking my daughter not to share any information about me with her father?

[u/Individual-Opinion49]

I have not spoken to my daughter's father in 20 years. I ended the relationship due to physical and emotional abuse (broken ribs, if I disagreed with anything he said he would pin me down and scream at me "Am I right" until I said yes). At one time I had a no contact order. We live in a small town and he is known to tell anyone that he wishes I was dead. He repeats this phrase to his daughter quite often. My daughter has discussed my personal business with him through the years- that I went back to school to become a doctor, that I got my black belt, etc. He rants that I ruined his life and that I will pay for doing so. I have respectfully asked my daughter not to say my name to her father or discuss any aspects of my life with him- yet she refuses to do so. He has not made any overt violent gestures towards me but I have a security system, a Glock and a personal protection German Shepard who pretty much goes everywhere with me. Am I over reacting and am I the ass hole for requesting that my achievements, locations, and other information not be shared with my ex-partner. She says her dad is wounded and is unhappy that he lives in poverty while I have created a good life for myself and he is just venting.

[u/InstructionTop4805]

NTA. Does your daughter know and understand the extent of the abuse you suffered? If so, then you need to go LC or NC with her for the foreseeable future. Her discussing your life and achievements with him is only continuing to feed his rage and resentment and encourage his abusive behavior.

[u/Boeing367-80 → u/InstructionTop4805]

OP, why are you still living there?

I'm going to guess it's because of something like "my whole life is here"

A whole life that could one day be ended by this bitter apparently unstable man. Long ago you could have left. It's not too late.

[u/Individual-Opinion49 → u/Boeing367-80]

My elderly mother lives in the community and I don't want to leave her without a support system

[u/Foreign-Yesterday-89 → u/Individual-Opinion49]

You could take your mother with you. You are NTAH. But your daughter is very disrespectful for not doing this one thing you ask of her. Since pos daddy means so much to her you could say that she is hurting him by telling him how well you are doing. (in lay man’s terms shut the fuck up bitch)

[u/yesterdays_poo → u/Individual-Opinion49]

How does she feel about you staying in this unsafe place for her benefit?

[u/HotDonnaC → u/yesterdays_poo]

Stop trying to shame a victim of abuse for not giving up her whole life. Thats absurd. OP has a black belt, an alarm system, a guard dog and a handgun. Odds are, she’ll be fine.

[u/yesterdays_poo → u/HotDonnaC]

Wierd to use gambling terminology about someone else's life, bro.

[u/forgeblast → u/Individual-Opinion49]

Fully understand, have you read the gift of fear. Great book about trusting your gut. Trust those feelings. You might need to coach your daughter on what to say when your ex is asking questions. He sounds like a complete ahole. Your doing everything right to protect yourself, you need your daughter on board too. Good luck, stay safe.

[u/Individual-Opinion49 → u/forgeblast]

I just down loaded it- very powerful. Thanks for recommending it.