r/BreakUps • u/Legitimate-Area-919 • 2d ago
Have you guys ever acted on the impulse of reaching out to your ex?
If so what was the outcome?
42
u/Twentyone27 2d ago
Yes, he ignored me🫠
10
2
u/InfamousButterfly98 2d ago
This is what keeps me from acting on impulse the last time I called him 3 weeks ago and he didn’t answer
2
24
19
u/Positions3435 2d ago
yes, I looked so desperate. and just recently, I tried to reach out to him. of course he did not read my message and of course it feels painful. I don't think he even received it. it is what it is, you live and you learn to accept that some things are not meant to be. I will always have time for him if ever I was given a chance to speak to him again.
20
u/Ok-Special6463 2d ago
Broke up 3 months ago and still talk every day. It’s truly pathetic.
11
5
3
2
u/SuspiciousSlip7604 2d ago
My ex and I talk every day as well, been broken up about a month. So I understand how you feel.
9
u/dmaegix 2d ago
Why do you still talk together? How can you heal from the break up then? Just curious 🤔
7
u/Ok-Special6463 2d ago
We share a dog so it started out exclusively about dog drop offs and then escalated to messaging every day. On the healing front I definitely think it’s delaying the process and a terrible idea.
3
u/That_Boysenberry4501 2d ago
are you trying to be "friends"? i agree...not good for healing. No one is feeling the loss or end of the relationship.
2
u/MisprintedLies67 1d ago
From someone who did this I absolutely agree. At some point the chances are one of you will meet someone else. And the pain is so much worse when this happens. Being friends and talking all the time means you haven’t felt the loss and healed.
2
u/That_Boysenberry4501 1d ago
yeah, i need myself to fully heal and move on and return focus to myself and i can only do that through no contact.
But also for them--they dumped me over text and had severely avoidant behaviors that sabotaged the relationship. They will never get a chance to feel my loss and the consequence of their actions and never get a chance to reflect/look inward/and possibly heal if I am not gone from their life. If I stayed as a friend, it would enable them. Let them think they did nothing wrong and didn't hurt anyone and they didn't lose anything.
1
u/MisprintedLies67 1d ago
As someone with a severely avoidant ex who blindsided me by text I totally agree:)
12
2d ago
Yes lol multiple times. I’ve stopped since whenever we do talk its on his terms, he doesn’t show any interest. So I think that’s the case most times, you need to prioritize your self-respect and mental health and just not give a fuck about them cause they probably don’t give a single fuck about you.🤷♀️
6
u/That_Boysenberry4501 2d ago
no contact as the dumpee is the only way to go if you want self-respect and any dignity
12
u/tenrose99 2d ago
Yep! And I got the shortest and coldest responses back. It kind of helped kill my hope of getting back together and actually move on, even though I was extremely sad when it happened.
1
9
u/ChocolateBiscuit96 2d ago
No, can’t give him the satisfaction that I’m still thinking about him almost 8 months later lol
14
u/sweetPineapple-36 2d ago
Yes I texted him a whole bunch of me talking shit. I needed to tell him the entire truth. Done.
6
u/throwRAtrap66 2d ago
I’ve done this in the past and looking back, it needed to be done lol. It’s very stupid but I had to get some shit off my chest 😂
1
7
7
u/FukkYourGod 2d ago
Only once but she said she didn't want to be in a relationship so I never reached out again. Ironically, she's reached out 4 times already lol
3
u/miza_nur 2d ago
What was next, bruh? sounds interesting!haha
3
u/FukkYourGod 1d ago
I'm talking to her again(I folded 😭) she seems more interested this time tho. The third time I tried to start things again with her but she always said she was too busy so I just ghosted her. Now shes doing the same things she did when we first started talking. She seems more excited. I'm still being cautious because I feel like she's trying to use me. Idk maybe I'm overthinking.
2
u/miza_nur 15h ago
Yeah, it's a wise move to be cautious! I hope she is a changed person and wish you the best!
6
u/BobLoblawsLawBlog201 2d ago
I don't think I have many toxic traits except I almost always go back or let exes back in. Once I let someone into my life, I just really fucking struggle to accept I'll never see this person ever again. I think it's a trauma response from childhood. So I always have several rounds. I probably need therapy about this.
2
6
u/b00biesandd00bies 2d ago
Yes. And so has my ex. She actually contacted me about 2 months ago and we ended up going back to no contact after about a day lol. And then a few weeks later I decided to reach out to her. We’ve been in contact since and staying with each other 5 out of 7 days of the week. Do I think this will end well ? No. Am I going to try ? Yes.
9
u/GarbageQuick994 2d ago
yes, and we had sex 😔
2
u/Antique_Respond6356 1d ago
did it make you feel worse?
im curious bc my dumper reached out and we eventually ended up having sex too. we havent spoken, and its been 3 days now. i do want to get back with him, but i dont know maybe he regrets it or something
1
u/GarbageQuick994 1d ago
it just felt irresponsible considering I don’t want to get back together. I would recommend not doing it if you are hoping for that.. but I hope the best whatever you decide!
8
u/humbug97 2d ago
Yes, and it was bad. It was worse than I expected, but at the same time, I shouldn’t have expected anything more from an avoidant ex.
If you have any “closure” that you need, it’s not up to your ex to help you find it. It sounds cheesy, but it really needs to come from within.
4
u/Capulet99 2d ago
Yeah I did, wasn’t worth it because it was just the same thing every time. I don’t know what I was expecting lmao
5
u/s_esteban 2d ago
Yes. Don’t do it. I sent texts 2 weeks after breakup and got replies hours later that were really blah. Texted her for her birthday and got a reply hours later. I said fuck this and went no contact. We’ve been no contact for 3 months now and it’s honestly like a sigh of relief at this point compared to how I felt day 1 of no contact. She decided to text me out of the blue yesterday which was weird because I deleted her number and she said she deleted mine as well. The text I got popped up and it recognized the text as “maybe this person.” I never blocked her since I wanted to train myself to not get the urge to text even though she wasn’t blocked. Even her texting me yesterday, I looked at it and didn’t reply. Just put my phone away and went on with my day. The point of my rant (sorry lol) is stop giving your ex access to you or giving them time and attention that isn’t recipreciprocated by them.
3
u/Helpful-Special-7111 2d ago
Every time I want to, I remember I blocked and deleted his cheating ass…fuck around and find out. As much as I want to, I’m better off forgetting he existed, wounds hurt but I’ll Hurt more if I reach out
3
u/wolfyish 2d ago
I have had very strong urges to reach out to him…but what stops me is the fact that he never responded to my last messages. Even if he responded…the fact that he is okay with my absence in his life is all the answer I need to not reach out.
We need to stop treating our exes like they are better than us. If a person chooses to not have you in their life…then you need to know your worth and walk away. Let them lose you.
3
u/Mission_Future3723 2d ago
Yes and he replies every time and texts me too💀
1
u/Slow-Painting6112 2d ago
Same. But claims he doesn’t want to get back together.🤷🏽♀️
3
u/Mission_Future3723 2d ago
Same… tells me he loves me yada yada if things hadnt been the Way they were we would have been together yada yada still wants to go to coffee with me and talk things out😩 i’m lowkey getting thrown off ngl
2
u/Hop1ng4AM1racle 2d ago
Yes, all the time, I would feel good at first but I always regretted it later. Sometimes it would lead to reconciliation. In most recent one he nearly begged for me to be back in his life and did me even worse the 2nd time. Sometimes I'd get crippling anxiety and felt like he needed me, so I'd break no contact. Most times he was in a bad space, but I wish I realized sooner it was no longer my responsibility. Letting go is hard, but it really is necessary to get to a place of peace.
2
u/Life-Fix8443 2d ago
yea many times but like i was trying to make things work out again but he doesn’t even feel like he likes me anymore
2
u/Feeling_Upstairs_434 2d ago
No.
But I struggle with stopping myself from replying to them. I wish I could leave people so high and dry when they treated me badly.
2
2
u/Meowtime1989 2d ago
I have.. I sent the “fuck you” text. He ignored it. Then a few days later we talked and he said it really hurt him. Now we don’t talk anymore but he started to stalk my TikTok so I blocked him on there.
2
u/tgarden69 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes…. not my best day, that’s for sure….
It’s been 75 days since with no contact, and lots has changed. I’ve learned a ton about avoidants, and dismissive ones at that. I keep a draft letter that I’ve been writing to her, about how I’m accountable for my actions, and expressing to her that no human deserves being discarded and dismissed, among other things that I needed to say, without feeling like I need to apologized for anything, or begging her to talk to me. Frankly, that’s been liberating, not asking her for anything, or to do anything, … just telling her how I feel & felt, and that I’ve forgiven her.
Her last words to me (all via text) was I don’t owe you anything. … Well, I beg to differ…. And told her so.
I have yet to send it.
2
u/m00nsh0es 2d ago
Yes and he reacted positively. It made both of us very confused and hurt our healing processes
2
u/ForwardExtension5945 2d ago
I did and it was the WORST idea ever, please don't do it people! We ended up meeting, almost got back together and broke up again, all within 2 days. It hurt like hell and the fighting was intense. Stay away!!
2
2
u/gloewyfloewy 2d ago
No... Honestly no contact has been the easiest part of this experience for me. I felt humiliated enough by the break up, why degrade my self respect even further? Plus it's really helping me to detach and get over it.
1
2
u/That_Boysenberry4501 2d ago
Nope. When i first got the breakup text (dumped over text with no conversation or reason), I did call on impulse, but ended it in 3 seconds. Never replied to the breakup text, and I never will. I have ZERO urge to, even when I miss them and am grieving, thanks to understanding no contact and the psychology behind it.
DUMPEES: Please watch this video if you have the urge to message, and any others by him. Learn about the importance of no contact--whether you want your ex back or you want to preserve your dignity and let them face the consequence of the breakup (losing you), NO CONTACT is the most powerful and pretty much best/only chance of any of this happening. PLEASE, watch this dumpees:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrKtsMtPRZs&list=LL&index=6&t=5s
1
u/2Snakes35 2d ago
He took it too far into calling me and telling me his sex dreams about me and wanting to be back together. Whoops But we never 100% ended contact
1
1
1
1
u/Onthecline 2d ago
I did but it wasn’t impulse it was strategic. It was a letter. It almost worked but it didn’t cause of her rebound.
1
1
u/Loveallthesunsets 2d ago
I was only stupid once in my 20s and never again. Worst mistake. I dont go back once theres a breakup.
1
1
1
1
u/PURPLOWKS 2d ago
Yup texted her back and she had found a new guy less than 2 weeks we was together for 2 1/2 years, she cheated on me but we got back together and now this
1
1
u/EdgeRyan 2d ago
Ya just had it blow up in my face. The problem is, more than likely, you’ll just see them moving on and that hurts. Save yourself the pain, trust me, I just did it 2 days ago
1
u/Bubbly_Sleep9312 2d ago
I still live w mine. He said he wants us to be friends, even made plans to hang as roommates. Sounds doable, right? The first couple of weeks were fine, for him, sucked for me. But then, I started to feel a lot better after about a month, and he started to feel weird. Doesn't hang out, barely talks to me anymore, and we don't eat meals together like we used to. Thoughts? Input? Why do you guys think that he was comfy w being friends at first then bailed?
3
u/Minute_Plant6499 2d ago
Can’t speak for your ex, but for me I was almost elated when I got dumped initially. The weight of the relationship was lifted off my shoulders and it felt good. Especially since we were still friendly, but eventually the reality sunk in. I missed the responsibility and purpose the relationship gave me, and started feeling empty. This would be exacerbated by my ex who initially had it rough, starting to recover and moving on.
1
u/Bubbly_Sleep9312 1d ago
It's like yeah, it's all good, at first. It's usually at first and those good feelings are usually temporary. Then, you miss having a partner and somebody to do everything with and care for.
1
u/Soft_Idea4249 2d ago
I’d say he can’t take it that you feel better and treat him as friends (for real)
1
u/Bubbly_Sleep9312 1d ago
So annoying. Like bro this was your idea. If he's not happy he should say something
1
u/Soft_Idea4249 1d ago
Do you still have feelings / hope for him ?
1
u/Bubbly_Sleep9312 1d ago
Yeah
1
u/Soft_Idea4249 1d ago
Maybe you can casually ask him about it ? Like why the sudden attitude change.
I’m curious though how did you manage to stay friends, being a roommate with someone you still have hope and feelings ? I can’t do it eventhough we are not living together 😅
1
u/Bubbly_Sleep9312 1d ago
Lol I guess that's the point lmao. That maybe we just slapped that label on the friendship and that we're not really friends, cause we're not hanging out or acting like friends
1
u/mshr00m21 2d ago
Yeah but that was a month after the breakup, and my hopes for us having any sort of connection kinda died with his dry responses so there’s that. Now it’s almost going to be five months after the breakup and I don’t have those urges at all anymore.
1
u/According_Arm2272 2d ago
100% yes and she just rejected my call, I never tried it again lol. But this was after months of a bad breakup
1
u/Johnplays_2005 2d ago
Yes. I did. Mine responded. I was very constructive, respectful, and honest. It was her first break-up. But she ended things. It was hard on both of us. She hinted at reconsidering her decision in the future once she feels better and heals from all this. I wouldn't be surprised if she decides to reconcile and work it out. Her family fawned over us, and the county adored us. They still have respect for me, and we are still in contact, and there aren't any hard feelings. I'm handling this situation with empathy and pity towards her. Treating her with dignity and respect. Helping out the one who is new to relationships and trying to save what is left of our bond. There were toxic traits in my ex before her. But the current ex. I can't see any toxic traits in her. Perhaps I'm still blinded by everything. It's almost 2 months since everything happened. It all feels so unreal.
1
1
u/pinkblue1719 2d ago
No. If I ever felt the urge I would either write it down in my notes app, take a nap, distract myself, or send a voice memo to my friend and talk about it.
1
1
u/LordVader1995 2d ago
I have twice. One time I asked her if she'd be willing to work on our problems and we actually had a discussion and I got some closure, she said no but the closure felt good at the time. The second time I wanted more closure but she left me on read lol.
1
u/Dorisnight13 2d ago
Yeah… I ended up getting arrested. Nothing good can come from going backwards.
1
u/bitchpleaseugotfleas 2d ago
Yes several times and now I’m a dumbass and doing fwb with him. But I don’t really have the emotion behind it anymore I just crave a physical connection right now.
2
1
u/Basic-Violinist772 2d ago
I have as part of the healing I need to feel. “Clear the air” I will never love him less just different
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/chattycathy2018 2d ago
He answered the phone and just sounded so broken. He said he missed me and loved me. He just doesn’t know what to do and cannot cope because his family are not supportive. 😢 he said we can meet up to talk in person. I know relationships are not black and white. I know mental health is very real
1
u/Cri_YD 2d ago
I did a couple of times but it didn’t resort too poorly. I did after a week then deleted it before he saw it. Then a month later, I told him to remove my username from his bio cause I was in a pissy mood. 4 months later, he wants to be friends and texts occasionally, I want to support him but find it very hard to talk to him.
1
1
u/candiddysprosium 2d ago
Yeah, nearly a month ago now - I'm the "avoidant" if you were really going to put it down to attachment styles, but I oscillate between that and secure. We met up, spent the night together, and the next day, and then things went horribly when she lied to me again - to my face. So that was that. The final piece of closure I needed.
1
u/vodkaraoke 2d ago
Nooo never hahaha
2
u/vodkaraoke 2d ago
sarcasm btw- I have been the ex who reaches out and the ex who is stone cold 🥶. it hurts either way because at one point, you talked to this person everyday and it sucks when you realize things have changed.
1
u/Prisoner3000 2d ago
Yes. She replied with “Oh just fuck off” and blocked me after cheating on me and leaving me for him
1
1
u/MaybeTahqwa 2d ago
I did reach out to her for a while (several weeks) mostly consisting of begging, pleading, and asking to work on the relationship (I was discarded by her after 7.5 years of being together with some days before moving in together indefinitely).
She was cold, did not want to keep talking about "us" and "our situation" because she told me she said all the things that needed to be said. She eventually started to get mean and say hurtful things because she saw me still in pain, and I was bugging her with my sadness. She wanted to stay friends on her terms (talking to each other every few months), and I didn't want that, and I stopped.
Found out she had a new boyfriend after one week or less (a co-worker she started seeing three days prior to our breakup she told me not to worry about). Something inside me snapped, and I haven't reached out since.
Almost three months of NC have passed with no reaching out from her, yet I still think if I want her as a friend and reach out or just move on completely because she disrespected me after all this time with the discard. I don't want somebody who doesn't want me after all that I did.
1
u/SuddenlySimple 2d ago
Over and over and over after he reached back out to me.
Well he has reached out to me and he left me after 10 years for someone else he left me high and dry with Caner to top it off.
So when he reached back out I felt relief that I wasn't forgotten but I won't meet up with him so then he ghosts again.
I went thru a period of spam texting I got tired of it recently now I'm ghosting.
1
u/Iris1501 2d ago
All the time, I always get rejected. I’ve now not asked him for a month and still going strong.
1
u/El-Jay-Tee 2d ago
I used to. It just lessens your appeal to them Keeps you on their hook Keeps them on the pedestal you made for them Makes you feel weak I'm stronger today than I was yesterday And I could have said that yesterday And the day before that, and the day before that and so on and so forth. I feel like I turned a corner 36 hours ago I don't really know what triggered it I think it's the whole journey coming to a point in time.... 10 months....and I feel, free. Not completely. But free none the less. What got me here has been letting the emotion do its thing, crying, being angry, blaming, taking time off work if I wanted to, drinking, eating shit food...the list goes on But all the while sticking to my training and making some sort of progress, incrementally, every day. I was lost in the woods. But I picked a direction and started walking. And it worked. It really bloody did. And every day I'd be lost in the woods. But I'd pick a direction and start walking. Every day, every minute of every day. I say this now when I am feeling great. Maybe tomorrow or the next day I won't feel so good. But fk it, this feels amazing and I will tell myself I am making progress. And I am. Don't message them. Don't call them. Give up on love. Give up on them. Focus on you and whatever direction you start moving in. And do it now. Just start moving. Now.
1
u/Soft_Idea4249 2d ago
I have once. But I thought we were still talking at that time (discussing our issues) . I only said “can I talk to you” and he didn’t reply and I didn’t send another text. It’s been 2 weeks NC.
1
u/throwawayvent2460 2d ago
Yup, the first time we worked through our issues and got back together. I say "worked out," but in reality, it was more me accepting half-baked excuses because I deeply care for him
When we finally parted ways, I reached out again because, well, even if he was a horrible partner, I missed him. I wanted so badly to work on things and gaslit myself into the fault being on me in its entirely
He never replied, I'm fairly sure I was blocked
1
u/BendSquare8500 2d ago
I reached out on the first night I moved into a new place in a new city. I was so lonely. She said "I feel like it's not my place anymore".
1
1
u/Minute-Farm-618 1d ago
Every night I think of texting her but somehow I'm able to control my impulse, don't know how much strength I have left tho
1
u/Ryujin_Kaiyo 1d ago
Yes one time after 3 months. We were together since 18 and are 27 now. So most of my adult life was with her. I had to reach out and see if she still thought that breaking up was the right move which she said yes. I then said thank you for your honesty. Then deleted her number. It hurt more but I felt like I Personally needed it because I can be a delusional optimist in these situations.
1
u/Even-Huckleberry-743 1d ago
Only when I tried to fix our relationship, but we were still together, somewhat. After that we always tried again, but after it was officially over, no, and it's hard. So very hard.
1
u/Normal-Usual6306 1d ago
Yeah, but it didn't go very well. Haven't done it in months and probably won't do it again.
1
u/dontdream_itsover 1d ago
We broke up last October, since then, until now, we still talk everyday, still do stuff, hangout, have fights like a couple and work it out bEcAuSe We WaNt To StaY "fRiEndS" and whenever I decide to stop he gets all mad and blocks me on all socials, except instagram lol We just can't let go of each other lol it's totally draining, i feel emptier and emptier everyday
1
1
u/i_aint_dead 1d ago
Texted him because of a "bad dream", secretly seeked closure and ended up with more questions than before. But on the brighter side I wanted to do it for a while, convinced myself saying life is short and what's the worst outcome?
1
u/ghostteas 1d ago
Yes. Usually doesn’t go well if it’s an ex you don’t stay friends with There’s probably a reason you two chose not to stay friends There’s one I never have though and I do sometimes wonder what’s going on in his life but still would rather not have to talk to him to find out so I don’t I do have mutual friends so maybe that’s even weirder then we don’t talk but idk
1
u/vpkumswalla 1d ago
Very early on, out of habit. We were long distance and would text constantly, share funny or random things thru the day. I kicked myself for texting her.
1
u/Interesting_Pea_2869 1d ago
My one case is that he is the one always reaching out to me after breaking up with me , but I always reply him when he checks up on me The last time he reached out he said if I ever need someone to talk to or want to hang out I should tell me But what does that even mean because I am confused
1
u/plantingcabbages 1d ago edited 1d ago
I tried to maintain a friendship with them for a few weeks, but after 9 months I soft-blocked them. I still have lots of guilt because I know neither of us wanted to break up, but I lacked a support structure, both of us had exams, and we both have ADHD.
I have a transphobic family, and this relationship was the first one framed around queer joy together. I stayed with my family after the summer, and I had a serious mental breakdown, and after the breakup they struggled with their mental health too. In October we saw each other after 4 weeks apart. I asked how they felt about the relationship knowing it was painful for both of us and then they broke up with me.
Afterward we cried about it together for 2 hours. We both wanted to stay friends and the pain of seeing them in my socials each day pushed me to soft-block them. In April they came into my life very suddenly, and in October we left each other's lives very suddenly.
My takeaways, (1) I wish I'd blocked them earlier. It would needed responsibility, a sense of agency, and emotional control. (2) There are friends who will replace them; fill in the gaps in you that you looked for in your partner. Seek out these people and they will be there for you. You'll see that this partner was special, but understand the traits that you need to replace them.
1
u/plantingcabbages 1d ago
g0sh, I went way off the subject with this one. The short answer, neither of us reached out to other, but mutual friends meant we saw each other regularly. I left uni and that's the last time I'll meet them. Eventually I took them off my socials.
1
u/Beneficial-Score1073 1d ago
With my first breakup, it was soooo hard to stop myself from reaching out. I was so angry and hurt and had no self control. With the second one, I still reach out but with caution. She reaches out to me as well. She already has a girlfriend so I have made myself scarce but I still care for her as a person.
1
u/Warm-Zookeepergame90 2d ago
Currently going through it. I’d say, don’t. Multiple breakups taught me to never contact an ex. If they are gone, it’s for a reason. Just saying.
1
u/Inner_Wrongdoer_9720 2d ago
Three times I caved and reached back out. We got back together every time, and the same exact issues happened (and I became heart broken all over again lol). I’ve been a month of no contact now, which is the longest I’ve ever been. Every one told me but it’s true- no contact really is the only way to heal and move on. The urge is of course still there, but each day it gets easier and my head becomes clearer and I start to see the situation for what it is (we’re not right for each other and no amount of loving him will change that).
1
u/ForwardExtension5945 1d ago
As someone who has been through similar situation did the breakup 2 and 3 hurt more or less than the first one? Just had a second one and it was hell. Only if you want to share ofc
50
u/suna_suna199 2d ago
Every couple of days lol. I have no self control. He’s nice enough to reply but it doesn’t feel the same definitely. Usually just makes me feel worse but yeah