I'm officially in foster care and currently living in an orphanage (cannot disclose the location) , I am away from my parents

It was actually all the opposite of what nparent told me, the orphanage is actually nicer than home and takes care of me

There are also tons of nice people here

Funny thing is, nparent is fully expecting me to come back.. Hell no... Hell to the hell no, I'm pretty sure nmom just threw a bunch of clothes in my suitcase and called it a day, she fully expects me to come back but hell no, I'm not ever turning back to that awful place

I feel so at peace.

I hate being a girl...

I hate it because it gives my bio family extra leverage to use fear tactics to try and stop me from starting my life.

A small example of what I've heard almost daily since I was five. A few days ago, I asked my n-mom's husband what he thinks about a city I'm planning on staying in (temporarily until I secretly move somewhere else)and he wasted several minutes ranting about how how "little girls like me" (I'm 21) get kidnapped and drugged, following it up by calling me "just prey" and "meat."

When I was a kid, my n-mom would say sexually degrading shit like "I'm just begging to be strapped to be a bed" or reminding me that "I could be kidnapped and sold for top dollar." They've used these tactics to keep me to keep me in their grip, at least subconsciously (my parents aren't bright.) Instead of trapping me in an aggressive way, they've psychologically trapped me by conditioning me to be too terrified to leave the house.

I know this because they just told me horror stories and taught me to hate my body, hate my gender, fear men and view myself as this weak little gazelle, instead of giving me resources to learn environmental awareness, self-defense, etc.

This is one of the reasons why I resent them to the point of going to NC once I leave.

Today, I discovered how much my mother's income is.

And, knowing her job, I calculated that she works one hour a day.

This is the woman who nearly drove me to su!cide over a period of time where I had left university from anxiety and lack of support, and she flipped from "do what's healthy" to "you lazy bum" literally within minutes of the decision.

This is the woman who relentlessly bullies me and my brother to find work immediately, then gives us no time to because she wants us to do so much to satisfy her urges; like keep reworking our various social media profiles, or do our father's tasks for him.

Most of the housework is done by me and my brother, aside from her cooking (always simple set-and-forget dishes). She only spends one hour a day working, and perhaps 30 minutes doing housework. I had assumed that the reason I always saw her on her phone or watching movies or out in her garden was because she was right, and she was just working while I was being "lazy" (sleeping because I have to stay up late to take care of her cat for her). Turns out she's barely doing anything at all! What the hell?!?

Suddenly the pieces slip into place. She says she has a college education, but her diploma on the wall is for "part 1 of 2" from the equivalent of a community college. She has half an associate's degree! She couldn't even finish it, yet she relentlessly threatened and bullied me when I wanted to take a gap year to decide what I wanted to do and harassed me until I decided to do engineering. She never helped me, not just because she's lazy and disinterested in anyone but herself, but because I was actually already surpassing her!

I just thought she was taking breaks, and I happened to be seeing her when she was in the middle of her break! Nope! Her day is all breaks!

She bullies and harasses me and my brother, insinuating we're lazy liars. Turns out it was all projection all this time! She works from home, too, so no transit! When I left the house every morning to walk through driving snow and ice to my bus to go to university, she could log on to her computer in her private office, sip a warm tea, and be completely finished work by the time my first class started; and then get pissy at me when I got home and throw chores and accusations!

This is the woman obsessed with forcing me to work in an arsenic mine in the middle of nowhere. A community college dropout who works one hour a day, doesn't do more chores than I do, and also isn't doing any of the tasks I do such as graduating from university with no help or support. Hell, she even knew that I had no desk-space to work on homework in my room, and did she offer her office or do literally anything to help? Nope! Just insinuated I was a slob... and told me to use the kitchen table, which was filthy, because she never cleaned the damn thing despite spilling her special personal dinners all over it all the time. The thing was always strewn with her newspapers, gossip magazines, sweaters, coats, hats, gloves... dirt all over the space where I eat, and she has the audacity to call me untidy!

This is the woman who called my brother, and I quote, a "little piggy" because all the electronics and programming projects he's always doing for her and my father were scattered across his desk. This vile bitch!

I'm actually flabbergasted. This is the human-shaped thing that gave me impostor syndrome, that taught me not to be creative, forced me to put down my hobbies, guilted me for everything I did and said I would never be enough? Someone making less in a year than I did working part-time summers minimum wage? Someone who spends one hour a day in their cushy chair in their home office neglecting the cat she bought, sipping the teas and fancy cocktails she uses 1/4 of the kitchen storage space to store the supplies for, and keeping her "work timer" running while she chats with my dad and browses Facebook and LinkedIn to find things to send to me to insinuate I'm lazy???

If I get a job in my field, I'll literally be making as much as she does in a year every two months. At a bare minimum. With two years experience I could be making what she makes in a year every month. And she has the audacity to bully me for not looking for work "hard enough" while I'm literally staying up late every day juggling twenty things she refuses to help with, when she can't even find more than an hour of work a day???? When I'm doing her damn work for her, like taking care of her cat that's literally been in my room for 12 hours today because she keeps blasting violent movies on the TV and filling the main floor with her noise, and refuses to play with the cat at all???

No wonder she's always been upset at me for being creative! She doesn't have it in her! She's a vapid, paper-thin fool! She has all day every day to do whatever she wants, and all she can think to do is neglect her pet, do calisthenics, drink tea and cocktails, tend to her plants, and watch the same TV shows and movies over and over? No hobbies, literally no friends (no exaggeration. If you had a nickel for every friend she has, you'd have no nickels.), doesn't go on walks, doesn't go for drives, just... haunts the house with my father. What the hell! No wonder my creativity was threatening for her, her mind is so narrow it could fit in an anthole!

She has the audacity to trash-talk our relative for writing bad books? She writes more in a year than my mom could handle in her entire life! My mom's brain would pop like a burnt-out lightbulb if she tried!

She doesn't even have anything to say! You can't engage her in conversation because she's the millimeter-thin veneer of a human being pasted over a core of styrofoam and used tissues! She has nothing to say, no insights into anything, and any conversation turns into either criticism or her repeating verbatim whatever she just read or was told! She bends this way and that like a plastic bag in the breeze, and just as choking when she gets onto you!

I'm honestly stunned. I thought she was threatening. She would crumble into dust if she had to work at any of the jobs she sent me to work at! If she worked a day at the place I did when I was 14, she would disintegrate like a vampire in sunlight! I was fending off drunk adults as a 14-year-old while she was at home working for one hour a day (to be completely fair, at this point in time it's entirely possible she was working for two🤣)! And then when I got home she would lecture me about being lazy and assume that I was trying to get out of it! More projection! She couldn't even be fucked to drive me there, I took the train alone at 14 across literally more than half the city, to work for minimum wage in a job so abusive that grown adults would drop out halfway through their first shift!

Holy fuuuck.

I feel like I stood up and realized I'm four feet taller than my bully. I could (mentally, emotionally) punt her for a field goal. It's like I was being bullied by Stuart Little. Like... I could throw you over a house. Oh my fucking god.

It's honestly amazing. Thank you, salespeople who take no shit, for giving her the tiniest amount of pressure to make her spill her income. Holy fuuuuck.

No wonder she was always insinuating I had no money and was trying to beg her for tuition money when I always had it completely covered myself! Because to her, raising one semester's tuition seems impossible!

She's spent my entire life acting like she works so hard so she can get out of things like chores. I'm stunned. If I opened my mouth right now I wouldn't be able to string more than three words together unless the words were all "wow" and "holy shit".

It's incredible in the least amazing way. My parents who relentlessly bully me and try to make me feel inferior and insecure... are a community college dropout working one hour a day and someone who got fired from his nepo-job for harassing women who was so entitled that when he couldn't find another job with the same pay and hours he gave up.

Like... holy fuck. They're not intelligent, they're not smart, they're not hard workers. They're so lazy they can't even hold a normal job! They're so lazy they're farming off not only their chores but their emotional work and even dealing with their parents to me! They're so work-shy that I had to handle their interpersonal conflicts at work when I was five, but because they acted like they were hard workers and burnt out, I never questioned it. Oh my god.

It all makes sense! The tantrum my father threw at my fourth grade math textbook? Not just because he was too lazy and trying to get out of helping me, but because he'd genuinely not turned his brain on in twenty years and he wasn't going to start then! He tried once in his life, went to university (fully paid by his father), dropped out, blamed his parents for it, then got a teaching job through connections, wrote up his course slides (with factual errors in them, I might add), and then he turned off his brain and just read off his slides every day for 30 years.

That's why he never took his office constantly decreasing in size every two years as a sign to stop being nasty to his colleagues! It was obvious to me and I was piecing it together from little breadcrumbs! He's so entitled and lazy he couldn't even stand up for three hours a day to read off a script and then sit in his office lazily marking 30 people's work, he just had to run his mouth off and be nasty to his coworkers because he needs to be soooo comfortable. Jesus christ. That's why he threw a two-day tantrum over five cents!!!! Because he's a loser!

I feel like I just turned around and saw the fire in Plato's Cave. This is nuts. I've got lots of therapy work to do from here for sure, but holy fuck. No wonder my father always hated his brother, who is a contractor who had to find his own job, is in a much healthier marriage, and seems genuinely thoughtful and funny. Sure, uncle is a POS too in his own right, but when you're comparing someone too lazy to move to a bed to sleep to a semi-functional adult, it's hard not to see the difference!

I leave with a final memory.

My father was too lazy to brush his teeth so they all fell out when he was 50.

My mother was too lazy to look at a price tag in the store (and the number on the register) so she freaked out when the cashier said her total.

Thanks for listening! Bai!

25 F just now realizing this is the only way Still heart breaking but I’m finally willing to do it just felt like I never could before bc I was his child? I know it will be worthwhile

I’m 30 years old this year.

I wanted to do this for myself. I didn’t ask my sister for help and found the accommodation by myself. I went to see the place on my own. I felt sad that no one was there to help me out through the process. But thankfully, the landlord or the manager is really nice.

I packed most of my stuff and told my parents I was going on a short trip. I carried my luggage up three floors, making a mental note that I should buy another one so each of them would be lighter. I moved in and signed the contract. Instantly, I felt different. For 30 years, I had always had trouble sleeping, slept mostly during the day and usually woke up anxious, feeling like I had wasted the day . Now I wake up early every morning and feel alert enough to go on with my day, and sleep without a problem at night. And I’ve also stopped overeating.

After a few days, I had to go back home to pick up some of my work supplies and break the news to my parents. I had nightmares before going back. In the dream, I was harassed by a stranger. I think it’s symbolic. It means that my parents have no boundaries.

I toughened up and made it home. I told them about it. Then there was silence while I packed up. Later, they asked to have a chat, and told me that if anything was wrong, they could fix it but then it was just them justifying their actions and simultaneously jinxing about what would happen to me now that I’m renting a shared flat .

In the end, I left some of my important documents in my old room and locked it up, promising that I’d come back from time to time. I gave them the address and left. Later that night, my Ndad called like he always does to show that he worries about me. But this time, instead of ignoring the call, I picked it up and heard them rambling about when I’d come back and how they’d buy food I like— stuff that I don’t really care about. I know they’ll never change and I’m ready for a new chapter. The call ended after one minute or two because I’d got nothing to say nor do they care what’s on my mind since they’re just self-absorbed losers.

Thank you for reading.

When I was 16 years old I got my girlfriend pregnant and she had my son. During her entire pregnancy my parents told me how much of a 'fuck up' and disappointment I was. Told me and my girlfriend that we had to give my son up for adoption and when we said no, they tried to kick me out of the house to live with my grandparents 4 states over so I would not be able to be in my son's life. Because of this, I left the house at 17 and joined the military so I could get away from them and be with my child and now wife. Fast forward 5 years, I got out of the military and have been living in the same town as my parents for 3 years now, because my wife's family happens to live here too and her parents are ill. A year ago, I got into slight legal trouble and hit rock bottom. Because of this I messaged my parents because I had no one else to turn to. Well my son told me that he wants a relationship with my parents and wants to spend time with them. We've seen them only about 5 or 6 times since I regained contact with them. But this most recent time, they asked if they could take him to their church, which I agreed to because although I have mostly fallen out of religion, I was told that his church camp would be 90% fun and games since he is only 6 years old, and 10% actual church worship. I wanted to ease my son into religion so as not to give him a culture shock. Well I found out that the 'church camp' was just 100% Baptist church service. As in long, dry, sit in your seat and be quiet type service. My son, being 6 and a wild personality who never experienced something like this, was disruptive and got out of his seat frequently. When my parents brought my son back to our house, they were cold and distant. A specific situation is I asked my father 'Do you want to hold our 6 month old baby"' As he has never held her. He told me no.This came to a head when I called my mother later that night and she said that my father was 'Ashamed' of my son. They now have invited us back over to see them this weekend, and I want to give them one more chance, and also to tell them that their actions are not how a grandparent acts and that if they want to be a part of our life, they will show my children unconditional love and respect. My wife however, says that my not immediate defense and yelling at them, is a sign that our marriage is not going to work. I don't want my parents' choices to ruin MY marriage. I plan to tell them that their actions are reprehensible and that I want nothing to do with them over text now. Please I just need someone else's opinion.

I'm sure many of you will have also heard that same line, how if you go no contact with relatives you'll regret it when they pass away.

Every now and again I search up my relatives on obituary sites, mostly because I wasn't really sure how I'd feel about it I guess? I also figured I might feel some relief if I did find out they were gone. I didn't wish death on them, but wanted to know if they were still a lurking danger.

Today I was doing that, and I suddenly remembered my ngrandmothers middle name, so I searched her full name. She's dead. She died about a year ago.

I can't put into words the immeasurable amount of relief I'm experiencing, knowing I never have to worry about somehow bumping into her. The only regret I have, is that I didn't think to search her full name earlier. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Going no contact is the best choice I ever made.

I want to say thank you to everyone in this sub and to the creators of countless YouTube videos I watched. You helped me realise that I'm not crazy, my feelings are valid and justified. You helped me understand how horrible and twisted these narcissists are, how awful was the situation I went through. All I want to say is THANK YOU SO MUCH!

But now I want to move on. I don't want to read about these people, I don't want them in my life in any shape or form. I am ready to move forward, I am ready to let go of the past, and I really want to.

I wish for every broken soul here to come to the same place I did. There's more to life than suffering, there's more to life than pain. I wish you all to see that again. Cheers!

Even on Reddit, you find a show you're obsessed with and write a lovely validating comment to a reply on your post. No upvote. No reply. The level of coldness from people who love the exact same thing in the exact same way as me is terrifying. Everything just downvoted and ignored. Other social media is cliquey. Real life is just dreadful and dangerous, I meet narcs within seconds.

The older I get, the more it seems like nobody can bond. It's like a nightmare and I'm just scared at this point. We have social needs. But maybe being raised by narcs created those social needs and we don't actually have them.

I have no relationships with anyone and I'm wondering if I even want them... they all just seem to be Hell.

It's such a lonely life when you decide you deserve better, getting tired feeling like I would have to beg someone to go for coffee because they think they can do so much better than me. (Edit: I meant my brother, not dates).

I'm sorry if this isn't the right sub, i just really need to vent.

My (22f) nmom (52f) has done way worse things in the past but i think this is just the straw that broke the camel's back (making me go fully NC). Plus, this literally just happened so i'm very angry and hurt and typing things out helps me process.

2 years ago i came out of an abusive relationship and had nowhere to go so i asked my mother if i could stay at her house until i got back on my feet. She said of course, but it didn't take her long to realize that her husband hated me being in his presence, for no good reason at all and my mother has always put her husbands before her children so i was kicked out, without having found a job yet and having no car to live in.

I thought i was about to be homeless so i only took the essentials with me and asked my mother if i could put a couple things in her shed because a book collection is kind of useless if you're homeless. So i stored away a chair, a stand-up mirror and 2 boxes of books (my entire book collection). My mother has an even bigger collection than i do, so i thought, she of all people would understand the sentimentality of books.

During this time, my ex called my mother and told her he would be dropping off more "stuff" of mine that i had left behind. He brought 2 big plastic bins and 3 garbage bags of literal trash. Empty soap bottles, loose light bulbs and batteries, old useless mail, old vapes that didn't work, dead lighters.. i could go on. He must've literally gone through the trash and threw in pretty much anything i've ever touched.

Anyway, things turned around and 2 years later, i just got a place with my very awesome current boyfriend.

So i sent my mother a text letting her know that i would be picking up my stuff now that i actually have a place to put it all and she said "sure!!".

Well when i get there, she tells me she's already pulled everything out of the shed and points. I look, and guess what? It's the literal trash that my ex brought her (which we had very clearly established was just garbage when she went through it 2 years ago). When i ask her where my chair and mirror are, she just says they were taking up too much space so she got rid of them. And my books? She's apparently never seen them before in her life. Even though i made sure to label both boxes with a jumbo sharpie "MY NAME'S BOOKS" on every side of the box to make absolutely sure they weren't confused for something else. Not to mention, she literally saw me pack them and put them away.

So my mother, after sending me off to be homeless because husbands always come first (her 3rd btw), deliberately and purposefully threw away my valuable and sentimental things, only to give me garbage. And then tried to gaslight me about it.

The only reason i was still LC with her is because she had my shit. So i guess that's goodbye for good.

she unlocked the door from the outside to break into the bathroom while i was naked (luckily i had put a towel on already) to get me to greet my aunt hello, which would involve hugging her and kissing her cheek. she came in with my aunt and my younger cousin (who had also broken in earlier despite me telling her over and over to not come in because i didn't have a towel on).

greeting female relatives while nude isn't regarded as too weird in my culture (Caribbean), i guess???? but i am not comfortable with it and this felt like part of her campaign to invade my privacy because my mom has been upset lately that I'm putting up boundaries for when and where she can see me undressed.

i told her and my aunt and cousin repeatedly that i was uncomfortable greeting while nude but they kept trying to force me. my younger cousin even tried to physically drag me to my aunt to greet her; i am angry with her for this plus her breaking in earlier when i kept yelling at her not to. she is a teenager, so she honestly should listen when someone tells her no; my little sister, who just finished elementary, knows to listen when someone is uncomfortable with something.

finally, they left but then my mom came back a while later and ripped open the shower curtain while i was showering to yell at me for embarrassing her in front of her sister and that I'm so selfish, terribly raised, and stupid for not just greeting with a towel on. she goes on and on about how she is my mother and blah blah blah, hit me, and then threatened to wallop me. i told her to please leave or she can yell at me from the other side of the shower curtain!

she refuses to listen to anything i say that i am just not COMFORTABLE with her or any relatives seeing me nude, especially older female ones. they would often comment on my body and call me sexy or tell me that men will love me and i don't like that! i don't care if she or my aunt are mad at me. even my dad, who is physically abusive, was confused and told my mom "you didn't do all of this when [my name's] older sister insisted on the same kind of privacy."

My nmom is selling my childhood home and I am in college. Coming home for holidays and the summer I stay with my sister that has her own house. Im extremely upset about losing my childhood home. Im distraught about not being in my room ever again since it was my only safe place from my mom. I worry that I will only have a safe stable permanent space when I have a house of my own one day. Does anyone else feel this way? Or has come out on the other side?

They're so normal... and successful. They must look at me and think I'm a horrible person and a loser. If they knew how warped my emotions are and the things I've done because i was hurting or the things i did to survive? They would hate me. I just want to flee from these people even though I wish I could have people like them in my life. I doubt they have the capacity to understand though so I am stuck in this broken place.

Like all the teachers at school. In elementary school at recess, I told my friends I wanted to kill myself sometimes. They went home and told their parents, parents told the school and tried to have the counselor deal with it. When I was called into her office she tried to force me to call my mom to tell her that I was suicidal without asking any questions about WHY I was suicidal. Spoiler alert, it was because of my mom! I thought I convinced the counselor to let it go but when I got home I discovered she had told my mom herself. My mom called me into her room and went on a long winded rant about how I was making her look like a bad mom, I had nothing to be sad about (I was being molested, frequently subjected to death threats by eldest brother and frequently subjected to him and eldest sister while they were high on meth, bullied at school, and my parents rarely spared energy to pretend like they cared about me), and how I needed to "buck up". Those were her exact words, and I think about it all the time. Then later in middle school when I showed up with flea bites covering my ankles and had to ask my teacher if I could go to the office for anti-itch cream because they were so distracting I couldn't focus on my test, nothing. All the relatives who came to our shithole of a house that should have been declared uninhabitable, and they did nothing. Not a single adult cared about me when I was a child. Not even the "mandated" reporters. More like "if I feel like it" reporters lol.

Growing up with a Nmom and an enabling father I’ve come to realize my whole life my mom can’t stop herself from sticking her nose in my business or complain about all my shortcomings. But it’s not like she’d really help me or do anything for me either. She would just complain about me not doing well in school, being unhealthy, being unable to find a job in this shitty job market while never trying to help or she’ll make shit suggestions like “have you tried looking online?”.

I feel like I was set up for failure. Like I had to learn everything myself in life and I only got to learn important life lessons after it was too late. It feels like all my peers in college knew how to navigate college and take the right steps towards getting jobs in their field of study and build the right connections while I got left behind and don’t know how to catch up and make a living for myself.

I wish I could cut her off so goddamn badly! I wish I had steady employment so I could cut her off from my finances, get off her insurance and her phone plan but I’m stuck under her control with no hope of escape.

For example, the fireworks from this evening, cause me to be jumpy and have panic attacks.

If a door is shut too aggressively, I am on edge for hours.

Say my friend accidentally drops a glass, the sound causes me to scream.

I hope this fear goes away someday. I still continue to walk on eggshells each and every day.

I don’t know for certain if my parents are narcissists. They certainly display most traits of one or more types of a narcissist - but there has never been a diagnosis and I don’t expect there to ever be one.

Either way, I continue to wonder if I’ll ever stop looking like a wounded deer…

Honestly just wanted to say this bc this moment just now was mind-blowing to me. I can read through posts about topics I am worried about, and today came the realisation that just cheered me up immensely: I am normal. My circumstances and my situation were not. But this toxic surrounding was MY NORMAL, so naturally I adapted some unhealthy and self-destructive behaviours over the years (that I am still working on today).

I am not strange, I am not weird, I am okay. And I'm still in the process of healing and that's fine. And whoever reads this and needs to hear it: You ARE normal. It's okay. You got this.

Have a nice day, to everyone who reads this. :)

Anyone have super hearing powers from trying to determine if footsteps are angry and to what degree and in what specific type, and if you would have time to get away if needed.

Ahh these narcs suck.

But, I can hear a train come like a minute before it gets in to town. I can hear a damn mouse in the wall.

My Mother and I were deeply enmeshed. I was her slave girl, confidante, I could only have the emotions she allowed me to have, and she guilted, threatened, and probed, peered, invasively grilled me on every last nook and cranny of my emotional world. I was given no space to be myself, for my own private world, where she wasnt' somehow right there forcing her way in. I had zero concept of Me, and someone else, and what it means to respect other people's boundaries, preferences, or my own. I was coerced into divulging too much information, it was a very frightening emotionally incestuous experience.

She revealed too much, intimate details of her life, her childhood, .....and expected me to the same , right down to my deepest , darkest, most intimate emotions. It wasn't' "talking" , or "sharing" , it was being interrogated. If she thought I was holding back, she pushed harder. She used to tell me she could read my mind, and I believed her. Later on, someone told me that kids are usually pretty transparent, you wear your emotions on your sleeve, so If I looked at her like I hated her, which I'm sure I did a lot, It wouldn't have been subtle. We glared at each other. We were never "Mother and Daughter", I was a trapped animal, and she was my warden-and I had to do whatever she wanted ....or she found a way to punish me, which meant giving her whatever she wanted, it was like being emotionally raped.

When I got older I found myself revealing too much too soon, oversharing, asking inappropriate questions, commenting on things that were none of my business, and I had no clue. I felt deeply ashamed for the whole ordeal. It was a hard way to learn how to relate to people, by repeatedly being inappropriate, and "strange". So much shame.

Later I thought "what's wrong with me?".....but this is how it was with my Mother. I was NOT allowed my individuality, my boundaries, my space, my own feelings, .....I was poked, prodded, examined, ridiculed, mocked , torn apart, made fun of.....if she didn't understand some way I felt, some way I thought, my preferences.......I was just ripped to shreds. I was not allowed to individuate, differentiate, and form into a self. It was terrifying.

Enmeshement creates what's called Fear of Annihilation, it's a thing. It's when someone elses' emotional experience dominates and obliterates your own. It's this soul annihilating ordeal. You can't even feel your own feelings, think your own thoughts, all you know is whatever feelings and thoughts, they're forcing on you. My Mother's emotions were so out of control, so hyper aggressive, or hyper hysterical, the histrionic segment of a Cluster B. If I tried to have my own emotional experience, she had to take over, make it hers, I wasn't "doing my emotions the 'right way"". No NOT, excitement like that, but like THIS!!! I always felt like running away from her. Constantly struggled to create some distance, and why I isolate so much. It's not that I can't tolerate others' ideas, feelings, I'm terrified that they're going to hold me down, and force feed me a version of themselves that I have to swallow.

Now I can't get enough space. I hate meeting people, talking to people, I panic if their experience is different, I always anticipate an attack, someone is going to figure out I have an emotional experience, and then force their way into my life, my head, my space, my safety zone. I used to have severe Anxiety, until I realized one day that people can't actually take over my body, my emotions, dictate to me how I "should" feel. I can not like someone, and simply walk away, I don't have to morph myself into their experience, for fear of being attacked. I can say NO.

IT took me years to understand that relationships develop slowly over time. I'm not sure what her motives were for being so enmeshed, ....fear of abandonment, control?

But it gave me a very skewed idea of how to relate to people.

Edit: https://www.bethanywebster.com/blog/why-mothers-abusive-daughters/

I’m (33F) struggling to cope with my martyr of a mother (67F). I’ve spent my life defending her actions, but like most, as an adult, realized she is an enabler with no capability of setting boundaries.

I come from a family of drug addicts and alcoholics. Because of this, my mom never touched the stuff. Admirable, right? Wrong! This turned her into the family scapegoat long before I was born.

Cleaning up after drunks. Enabling addicts because she “can’t turn her back on them” (even after they rob her blind). Providing childcare for said addicts (which snowballed into foster care). She does not possess the ability to say NO! And this has ruined her life.

She has no hobbies, she does not travel, she has given up her life so the losers in my family never truly hit rock bottom. I know she thinks she is helping “keep the family together”, but they do not appreciate her sacrifices and this has slowly driven me insane. I am her sounding board. She only vents to me. For as long as I can remember.

A little backstory… she married an abusive prick at 18. Had my older brother…

My grandma (alcoholic) and Aunt (junkie) forced her at 19 to take custody of her niece (E) and nephew (M) so they didn’t end up in the system. She raised my brother with these 2 cousins.

Fast forward to the next generation (15~years). My mom thought it’d be a great idea to have me with some random dude who begged her for an abortion. Aunt/Neice “E” followed in her mom’s junkie footsteps and abandoned her two kids (L&B). My mom raised me with “L” & “B”. Deja vu anyone?

My brother and I had major issues growing up with “broken” children who caused nothing but conflict. Constantly disrespectful. Blaming everyone else for their issues. Stealing, lying. Constant police interactions. My mom had no more energy for us, her biological kids. We were swept to the side. Never protected.

This in turn caused me to be an overachiever. I did not want to cause her any more stress. I moved out at 17, as far as I could to escape the dysfunction. Too bad it didn’t end there….

Cousin “B” followed in their mom & grandmoms footsteps. Addicted to drugs and popping out kids left and right. You guessed it! My mom to the rescue!!! THREE GENERATIONS OF FUCKERY!

She is now a foster parent to three more angry children. And enabler to all these deadbeat parents with mommy & daddy issues.

I mourn the mother I could’ve had. How different life would be if she poured into her own children. It affects my mental health daily. Even being 1,000 miles away.

In recent weeks she has broached the topic of me taking custody of the 3 elementary aged children if/when the time comes. Her health is not the best and I know a lifetime of operating under this amount of stress has done her no favors. I’m at a loss. She doesn’t realize the impact my upbringing has had on my relationships, ability to trust, and outlook on children. I have none of my own.

I can’t fix her life or undo her decisions. Her choices have ruined our relationship. She has and will always be unavailable to my brother and I.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

I’m 27 and hardly ever talk to my parents anymore, but I grew up in somewhat of a bubble city and most of my friends still live there. It’s kind of difficult to come home and avoid them. The last time I went home a few days ago, I found out that my parents will occasionally hang out with my friends. Not my friends and their parents, just my friends. It’s not super common but it sounds like my friends will just invite them to hang out every couple months. I honestly don’t know why my friends are doing this because they know my parents are assholes, so that’s a separate conversation I need to have. I have tried to talk to my parents letting them know it makes me uncomfortable, but they are so dismissive. They say “well they invited us” and I get that but shouldn’t parents have boundaries. I mean I could never imagine hanging out with my friend’s kids, and if I was invited I would just politely decline. I mean, am I crazy? This doesn’t seem like acceptable parent behavior.

A bit of background:

I was recently diagnosed with autism after experiencing the most extreme burnout of my entire life. It came after moving back home to try and get support from my family, who I'm realizing, have zero capacity/desire to actually to do.

My narc mother/sister took my weakness as an opportunity to fully try and destroy me, and my enabling father just sat back, watched, yelled and blamed me while catering to their every need. I felt so physically ill, and mentally confused, desperate for any kind of support, and wasn't really able to defend myself and navigate them as I normally would. It's left me with such crippling depression and physical illness that I really feel like a just a hollow shell of myself now. I have not been able to bounce back like I usually am able to.

What happened:

It was the blatant betrayal, when I actually needed support for the first time in my life, that really did my head in. I learned from a very young age to NEVER be vulnerable with them but really couldn't help it this time around.

This also came after an extremely awful relationship with a narc and losing my grandmother (my only safe person). But this also came with the realization that most of my "friends", bosses and acquaintances mirror my narc mother and enabling, angry father.

It's like everywhere I go, these people will find me, pretend to like me, deceive me, then screw me over or humiliate me at the first opportunity.

What I've realized:

There's always been one NARC that's targeted me over the past 10 decade of adulthood in EVERY job. Everywhere I go, they find me. I feel like candy for them and I feel so damn terrified to make friends or to even leave my house at this point.

I struggle to accept people who actually love me, struggle to stand up for myself, struggle to connect with people who could potentially love me, as it feels like a trap. I get bullied and pushed around constantly in life

For years I've been pretending that I'm fine, but just can't go through life living like this anymore. I don't know how to stop falling for their tricks, and don't know how to move past my rage. I feel genuinely extremely paranoid and don't know how to safely be myself in the world.

Part of realizing that I'm autistic means that I feel really BLIND socially, and struggle to understand who likes/doesn't like me. I always just thought that it was a cute quirk that I couldn't tell, but realize that it's actually a disability.

I'm looking for some SUCCESS stories, or even understanding, as I feel like I'm losing my mind and my health and have no idea how to get back to myself.

TLDR: I sabotage my successes, feel unworthy of love, constantly ruin my own life by rejecting safe relationships, feel drawn to people like my parents who constantly screw me over, desperately try to get them to change. I don't know how to stop finding narcissists everywhere, and don't know how to move on with my life.

I want friends but I'm weird and I feel like I'm just too much.. I want to meet that special person who finally gets me, understands me, and wants to actually be around me. I hate that I'm stuck with them again. I have too many limitations, all thanks to them. Yay cptsd, crippling social anxiety, and depression. YAY. I just want one person, just one person. Just one. Just one that I can be myself around and smile again and laugh again. This past years been a really bad one and i just feel like a lost cause. My marriage to a narcissist stole all my beauty, and my nParents fucked me up. What am I supposed to do now? It's literally like he came into my life to finish what they started. FUCK NARCISSISTS!!!

I'm 16, and i hate this woman so much. So fucking much. I hate her guts. I hate her. I want a good mother. I want a mother who loves me. I want a mother who doesn't berrate me every single day. A mother who doesn't beat me. A mother who doesn't treat me as her emotional punching bag. Just one day which is not dependant on my mother's extremely unstable mood. A mother who doesn't go from trying to act normal one second then beating me the next. A mother who is normal. A mother who is NORMAL!!!!!! I want to die because of her. I can't do it anymore. I fucking hate this bitch. So full of herself. So uncaring of her daughter's feelings. She doesn't give a shit about how she makes me feel. Everything is about her her her her. Fucking bitch. God she's a creation from hell. I wish she never existed. She's an awful human being. She thinks of herself as better than everyone else. She thinks she's kinder, more intelligent, helpful, stronger than everyone else. But she's truly just an awful human being to treat her only family like this. I hate her. I hate my family. I hate them all. I just want to die. I want her to die. I want to leave this hellhole and never look back. I want someone to put her in her place. Piece of nothing but narcissistic BPD fucking shit.