r/AITAH • u/ChocolateForward2858 • 5d ago

AITAH for suspecting my wife of doing something awful at her friend's bachelorette week in Mexico? She spent virtually 0 money and took no pictures.

I am in the middle of probably the biggest crisis of my adult life and I can barely think so I apologize in advance if this comes across as really weird or rambley.

My wife went to Mexico last week for a friends bachelorette party and aside for the plane ticket, the hotel and the first days food and drinks--she didn't spend a penny all week. I mean on the credit card it's as clear as day that on Monday up until about 9pm she was buying dinner, stuff at the hotel shop, drinks at the bar, souvenirs and then at 9pm she didn't spend another cent the entire week until she was at her layover airport in Dallas. She says it's because her friend took over and paid for everything. I guess this is plausible but it still is giving me a funny feeling.

What is worse is that my wife is a person who posts her entire life on instagram on tiktok (mostly instangram) but if she does anything from get a latte to picking the kids up at school, she will post it either as a picture or as a story. The last thing she posted on tiktok was that trend of people "jumping" into their vacation from the airport and after that her social media is blank. I was kind of keeping an eye on it because I was excited for her to go on the trip and again I guess it's plausible but it gives me a funny feeling. When she got home I said I can't wait to see all the pics she took and she really blew me off and said that she just didn't feel like taking pics that week.

She has also been incredibly distant and last night she said she just felt like sleeping on the couch because the AC hits better (this is 100% true) but I swear I heard her talking on the phone in the middle of the night. When I got up to check on her I accidentally tripped over the dog and made a huge racket so when I got downstairs she appeared to be asleep.

i brought all of this up this morning and said I'm not accusing her of anything but all this put together is making me feel uneasy. I wasn't trying to bait her or fight with her, just get my feelings on the table. She said you are a major fucking asshole for bringing this up on her first day back at work. I said I wasn't trying to pry, just communicating with her and she said "your commuincation is prying and I am not discussing this with you ever again." She then took the kids to summer camp and left.

AITAH?

Edit: so I realized that her texts probably sync to her ipad so i just checked. It took me a while to figure out the passcode but I did but there was an imessage at 9:15 the night she got to the resort from a number with no contact info that said "ok, i'll meet you in the lobby. Is the app you said signal?" I looked up signal and it's kind of like whatsapp. The ipad doesn't have signal on it.

Edit 2: If you have been following my comments, you've seen that my sister is coming over and she's an insane internet sleuth and is relentless when it comes to this cheating stuff. She also scares me a bit so I'm hoping this isn't a mistake. I'm going to probably stop responding for a while so we can talk and she can do her thing. I am numb but she can do this. Thanks for everyone and the nice comments and the reality check, its not looking good.

Edit3: she cheated my sister was able to get lots of info from the real estate guy and my wife denied it at first but then admitted it. Sorrru it took so long to update but I’m numb. Have literally 0 idea what to do now.

Edit 4: for people looking up our personal stuff…we don’t live in Lubbock nor does my wife work for the Lubbock school system. We grew up in the area and went to college there but have long since moved to another community. Please don’t try to research this as you may hurt someone who is totally not involved. I’m getting lots of advice to delete this and I don’t want to but I may have to.

Edit 5: I know people really want updates and we've been talking, arguing, screaming, threatening all day long. I'm more confused than I was this morning that's for sure. But I'm also confused, exhausted, sad, upset, nervous, and I don't know what to do. I did make a preliminary appointment with a family law attorney tomorrow to talk about protecting assets and how to navigate the legal way ahead regardless of what I chose to do. I will say that there's s subreddit that this was cross posted to and it may be the most toxic group of people I've ever seen online and I feel really bad for those people. As for the privacy issues, no one has figured out who we are. That's not a challenge by the way. I'm very tired and i doubt people are still invested but if there's still interest I can update either on this post or a new in a few days. I'm really hoping to sleep tonight. My sister still has the kids and they are having a blast and went to the lake with her boyfriend's family today so I'm glad they are in good hands.

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u/Witch-kingOfBrynMawr 5d ago

NTA. There's a looot of missing information, here, but the fact that she won't discuss her vacation with you, and even considers it prying when you ask about it, is very strange. Sleeping on the couch is kind of the nail in the coffin for me.

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u/23mateo16 5d ago

This right here! If for what ever reason I didn’t go on vacation with my other, I’m definitely in contact the whole time, and would be super happy to talk about everything when I got back. What I saw who I met experiences and everything. I see a lot of red flags as well…

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u/MissAssassinLady 5d ago

I went to Disneyland for the first time 2 years ago with my friend. I was constantly texting my husband and sending him pictures, when I RARELY take pictures/post especially of myself. When I got home, I told him all about the trip and everything we did. There is something definitely suspicious about ops wife…

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u/Cornphused4BlightFly 4d ago

Yep! My husband went a road trip to a bunch of east coast breweries for his 40th, I stayed home- zero desire to go on that type of vacation to those types of places. He was FaceTiming me showing me weird stuff along the route, brewery cats, weird colored brews, cool Stuff on their menu, and great hotel room features! I have a similar trip that isn’t his cup of tea come December with my family, but it’s a cruise, so I’m going to have a crap signal. I’ll basically be uploading pics every shore day in mass!

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u/dumdumpants-head 2d ago

road trip to a bunch of east coast breweries

Most 40th man birthday ever heard

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u/StateoftheFranchise 2d ago

Brewery cats?! Omg where did he go?

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u/AzTexGuy64 1d ago

On a cruise you can pay for their wifi service, it's what I did ...it was like 75 for the entire trip...5 days. I don't drink so I didn't buy the drink package

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u/littlebittlebunny 4d ago

Literally this. I went on a very simple nothing planned trip to Sacramento (okay I went for a concert but stayed for a long weekend with nothing planned), and while I'm not married, my dad is my best friend (he also lives with me), I sent him pics and texted me throughout the entire trip. And then when I got home I was like a little school girl with excitement to talk about my trip with my son and father. I love getting to talk about trips and experiences. So it feels extremely off putting that she not only didnt excitedly, or at least postively, talk about her trip with friends, that she's supposedly close with enough to go to their wedding!!

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u/manchapson 4d ago

American fiance went home to America for family reasons for a month. I didn't go (wasn't actually invited). I instead took time off work to do a huge garden renovation project so it would be ready when she got back. Messaged her every day, sent photos of what I was doing, asked to speak to her on the phone. Not because I was suspicious but that is normal when couples are apart. She basically went AWOL. Days without messaging me, then a splurge of a few messages then nothing. I didn't speak to her for two weeks and then it was a 2 minute convo which she cut short and basically hung up on me. Suddenly in the third week her attitude changed, messaging constantly, spoke nearly every day. Then I received what I'll call 'intimate' photos of her and another guy. Turned out she'd prearranged to meet up with an ex telling him she was single and he found out she wasn't. There's is loads more to it but that's the guts.

Happy days.

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u/OkieLadybug55 4d ago

I hope you dumped her and fast! You obviously couldn’t trust her.

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u/manchapson 4d ago

I could write a book about what has happened in the 18 months since then. Those photos were just the tip of a very huge iceberg that I've spent time revealing. Some of it very brutal and beyond what I thought anyone could do to someone they claimed to love. But yes, we broke up very soon afterwards after I went through her messenger and discovered she had slept with at least two other guys, probably more.

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u/DragonThought 2d ago

Sounds like my ex-wifeS. Sorry man. My son just found his fiancée has dating sites profiles. I've been told there are faithful women, I just haven't met one other than mom RIP...

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u/manchapson 2d ago

There are lots of people out there that seem to struggle being faithful. I've personally never found it particularly difficult.

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u/DragonThought 1d ago

I always thought karma worked both ways but now I'm not sure. When I was younger a middle aged MILF my cardio instructor asked me to get breakfast together. She was married with one kid but she really wanted to show me some private cardio moves. Talk about firm assets but I told her to work things out with her husband and not to hurt her daughter that way.

In return I was cheated on twice, 1st wife several times. I'm glad you're better now...

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u/GloomyFlamingo2261 4d ago

Hope you find someone who appreciates you and the garden!

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u/manchapson 4d ago

I'm not really looking to be honest, but if someone comes along then great. I never finished the garden, it was about 90% done when all this happened and surprisingly I wasn't really in the mood to carry on. I had just about finished building a small office and studio in the garden for her to work from home in, before she went to the USA. Whilst she was away I was finishing that off, repairing and renewing the rest of the garden that had been damaged during the build and building a location for a spa.

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u/littlebittlebunny 4d ago

You built her, her own studio??? As an artist myself I would literally smother you with all the love and affection for being so wonderful. Wtf is wrong with her. I'm so sorry. You sound like an incredible partner.

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u/manchapson 4d ago

It was going to be a small yoga/pilates/physio studio where she could do rehab with up to maybe 3 clients. Plan was it would allow her to carry on working from home if we had a baby. But it's definitely big enough to be an art studio if so desired, about 24m²/250ft². Thanks, but I'm not incredible and have many flaws. I was just a guy trying his best but it clearly wasn't enough.

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u/littlebittlebunny 4d ago

No, no, no friend!!! You're not going to discredit how amazing you are!! Ive never had a man put even 1/100th of that kind of effort into me. She wanted a Princes (you) and to screw the frog at the same time. This was absolutely NOT a you issue.

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u/FrenchCrazy 4d ago

You received the texts- so she sent them to you? Or someone saw them on her social media? I’m confused but I’m glad you’re past this cheater

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u/manchapson 4d ago

The guy she was cheating on me with sent me the pictures. He was an ex from a long time ago and she had got back in touch with him again when planning her trip home. Told him that she was single. He was recently divorced after his wife cheated on him. When he found out she wasn't single after some internet digging he sent me the pictures to make sure I believed him and not more of her lies. He later apologised for the nature of the pictures but in his words he was 'drunk and angry and wanted to destroy her life'. It worked

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u/kiwipapabear 4d ago

Yep, exactly. I just had a trip - it was a whopping 2 day business trip in freaking Dallas. But I texted my family like crazy, including some really pointlessly inane crap, because they weren’t there and I wanted to be in contact.

And this is despite the fact that we’re non-monogamous. I actually could have gone to the hotel bar, gotten drunk, and shacked up with a coworker, and it would be fine.* I just kept in touch cuz I wanted to. The fact that she’s become more secretive during and after the trip is highly sus.

* Well, not exactly fine, because getting involved with coworkers is a terrible idea. But you know what I mean. Also, for the record, I didn’t.

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u/Mediocre-Cause-6805 4d ago

I am so sorry, it effing hurts like nothing else.

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u/Known_Noise 4d ago

I’ve traveled without my husband- mostly for work, but also the occasional getaway weekend with a friend or my sister. Sometimes I don’t call, but I would always return calls. Sometimes I didn’t take photos, especially when working. But I’m always wanting to talk about the trip, the travel, the experience. I want to be connected with my husband. It isn’t prying. It’s him caring about my life and wanting to know more so we are more connected.

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u/Ok_Environment_4251 3d ago

Oh that made me remember about an exboyfriend who would take all that as suspicious, he would be like "why are u telling me all this? Are you trying to PROVE that you're not cheating?" As if me telling him about it was a way to compensate or to hide something shady. Dude was toxicccc

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u/MCvonHolt 4d ago

That’s how I am I rarely post pics but will send a million to my loved ones if I’m away from them doing something fun and exciting.

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u/witchywoman713 4d ago

Especially considering that posting on sm is so normal for her! To go completely off the radar like that, not post, communicate or anything, then refuse to talk about it, and get defensive for even being asked…..

Like my partner knows I don’t have social media. There’s also lots of times where we are apart and we don’t necessarily check in a ton if we are busy. So neither of us would worry too much about this. But op is right to be suspicious here

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u/SwnsasyTB 4d ago

Hey, you come down to Florida again, HIT ME UP!! I'll drive over with the hubs and bring the boat and beer!! 🤣

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u/TheTurboDiesel 4d ago

Right? I would be so excited to tell my SO about the cool stuff I did and saw.

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u/miket439 4d ago

Define awful 😣.

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u/Ocardtrick 4d ago

Yes, suspicious about the wife and not the husband who didn't seem fazed about the lack of contact during his wife's foreign trip.

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u/YnwaDubs 2d ago

Right, it’s not even like a I need to be doing this to show I’m not doing anything

When you solo travel and you have a partner you want to share everything with them so they can “live it too”

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u/sinister710_ 4d ago

Imagine leaving your husband and children at home to go cheat for a week in Mexico and not even contact them one time? That’s insane shit.

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u/23mateo16 4d ago

You’d be surprised how common it is, and most don’t even go to Mexico to do it! Single fathers are becoming more common than you think!

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u/Glittering-Willow221 4d ago

She learned some Spanish “La Mi panoche es peluda”!

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u/Electrical_Sea6653 4d ago

Wouldn’t a husband be calling the hotel, her friends, and then eventually the authorities if his wife isn’t answering texts/calls for a week? He is either speaking in hyperbole or context is missing.

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u/sinister710_ 4d ago

Def a possibility. This whole story could be fake so we’ll just have to wait for updates lol

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u/ChampChains 4d ago

Yeah, my wife went on an out of town bachelorette party with five friends and they were calling myself and the other girls bfs/husbands the whole time. They were face timing us drunk, sending us photos, etc. it wasn't even like a "checking in" thing, we're just all very close couples and even though we weren't there, they wanted us in on the fun and they missed us so they kept calling. Some of it was for safety, like calling us to let us know that the Uber had gotten them back to the Airbnb safely and stuff like that. I'd be super suspicious if my wife just went dark for an entire trip and didn't want to talk about it when she got back home, that's super out of character.

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u/dandyharks 4d ago

Dude I drove to my home town this past weekend and when I got home I wouldn’t shut up to my bf about getting to see my people and going to places I grew up visiting. It’s SO weird to not wanna yap about a multi-day, international vacation. Fishy as shit.

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u/Ryuunga 4d ago

With the final update "the most obvious answer is usually the right one" was proven tight again...sadly. Wife was cheating and exhibited the trademark signs.

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u/Clever_mudblood 4d ago

I see the update that the wife cheated. But what was suspect to me was the change in habit. My partner never takes pics (except of our son lol he has a billion of those). He doesn’t have any social media. So when he went on vacation with his friend/our roommate (lived in our spare room for a bit), the roommate told me he would send pics for him. And he did! I got pictures! But he (partner) did call me every night and texted me regularly. None of his behavior was out of the norm. Now if he were like OPs wife and always posted and took a lot of pics and then suddenly didn’t? That’s a red flag and a half.

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u/Business_Monkeys7 4d ago

I am low contact, but NO contact is odd.
At least he didn't have to pay for her the week she was cheating. Lol.

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u/Druid_High_Priest 4d ago

And you would treat them completely different on your return. Dinner out or something. Instead, the OP got the super iceberg treatment.

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u/namtok_muu 4d ago

My husband and I are in constant communication via several different apps even if one of us is traveling, so this is really weird to me.

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u/AbominableMelon 4d ago

Exactly. I actually went to a weekend bachelorette party last year and paid an extra $12 a day on my phone so I could stay in touch with my partner (we live in Canada but the party was in the US). We texted, I drunkenly FaceTimed him one night because I missed him, and as soon as I got back I yapped about all the stuff we did, accompanied by pictures and videos I took. I’m also not super active on social media, but since it was a special occasion, I was posting Instagram stories and I made a long post at the end of the weekend with multiple pictures and videos. I just wanted to share the special weekend I had with my friends, simple as that. There’s no good reason to be cagey and dismissive, especially to your SO.

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u/23mateo16 4d ago

Right my mom was sooooo mad at me when we went to Europe for a month, I had been with my ex wife at the time for only 6 months, but every chance I got I was on WiFi with her, showed her toms of pics when I got back. Sent pics of the day to her everynight, I missed and was excited to talk to her about everything!

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u/tinytyranttamer 4d ago

My SO, would be so sick of hearing about my adventures 😆 he'd be "look, if I needed a minute by minute run down, I would have gone with you"

Poor OP, at least she had zero chill and couldn't conduct a long term affair!

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u/GothSpite 4d ago

I went to Mexico with my mom for a week via a cruise. There were tons of times we were at sea with no access to contact outside of paid for internet. You bet your ass I made sure to use that internet to check in a couple times a day. It's important

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u/pokeypitbull 4d ago

100%. Even on work trips I call home every night and try to send some texts of what we are up to. Super weird for a vacation/Bachelorette trip.

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u/Azazir 4d ago

I went to another city for an operation, not even great vacation where i would take pics to show if we couldn't go together from random tables or just trees looking nice with sunset or w.e., chatted with gf going there, sitting there, coming back. Yeah... Not to mention she's supposedly shared everything about her life so this seclusion is even worse red flag than normal.

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u/Squad_Ghouls 4d ago

Who I fucked…

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u/ClusterMakeLove 5d ago

OP didn't really say whether she was communicative on the trip. I feel like that's an important bit of context.

Heck, I go on a work trip for a few days and I'm video calling every night to see the kids.

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u/23mateo16 4d ago

He said she normally post daily everything from getting a Starbucks to what ever. Op stated he was looking forward to seeing her stories and what she was up too, but for the first time didn’t post after the first day for a whole week also everything was paid for… something’s up!

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u/Glittering-Willow221 4d ago

I don’t think Facebook allows streaming of “unfaithful wife thrashing about underneath a lover”!😡

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u/SuperFamousComedian 4d ago

I really like that you just used "my other" it's extra cute for some reason 🐱

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u/redrummaybe54 4d ago

Mexico of all places, constant contact should be had

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u/JaKx1704 4d ago

Even if my partner or I are away working (he has boys weekends, I’m happy staying home with the kids and pets lol) then we stay in contact just for the others peace of mind.

I work in security so I’ll drop him a message to let him know everything is ok and that I’m safe where I am. Take a few photos, send a few of ourselves while away

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u/Apathetic_Villainess 2d ago

My ex went to Mexico for a week with his family for a wedding. Sent me one single email just to remind me to water his plants. Of course, he wasn't cheating in Mexico, but I'm sure his other girlfriend heard from him more than I did at the time.

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u/evenstarcirce 4d ago

This! Id probably take more photos JUST to show them! 😭 Like wth

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u/StendGold 4d ago

Yeah, everything just smells really sus! I feel bad for OP!

NTA.

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u/DwarvenVikingr 4d ago

She went straight to gaslighting him.

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u/CharmingComposer95 4d ago

Yeah she’s already with the other dude at least in her head. OP needs to end it before she does.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

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u/IC4-LLAMAS 5d ago

I find this highly unlikely. Her whole trip was paid for…..that sounds like a romantic connection. She is feeling guilty

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u/Witch-kingOfBrynMawr 5d ago

Yeah, I want to be clear that I'm not suggesting anything except that she's behaving strangely. I was very careful not to speculate as to possible explanations, specifically for this reason. She may have done something bad, but she may have also been a victim of something bad. It just feels like a bad thing happened.

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u/Firecracker048 5d ago

He found a message from a number with no name saying "I'll meet you in the lobby. Is the app signal?" She indeed did some stuff on that trip

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u/Witch-kingOfBrynMawr 5d ago

It certainly appears that way, given the sum of the limited information OP has shared. Going dark on social media, not having any pictures of the trip, zero credit card charges, acting distant with OP, getting defensive and snippy, using a secure messaging app, having late night conversations, and sleeping on the couch her first night back?

Close to a zero percent chance this is all a big misunderstanding. Everyone knows what this looks like, and that's as far as we can reasonably go. The rest is up to OP.

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u/Firecracker048 5d ago

Yeah the couch sleeping on night one, on top of just all other behavior than normal indicates things changed on that trip and idk how she thought she would just get away with it all.

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u/SteampunkHarley 5d ago

Or she saw something bad and doesn't want any reminders of the trip

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u/IbelieveinGodzilla 5d ago

Seems unlikely she would have a midnight call with the guy who sexually abused her...

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u/Krafty747 5d ago

Her rapist picked up the tab for the rest of the trip?

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u/DataGOGO 5d ago

It’s called guilt. 

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u/d38 5d ago

She never posted any pictures, so unless she got SAed in the airport bathroom and then finished her holiday afterward, I doubt this.

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u/El-Kabongg 4d ago

and talking with someone on the phone while "sleeping" on the couch.

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u/1CaliCALI 4d ago

Get those divorce papers ready

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u/Hour-Energy9052 5d ago

Maybe she’s doing him a favor. If she was having unprotected bare sex with strangers in a foreign land while drunk or on drugs and partying, she may have caught some nasty diseases in her tuna can and doesn’t wanna ruin his life. 

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u/maralagosinkhole 4d ago

It's almost like she's not trying to hide it. Could be an indication this is her first time cheating and she's feeling guilty about it. Or it could be that she wants out of the marriage and this is the way she chose to deal with it.

Crazy story, though.

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u/mrbooms 4d ago

yup. definitely a real problem here. she probably went there, partied it up and realized that's the lifestyle she still wants. hopefully not, but from my experience people in general are awful.

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u/Jazzlike-Blood-357 4d ago

totally seems like she is projecting

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u/JK-21- 1d ago

Sorry OP. Went thru this same shit. Word of advice, get the fuck out. Contact an attorney, file for divorce and sort out ur finances. In my case I thought we could work it out and was the biggest mistake. Having kids also makes it tough, but after a few years it will get better. I wish u the best and stay strong.

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u/LaVieLaMort 5d ago

Yeah this aspect is super suspicious. I’ve gone on vacation with friends and by myself and I always take shit tons of pics and always discuss it with my husband when I get home.

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u/ferrulesrule 4d ago

Big fan of your username right here

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u/Obvious_Huckleberry 3d ago

and not one sunset photo.. yeaaahhh I'm someone who doesn't take a lot of photos but I don't care about tiktok or instagram... if I went to mexico. I would have been taking photos.

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u/AllieGirl2007 3d ago

IDK about the sleeping on the couch. I do that a lot and haven’t cheated. I sleep whoever I can get a good nights sleep.

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u/Interesting-Crow-552 2d ago

Especially when you suspected to hear talking only to find her asleep.

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u/Fun_Willingness_5615 1d ago

I think it's finished. If you suspect something, in my book it is the wife that has to prove her innocence; she accusing me of prying is a deal breaker. Surely I've better things to do than check phones and iPads. Next time don't get married in the first place unless it's with a virgin.

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u/rocketmn69_ 5d ago edited 5d ago

Yep, being distant and not wanting to be intimate with you after being away for so long. Something definitely happened. Mail an anonymous letter to the groom, saying that your girl admitted that all the girls fucked around in Mexico and that he should get checked out. Mail it from a different town than yours, even from a different state. Your .marriage is essentially over and the other girls were complicit in her affair

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u/starbloodbat 5d ago

Hey op do not do this. There is no reason to stir up drama with someone's impending marriage just because it's possible your so cheated. I'd dig deeper. It could still be something else but either way she is 100% hiding something bad that happened.

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u/PhillyTheKid69420 5d ago

You’re insane

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u/SampSimps 5d ago

Some people like to watch the world burn.

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u/trixxievon 5d ago

Yea start shit for everyone else with no proof the other girls did anything.

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u/Organic_Fan_2824 5d ago

doesnt seem like shes upset about him asking about the vacation, moreso him asking about what shes upto and the late night creeping around to see what shes doing. If someone told me "so i thought you were on the phone last night but i tripped over the dog and made a racket and then you were pretending to sleep" id call them a fucking lunatic almost immediately.

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u/Witch-kingOfBrynMawr 5d ago

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but every single comment I've made has had some kind of qualifier, mostly because OP has done himself absolutely zero favors, and his behaviors have been... conflicting, I suppose, is the most diplomatic way to put it. OP has handled this in such a vexing way that I'm putting gigantic error bars around everything, including OP's interpretations of events.

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u/Dry-Investigator-746 4d ago

She doesn't need to share anything if she doesn't want to

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u/Malkadork 4d ago

Drug mule... OP's wife is keeping him safe