r/politics • u/Arrest_The_President • 7d ago

Will Trump chicken out of the presidential debate? Probably. He's a Grade-A coward. Soft Paywall

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/06/25/trump-biden-presidential-debate-cnn-rigged/74195698007/
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u/ChangeMyDespair 7d ago

Secret Service protective details have entered the chat. From both sides.

The Former Guy is too cowardly to start a fistfight.

37

u/Penguin_shit15 Oklahoma 7d ago

Not going to lie, I would love to see Trump try to start a fight, then get one punched from Dark Brandon followed by "The Peoples Elbow"..

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u/JesustheSpaceCowboy 7d ago

Bruh if Biden starts slapping his elbows and drops the people elbow on him, I’m done, I’m checking out of this reality and clocking into a new one where all presidents are decided in a ladder match for custody of the country

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u/isanthrope_may 7d ago

Past Presidents? Go.

I’ve got money on Obama, and maybe T.R. for a close second. 45 can roll around on the floor with Taft.

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u/wrecktus_abdominus I voted 7d ago edited 7d ago

Buddy, if we're talking wrastlin' you gotta put your money on Honest Abe. He invented the choke slam and no I'm not joking

Edit to add: he is literally in the wrestling hall of fame. Out of an estimated 200 contests, he lost only once. And these were brutal affairs. If people are thinking along the lines of college or olympic wrestling, that's not really accurate. The modern-day equivalent would be closer to "meet me out back behind the dumpster in 5 minutes." He was legitimately a badass.

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u/reccenters 7d ago

He could hold an axe outstretched for a minute. Dude was a sex panther made real.

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u/JesustheSpaceCowboy 7d ago

I feel like everyone would sleep on Ol’ Ulysses.

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u/Styrene_Addict1965 Pennsylvania 7d ago

"He looked like a man who could put his head through a brick wall. And was about to do it."

— Reporter on Grant after seeing Grant in the Willard Hotel

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u/isanthrope_may 7d ago

Strictly speaking, the age they were when first running.

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u/dullship Canada 6d ago

Let me tell you a story that few lived to tell

About a thousand-year-old-fish, surely sent from Hell

Spawn of a demon whale, and a drunk King Kong

He's as big as a bus, with a 12-foot dong

(With a 12-foot dong)

Just his sideways glance smashes men to bits

He takes 100-year naps, and 2-ton shits

(And 2-ton shits)

He's the beast from beneath, and the king of the fishies

He goes by the name of Ol' Ulysses

(Old Ulysses)

Born in a volcano

Ol' Ulysses

Old Ulysses will kill everyone you knooow

1

u/aenteus Pennsylvania 7d ago

Oh what a day to have eyes

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u/FairlySuspect 6d ago

T.R. was more of a threat to harmless wild game unaware of his presence. He was dangerous and not to be underestimated, to be certain, but I highly doubt his build was much more impressive than, I don't know, any random MAGA soldier/Gravy S.E.A.L.? Right-handed but his titanic left hook was the real show-stopper. Strong as hell. Built to fight and not only win, but dominate.

But again, an absolutely portly figure, at best; remove all his clothes and stare at him for five minutes and I bet you can feel your metabolism slow while an insatiable craving for buttered bread and MEAT hits you like a sack of cellulite. And wait a second -- how can I possibly have an erection, right now?

*Don't worry about it.* That's the best advice you'll ever get.

God, Theodore Roosevelt was an amazing hunk of MAN human. They don't build them like that anymore. Best we got, again, are probably these Gravy S.E.A.L. types.

But I'll let others chime in.

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u/floydmulder 7d ago

“Donald, please explain to me in detail how your administration would handle matters of foreign policy.”

“Well, I would…”

”IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW YOUR ADMINISTRATION WOULD HANDLE MATTERS OF FOREIGN POLICY!!!”

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u/Limberpuppy Maryland 7d ago

He gets other people to do his dirty work for him.

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u/cutelyaware 7d ago

He wouldn't even be able to handle winning a fight. He has such a deep blood phobia that if anyone gets so much as a paper cut in his presence, they are whisked away.

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u/chrisms150 New Jersey 7d ago

The Former Guy

Wait. Is that what "TFG" stands for?

This whole time I thought it was "that friggin' guy"