Am I AITAH for asking my daughter not to share any information about me with her father?

[u/Individual-Opinion49]

I have not spoken to my daughter's father in 20 years. I ended the relationship due to physical and emotional abuse (broken ribs, if I disagreed with anything he said he would pin me down and scream at me "Am I right" until I said yes). At one time I had a no contact order. We live in a small town and he is known to tell anyone that he wishes I was dead. He repeats this phrase to his daughter quite often. My daughter has discussed my personal business with him through the years- that I went back to school to become a doctor, that I got my black belt, etc. He rants that I ruined his life and that I will pay for doing so. I have respectfully asked my daughter not to say my name to her father or discuss any aspects of my life with him- yet she refuses to do so. He has not made any overt violent gestures towards me but I have a security system, a Glock and a personal protection German Shepard who pretty much goes everywhere with me. Am I over reacting and am I the ass hole for requesting that my achievements, locations, and other information not be shared with my ex-partner. She says her dad is wounded and is unhappy that he lives in poverty while I have created a good life for myself and he is just venting.

[u/Salt-Tumbleweed4167]

NTA

I am so sorry you are (and have been going through this) situation.

Your daughter and anyone associated with you needs to NEVER share ANY information about you or your life with your abusive ex.

I have been living a very similar life for 20 years. Got advanced degrees, work as a C suite executive, can physically protect myself, and have a German Shepherd and a security system. He has even tried to burn down my house. My ex likes to play the victim for how terrible his life is while I have been successful since I left him.

There is a very close family member whom I went no contact with for almost 3 years due to him sharing details (seemingly innocent details) of my life with my ex. He didn't think it would hurt anything, but it definitely fueled his crazy rage. My family member and everyone around my ex have learned that he is unhinged. My ex was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder with psychopathic tendencies. He's much worse now than when he received the diagnosis.

I know how hard it would be to go no contact with your daughter and won't assume to tell you to do so. That being said, something is terribly wrong with her response to your abuse. He would have still abused you even if you did and said everything he wanted. The abuse isn't about you it's about the abuser. Believe me, I literally tried to be perfect, it could be that I wasn't smiling correctly. They will always find a reason.

Hold your boundaries, and don't feel bad for asking your daughter not to talk about you to her dad. Best luck and stay safe!