r/AITAH • u/ChocolateForward2858 • 5d ago

AITAH for suspecting my wife of doing something awful at her friend's bachelorette week in Mexico? She spent virtually 0 money and took no pictures.

I am in the middle of probably the biggest crisis of my adult life and I can barely think so I apologize in advance if this comes across as really weird or rambley.

My wife went to Mexico last week for a friends bachelorette party and aside for the plane ticket, the hotel and the first days food and drinks--she didn't spend a penny all week. I mean on the credit card it's as clear as day that on Monday up until about 9pm she was buying dinner, stuff at the hotel shop, drinks at the bar, souvenirs and then at 9pm she didn't spend another cent the entire week until she was at her layover airport in Dallas. She says it's because her friend took over and paid for everything. I guess this is plausible but it still is giving me a funny feeling.

What is worse is that my wife is a person who posts her entire life on instagram on tiktok (mostly instangram) but if she does anything from get a latte to picking the kids up at school, she will post it either as a picture or as a story. The last thing she posted on tiktok was that trend of people "jumping" into their vacation from the airport and after that her social media is blank. I was kind of keeping an eye on it because I was excited for her to go on the trip and again I guess it's plausible but it gives me a funny feeling. When she got home I said I can't wait to see all the pics she took and she really blew me off and said that she just didn't feel like taking pics that week.

She has also been incredibly distant and last night she said she just felt like sleeping on the couch because the AC hits better (this is 100% true) but I swear I heard her talking on the phone in the middle of the night. When I got up to check on her I accidentally tripped over the dog and made a huge racket so when I got downstairs she appeared to be asleep.

i brought all of this up this morning and said I'm not accusing her of anything but all this put together is making me feel uneasy. I wasn't trying to bait her or fight with her, just get my feelings on the table. She said you are a major fucking asshole for bringing this up on her first day back at work. I said I wasn't trying to pry, just communicating with her and she said "your commuincation is prying and I am not discussing this with you ever again." She then took the kids to summer camp and left.

AITAH?

Edit: so I realized that her texts probably sync to her ipad so i just checked. It took me a while to figure out the passcode but I did but there was an imessage at 9:15 the night she got to the resort from a number with no contact info that said "ok, i'll meet you in the lobby. Is the app you said signal?" I looked up signal and it's kind of like whatsapp. The ipad doesn't have signal on it.

Edit 2: If you have been following my comments, you've seen that my sister is coming over and she's an insane internet sleuth and is relentless when it comes to this cheating stuff. She also scares me a bit so I'm hoping this isn't a mistake. I'm going to probably stop responding for a while so we can talk and she can do her thing. I am numb but she can do this. Thanks for everyone and the nice comments and the reality check, its not looking good.

Edit3: she cheated my sister was able to get lots of info from the real estate guy and my wife denied it at first but then admitted it. Sorrru it took so long to update but I’m numb. Have literally 0 idea what to do now.

Edit 4: for people looking up our personal stuff…we don’t live in Lubbock nor does my wife work for the Lubbock school system. We grew up in the area and went to college there but have long since moved to another community. Please don’t try to research this as you may hurt someone who is totally not involved. I’m getting lots of advice to delete this and I don’t want to but I may have to.

Edit 5: I know people really want updates and we've been talking, arguing, screaming, threatening all day long. I'm more confused than I was this morning that's for sure. But I'm also confused, exhausted, sad, upset, nervous, and I don't know what to do. I did make a preliminary appointment with a family law attorney tomorrow to talk about protecting assets and how to navigate the legal way ahead regardless of what I chose to do. I will say that there's s subreddit that this was cross posted to and it may be the most toxic group of people I've ever seen online and I feel really bad for those people. As for the privacy issues, no one has figured out who we are. That's not a challenge by the way. I'm very tired and i doubt people are still invested but if there's still interest I can update either on this post or a new in a few days. I'm really hoping to sleep tonight. My sister still has the kids and they are having a blast and went to the lake with her boyfriend's family today so I'm glad they are in good hands.

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u/Mysterious_Office_82 4d ago

Op, nta but if you don't contact realtors wife then. Then you are. This is something she has every right to know as well. While she is a total stranger, she is going through the exact same thing you are. She doesn't have an amazing sister like you.

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u/ChocolateForward2858 4d ago

Oh my rabid sister is on the case now…she will certainly do it if she hasn’t already. My sister got very publicly cheated on by her athlete fiancé in college (we live in Texas where a college tight end can literally be a god in the community) and it embarrassed her so bad that it’s her life’s mission to expose cheating. I actually feel bad for bringing her into this because I won’t be able to slow her down.

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u/ch3zyp00fs 4d ago

She IS THE person to have on the case. I'm happy that you have someone like that on your side.

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u/Spadesta 4d ago

Yup lol. I heard a saying along the lines of ‘no better friend for a brother than his sister’. His sister is exactly who he needs right now. She has her brothers best interests in mind and is a badass obviously. My sister was the first one I called when I got cheated on and she called me when she suspected one of her ex bf of cheating. If you’re close with your siblings, it’s truly a blessing. Good luck OP.

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u/Industry_Cat 4d ago

Can confirm as the little sister who has hunted down information for my brother's

15

u/Spadesta 4d ago

Hell yeah lol. My sister has warned me of 2 girls. One time I listened, the second time I got cheated on. I got my sister’s ex to admit to it just by asking him point blank when he and I were getting drinks at the bar. His silence was the answer. Not much internet sleuthing but got the same results lol. But seriously there’s no better person to ask then your sister/brother. They have the other genders perspective BUT have your best interests in mind. They will give it to you straight

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u/mkvgtired 4d ago

His sister is fantastic, I'm so glad he looped her in. Otherwise he'd still likely be getting emotionally abused for having a suspicion she cheated.

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u/Starsonthars 4d ago

I don't know where you are in Texas but please check your area for a divorce support group.

I was living in Dallas when I went through this same thing (husband, his vacation, acting strange when he came back, me sleuthing and find emails & pics, my world imploding).

I found out about the affair 2 months before I left him and started going to the group the week I found out. I met people who supported each other through the entire process and I'm still good friends with many of them 10 years later.

I'm so sorry your wife threw your marriage away. You sound like a good honest man.

Sending you strength.

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u/Armegedan121 4d ago

She should do this professionally. Private investigator basically.

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u/ChocolateForward2858 4d ago

I love my little sister to death and obviously her skills and tenacity were invaluable here but I don't think the world is ready for how vicious she can be.

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u/cecsix14 4d ago

So what did little sis find out in the past 24 hours? You really haven’t given any kind of update.

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u/ChocolateForward2858 4d ago

my sister had a burner phone and texted him as my wife that her husband (me) was suspicious so she had a new phone and for him to contact her on signal there if he wanted to stay in touch. Literally within seconds he sent a signal message and through the course of an hour or so my sister (again pretending to be my wife) was able to get him to reminisce about the week they had, he sent pics of them together in a bar, them on the beach together, etc...

We took pics of the signal messages with another phone so there is 100% smoking gun evidence of her with the guy and him saying how much fun they had.

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u/Cyb3rTruk 4d ago

Damn dude. I feel so bad for you, but also so happy for you. You deserve to know the truth and you got it.

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u/cecsix14 4d ago

Excellent, good luck in the divorce and great job sis!

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u/CommonAd5586 4d ago

Good job! Once a cheater, always a cheater. Time to move on.

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u/Nessling12 2d ago

I just want to say, Good for your sister! I'm glad she was there to help you find the truth and help with the kids.

She's the kind of support system you're going to need.

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u/thekoggles 4d ago

You unleashed za beast on this mess

12

u/Suncheets 4d ago

Please divorce your wife man. She put up every red flag that she's cheated on you multiple times.

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u/RedSpartan3227 4d ago edited 4d ago

She can't be bargained with.

She can't be reasoned with.

She doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear.

And she abolutely will not stop.

Ever.

Until the cheating is exposed.

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u/davisyoung 4d ago

Yeah she’s a T-1000 Terminatewhore. 

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u/Mysterious_Office_82 4d ago

You should probably also check on ambien induced cheater. While cheating is one thing, making sure she is still breathing is another. You should also contact a divorce attorney today, if for nothing but information.

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u/internetALLTHETHINGS 4d ago

You've hyped up your sister so much, I'd love to know what all she's done/ plans to do investigating this. 

Edit: Nvm, I missed a bunch of your other comments.

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u/thrwawy_234 4d ago

Yay for rabid sisters 😊😊 I’m one of them.

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u/Green_Can_2536 3d ago

Me too! I will ruin anyone that hurts my siblings. I become uncharacteristically vicious when it comes to them.

I'm also not too bad at internet sleuthing 🤷‍♀️

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u/thrwawy_234 3d ago

Same here 😂 I’m really good at it too

3

u/spsymput 4d ago

Your sis is a champ. Let her do her thing. She knows what betrayal is.

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u/mazzystardust216 4d ago

I’m so sorry OP. But at least you have a kick ass sister by your side. Love that you referred to her as “rabid”… she a good one!

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u/Cuckoo4BancroftPuffs 4d ago

LOL STOP GIVING OUT PERSONAL INFORMATION THAT PEOPLE CAN USE TO FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE!

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u/BoredNAZ623 3d ago

Your sister is a national treasure.

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u/The_Wise-ish_Rabbit 2d ago

As another woman who was cheated on and expose cheaters, I want to be friends with your sister so bad lol

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u/beerncheese69 4d ago

Yo OP don't get me wrong I appreciate the updates but just wanna say if you decide to divorce your wife you may want to delete this post. Sounds like internet sleuths have deduced who she is and if people start harassing her because of this post she might be able to use it against you. Idk Texas law just saying

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u/ChocolateForward2858 4d ago

Can you tell me where you are seeing this ?

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u/Darthbitchin 4d ago

I haven't seen a single person saying this. They may just be trying to scare you.

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u/beerncheese69 4d ago

I can't remember exactly, it was in a comment chain below one of your other comments. They seem to think they found her on LinkedIn. Someone assumed your last name is D _ _ _. People are weird as fuck just warning you bro.

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u/ChocolateForward2858 4d ago

That’s definitely not us. I really hope people can be more mature than that

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u/GRAND_INQUEEFITOR 4d ago

Hey, I know you're overwhelmed with replies, but if you see this:

I'd delete your comments referring to you or your spouse's occupation, any references to where you live or are from, and age. Never underestimate how much determination and free time some people have. You give them enough stuff to triangulate your identity with, and they will.

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u/mightysox 4d ago

I was the one who suggested he stop sharing personal details - definitely didn't post any names.

But brother - in your comments you gave a university, an occupation (and a pretty niche one), an age, criminal history, and current living location.

It took like 5 minutes, man. Don't trust the internet.

Just go delete those comments. They don't add anything to your story and only serve to endanger you and your wife.

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u/DaughterEarth 4d ago

Truly. I've been stalked by someone across every platform for 17 years now. I'm seriously waiting for him to die now because he will not stop and finds me everywhere. He even found me here

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u/No-Bus-5200 4d ago

Um... As much as I'd like to follow your story, I think you may be underestimating the maturity level of th Reddit Hivemind

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u/MrOceanBear 4d ago

Before you possibly delete, has she woken up yet?

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u/MrOceanBear 4d ago

Updateme!

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u/liliette 1d ago

Updateme!

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/Fabulous-Appeal-6885 4d ago

Hopefully he put down fake locations and changed the setting details

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u/mdg711 4d ago

Be extremely cautious when you do talk to your wife again pls record it or have another person over. Her world is about to crash and desperate people will do anything. She could call 911 saying you hit her etc. protect yourself and based on how sneaky your wife is she’s most likely cheated before but only was caught this time. Learn greyrock and do not let her spin a false narrative. You tell everyone what happened. Best case she moves out for awhile and if she does put cameras up outside and in

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u/OverallFrosting708 4d ago

Strongly advise you delete identifiable personal details

0

u/mrs_sadie_adler 4d ago

And he STILL hasn’t. 

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u/OverallFrosting708 4d ago

Eh, he has a lot going on

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u/mrs_sadie_adler 4d ago

Enough time to to type all this info and reply to allll these comments with pretty specific information nobody asked for. Sus. 

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u/OverallFrosting708 4d ago edited 4d ago

Hasn't commented since the one I'm replying to, though

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u/whiterac00n 4d ago

Hey OP I’m curious about the rest of this bachelorette party? Are you planning on finding out if the rest of the group knew about this happening? Like you could blow up the upcoming marriage and other’s relationships if they were helping to cover this up. I wonder if they would be forthcoming about possible other instances of potential infidelity. If you need evidence for separation or divorce.

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u/Actual-Offer-127 4d ago

Of course they knew. That's why none of them posted pictures and the one person who did took them down quickly. They all knew. I'm wondering if they all cheated.

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u/henricsin 4d ago

I'm guessing there's a good chance they all cheated or were involved in some capacity with OPs wife's cheating.

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u/whiterac00n 4d ago

Thanks I didn’t see that comment, but now OP has almost a moral obligation to let the other men know about this since it looks like they were all involved with infidelity.

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u/Actual-Offer-127 4d ago

He said his sister is on it. APs wife will find out

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u/whiterac00n 4d ago

I hope the husband to be finds out what his fiancée has been doing, along with all the boyfriends and husbands of the other women in on this conspiracy at the bachelorette party. I hope he and his sister goes scorched earth. I mean she and the rest must not have given a single thought about their partners, family or job ambitions to just throw it all away for a short “fling”, so they should get the brunt of how little they thought about such things. She and the rest gambled and lost and now it’s time to pay

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u/LandosMustache 4d ago

100% they did. That’s who she was talking to while “sleeping on the couch”: from the work that OP’s sister put in, we know that wife and her affair partner hadn’t spoken since Mexico.

That means she was talking with her friends, getting stories straight and making sure nobody else knew. Same reason why social media posts disappeared. The wagons were circling.

OP, if you read this, remember that she and her friends were preparing to lie to you forever.

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u/whiterac00n 4d ago

I’ll never understand how or why people think this is “normal” for the parties before a marriage. It’s taking a big shit on the relationship before marriage and then entering it with lies all because “it’s what happens at bachelors/bachelorette parties”. The mental gymnastics involved are astonishing.

Edit: I really hope that OP goes scorched earth on all parties involved

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u/CTU 4d ago

It is time their spouses/SOs were told about this. If they are hiding an affair they are 100% more likely to have also cheated too.

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u/itsthejasper1123 4d ago edited 4d ago

I can assure you people bored on the internet are definitely not more mature than that.

At best this is going to end up causing harassment for unrelated people then. At worst, they WILL actually find your wife as you did mention a lot of info that’s very specific. I’d prob delete this, yall have kids

Edit: also, if people contact her school and she loses her job and you DO end up divorcing that will look extremely bad on your part and you’ll be at fault for not only posting this but commenting specific information

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/zeebyj 4d ago

Sorry you're going through this. I honestly couldn't imagine staying married with my wife if she cheated. I feel like our home life would become so strained that it would affect our kids.

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u/Whatfforreal 4d ago

They can’t. Delete your post, you gave way too much info. Then go straight to a lawyer.

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u/pupyzoe 4d ago

I'll give you some advice... STOP NOW. Stop wanting to know why, stop trying to understand. Stop paying too much attention to her. Your wife was caught, now it's time for you to do everything backwards, if you are the type who gives good morning kisses, who takes the garbage, who always helps her when she wants, do everything the other way around and even more do the silence treatment, I think you're talking too much to her. Just stop. Pick up your kids and have a weekend without her knowing. Just say "we're leaving" and get out. Let your sister know and go out for a fun weekend. She chose to leave you out when I chose to betray you. Now you can do the same

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u/Far_Prior1058 4d ago

So delete the replies with identifiable information. Contact a lawyer to see what divorce will look like. Get a STD test. DNA test the kids. Unfortunately you can’t assume this is the first time she cheated. Also, look up grey rock and record all conversations you have with her in accordance with the laws of your state. Good luck

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u/throwitAWAYnow911 4d ago

File first and quickly. She’s already committed to leaving you. Don’t get fucked in the long run.

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u/mrs_sadie_adler 4d ago

And yet you still haven’t deleted your comments with specific details…

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u/AsperSomniac 4d ago

Really sorry this happened to you...you sound like a very nice person. I would take the advice here, screenshot it, and then delete this whole post. As others have said you've given out way too much information and there's just a lot of weirdos on here that could cause problems for your future.

One thing my grandfather always said was, "Your problems are other people's entertainment..." so take from that what you will. If you like keeping in touch with people you can always start a whole new post and just say "I'm that guy" and we'll know who you are. Good luck!

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u/hudi2121 4d ago

You may be fine, people are going to look but, no one has enough clues to pick one person out.

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u/rextex34 4d ago

OP provided occupation, age, location, education, evidence of possible arrest records. They should probably remove those comments.

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u/itsthejasper1123 4d ago

Yeah that’s very negligent tbh dude should very much delete this. If they end up getting divorced it’s also not gonna look great that in the eyes of a court he “sent” internet detectives to contact her place of employment, that’s the type of shit people do

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/hudi2121 4d ago

God, people are freaking so much more savvy at searching the web than me. I was curious based on what you said and have nothing lol. That’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong but, I’m amazed at what people are able to do.

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u/SnooCauliflowers3903 4d ago

I'm sorry your life is falling apart bud ...

1

u/aliciaf1 4d ago

I wouldn’t worry about it there is no way this is real….just find out your wife is probably cheating let’s open a Reddit account and ask if aitah as my life is crumbling.

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u/hudi2121 4d ago

He probably is a regular Reddit user and is using a burner to protect from his identifiable personal account

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u/lapistrip 4d ago

I seen it in a comment chain on a comment that you left saying she is an assistant principal at a elementary school

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u/ChocolateForward2858 4d ago

Yes but they are confusing what I said about her accent (we grew up in west Texas) and where we live now. I really hope people don’t try to find us.

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u/Smitty_Science 4d ago

You’re fine. As long as you don’t really live in Lubbock and don’t post anymore details, there’s no way. Lubbock’s not small and I’m sure there are plenty of women who grew up there and went to the giant college there, then went into education. 

Now, I would love to see fat Tony Soprano. 

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u/spilly_talent 4d ago

The Tony Soprano but fatter comparison made me laugh too hard 🤣

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u/lapistrip 4d ago

Oh that's good. I was scared for a second after seeing someone leave a link of who I thought was your wife

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u/sxfrklarret 4d ago

Don't worry they won't find you. It's not real.

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u/Old_n_Nerdy 4d ago

OP left it ambiguous enough to ensure his anonymity.

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u/1Squid-Pro-Crow 4d ago

Yeah dummies are dummies. I still always purposely blend up the identifying details when I'm on Reddit. I'm so sorry for you. Please try to read my take on your wife.

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u/Mindless_Caregiver94 4d ago

Don’t worry too much - you might have some freaks atm looking (the more you talk about not wanting to be found the more you draw people into doing it btw) this will blow over on the Reddit side soon.

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u/EveningMycologist968 4d ago

No worries. Even if people find you, it won't be you getting crucified. It will be your ex-wife.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/doubleshotinthedark 4d ago

she had a layover in Dallas, so they aren't currently living in that metro area

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u/itsthejasper1123 4d ago

Dude, what are you not getting here, lol

People ARE and ALREADY HAVE tried to and possibly successfully found you. You’re severely underestimating the power of the internet. You keep saying “I hope people don’t” and “I hope people are mature” but they will and they’re not.

You have children. You said above somewhere you care about your wife’s reputation and community standing. You’re making a huge mistake leaving this post up, but do what you would like to.

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u/TheCrown-92 4d ago

My god, you’re annoying. I hope your wife sends you the sex tape she made with her new lover.

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u/AnonymousSneetches 4d ago

You might want to spend the summer changing your attitude. Your 7th grade teacher isn't going to appreciate it this fall.

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u/TheCrown-92 4d ago

……

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u/Spadesta 4d ago

Why ?

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u/TheCrown-92 4d ago

Op just sounds like annoying as hell. I can see why his wife cheated.

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u/Spadesta 4d ago

God damn bro lmao. I disagree though especially since kids are involved. I don’t think being annoying warrants getting cheated on. There had to have been problems going on before, however. You should break up with/divorce someone instead of cheating on them. I’d say this guy knew in his gut she cheated before he posted but he didn’t want to believe it

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u/TheCrown-92 4d ago

Man, she needs to get the kids from this noodle of a man. He’s pathetic. He needs his sister to take up for him? Come on lmao come on lmao you’re right he knew she cheated cause what grown man calls his sister because he’s scared lmao fuck outta here lmao now you got all the SJW down voting me lmao

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u/Old_n_Nerdy 4d ago

The comment was reported.

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u/Gumpers82 4d ago

Given the information that has already been posted it's not that hard to figure things out.

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u/doubleshotinthedark 4d ago

we did it reddit! we found the boston bomber!

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u/Naomi_Lond 4d ago

People are finding out who this dude’s wife is?

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u/beerncheese69 4d ago

Yeah i saw it in other comments. Tbh not surprising. They have her age, profession, location (lubbock county) and know she has kids. I think they found her easily on LinkedIn/Facebook. Reddit gonna reddit. This post in blowing the fuck up and people are deranged. Especially over emotionally charged shit like cheating. Guarantee they're gonna harass her or some other poor assistant principal in lubbock county who has nothing to do with this

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u/TheBigFatToad 4d ago

Hopefully you have the same repulsion to cheaters when the roles are reversed. Plenty of people were okay with going full deranged with that guy on the airplane yesterday or two days ago. Truly astonishing how the internet has changed us.

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u/itsthejasper1123 4d ago

OP is being an asshole by leaving this up knowing people are identifying people

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u/Jmovic 4d ago

And people are downvoting this comment because?

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u/KingNo7 4d ago

Why the hell did this get so downvoted when you were just trying to genuinely help prevent harassment and possible crimes? People are strange

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u/TheCrown-92 4d ago

Ok, I’m starting to feel like this is rage bait. No one asked about any of this. Tf did she find? Why are you acting like a scared little child? I bet the reason your wife cheated is because you don’t act like a man and prolly are insecure and clingy. Or she prolly didn’t and you always ask probing questions implying she’s cheating and she finally snapped. I hope she did cheat and leaves you and takes the kids if this is real.

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u/Muja_hid786 4d ago

What a sad little man you are 😂

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u/TheCrown-92 4d ago

What a sad little creature you are 🤣😂🤣😂

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u/Mysterious_Office_82 4d ago

Read his comments bro he has given loads of updates.

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u/JerbilSenior 3d ago

you don’t act like a man and prolly are insecure and clingy You use "prolly" because writing "probably" is too long. And you are accusing someone else of acting like a child in a way?

Like, does he need to grow a spine? Yes, but you are no saint of manhood either to be so cruel like that?

I hope she did cheat and leaves you and takes the kids if this is real

I'm willing to bet real money that you are the type that could un-ironically say this and then be outraged at the existence of single moms on dating apps.

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u/TheCrown-92 3d ago

You would lose real money and be stuck looking just as dumb as OP.