r/AITAH • u/ChocolateForward2858 • 5d ago

AITAH for suspecting my wife of doing something awful at her friend's bachelorette week in Mexico? She spent virtually 0 money and took no pictures.

I am in the middle of probably the biggest crisis of my adult life and I can barely think so I apologize in advance if this comes across as really weird or rambley.

My wife went to Mexico last week for a friends bachelorette party and aside for the plane ticket, the hotel and the first days food and drinks--she didn't spend a penny all week. I mean on the credit card it's as clear as day that on Monday up until about 9pm she was buying dinner, stuff at the hotel shop, drinks at the bar, souvenirs and then at 9pm she didn't spend another cent the entire week until she was at her layover airport in Dallas. She says it's because her friend took over and paid for everything. I guess this is plausible but it still is giving me a funny feeling.

What is worse is that my wife is a person who posts her entire life on instagram on tiktok (mostly instangram) but if she does anything from get a latte to picking the kids up at school, she will post it either as a picture or as a story. The last thing she posted on tiktok was that trend of people "jumping" into their vacation from the airport and after that her social media is blank. I was kind of keeping an eye on it because I was excited for her to go on the trip and again I guess it's plausible but it gives me a funny feeling. When she got home I said I can't wait to see all the pics she took and she really blew me off and said that she just didn't feel like taking pics that week.

She has also been incredibly distant and last night she said she just felt like sleeping on the couch because the AC hits better (this is 100% true) but I swear I heard her talking on the phone in the middle of the night. When I got up to check on her I accidentally tripped over the dog and made a huge racket so when I got downstairs she appeared to be asleep.

i brought all of this up this morning and said I'm not accusing her of anything but all this put together is making me feel uneasy. I wasn't trying to bait her or fight with her, just get my feelings on the table. She said you are a major fucking asshole for bringing this up on her first day back at work. I said I wasn't trying to pry, just communicating with her and she said "your commuincation is prying and I am not discussing this with you ever again." She then took the kids to summer camp and left.

AITAH?

Edit: so I realized that her texts probably sync to her ipad so i just checked. It took me a while to figure out the passcode but I did but there was an imessage at 9:15 the night she got to the resort from a number with no contact info that said "ok, i'll meet you in the lobby. Is the app you said signal?" I looked up signal and it's kind of like whatsapp. The ipad doesn't have signal on it.

Edit 2: If you have been following my comments, you've seen that my sister is coming over and she's an insane internet sleuth and is relentless when it comes to this cheating stuff. She also scares me a bit so I'm hoping this isn't a mistake. I'm going to probably stop responding for a while so we can talk and she can do her thing. I am numb but she can do this. Thanks for everyone and the nice comments and the reality check, its not looking good.

Edit3: she cheated my sister was able to get lots of info from the real estate guy and my wife denied it at first but then admitted it. Sorrru it took so long to update but I’m numb. Have literally 0 idea what to do now.

Edit 4: for people looking up our personal stuff…we don’t live in Lubbock nor does my wife work for the Lubbock school system. We grew up in the area and went to college there but have long since moved to another community. Please don’t try to research this as you may hurt someone who is totally not involved. I’m getting lots of advice to delete this and I don’t want to but I may have to.

Edit 5: I know people really want updates and we've been talking, arguing, screaming, threatening all day long. I'm more confused than I was this morning that's for sure. But I'm also confused, exhausted, sad, upset, nervous, and I don't know what to do. I did make a preliminary appointment with a family law attorney tomorrow to talk about protecting assets and how to navigate the legal way ahead regardless of what I chose to do. I will say that there's s subreddit that this was cross posted to and it may be the most toxic group of people I've ever seen online and I feel really bad for those people. As for the privacy issues, no one has figured out who we are. That's not a challenge by the way. I'm very tired and i doubt people are still invested but if there's still interest I can update either on this post or a new in a few days. I'm really hoping to sleep tonight. My sister still has the kids and they are having a blast and went to the lake with her boyfriend's family today so I'm glad they are in good hands.

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934

u/SpecialistAfter511 5d ago

An innocent woman eases your fears. A guilty one gets mad and states they wont discuss it at all.

62

u/WloveW 5d ago

Right. I would be utterly confused if my partner accused me of something like this and I was really just chilling with my gals. It would take a bit until I get weirded out about his suspicion. 

7

u/stupiderslegacy 4d ago

I mean he even made it clear he wasn't accusing her, gave her the opportunity to dispel his worry, and she chose violence immediately. I came in after he updated confirming that she had cheated, but that was already my conclusion by the time I got to that part.

5

u/wolf_girl1977 5d ago

Very true

42

u/Aussiealterego 5d ago

Replace woman with “person” and you’ve nailed it. An over-the-top response of anger is a common reaction to guilt.

29

u/BandiTToZ 5d ago

No, they've already nailed. The post is about OP's wife, after all.

4

u/Carl_Bravery_Sagan 4d ago

Nailed indeed.

-25

u/Suspicious_Ad7293 4d ago

Replace Aussiealterego with "ultra woke twat" and you've nailed it. An over the top comment is a common response to stroke their own ego. 

10

u/Junior-Fisherman8779 4d ago

could you get more annoying

3

u/El-Kabongg 4d ago

They say "Here's my phone. Have fun looking through everything."

5

u/5AlarmFirefly 5d ago

I dunno. I have dated jealous men and their insecurities and accusations - none true, ever - have eventually sent me over the edge. Sometimes it gets to be too much. Not saying that's the case in this example however.

0

u/WORD_2_UR_MOTHA 5d ago

True, but all we have to go on is what's in the post and there's no information about previous accusations.

-23

u/belle_perkins 5d ago

I've never cheated on a partner in my life and if my partner accused me of cheating as I was trying to leave for work I'd shut that shit down as well. I would no WAY be late for work on my first day back to 'ease his fears' over my lack of social media posts. It was ridiculously stupid timing, I can't even imagine a scenario in which accusing an innocent spouse of cheating while they're on their way out to work would result in anything other than annoyance.

20

u/PottyMouthedMom3 5d ago

You wouldn’t even “ease his fears” when you got off work that night? I mean if my fiancé ever said “that’s making me feel uneasy”, bet your ass I’m easing his fears, even if it has to wait until after work. But to pretty much say I’m not speaking about that at all, speaks volumes (talking about OPs wife, not you). I think most reasonable people would say “we will talk about this later” if they didn’t have time to discuss it right then.

-1

u/belle_perkins 3d ago

OP sounds abusive. I'd help her run from him.

2

u/PottyMouthedMom3 3d ago

I don’t get an abusive vibe from OP at all. Also, according to updates, OP was right, the wife was cheating.

15

u/phro 4d ago edited 4d ago

You ever go out of country alone for a week? Spend 0 dollars? Download a discrete messenger app on day one? Deviate from normal social media behavior? Sleep on the couch when you get back?

1

u/belle_perkins 3d ago

I have! When I was with an abusive fuck of a man. Luckily we've found this guy's wife and this story will have a happy ending.

4

u/cujobob 4d ago

The normal response coming back from a social trip with friends out of the country apart from your spouse is to share what happened, show pictures, and to want to spend time with them. There could be other factors here, unresolved issues, OP could have been a jerk, or something along those lines, but there’s no point for this subreddit existing if we have to assume every word is inaccurate.