r/BreakUps • u/Adventurous-Page486 • 2d ago
Do I wish my ex a happy birthday?
We were together for 3yrs, broke up a year ago. We’ve not talked since the breakup.
I sent her a message about 6 months ago and she left me on read.
She meant a lot to me and I still care about her and hope she’s doing well. I don’t want to seem mean and cold or like I don’t care about her.. But I also want to be respectful of myself since she never responded to my message.
I would also like it if we could be friends/on good terms in the future when we’ve both healed.
Not sure what the right thing to do is?
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u/passionfruitbanana 2d ago
If you do wish her happy birthday and she doesn't say thank you, please do leave her in the dust, you deserve better.
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u/Unlikely-Donkey-7226 2d ago
Absolutely not. Saying happy birthday to someone doesn’t actually show that you care, anyone could say that. She already ignored you 6 months ago so you probably shouldn’t reach out, especially on a birthday. I personally find it the opposite of caring to reach out on someone else’s special day when there’s a good chance they don’t wanna hear from you. I know you care about her and miss her but saying happy birthday is not the way to show that.
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u/Miralalunita 2d ago edited 2d ago
No, leave it. You don’t have to be on “good terms”. She might be trying to heal and your texts are slowing down the process. I’ve gotten a text from my ex here and there after the BU until I finally asked him to please stop because it was affecting my progress then he proceeds to texts me for my bday and Mother’s Day, which send me on an f’ing spiral. Then to top it off he “accidentally” texted me this weekend which led to a whole conversation and now guess what? I’m calling my psychologist! Pls stop. Just let her be, let her heal.
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u/Positions3435 2d ago
no. as much as I want to say yes, you have to respect yourself first. of course, it's still your decision. but it will only leave you with nothing but sadness and emptiness. trust me, I did it too and it will just hurt your feelings in the end.
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u/This_Palpitation_206 1d ago
Only wish happy birthday when you have 0 expectations and have fully moved on. I wish my ex happy birthday each year and we exchange a couple of texts but that is it. I am happy to know she’s doing well and I guess it’s the same for her. But I don’t want any part in her life or she in mine, we were together for 12 years and broke up 6 years ago. On the other hand my current BU happened 2 months ago ago, together for almost 5 years, I did it because I bumped into her at our daycare if not I wouldn’t had done it as I still have feelings for her and she clearly wanted me out of her life. Choose yourself, don’t do it if it has any chance of upsetting you or if you have any sort of expectation. It’s not about playing mind games and making them miss you but choosing your mental state first.
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u/ControversialCo 2d ago
The answer is no. Her life has nothing to do with you anymore. Stop finding an excuse to reach out. She’s not interested in hearing from you, it’s been a year, and six months since she’s left you on read. Have some self respect and move on.