If you're a working adult who isn't in school making friends can be a legit challenge. In my experience the best approach is to find social groups with similar interests although that can often be easier said than done. It can take a lot of time and effort to find them, go to them and get to know people over time but it is possible. Once you start to have some social connections others become easier. Having friends and hobbies will also make you more attractive as a potential date and will improve your social skills. Don't focus too hard on "how do I make a friend" just take it one step at a time and try to find groups or places where conversations come up organically or where you can become a regular member.
As someone who was in a toxic relationship and thankfully got out sometimes I wish I could just find someone no matter what they’re like but I realize that I need to set standards for myself, learn from the naive person I was before, otherwise it was all for nothing. Being single is it’s own challenge but nothing close to coming home every day being exhausted because you put in your all, got nothing back and was still punished because it wasn’t enough for them.
The realist in me knows that yea; i don’t want a toxic relationship… but dude.
After 24 years of nothing, SOMETHING honestly sounds better than nothing. Lmfao
24 is still young. Everyone that age isn't looking to settle down. There's still lots of time to meet someone who fits you. Also, be yourself you'll be happier when you meet that person that fits into your life instead of you pretending to be someone she likes. You'll both end up unhappy
Being myself is what has landed me into being single for 24 years… lmfao.
I don’t care what the world thinks, I don’t keep up with fashion or pop culture, I do my thing and my live life.
And guess what. That’s meant being single. It fucking sucks.
I go to local meetup groups, my job even takes me all over the country where I hang out in hotel lobbies and bars all the time.
Nothing.
I’ll get invited to peoples houses to hang out, but they’re always already in relationships and I’m not a swinger…
I’ve made plenty of friends where we’ll be buying drinks for each other and having a good time.
But no relationships…
I’ve got plenty of friends, I’m not bad looking, I’m not an incel, but because I haven’t gone out of my way to look for someone in the past I 1. Am inexperienced when it comes to relationships, and I’m pretty sure people can pick up on that…. And 2. Don’t even know what most of the normal signs are because I’ve never seen them. Lmfao
Kind of at a catch 22 situation then, eh? Your future partner is technically part of that world you do not care about, so if you keep up a Me vs. the World Mentality (not that you said it), it'll be hard to find somebody.
Perhaps you could seek a compromise? Not saying to change your clothes and start listening to Taylor Swift. But keeping an open mind, and caring how you're perceived by those around you is a first step to making yourself less lonely. Not even faking it, but just learning to be bit more tolerant is a good first step.
You'll find someone who will see you for you and find happiness.
I wouldn't bother suggesting any of this if you weren't vocally unhappy with your current situation.
I mean. I do… when I say I don’t care what the world thinks, I meant it in the sense that I don’t keep up with the world or what is popular, but I do listen to what my friends and family say. And it’s all the same bullshit that gets said on here lol,
Just be yourself, they’ll show up when you aren’t looking /least expect it, etc…. Hasn’t changed anything.
I go out and meet new people, but because I have morals and empathy (and maybe a touch of the tism) I miss any flirts pointed my way, and don’t go out of my way to approach others because that’s what everyone says, don’t chase, don’t be desperate, don’t be a creep, a smile doesn’t automatically mean an invitation to flirt, etc….
So I just do my thing. I watch the sports game, talk to the bar tender or neighbors at the bar, I’ve even been invited to houses to hang out with people, but it’s always people that are already in relationships and just want another friend to hang out with. So it’s not like I’m completely socially inept, I’ve made plenty of friends while chatting at bars or in hotel lobby’s for my job, but nothing more than that, ever.
No one has once in my life come up to me and asked me out or told me I was cute or anything (I’ve gotten a few compliments about my space themed hoodies from older married women lmfao)…. And I’m not even trying to fall into that incel mindset, I’m not bad looking (maybe a little chubby, but I know there is a “market” for that 🤣) and have a decent job that lets me meet new people very often, so it’s not like I’m trapped in my parents basement just jerking off all day never talking to anyone….. it’s just that there is genuinely no one interest in me, at least in the many places I go to… (or if they are interested in me, I just completely miss it and they don’t push it or say anything overtly)
I don’t know what to do other than start caring about what the world thinks, but I don’t have anywhere near the money to get a new wardrobe or to go to concerts or anything actually fun lol.
In some ways a toxic or unfulfilling relationship can be worse. It wasnt toxic, but I was in a relationship where my partner never really expressed any affection of any kind. There were definitely nights where I read posts like this and felt so cripplingly alone, despite being in a relationship. Im still lonely lmao, but I think its better to be lonely on your own than lonely with someone else.
That sounds awful. At that point I don't even know how I would call that a relationship. Like, affection is the bare minimum thing I would expect from a partner.
She was a good person but I dont think she had (or has) any interest in a romantic relationship. Definitely felt like more of a friendship than a romantic relationship.
Hell, I'm thinking I'd take a toxic one if I could, but nope, nothing, can't even have that.
I know you're joking but it 100% worse being in a toxic relationship. You might enjoy the company at first but eventually you feel nearly as lonely and isolated and now you have a crazy person in your life making it so much worse.
Yup, I dated a girl who was a bit mentally unstable for all of nine months. Fucked me up honestly. She was my first girlfriend, and now approaching 3 years later I still haven't put myself out there to find anyone else. It's like, I don't know, it just feels heavy.
Tbh I'm only half joking. I know being with the wrong person can end up really bad but I would rather find that out.
Many people don't realise how fucking awful is to be truly alone your whole life. Not even knowing what is like to hold someone while you fall asleep... I know it sounds cheesy and pathetic but I want that so bad.
Bro, I've been in a toxic relationship before. That scared me enough not to get into another one for the last 10 years. While it is lonely sometimes, I'm much more at peace with myself and my life than I was back during that clusterfuck and it wasn't even the worst, when it comes to toxic relationships. Part of me literally broke and it took years to recover that. I understand wanting to make the experience yourself before you believe it, but just believe us, when we say there are experiences you don't need to make. It's like burning your hands on the stove or overdosing on some fucked up drug. Not worth it.
I get what you mean and I think you are probably right. But I hope you can understand where I'm coming from.
I think people who have been in relationships, good or bad ones, don't know what is like to have never, ever, not even once experienced the kind of feelings that you can only go through in a relationship. Knowing that you are missing out on something that almost everyone has had at some point while hyping it up in your head 'cause you just have no idea what is like.
The problem is even a bad experience is a experience.
You have had already a relationship so you know it can happen again.
Every time you read some of the wholesome couple storys a quiet voice tells you you have and will possibly never experience it.
You can have a shit ton of hobbys and enjoy your time alone or with friends but imagine to sitting year to year on every family event and everyone have a partner except you.
You hear couples talk about kids or a house for them and their family.
Its not greed its just saddness to lay every evening alone in your bed and know all if this.
Search purpose, do hobbys, do sport, this advices feel so dumb and hollow from people who never experienced what you feeled.
In the end you need to dont get to the whos fault question in this situation because this lead always to a path of selfdestruction.
It is your fault? You will punish and hurt yourself because you are so inperfect.
Others fault: There are no good men/woman left.
Men want only Sex and nothing more, no men want romance anymore and woman only 6 digits, income, 6 feets tall and so on.
Never give yourself into this, you are beautiful like you are and no one is fault on this, not you and not others.
Try your best to keep ongoing, even if its hurt everyday.
I wish you best luck.🍀
Have you tried anything so far? Rather than looking for a relationship, you should look for people you genuinely want to be around first, like in communities for the things you love doing (hobbies..)
Man, I spent 5+ years in toxic-ass relationships that did nothing but drag me down physically and mentally
I finally held out until the right person came along, and I've never been happier. It took a while, and I passed on potential relationships, but it was worth it
There's someone out there for everyone, if my loser-ass can find them, I know you can to OP.
Relationships are not something you should approach in a passive reactive way, meaning that you'll take anyone who likes you, like it's a favor they do to you. I see that often, and it's a big mistake, you'll feel like no one will see you in a romantic way.
But this is the case even for couples, but for them it's minus one. You have to find the one, and ti starts by sorting out your own desires.
You need to first ask yourself if you actually like the person, being around them, wanting to know them. No matter how ugly or asocial you think you are, you have the right and deserve to be loved by someone YOU actually love.
Sorry for the incomprehensible wall of text. I wish you good things.
Wholesome??? "Love that she doesn't use the internet" -> this part gives all of you guys away. You just want someone that basically doesn't interact with the world in any way that has the slightest chance of making her leave.
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u/SnikiAsian 4d ago
God I feel lonely whenever I read posts like this