I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (21M) for about 5 months. He has been asking sporadically about doing anal since very early on in the relationship. I kept expressing that I was uncomfortable with it and he would continue to ask for it and ask me why I didn’t want to. When I was around 17 I had a very abusive boyfriend. He controlled everything I did and was very aggressive when I did something he didn’t like. I had upset him once and as a punishment, he tied me up to his bed and SA’d me with an object in my rectum. He left it inside of me and then left the house for about an hour. I was tied down so tight that I could not move my arms or legs to free myself while he was gone. He came back and told me that if I ever told anyone what had happened, he would kill me, and I believed it. I kept it a secret for years and never told anyone. When my now boyfriend kept pushing about the issue, I finally broke down and told him what had happened and that it traumatized me. That it brought back bad memories and that I didn’t really want to do it. He backed off for a bit but has recently brought it back up. I asked him why he was so adamant about doing it and he said it was a “submissive thing” and that he likes that I’d be “giving myself up to him”. He said he doesn’t want to do it for sexual pleasure, just that he likes the submissive part. He claims he doesn’t need it and that it doesn’t make him like me any less but he really wants to. I found out recently that his ex girlfriend had sent him videos of her doing anal with sex toys after they had broken up, really early on in the talking stage before we were together. He was asking her to do those things over text. When I asked him why he wanted anal videos from her, he said that he just wanted to degrade her by having her do that. When I asked if he wanted anal to degrade me he said no but I just don’t understand. I feel like I’m not good enough or will never make him happy if I don’t but that’s just something that’s really hard for me and I don’t like it at all. I don’t want him to be unhappy with our sex life or always feel less than his ex because she would give that to him and I can’t. It’s putting a slight strain on our relationship. Any advice would be appreciated but AITAH for standing strong in my reluctance or am I being overly sensitive?

Edit: I really wish I could add screenshots of our text conversation earlier to give some more insight to the situation and show what led up to me posting so that the “rage bait” comments will stop.

But also, I want to thank everyone for their kind words. I can’t really filter through all the comments but most of you have been really empathetic and encouraging. I had been single working on myself when I met him, I had dealt with a lot of my trauma. He had been wonderful in our relationship aside from that issue, no other real red flags but I just didn’t want to feel like I was reading too much into it. I know now that I’m not. He’s away for work and I’ll end things while he’s gone so I can assure my safety throughout the whole ordeal. Thank you!!

I (f35) have a son (m18) and a husband (m45) who I’m attempting to divorce. I met my husband when I was 16 at the church in my home town. At seventeen he invited me over and I don’t remember it well but we ended up sleeping together. I was supposed to be cleaning his house for some extra pocket change but ended up pregnant, I still can’t remember everything that happened, but when my parents found out they confronted him and made me marry him. I had my son not much longer after that.

My husbands a brute, he was always mean to me. I tried my best to make him happy, I’d cook his favorite foods, clean the house extra nice, do childcare work to make a few dollars to buy him a treat or two but if I made one mistake he didn’t like he’d hit me. I use to cry to my father about it but he’d tell me it’s my punishment for having premarital sex. I’d ask my father what my husband’s punishment was and he’d say “his punishment is having to settle for you.” I don’t think I ever recovered from that. Before anyone asks about my mother my mother has always been kind of out of it.

She’s been on medication since I was a child and she’s kind of like a zombie. She doesn’t talk much or do much of anything unless my father says so. She was different when I was little but I hardly remember those days. The hitting got worse. To the point where I wasn’t really allowed to leave the house or if I did i had to wear makeup or else my husband would think I was trying to get him in trouble. My son grew up watching this. I’ve heard stories of kids hating their abusive fathers but my son loved his father, more than he loved me. I never wanted my son to hate his father but he started acting out and eventually he started laying hands on me.

My son started hitting me when he was ten. It was light and I’d tell him to stop but as he got older he started beating me. If I told him no he’d beat me. If I didn’t do something he wanted he slap or kick me and even punch me. And my husband would back him up a lot of the times. He’d say “He’s just learning to be a man. He’ll stop when he’s older and has his own wife.” It got the the point where I was terrified of my baby. The only thing in this world I ever got to make, and he terrified me. When he was 16 he broke my arm really bad because I showed my husband his report card. My husband disciplined him but never told me how. I grew to hate my son so much everyday but I still tried to be good to him, to help him. He didn’t want that. I couldn’t make him want that. I couldn’t sleep or eat without dreaming of my son and husband hurting me. My son once pinned me on the ground because I had asked him to help me lift something, I’m frail so I can’t lift much. When he pinned me he hit me a lot and I could feel… it. Hurting me aroused him. He humped me for a few seconds and then he started screaming at me saying it was all my fault and locked himself in his room. I didn’t tell my husband. I should’ve but somehow I felt like I would’ve just gotten hurt worse either by my sons or my husband. He was 17 when this happened so last year. After his 18th in January I packed a bag and wandered off into the night. I don’t have friends, my father wouldn’t help me even if I told him these things.

I slept on a park bench and went to the library and looked up a woman’s shelter. I worked really hard and got a studio apartment. I don’t know how but my son found me. He spent hours at my door knocking and crying for me calling me mamma. He hadn’t called me that in years. I was terrified he’d break the door down and drags me back to the house but my neighbors made him leave.

My son has somehow gotten my number and now he, my husband and father, and some of my son’s friends are texting me and calling me horrible names. My son says I’m a bad mother for running away and not loving him the way he loves me. My husband says he won’t grant me a divorce and that he’ll take whatever I have right now and that I’ve failed as a woman. My father says I’ll die alone because I’m a bad woman. My father even got my mother on the phone to speak to me. She’s all pilled out though so I shouldn’t take her words to heart but she says that a woman can never abandon her child no matter how painful life gets. She told me when my father hurt her she never left me, so I was a coward and a failure you leaving my son. She said she could forgive divorce but not leaving my baby behind… Aita?

Edit: while I have no issues responding to comments the idea of replying to personal messages terrify me for some reason. Please don’t be upset if I don’t message you, I don’t mean to be weird.

Edit 2: I’ve been reading a lot of comments and I’m grateful and very overwhelmed. I won’t get to specific but I just packed an essentials bag and have purchased a ticket for out of town. I got off the phone with a shelter a few thousand miles away and they’re willing to get me once an arrive in their city. I’ll figure out divorces and restraining orders once I’m finally there. Until then I’ll read comments to see if there are anymore useful things to learn. Luckily my studio is on a month to month lease because I had never really planned on making this a permanent home. So leaving is as hard as I thought. Running away the first time was hard but maybe the second time with be easier?

Update: here’s a small update and I likely won’t update again do to being nervous about everything but I’m on a bus. I got on this morning and I’m about five hours away from the state and then I’ll be getting on a plane. I had enough money for a ticket so I’ll be super far away. I won’t work on the divorce until a few months from now and I have a small job lined up. It’s nothing special just a 12 an hour fast food gig. I’m grateful for all the advice. My old landlord was sorry to see me go but I paid off this months rent and told him he can sell the little bit of furniture I had. He said he’d give me half of that money once it’s all sold. He’s very kind, a little scary looking but when I spoke to him over the phone after I had left he was very understanding. Thank you all for everything and I’m sorry but this is the last thing anyone will hear from me unless I work up the nerve to update again. You are all incredibly wonderful and special people to me!

for context, i basically raised my sister because my mum is a "functional" alcoholic.

last week my sister returned to school, she was absent for a while due to being ill (epilepsy). there have been rumours about her geography teacher getting too comfortable with underage students for a while now, but nothing has been proven.

geography was her last lesson of the day, and the teacher in question greeted her by grabbing her rist and apparently saying "im glad youre back." this raised some red flags when my sister came home and told me. regrettably, despite my concerns, i assured my sister she probably meant nothing by it.

the next day, i got a call from my sisters school accusing her of punching her geography teacher. to say i was shocked is an understatement. its not like my sister to be violent AT ALL. she rarely even raises her voice.

i agreed to visit the school the next morning, not before asking to hear my sisters side of the story when she got home.

according to my sister, her teacher was acting inappropriately e.g. touching her numerous times, looming over her desk, and making subtle remarks about how she could see her bra through her shirt. at the end of the lesson, the teacher stood by her desk and asked her to collect the text books. when she stood up, her teacher brushed her arm against my sisters chest then GROPED HER CROTCH. my sister instinctively punched the teacher and left the classroom crying. my sister sits at the back of that class, so the only other witness was the girl sat to her right.

when i met her head teacher the next morning, i was told my sister had punched her geography teacher after refusing to collect the text books when she asked. my sister had already given the head teacher her account of what happened, but was accused of lying to get out of being suspended for a week, despite her friend having come forward as a witness.

heres where im being accused of being an AH... after the head teacher told me she would be suspended for a week, i lost my shit. my sister had already spent enough time away from school due to her epilepsy, and was falling behind. i said there was no chance i would allow the school to suspend her for, in my opinion, acting appropriately after a teacher assaulted her. i know for a fact there are cameras in every classroom because i attended that school when i was my sisters age. the head teacher defended the geography teacher by stating she has a husband, therefore would have no interest in young girls. i lost my temper at this remark and threatened to call the police, but all i accomplished was getting my sister expelled.

now my sister has no school to go back to and i know shes upset about that, despite telling me shes ok. the rest of our family are calling me an AH for getting her expelled when this is the only school equipped to deal with her epilepsy.

i could have requested my sisters transfer to another geography class but i wasnt thinking at the time, and its going to be a long time before we can get her into another school. i know i fucked up, getting her expelled, but i believe my sister did the right thing.

EDIT: all the advice has been really helpful. thank you. i showed my sister this post, and shes really appreciated all the support, but unfortunately, there has been some hate aswell. nonetheless, the police have been involved, but thats not why i made this post. as for everyone claiming this post is anti-lgbt, i would like to mention i am bisexual.

the conflict within my family has been mostly resolved for now, so i probably wont be updating this anymore.

FYI, i came to reddit to determine if i was an AH for reacting the way i did, and i did immediately contact the police after i left.

thanks again to everyone for the advice and support.

Me (55f) and my husband (55m) have 2 biological children (31f and 29f). 16 years ago we started fostering and took in “Sally” (30f) when she was 16. We knew she came from a background of being sexually abused, but did not know many details and didn’t pressure her into talking about it. But of course still did our best to help her and treat her equally to our other children. A couple times my husband thought she was flirting with him but he wrote it off as him perceiving something differently than what is was. Then when she was 17 she approached him and touched him inappropriately. He immediately shut that down and she apologized and after he came to me about it we then had a discussion about how that was not at all appropriate and she apologized again and said she didn’t know what she was thinking. We then started having her see a therapist and would make sure my husband would not be alone with her unless necessary.

You would think we’d contact the social worker and get her in a different home but she had a couple months until she graduated and was going to dorm in college so we figured it would be best not to disrupt things too much for her last couple months. We would still welcome her to come back during her breaks, and she had a very good relationship with our other daughters. One day when she was 20 and back home on break, she approached my husband while he was in the kitchen grabbing a midnight snack while the rest of us were sleeping and took her shirt off in front of him. He came and got me and we told her she needed to leave. After that, we told her she would not be welcome in our home anymore, but we would continue to financially support her until she graduated, would not tell anyone else what happened, and we would still be cordial if we ever saw her in public as long as she does the same and stay on the right path and she apologized and agreed. After that, we would rarely see Sally because she kept in touch with our daughters since they were still good friends, which she didn’t have many of, and I didn’t want her to lose that support system. But when we did see her it would be at the maximum small talk.

A couple of days ago, Sally called and asked if she could have a conversation with me and my husband as it was really important to her and she needed to get this off of her chest in person. We agreed and yesterday we met with her and her husband. After basic pleasantries, she started apologizing about everything that happened. She opened up and started explaining her childhood and how she was sexually abused by her dad and uncle and growing up she thought that was the way daughters were supposed to show love to their dads. With my husband being nice to her and her having a distorted view on how to interact with a male in a fatherly role she responded the way she was used to. It was a long conversation and I’m not gonna get into too many details but overall she said she realizes today how disgusting and inappropriate her actions were and she’s very ashamed of what she did and has been doing a lot of counseling working on herself and wants to apologize personally to us for everything she did. After a lot of crying on both parts, she said that she and her husband were pregnant and she wanted us to be involved in the child’s life as the grandparents and she wanted to rebuild trust with us and earn our forgiveness.

My husband told her he forgave her a long time ago and I told her the same and I hold no ill will against her but I felt like it was best if we remained distant with each other. I just feel like overall too much has happened and it would be hard to move past that. She started sobbing, and I felt so bad . Her husband got kind of mad at me and said it took a lot of courage for her to come to us and open up about everything and ask for forgiveness.

I said I 100% agree and I’m very proud of her and appreciate her for coming to us, but I think we’re both comfortable with where we are in each other’s lives right now and it should stay that way, but I wish her nothing but the best and will always have love in my heart for her. She was very upset but said she understands and thanked us. My husband and I hugged her then they left. Afterwards my husband told me he thinks that I was wrong for not wanting to give her another chance. I said “you don’t think we need space between us after what’s happened in the past?” And he said “we’ve had 10 years of space. She’s a grown adult now and I think we should all move on from what she did as a teenager”. I think we should all move on, but I don’t know if still being involved in each other’s lives with everything all that happened is the best idea. I know I’m acting selfishly out of interest of my own comfort. But I just don’t know if that’s the right decision.

So AITA for saying me and my husband shouldn’t get involved in our foster daughter’s life again?

Edit: addressing some things mentioned

1. ⁠I’m actually surprised my husband wants to give her another chance. After the 2nd incident he wanted to go completely no contact outside of finish paying for her school since we had already told her we’d take care of that and wanted to tell our daughters to cut her off. But I thought that was the most harmful route so I would call to make sure she was okay every now and then and helped her adjust a little after graduation, but after that told her that would be the last direct involvement she’d be getting from us.

2. ⁠my daughters have said they will be child free. I didn’t think it’d be best to tell them what happened to save Sally the embarrassment. They are friends but aren’t super close. It’s more of a “how’s life?”conversation every few months.

3. ⁠Before the 1st incident when she was 17 things were very good and we were talking about proceeding with adoption which she was receptive about. Looking back now I feel like this could’ve possibly been a trigger given her history with her dad and that would make my husband legally her new dad. After that we stopped talking about adoption to let the tension settle and see how things would go. When the 2nd incident happened things were kind of almost back to normal. I feel like all this also adds to her request that we be grandparents to the baby because if we had ended up going through with adoption we would’ve been a “real” family and legally the grandparents so it’s like she wants that relationship that we had back

4. ⁠I am SO happy with where she is right now. The reason me and husband started fostering is because we wanted to help kids get a life they may not have otherwise had. And I feel like in part we did that, we helped her get her grades up and get into a university. We then paid for said university. And when she finished we helped her get set up in an apartment and look for jobs so she wouldn’t be like a fish out of water. After that we stopped contact and decided to our separate ways mainly due to the concern that she may try something again or even accuse my husband of something. And I thank god she stayed on the right track and has succeeded on her own. I do love her but sometimes I think it’s better to love someone from a distance. I just don’t know if this should be one of those cases still.

5. ⁠honestly don’t know what I’m worried about. It’s like a jumble of thoughts. Part of me is like what if she has actually changed and another part of me is like what if she hasn’t and another part is what if next time she accuses my husband of SA and another part is like maybe she just wants to be loved and another part says it’s too risky!

I’m 15 and my daughter is turning 2 soon. I got pregnant from SA and my parents offered to raise her for me instead of me being involved which I agreed to. They handle everything with her and I haven’t held her or changed a single diaper or anything like that. I just can’t do it mentally since she’s a reminder of what happened to me and it’s better for the both of us if this stays like this. There’s an event my parents are going to next week and they asked me to babysit her for the day and I told them I couldn’t do it. I can’t even handle looking at her without getting upset. I told them they’d have to either take her with them or find a babysitter. We had an agreement when I had my daughter that they’d do everything and I would not be expected to do ANYTHING with her. They’ve been ok with this situation for almost 2 years and I see no reason for that to suddenly change. They’re super upset with me and decided not to go to the event.

Edit: because apparently so many people seem to think thi was a choice to keep the baby, it wasn’t. I begged for an abortion and when refused one I begged for adoption and this was also denied.

Thank you all for your kind words, support and for defending me after some very nasty people decided to try and use this thread to hurt me. Thank you all so much

My wife Jessica (32F) and I (30M) have been married for 2 years and are trying for a baby.

Jessica has an older sister, Mary, that she isn’t close to. She told me that they had a huge falling out over some family drama and just don’t speak anymore. I asked a few times about the entire situation but she would say she doesn’t like talking about it and doesn’t think it’s important.

It’s was Jessica’s brothers birthday yesterday and we were all over at his house to celebrate. Mary made an appearance and there was a lot of drama. Long story short, she called Jessica and her brothers out for still associating with their dad when they know that he is a child molester. No one was paying her any mind and I was really confused on what the hell was going on. When Mary left and Jessica and I went home, I asked Jessica what the hell happened.

She said that when they were kids, Mary used to claim that their dad used to molest her. I asked if it’s true and Jessica was stuttering a lot. She said she knows her dad used to do bad things but that Mary cut them all off when she turned 18 and moved out. I asked if she is admitting that she knows her dad was a child molester and did things to his own daughter. She said he doesn’t do it anymore and he was just in a really bad place in his life, and he apologised to Mary so there’s nothing else anyone can do for Mary. I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary. Jessica made it seem like Mary did something wrong and deserved to be basically exiled from the family. I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened.

I asked if she expects me to now be willing to have that man around our future children and she started shouting at me, saying I’m judging him off something that happened 2 decades ago and whether I like it or not, he is going to be our child’s grandpa and he will be in their lives. I said if she insists on it, I think we need to hold off on having kids and have serious conversations about it. She’s extremely angry at me but I don’t know how I could better react to be honest. This feels like a huge deal that she is minimising. AITAH?

I don’t know if you remember me. It has been a while and I forgot about my account here. I feel nothing but despair.

My mom is very sick. I decided that I didn’t want to meet her or any of my family and yet one Sunday morning they were at my door insisting to go inside. Insisting to see me before she left this world. She cried because I looked old. Not her beautiful girl anymore. Did she expect to meet 20 year old me? I didn’t utter a word and I pushed my sister away when she cried and tried to hug me. They wanted to see my children but I refused. My children were terrified.

Now they have been trying everything to make me talk to them. I have tried to report them to the police but they yet again proved themselves to be useless.

My children aren’t feeling well. We are in therapy, especially my son who doesn’t even want to look at me, even now. My daughter is very compassionate but I know that she is as confused and broken but she has always been the kind that tried to make others feel better.

My husband and I are separated. We started having issues. He was angry all the time. He couldn’t look at me. He thought that I should have told him when we met but I didn’t and now he felt helpless. He couldn’t even touch me anymore. Do you feel repulsed by me? Do I remind you of what happened every time I have touched you? He was going mad so he said that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I begged him to stay not only because I love him but because our children especially our son is hurting and we need to help him but he said that separation is better so our son can get a time off (from being with me I suppose) when he lives with his dad.

My rapists wife is suing me for the “damage” that her husband left me. They have 4 children who are all traumatized by what happened. They still live in my home town and everyone knows them. Seeing what happened to my children , I feel nothing but sorrow for his children too. None of them asked to be born.

The woman who provided the alibi was outed. I heard that she’s lost her job and people are harassing her.

Even with my past, these past months have been the hardest on me. I cry myself to sleep every night. I have lost everything I care about. I wish he never admitted to anything. He should have let the past be.

Throwaway because I don’t want to expose my real identity.

Trigger warnings: rape, drug overdose and suicide. I won’t go into details but I wanted to put the triggers anyway. Please proceed with caution.

It happened 2003 my bf at the time asked me to come over one night to hang out but he was with his best friend this time. My bf told me that his best friend was a virgin and how unfair it was that girls rejected him. I have never been able to listen to Tupac after that night.

My bf and his best friend were a part of a big friend group that my sister and I were a part of. I reported what happened to the police and it became a big divider in the group, until a friend of the (best friend) provided alibi for him from her birthday party that happened that same night. It was good enough to everyone and everyone turned against me and wanted me to drop the charges. Including my sister. 6 months later the best friend overdosed and I was blamed for what happened to him. I was ostracized by everyone including my family. I moved away after the case was dropped shortly after the OD.

I woke up about 3 weeks ago to lots of texts and missed called from unsaved numbers. I found out later that it was my mom and sister and now they believe me because my abuser confessed to everything, in details and called what he did a curse that haunted him his entire life (haunted him! HIM!). He wanted me to know that god was on my side and punished him on every single path he took, starting with the death of his best friend. And that he was tired now and couldn’t take it anymore. He asked for forgiveness and for me to visit his grave so at least his soul didn’t continue to be haunted. I got copies of his letter and video sent to me even by strangers. Not only to me but to my husband and children, none of which knew my past.

I don’t know what to do now. My husband and children are traumatized and my family is bombarding me to forgive them. They want to meet my children and be a part of their lives. I don’t even know if there is anything to forgive. I just want things back to normal before all this came out again. Would I be a bad person if I told everyone I don’t want anything to do with them? My mom is apparently sick and is scared she wouldn’t have the chance to see me before something happened.

All I know is that I could finally listen to Tupac again.

I (30F) told my sister (34F) that I don’t feel comfortable with her husband being in the room while I give birth to their child. My sisters been engaged to her husband for about 6 years now, and ever since she was a teen she’s always expressed the want to have a family. About 3 years ago my sister found out she was infertile after trying for a kid for over a year. This was obviously devastating for her and as her sister I’ve felt horrible. Maybe a year ago she had started seeking out surrogates, but after being unsuccessful she resorted to asking me. At first I was hesitant, but as her sister I hated to see her so desperate for a child, so I told her I’d be open and willing with no expense. I want to make it clear that I’ve never had any issues with her husband, but I made it very clear to my sister before I became her surrogate that I do not want ANY men in the room during labor, as I was a previous SA victim in which I was taken advantage of by multiple men while purposely put under the influence, which was extremely traumatic and am still recovering. My sister had agreed to having her husband wait outside, and so I was okay with it as well. But, about a month before my due date her husband called and asked me if I’d requested him not to be in the room during child labor. I had explained to him that I did and that it was no personal issues I had with him, and that having any men around me during a state of vulnerability like child labor would be extremely triggering. He quickly got mad and said that I don’t have the right nor the say in determining whether or not he as the father can be in the room. I told him I wouldn’t change my mind and that even though it was his kid, that I was the one giving birth. He continued to scream at me and abruptly hung up. Later on in the day my sister had came to my house, accusing me of disrespecting her husband and saying that after a lot of thinking she thought it to be unfair and ignorant to ban her husband from seeing me give birth to their child. I then yelled at her, telling her that it was cruel and selfish how she was willing to let her husband in the room after knowing everything I had gone through previously with assault. She then basically told me that after her baby was born she’d stop talking to me for good. It’s now currently 2 weeks before my due date and I’m still very persistent on not having any men in the room, and quite frankly am fine with not speaking to my sister if she continues to be close-minded, am I the A-hole?

So years ago when I was around 11 I was a SA’d while staying at a friend's house. Before it had happened, I was originally a very social kid. I was open about everything and believe it or not I was SCARED to lie. Even about the littlest things. After it had happened I became the complete opposite. I became introverted and only stayed close to one friend, and rarely went outside. Social anxiety also crept up on me and I (ngl) still struggle with it today. I also became rude and secretive.

When I told my mom it had happened she said nothing. She just stared at me and asked “Well what did you do for it to happen?” Since I was only 11 at the time I didn’t understand what she meant by this and was confused. Afterward, she said nothing else and continued to watch TV.

So now onto the main part. About a year ago after I had a panic attack I decided to tell my mom that I was still struggling with the aftereffects of what had happened to me. I told her about how I was scared to be in the same room with someone the same gender as me but way older. I told her about how it would feel like they were watching me, and how I’m scared to wear shorts or anything that shows my skin (still struggle with this one). She got mad when I told her this and told me “Seriously? You’re a man, Killian, you need to act like one. This shit happens almost every day to millions of women and you don’t see them complaining. So man the fuck up and grow a pair.” I was DUMBFOUNDED. I just stood there. I didn’t even say anything. Just stood there.

Throughout the next couple of months I did nothing but attend school and go to sleep as soon as I got home. I was hoping to avoid all contact with her, which was kinda hard considering the fact that we lived together. Whenever she made dinner I would stay in my room and not eat till I woke up, this would be around midnight or later. After a couple of months of doing this, she lashed out at me and asked why I was being such a shitty son. She asked why I never speak to her and why I can’t be like other sons. She asked why I’m always complaining about shit instead of thanking her for putting a roof over my head and feeding me.

This might be a habit of mine but I just stood there. Again, and didn’t say shit. Later I called my aunt and we spoke. After about a week I had all my things gathered and I moved in with her ( where I’m staying now). My mom had no problem with this since the last thing she said to me was, “Come back when you learn how to not be a pussy”. Recently she contacted me saying she was sorry and that she didn’t mean any of the things she had said to me. She said that she was just fucked in the head after her mother (my gma) had passed away (forgot to mention that I’m sorry).

So AITAH for not speaking to her and not properly opening up to her? I feel that I’m partly at fault because I know that I’m an extremely conservative person and I wasn’t being considerate of what she might’ve been going through.

Thank for reading through all of this🩵

EDIT: Guys I don’t care if I have to stay up late to be able to respond to all of your comments. I’ll respond. And all the promises I make—I PROMISE—are not empty. I mean them wholeheartedly. I will try my best to respond with the most gratitude I can express through words, but I’m not really doing so well so bear with me!! 🤍🩵🤍

UPDATE:

I can’t get help.

I [38F] had a particularly bad argument with my oldest son [20M] last night. My husband [41M] is my oldest son's stepfather and has been in his life since my oldest was 4 and has been married to me since my son was 7. We also have another son [6M] and I'm currently pregnant.

My husband and oldest son have a close, loving relationship, and probably have had one of the smoothest stepfather/stepson relationships around. That said, my son has always been curious about his biological father, which I understand, but usually has kept that curiosity to the occasional question that I nip in the bud, then no further questions for a long time.

Recently, my son has been asking me more about who his biological father is (whom he occasionally just refers to as his father - which I and my husband have found hurtful, though he says he doesn't mean that he doesn't think of my husband as his dad when he says that). He hasn't dropped the issue.

I don't ever want to tell my son who his biological father is because he was conceived via rape, and I know that knowing this would be immensely hurtful to my son. He is sadly quite similar to me in that he is more than happy to blame himself for things, and I absolutely do not want him to feel bad about this in any way.

I don't even know anything about the rapist either, so it isn't even like my son would get any practical information/medical history details from knowing any of this either. Obviously I've told my son that I adore him and I'm happy he's my son and in my life, but I have no interest in elaborating on who his biological father is.

Anyway, last night my son and I had quite a bad argument last night, and I told him during it that I would never, ever tell him who his biological father is or anything about him. This basically ended the argument, and while I've apologized to my son about being harsh, he still is upset that I said this, but I stand by it. I just don't know what to do and if this decision is even right.

Me (22F) and my now ex (32M) dated for five years. For context, I was sexually assaulted by a family friend from 4 to 8 years old, and then again by a friend when I was 16. He was my first boyfriend and naturally the first time I had sex, obviously I was on the awkward side and certain situations would trigger a panic attack (that I did told him and explained what he should avoid).

I don't consider myself someone that thinks sex is a must in a relationship, however, since the beginning, we used to have sex once every 2 months. I started gaining weight due to grief (I used to be around 90lbs, now i'm 130lbs, i'm 4'11) and what was every couple of months turned into every 4 months and, eventually, once a year. I would grab any opportunity when he wanted because if I rejected it would take even longer to the next time. Which lead me to having sex with him the day I got my grandma's passing away news, while I was crying (which he later complained about it too) and in his birthday, because I "had to" since it was his birthday. I always tried to talk about it and ask him if it had something to do with me, if he had any health issues related to that or maybe he was taking meds that made his libido disappear and he would always shut me down, saying that nothing was wrong. I would try to express how bad that made me feel, how that was affecting my self esteem because I had the impression the more weight I gained the more he would feel disgusted and awkward around me, and he didn't say anything, he would literally pretend he wasn't listening to what I was saying. I assumed maybe he wasn't into sex that much. But I would always caught him jerking off to OF models, porn, or any type of video that could be seen as a woman being provocative. So last week I decided to confront him and try to understand why that was happening, to which he said it was "easier to watch porn", when asked to elaborate, he said that he gets annoyed by the fact that I need foreplay to have sex, that he hates when I cry (he does, when that happened he would turn to his side and fall asleep while I cried myself to sleep) and that since I started gaining weight I wasn't attractive anymore, so he prefers watching porn. I broke things off with him, and since then his family has been messaging me saying that I'm being childish and overreacting and that what I did really hurt him. That I am a terrible person for doing that to him when all he had to offer me was love. Am I the asshole for breaking up with him over this? (I apologize for any spelling mistakes, english is not my first language.)

We had a family gathering during Labor Day weekend. My sister locked herself out of her house on Monday, I have a spare key since I used to babysit my niece I came over to unlock the door. She asked if I wanted to stay and if she could do my hair, I said sure. During the evening my sister told me about what allegedly happened at the family gathering with her and my husband. I was taken aback, and I asked if he had proof, this is a man I have been together with for over 14 years, he has known my sister since she was 12.

My sister got upset and told me to fuck off and how dare I call her a liar. I tried to explain, that I cannot just blindly go by her word and torpedo 14 years without something outside her word. I asked if she went to the hospital, or the police, told anyone else, or did anyone had seen them together. I told her I needed something.

She told me to get the fuck out.

The only time I recall my husband not being by my side was when he was playing basketball.

My sister has lied and stolen in the past when we were kids, but nothing like this. She has not told anyone else to my knowledge. I understand the statistics, and how false claims are extremely rare.

What exactly do I do?

Edit: Thanks for the feedback, I will not file or report anything. I will hold off on talking to my husband about it until after I speak with my brother and those he was playing basketball with just to see if he left the court for an extended period of time.

I will try to gather more information before I approach my husband. I trust him and will give him the benefit of the doubt.

Thanks again.

Final update: I spoke with my husband at length early this morning. He was shocked and concerned. He acknowledged my sister was at the park watching. She did not play, but outside of that, he had no contact with her outside us saying hi and exchanging hugs when we arrived, when he went to give our niece some sneakers he bought her, and when we were leaving. I cannot account for every waking moment, unfortunately.

He suggested I go talk to my sister and if she felt like something did happen he encouraged her to report it and let professionals handle the investigation. He knows nothing he can say will alter what she believes to be true. He also told me how I went about it was wrong. He gave me advice for the future, when it comes to SA victims all you do is listen and validate, you need them to feel comfortable around you or nothing will happen.

I spoke with my brother again to ask if he had seen our sister at the court, and he said yeah and she was with her friends. I have not told our brother what happened, he is curious why I am asking so many questions but alas that is normal.

My husband does not seem overly concerned, but to get under his skin is pretty hard. He has encouraged me to talk to my sister and understand she has to have a reason for this behavior. That this all could be a cry for help, he told me he is willing to bet she will not go and report it since you cannot easily take back such reports. If she does he reassured me we will be fine since he did not do anything wrong.

I trust him. I will speak with my sister again, and I will not ask for proof and I will apologize for how I acted before. Hopefully, she will tell me what is going on.

I know how bad that sounds and I'll start by admitting this is fully based on my feelings of betrayal, hurt, and disgust.

I (27F) have an amazing daughter, A (12F), and I'm married to the most amazing man, T (27M), in the world. My daughter and I have been living in Japan for the last 9 years, the home country of my husband. I returned to the UK for the first time since leaving this month (Aug 2023) to meet my nephew.

My best friend, R (26F), and I have been best friends since we were 3 years old, she has always been my rock through everything, especially when I was pregnant with my daughter. As you can see, I gave birth to my daughter when I was 15. Her biological father, D (33M), has had no interaction with either of us since I the night I got pregnant, nor ever showed an interest, until now.

To address the elephant in the room, D raped me when I was 15 and he was 21. I come from a very religious family, aka, my father is a Deacon, there was no option. HOWEVER, I absolutely adore my daughter and do not equate her to that horrible experience, she saved me and I have spent every day loving her thanks to a lot of support, therapy, and her just being the most loving little sweet peach out there.

A few other things to note: 1. She doesn't know the nature of her conception as how tf do you explain that to any child under any circumstances 2. My husband adopted her, and she knows they're not related biologically, but they absolutely adore one another 3. D gave up all parental rights in a plea deal for a lesser sentence

Now, onto the main thing:

I came back to the UK to meet my nephew, but booked to stay for a few weeks to visit my family and friends, but it was all a surprise. No-one except my mum knew we were coming over. It was very fun and so lovely to see everyone's shock and surprise, my daughter is having the best time with her aunts, and they're all so excited to see her in person.

I decided to also surprise R, turning up at her house, ringing the door bell and seeing the man who raped me was definitely the last thing I was expecting. I assumed by some twisted and cruel coincidence, that I got the address wrong, but then R comes to the door calling him babe. It honestly felt like a horrible clichéd teen movie were the main protagonist caught her best friend and boyfriend together. I knew she was seeing someone, but said that she wouldn't let me meet them until it was in person — she's my best friend, I had no reason not to trust her, I know that makes me stupid as hell but I just never could have thought she'd do this.

It's been 3 days since then and she has been blowing up my phone, begging to talk, I finally gave in because, as established above, I'm a moron. She said she was sorry for how I found out about them, and if I could forgive her for falling in love with my "ex", which not only pissed me off but also my husband who knows everything this whole ordeal put me through. I cut her off, saying I couldn't have this conversation especially since my daughter was in the room and she replied saying something like "well she'll have to find out about the wedding soon for dress fittings", I asked her what she meant because no way did I hear that correctly and she said that as her "soon-to-be step-mum" she wants her as the flower girl, as we have always said since we were growing up that our kids would be flower girl/ring bearer, I told her in absolutely no way, shape, or form would my daughter be attending that wedding.

She said I was being petty and jealous and that I can't stop her "real dad" from being a part of her life, we've not spoken since this morning on the call, but I'm already receiving messages from our mutual friends saying that I've caused her to breakdown and ruined her wedding but I genuinely believe I am not only morally right but also legally?

So, I'm putting my most personal story online and asking you, AITAH?

This is my first post so sorry about the story telling.

This story takes place 7 years ago, at this time I (18M) and my biological sister (15F) had always gotten into arguments. They would be small petty things but then blew up because we just didn’t get along. My father at the time was in his third marriage and his new wife brought in three daughters. So I had 4 younger sisters, one biological sister and 3 step-sisters. My father was military and we got sent to a military station in Japan.

One day during a summer before school, our parents told us three teenagers, my bio sister, step-sister, and I were told that one of us would be sent back to our families in the United States due to the constant fighting. It was ultimately decided that my bio sister would be sent back to live with our bio mother, while the rest of us stayed. Start of the school year I was starting 12th grade, my step-sister 10th grade and my bio sister would be starting her freshman year of high school.

Few months into the school year, I get brought into my parents room saying “we need to talk.” To my shock it was that my bio sister had accused me of SA and said it was done when we were kids. My parents asked me about what she could be talking about and the only “incident” was when I was 11 I said something inappropriate in-front of her that I learned on the internet. I got apprehended for it and was taught my lesson.

My parents and my 3 younger step-sisters learned that my bio sister is a pathological liar and was caught multiple times in said lies. My parents said that due to this I was no longer allowed to babysit my two younger siblings, still in elementary school, and that I had to always be with my teenage step-sister or an adult with them. When I called them out on believing a pathological liar, they said “we don’t believe her but we have to take this seriously.” My response to them was “If you take this seriously then you are fueling her fire more.” This led to my being shunned by most of my family on my moms side and my dads side, besides an aunt, uncle and a few cousins.

Fast forward 2 years later, I am about to be shipped out into the military with my aunt and uncle, who didn’t believe my bio sister, and I got a call from my bio mother saying that my bio sister was in a hospital for attempting suicide. I asked how this pertains to me since she also knew how I felt about my bio sister, and she said that with her recovering from the incident the truth came out that she fabricated the SA. Immediately my mother apologized to me and said that my bio sisters reasoning was that “He seemed so happy over there.” I thought nothing of it and accepted my mother’s apology.

Fast forward to today where I am now (25M) have moved on with my life but still not forgiven her or plan to. I have served almost 6 years in the military and most of my family has tried to or did apologize for everything that happened with my sister and “didn’t believe her for a second.” My same family keeps on asking if I would ever sit down with her to talk it out and I always refuse saying “I love her as a sister but will never like her as a person.” She has told family that she’s “willing” to patch things up to me, if I apologize to HER about the situation and I outright laughed and said “Hell No!”

My family keeps on hounding me that she’s my only “real” sibling but I have 3 younger sisters, my step-sisters, who still view me as their older brother with no issues and I am now uncle to my sisters new son. I don’t want or feel that I have any obligations to sit down with her to “fix” things because of the seriousness of her actions. But my family is saying that I should mend things since that is my blood and blood is family. AITA for not wanting to reconcile with my bio sister after she falsely accused me of SA?

I (38f) got pregnant young at 20 with my son Luke (18m), and eloped with my ex husband Jonah (39m) due to it. Both of our parents were, and still are deeply religious so they didn't want any babies made out of wedlock if they could help it. Before anyone asks, I didn't baby trap him. He had an expired box of condoms, and unsurprisingly it broke.

We got divorced shortly after I had my second baby Zoe (13f) and Jonah fully wanted me to have full custody, since he "wasted his youth looking after an accident baby" and only got visitation rights.

Jonah hardly sees them more than twice a year in person, which he chooses to do, especially with his new girlfriend Claire (25f) who seems extremely supportive of his decision to be barely involved in his kids' lives.

I try to keep things civil for the kids, and keep any arguments away between us away from them.

I met and eventually got married to my husband Adam (40m) two years later. Luke and Zoe love him and he adopted both of them.

Zoe recently revealed to me and Adam that she had gotten raped by one of Luke's friends during the time we were put of town to visit my mother who had heart surgery.

She provided proof since the "friend" managed to get her number and harass her about the rape, trying to make her keep quiet about it.

Zoe only told us because she missed her period and was afraid she was pregnant. After a blood test and some deeply difficult and uncomfortable conversations, Zoe decided to abort the baby.

We were keeping it strictly inside the family for Zoe's sake, and I decided to tell Jonah because despite all of his faults, he's still her family.

Once I explained to him what happened after he picked up the call, Jonah went off on me about making decisions about our daughter's body without him. Saying that it was his right as a parent to know these kind of things before they happened, I was disrespecting his role as a father, and many more things that I won't burden you with.

Eventually, I just snapped and said "Newsflash! Your opinion about her abortion is worthless since you're a once-in-awhile dad." I hung up on him after I said that.

Jonah blew my phone up after that with texts about how inconsiderate and cruel I am. I eventually muted his number.

Adam overheard it since he was in the bathroom of our bedroom, and agreed with what I said, but thinks I should apologize to keep the peace. AITA?

ETA: - I’m adding the TW flairs because some kind redditors message me that this post might be triggering for some survivors.

• For anyone who says this is fake. I understand your suspicion, there are like a thousand Liz’s stories in Reddit. But personally I think if we assume every post are fake, what is the point of logging in Reddit? Just give people benefit of the doubt and if you don’t like something, keep scrolling instead of message me some weird insults. Apparently if the post isn’t to your liking, somehow I’m a liar, an incel who deserve to be raped. Old insult but tbh, really? It doesn’t happen to you so it must not be true?

———

I’m sorry in advance if the post is confusing and hard to understand. English isn’t my native language and I’m on phone so the format may be off.

Yesterday I (28F) hung out with my friends to discuss the birthday party of Emily (30F). She wanted to have the party at a nice restaurant in town so she talked about making reservation, the food and decoration..etc.

When Emily told us about the restaurant, Chloe (28F) said: “I will never set foot in that shit place. I was raped there. Do not have your silly party there”. To be honest, we were stunned and felt so … guilty. It felt like we made Chloe remember a terrible trauma. Emily apologized profusely and said she didn’t know.

Chloe told us that 2 years ago, when she was eating in the restaurant, a “big scary-looking man” came up up to her and asked for her social media as a way to contact her. She refused and said jokingly “I only give my phone number or my social to a guy who buy me something, like this meal for example” The man made a snarky comment “So you say I can buy you? Are you a sex worker?” then walked away.

( The word “sex worker” in my native is consider an insult. it is “phò”, “cave” or “gái gọi” here. Yes I know it’s stigmatize sex work but that’s just how it is in my language. So the guy called her a sex worker is an insult - but I don’t know how to properly translate it. I don’t know how to explain it but basically what he said was worse than it sounded, it implies she is cheap woman who sleeps with anyone for money)

And that …all, that’s all her story. Chloe said she felt so violated.

I told Chloe : “That man was rude and mean af, no excuse for him. I understand you was traumatized by his remark but that is not rape”

Chloe snapped and called me “not a girl’s girl”, “an Andrew Tate’s bitch” then she left.

Our friends took my side but after the ordeal, I somehow feel like maybe I was harsh, and maybe for Chloe that was indeed rape.

But I just thought it was really not sexual abuse. It was a verbal assault, and it was bad but can we call that an extremely terrible criminal action as rape?

I’m torn and I need Reddit honest opinion here. AITA?

I (25M) was falsely accused about SA by my adoptive sister (25F) when I was about 15 years old. No one believed me Except my grandfather and it was hard for me. Because of the false accusation I was horrifically bullied during my freshman year and my parents practically disowned me because of it so I lived with my grandfather. During my senior year, My adoptive sister revealed she made everything up because she still felt out of place in the family so she made the accusation. My parents never apologized and just expected me to forgive them but I went NC with them except for Family events. I still had to see my adoptive sister at family functions even after she confessed so that pushed my NC feeling even more. Anyway, recently. My grandfather died of a terminal illness hes been suffering from for quite some time. I was of course heartbroken about this and I spoke at his funeral. My parents tried to speak with me and my adoptive sister tried to hug me but i just ignored them. After the funeral, I got multiple calls from my family members asking why I was so cold to everyone, like what? I told them I could never speak to them after they believed the accusation against me but of course they argued against saying that "WE'RE FAMILY!!" and i should just forgive and forget. but how do you move on from that? They still have that horrible piece of a human in their lives and they expect me to forgive them because they're family? Well that's what I told them and I put my phone on mute. Since then, My mom and left me voice messages saying that they were just doing the right thing and they wanted to make her feel like she's important. My cousin thinks I'm the AH but i don't really care but am I the AH reddit?

I am 26f and I grew up in and aged out of foster care. I do know who my biological mother is and some of my bio family but I have no contact with them unless it's forced. My biomom let her dealer and boyfriends "play with me" for her drugs. I'm not over it, I am not going to get over it, and there is no amount of apologizing that will ever undo that. I was a literal child and was absolutely terrified of any men that spoke to me because I thought that was what they were going to do.

As you can imagine I've had to have a fuck ton of therapy. I still don't do well with men and I still have issues with sex. However I am working on myself and my issues.

I do have a daughter. She is 2 years old. She was an accidental pregnancy. I did not realize until it was too late that birth control and antibiotics for kidney infections don't really mix well. By the time I found out it was too late to abort.

I do adore my daughter. She is a beautiful and brilliant little girl. We have a lot of fun together and I'm trying to give her a good life that she will be happy with but most importantly will not need years of therapy to work through.

Her father and I get along well and coparent well. However we are not together. He gets her every other weekend and a few times during the week he will come pick her up and go do something fun.

He is fully aware of my background and is very specific about telling me where they are going and who she will be around. He is protective of her so I am okay with him taking her places. I know he will keep her safe and he keeps me informed so my anxiety isn't awful.

Recently my biomom messaged me on FB and asked to see me. She wanted to meet my daughter and get to know her. She has supposedly gotten clean and is doing okay according to her.

I immediately cursed her out and told her there is no way in hell she will ever meet my child. She said what happened was a long time ago and she has apologized many times. She doesn't understand why I won't just let it go I turned out fine.

For the record I'm not fine and just the thought of a man touching my daughter gives me panic attacks.

I told her anything short of being tied to the stake and burned alive is getting off to easy and not to contact me again.

Anyway now I've calmed down a little and a few people have told me I was being harsh. They agree she should never meet my daughter but apparently I was far too emotional and should apologize.

I'm still angry she had the audacity to even message me. However I'm here asking if I was to harsh.

Edit- this blew up way more than I thought it would. Thank you everyone for kind words and making me feel like I'm doing something right.

My daughters father is aware of the situation. I FaceTimed him immediately after because it's his weekend with her and I needed to see that she was okay. He also thinks we should do a protection order for our daughter and for myself as well. We will probably go on Monday.

I do have the messages still so hopefully we can easily get an order of protection especially with my history.

Again thank you all. I appreciate it.

I MADE AN UPDATE

I was SA’d by my (former) friend. she (F25) had a knife i assume only to intimidate me with which she did nick me with (on accident? Still not sure. the knife scared me so i just.. let it happen) but she was saying really sweet things to me the whole time which was conflicting, after it was over i just remember crying myself to sleep while she held me. the next day she was awake before i was and acted like nothing happened, so i left quickly and we never interacted again.

A few examples of my relationship since the assault:

When i was done telling my bf about it, the first thing he said to me was “you regret the sex and cheating or do you actually think she violated you? Why didn’t you just fucking leave when it started?” I insulted him and said maybe the knife had something to do with why i didn’t think about leaving. I apologized later and he just scoffed.

When i had nightmares about what she did to me happening in more violent ways, he always just stared at me when i’d wake up crying but he never said anything and when i’d move towards him for comfort he’d lean or sometimes fully move away.

He’s kept physical contact to a minimal and it feels like he’s disgusted by me. He hasn’t even kissed me since, and he won’t tell me how he feels when i ask if something is bothering him. It’s been a few months now.. It feels like i’m living with a mute roommate rather than a partner.

Back to how i mentioned she was talking to me during it, when i told him what happened i was still trying to make sense of it all so i told him the things she said and last month in the middle of an argument he said one of the exact same things she said to me and he said it in her native language.. I’m kinda fluent but have never spoken it in front of him and my bf has no connection to the language at all so i’m guessing he took time to learn how to say those things. I froze and kinda just zoned out for a while which stopped the argument.. but now anytime i bring up anything about our relationship he’ll repeat something she had said to me during the assault so it cuts the convo off.

AITA? I understand yelling at him when he asked me questions could definitely make me the AH, but i apologized for that and i also don’t think i cheated but based on the way he first reacted maybe he still thinks i did?

Background: I (19f) have been living with my mom (44f), brother (17M) and step dad (49M) since my parents got divorced when I was 7. Before marrying my step dad my mom was married to my dad for 10 years, needless to say it was a very abusive marriage and my mom has been a victim of DV, she was also the sole breadwinner of our house so when she divorced him me and my brother were very relieved. Shortly after divorcing my dad my mom married my step dad and they had a son together, my half brother (7M).

The issue: I never really got along with my dad since he always wanted a boy and I was the first child a girl, he was also very abusive and once hit me on my head with a golf stick, that was the last straw and my mom left him soon after. So when my mom remarried I was very open to the idea of having my step dad fill in the shoes of my father, I really tried my best to get along with him and we did too, we’d go on picnics and vacations and he’d spoil me with expensive gifts and toys. I will admit I wasn’t very happy with the idea of welcoming a stranger into our lives so soon, specially after all the trauma we had induced previously but I also realised my mom was very happy so I found my way through the arrangement.

Few years into their marriage my step dad started sexually abusing me, he’d lock me up in the bathroom and touch me inappropriately and say it was a bonding activity essential for us to get along, this went on for a couple of years until I was 11 and I finally decided to tell my mom about what was happening when he r@ped me while she was away for work. I felt disgusted and could no longer keep quiet for my mom’s happiness. When I told her she was devastated, she apologised for not seeing the signs sooner and for not being able to protect me. She resented him for what he did but never confronted him, he had no idea that she knew. Even though I expected her to leave him after all of this, she didn’t citing financial difficulties and that she had finally found peace in her life after my dad. Idk what she told him but he stopped harassing me after that. Things haven’t been cordial bw me and my step dad since then, as I grew older I understood the intensity of what had happend to me and started to resent my mom for not only staying with him but having a child with him a year after I told her. Fast forward, I moved out for college and barely go home as I feel disgusted to be around my monster of a step dad but now my mom demands I speak to him and “amend” my relationship with him because he sponsors my education as well as my brothers. She also told me that I should be grateful for all she has done for me and give her a break because she is finally happy in her life with a partner that takes care of her needs and respects her and that I wouldn’t have all the means to spend a lavish lifestyle like I do if not for her husband. She said she’s sorry for all thts happened with me but she’s made up for it by giving me this life, education and basically bringing me up all on her own specially since my own father didn’t want to have me. She further went on to ask me to forgive him and move on in life because that the best thing to do for all of us as a family. I was enraged upon hearing this and told her she failed as a mother and also a failed as a human by saying all these things to me specially after I’ve spent my entire life sacrificing my mental health for her happiness and the sake of my brothers. I also told her that she chose to marry my pathetic father and continued to stay in an abusive marriage and birth children with an abusive person, I also told her that she fucked up even more by marrying my stepdad and ruining my life. Even though I know what I said was absolutely right I feel I I’ve hurt my mom as she refuses to talk to me now and I feel bad for being so harsh with my words for her since she’s already been through so much for me and my siblings. AITAH????

Edit: I noticed a few comments about taking financial help from my step dad who is also my abuser. I would like to clear out tht my mom still works and pays for my education but she works under him so it’s technically still “his money” acc to him and my mom. Also I wasn’t aware he was paying for my tuition, I thought that was my mom until she told me that she asked him to pay and he’s been bearing the financial expenses. Also by a “lavish lifestyle” my mom means, 3 meals a day, decent clothes and my tuition and dorm fees. My maternal grandparents had set up a fund for my education before passing but that was all used up by my mom and her husband while I was still in school, and their only excuse was that it wasn’t my money since i didn’t earn it and that it belonged to my mother since her mother, my grandmother set it up for me

Throw away because I Just wanted to vent and not have this connected to me. Sorry if it’s a little long but I have been holding this in for 2 years.

24F met 25F "Lauren" when we were in 4th grade. We were inseparable from that first ice breaker activity. Even when I went to a different school for Jr. High we were sisters even though we only saw each other 2-3x a year. We went to the same high school and it was like nothing changed. Her mom and dad called me their daughter. People thought we were related in some way and people would say our souls knew each other in a past life. I Just wanted you guys to see how close we were and how much she really hurt me when she chose him over me.

It was 2 years ago. We had Just graduated nursing school and she invited me, her boyfriend, and my boyfriend for a couples vacation. We were drinking. I only had half a spiked lemonade. I don't drink I don't like the taste. The only times in my life where I had alcohol was when I turned 21, a sip of wine to see how it tasted, and this half consumed spiked lemonade. I told them I was going to bed because I was way too tired. So I went to our room.

About 2 hours later I feel someone crawl into our bed and I assumed it was my boyfriend obviously. So I start falling back to sleep until I feel my pants being taken off and... a hand enter me. I sit up immediately because it was uncomfortable. My boyfriend keeps his nails short for work so I shouldn't be getting almost daggers in my with nails. I push the person off and it's him. I scream and punch him and run downstairs. I scream and cry to my boyfriend who was Just passed out on the couch and tell him what happened.

They started fighting and soon Lauren comes downstairs to help me break it up and she asks what happens and I tell her. He starts calling me crazy and then it switched to "I wanted him" to "I was in the wrong room" Lauren tells me that maybe we should leave because it's causing "drama" my mouth was in hell. So we left. The next day she calls and says that he says it was a mix up and he thought I was her. I try to get through to her that my bedroom was on the top floor and theirs was on the bottom. There's no way he got that mixed up. She tells me to Just let it go, it was a mistake, it won't happen again, don't ruin this for her. I hung up the phone, blocked her, erased her from my life and I haven't spoken to her since then. I moved about 40 minutes away with my boyfriend.

5 days ago she shows up on my doorstep. I still keep in contact with her mom and dad. I sent them an RSVP for my wedding. I guess she found out where I live and shows up on my doorstep with her parents. She brought them to try and persuade me to forgive her and invite her. Her parents don't know why we don't talk anymore. I didn't want to embarrass her to her parents. She's their only child. She stood out there pleading and begging and she has the nerve to say "let bygones be bygones, it was a long time ago, we BOTH made mistakes"

I told her "It was a mistake to let your boyfriend assault me and then kick me out but stay with him?" her parents faces dropped. She clearly never told them and they started going off, most of it in Spanish. They couldn't believe she'd do that, how could she let this happen, is this the same one that assaulted her cousin? They apologized profusely and left.

I looked him up and sure enough he's in prison for ... something I won't speak about here.

She shows back up at my house banging on the door saying I ruined her life and I should have Just shut up and forgave her because she's not even with him anymore. Over my ring told her "Yeah you're not with him because he's in prison now for something worse than what he did to me. You deserve everything you got now leave or I'll call the police" she was screaming and banging on my windows. I called the police and they told her she needed to leave.

I called her parents to apologize and they said they'll leave me alone if that's what I want and they understand if I'm furious with them. I told them absolutely not, "you two are still mis padres. You better show up to my wedding or THEN I'll be mad at you."

Then I didn't feel bad about outing her but she was their parents only daughter. I know they call me their daughter but I can never be what she is... was to them. I am kind of thinking maybe I should have Just said we fell out over a different reason but to try and STILL protect him after doing that to one of her family members... I'm conflicted

I (28F) have a brother “Elijah” (24M) I do not speak with. I consider him dead to me. He molested my sister, has allegedly rped multiple women, and went to jail for a vague child exploitation charge (which we all presume is kiddie prn since he’s been caught multiple times talking to minors.) My parents still talk to him for some ungodly reason.

Last night my father called me to say “You’re an aunt.” When pressed, he said Elijah has a one year old they just got the paternity tests back from. I said “then no the fuck I’m not.” Dad pressed, and I responded more firmly, “NO, I am not an aunt.” My parents know my sister Ruth (21F) and I do NOT have a relationship with this man and actively hate him. My other sister has a very distant “follow on instagram” kind of relationship with him. My mom got into a fight with Ruth (who called me in hysterics) because she and my other sister “weren’t excited” about this baby.

Elijah has admittedly “beaten” me to everything. He got a car first (that my parents paid for), he got married (and divorced) first, among other things. He has gleefully made a point to “beat” me to life milestones. I am engaged, and planning on having children a year or so from now, and have always wanted to have the first grandchild. That is where I think I might be the asshole. Perhaps my judgement is clouded with bitterness. (EDIT: this is a one sided race that I thought was stupid. However, my family places a lot of importance on the first baby. It’s a big deal. I think that I thought if I gave them that they would love me and I would finally be enough for them. Understanding where this comes from, I will emphasize it is no longer affecting my judgement about this, but I still don’t think my and my fiancés family will be safe with Elijah around.)

I told my mother if she acknowledges this baby as her grandchild I will no longer have a relationship with her, and my children will not have a relationship with her. To me, I can pretend she doesn’t still have a relationship with Elijah if it’s behind closed doors and she keeps her mouth shut about it. But if she allows this child to come and go in her life, she is openly recognizing her relationship with Elijah, and I can’t forgive that. I am too protective of Ruth. I feel like she is choosing this evil man over her other four children (one of which is still a minor). My fiancé and I have made it very clear in the past that Elijah will come nowhere near our family, and if she acknowledges his son, she is letting him into her life openly and we cannot tolerate that. It is both a protection of our future children, and respect for Ruth. I am tired of thinking about my mother’s feelings first and always letting her get her way. I am putting my foot down on this. AITAH?

EDIT: It’s not even about the baby. It is about allowing Elijah another foothold back into this family. My family has a tendency to “forget” all past crimes once a cute baby is around. Elijah will be allowed to slip back into our lives, endangering my minor sibling and all children my siblings and I have. Yes, I’m a piece of shit for harboring resentment against an “innocent baby” but it’s not even about the baby. I cannot and will not allow my sibling to be hurt or have Ruth be subject to my parents indifference to her pain. She has already made the choice to not come home for Christmas over this.

As the title says me and my family were part of a pentecostal church. When i (18m) was 17 i told my mom that i was being SA'd by her now ex-husband. She didn't believe me at first because she thought he was a man of God but after my sisters (21 f) and (16 f) came to my defense she finally believed us. My mom divorced him and since she was a loyal member of the church she proceeded to go and ask our pastors for advice on what to do. And that's when shit hit the fan, because they told my mom that they knew what was happening for 3 years and they didn't do anything to help, they didn't tell my mom and they never even called the police. And even after they told us that they knew they advised my mom not to take him to the police and her being loyal followed their advice, and now a year later she realized her mistake. Anyways back to the topic, after we found out they knew about the whole situation when it was happening we decided to stop going to church. At first when we stopped we just got calls from them asking why we weren't attending church, we explained that we needed time to fix things at home after the divorce and my mom was trying to help me feel better, i guess she felt guilty for not believing me at first, they said they understood our situation but still kept telling us to go to church. But i refused, i couldn't be in the same room as the people that knew i was suffering but didn't help bc that wasn't god's plan, they believed that me going through that was a good thing because it will strengthen my faith. I refused to go everytime i got a call or a message. After a while they stopped and i was relieved. A month or two later i decided to dye my hair and get a nose piercing, and that's when the messages and calls started again but this time it was to tell me that i was going to hell and that i will suffer for eternity. Now I'm sure as hell never going back. I'm being told by them that I'm a bad person if i don't go back to church but i really can't, i hate that they didn't help and just watched as it happened. Am i the asshole?

Thanks to those of you who responded with advice and some tact, I really do appreciate it. I'm going to tell my son.

I ended up calling my son's therapist (yes, he does actually need one outside of this and my concerns that he's going to take this badly are valid, thanks to those of you who didn't make up a reality in which I'm lying about this), talking over what we could do, and deciding that this will be brought up during my son's next appointment (i.e. tomorrow).

Thankfully my son's therapist was more than happy to allow me, my husband, and my son to meet with him, which was quite helpful of him. Thanks to those of you who pointed out that I should ask to set up the appointment with him, given that he's clearly proven to be very adept (and apparently has experience in this sort of area), I think meeting with him is going to be the best case scenario, though I'm still dreading it.

I've told my son this morning that I will tell him everything I can about his father, but that we'll be doing it with his therapist and dad (i.e. my husband, his stepfather) as soon as possible, and when he gets home tonight, I'll let him know that we'll be addressing it tomorrow. He didn't seem terribly excited once I mentioned that we will need to be with his therapist for it, but he thanked me for promising to tell him. I just hope it goes well.

Oh, and to those of you who were doubting whether I was "actually raped" or not (be it because I decided to have my son or just generally because you're an asshole): fuck you. Sadly, reddit won't let me say what I'd actually like to, but that should get the point across.

PS - stop saying that essentially having to tell my son this is "taking my power back" or whatever, it absolutely isn't to me. I'm sure some people would feel empowered by it, but I feel very much disempowered by needing to do this. My power was held in being able to get as close to forgetting about it as possible, and sure maybe that isn't the ideal way to respond, but it was absolutely the way that made me feel good and in control. Yes, I'd rather he know this from me than use an ancestry kit and contact biological relations without context or with false context, but no, this gives me no power. Perhaps some of you would feel empowered in this situation, and that's fine, but I absolutely don't.

Edit: And please, for the love of God, stop calling the rapist a donor or sperm donor. He is a rapist and the biological father of my son. Nothing more. Calling him a sperm donor is disgusting, people choose to have sperm donated to them.