r/WetlanderHumor 5d ago

Let’s make everybody sorta mad today Non WoT Spoiler

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623 Upvotes

88 comments sorted by

260

u/wsumner 5d ago

Mistborn is more like what if Sam threw Frodo into Mount Doom and claimed the Ring for himself.

94

u/Eggplantpick 5d ago

Now I’m just imagining Sams epic carry up the mountain ends with a leaping shoulder-throw and John Cena horn blaring

35

u/wsumner 5d ago

Can't see me

15

u/ThunkAsDrinklePeep 5d ago

That's funny.

13

u/Just__Let__Go 5d ago

AND HIS NAME IS SAAAAAMMM GAAMMGEEEE!!!!

10

u/EmpPaulpatine 5d ago

OHHHH ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!

6

u/wtanksleyjr 5d ago

(Airsick lowlander.)

5

u/serspaceman-1 Wool-headed Lummox 5d ago

WATCH OUT WATCH OUT, SAMWISE GAMGEE FROM THE TOP ROPE, SAM-K-O OUTTA NOWHERE!!!

21

u/Painkiller95 5d ago

Shhh, that'll spoil them!

38

u/Separate_Increase210 5d ago

I've only just recently finished it, but feels more like Sam threw himself in, to INSPIRE all the Hobbits to destroy the ring... Then turns out nobody knows jack shit about the ring or its powers, or who/what Sauron is so evil pervades well after, then finally Fatty fucking Bolger comes out of nowhere and saves the entirety of existence.

30

u/Luke_Puddlejumper 5d ago

Poor Preservation he really gave mankind everything he had and had the biggest brain plays and they still almost lost

26

u/Mikeim520 5d ago

"Guys I did all the work you just have to not mess up"

Humanity: "Lets mess up"

13

u/macfirbolg 5d ago

The story of our collective existence in a nutshell.

4

u/daboobiesnatcher 4d ago

Fatty Bolger is the unsung hero of the fellowship you put some restecp on his name!

103

u/archaon6044 5d ago

EotW, WoK, and Mistborn come out of this with the most the most interesting sounding premises

55

u/thedankening 5d ago

The Blade Itself is actually very very good. "Gandalf" there is as awful as he sounds...

26

u/MajorsWotWot 5d ago

The ending really made my jaw drop. Like it's super obvious but I was expecting some sort of turn or redemption or something.

21

u/rorschaqued 5d ago

I'm having a hard time understanding who Aragorn is in WoK.

29

u/Wotfan0891 5d ago

Dalinar

10

u/rorschaqued 5d ago

Oh... Stormlight Archives as a whole... Totally forgot that point in the series. Did that get revealed in Oathbringer?

I just started it up again, because apparently he just finished the fifth book.

18

u/Luke_Puddlejumper 5d ago

I’m Oathbringet flashbacks we see Dalinar’s past. Not only was he essentially a warlord but he also Burned down the city of Rathalas with tonnes of men women and children inside and only realised what a horrible thing he’d done when he realised his wife was inside

15

u/Trigonal_Planar 5d ago

Also, to be fair, he was under the influence of an evil magical force making him extra bloodthirsty at the time. Not that he wasn’t going to kill a ton of people anyway, but I don’t think he would have burned them all out if it wasn’t for the Unmade’s influence.

4

u/serspaceman-1 Wool-headed Lummox 5d ago

Did you hear the thing where there seems to be confirmation that Shallan’s father was also under the influence of an Unmade? I really don’t find that compelling, sometimes people make really horrible decisions.

3

u/daboobiesnatcher 4d ago

What about the theories about Shallan's mom?

2

u/serspaceman-1 Wool-headed Lummox 4d ago

Now I those I really really like, and they make a lot of sense.

3

u/kegegeam 5d ago

I was thinking Ishar or Nale, but that does make more sense

74

u/EpiphanaeaSedai 5d ago

Honestly, I’m not mad, WoT still sounds awesome.

20

u/serspaceman-1 Wool-headed Lummox 5d ago

That, my friend, is because it is.

13

u/Deweysaurus 5d ago

I can’t figure out why WoT would make anyone mad, that description is more or less exactly what RJ intended

67

u/K1ngsGambit 5d ago

I think Rothfuss and Martin are locked in competition to be the slowest writer to have ever lived. They're both about 13 years for one book with no end in sight.

65

u/DoctorDabadedoo 5d ago

You have to write to be a slow writer, I think Rothfuss is beyond that. Better to just forget and move on.

36

u/zadtheinhaler 5d ago

This is the Acceptance part of the Five Stages Of Grief or something.

30

u/K1ngsGambit 5d ago

I have. The sad thing is that back in 2009/2010 ish, he blogged that book 3 was finished. I think he restarted or something and prob realised he couldn't finish the story in a single book (or at all).

And Martin posted on his not a blog in 2020 (I could swear it was more recent than that, but I can't find it), that he still had "a long way to go".

I occasionally get the urge to re-read these, but won't, knowing there's no conclusion coming. Occasionally, I check his subreddit for GRRM's writing updates. ;-)

19

u/DoctorDabadedoo 5d ago

While I'm not actually waiting, every now and then, when I reminded the series exists I search what are the news about it. Today I learned there is a new spin off book in the same universe about Bast, not sure if released or not. What a joke.

After KKC I made my mind about not reading GoT until the series was finished, wise choice, looking back.

21

u/K1ngsGambit 5d ago

Those series are the reason I won't start unfinished trilogies/series anymore. Those and Rollins/Clemens's Godslayer series (which he wrote in a reddit AMA would be re-released as a five book, complete series.)

I'm holding off on Way of Kings/Stormlight for that reason, despite that, to his credit and honour, Sanderson does actually publish novels.

I didn't know about a Bast spin-off. I have no words. At least with ASoIaF, the TV show gave us the actual ending.

Currently just got back up to A Memory of Light in WoT re-read. 😎

26

u/DoctorDabadedoo 5d ago

I can recommend Sanderson, though.

Even though the complete Stormlight and Cosmere might take another 15-20 years to be fully finished, his arcs are self-contained. SA 5 will be released December this year and that is the ending for the first Stormlight arc. The second arc will have some returning characters and a time skip of a few years, but a different focus.

If you haven't yet, you can try Mistborn 1-3 and 4-7 arcs from him. There should be a third and final arc in the series but that will take a few years.

All things being said, Sanderson publishes pretty consistently, pushing out at least one big book every couple of years, last year he published 3, so I believe this is a kind of a safe bet.

Enjoy that chapter 37 for me!

15

u/Alaricus100 5d ago

I haven't read anything outside of the way of kings and elantris personally from Sanderson, but I still remember his secret books announcement where he made an apology styled video and it was to apologize for writing 8 books in a short time lol. Seems like a great guy and a consistent writer.

8

u/gsfgf 5d ago

When Sanderson needs a break from writing a fantasy novel, he writes different fantasy novels. He sort of wrote Mistborn Era 2 by accident.

6

u/masakothehumorless 5d ago

Actually there will be 2 more arcs for Mistborn. What is now era 2 was supposed to be a standalone novel, but the characters were so beloved he decided they needed more story. The original plan was Era 1(Pre-Industrial) Era 2(Modernish) and Era 3(Space), but now there is a Wild West/Steampunk Era in there.

4

u/DoctorDabadedoo 5d ago edited 5d ago

I stand corrected then, I thought that era 2 was what we've got!

13

u/bluesguy72 5d ago

Eh, you should be fine on Stormlight. Sanderson does things where there’s an overarching story but each arc is fairly self-contained. Mistborn 1-3 and 4-7 are both complete stories, and Stormlight 1-5 is supposed to be similar. Book 5 for Stormlight is also finished, it’s just in editing and revision so there’s no worries about not getting an ending there.

I mean the guy could die tomorrow and there’d be some hanging plot threads in the cosmere but it’s not like you’d feel like you got screwed out of getting a completed story like what’s probably going to happen with King Killer and ASOIAF.

5

u/wtanksleyjr 5d ago

If he dies, I'm pretty sure Sanderson will finish it.

3

u/kaffis 4d ago

If Sanderson dies, I don't think that manages to stop his writing output. Death might prevent him from signing books while filming videos, but even that's only a shaky presumption.

11

u/ChickenCasagrande 5d ago

Sanderson is a workhorse, he produces so much that he, to his fans, editors, and publishers surprise, announced that he had, in addition to his regular writing on current series, he had written like 8 more books in secret, just cause he had some ideas.

Mistborn 1-3 is a complete saga that can stand alone just fine. If you are liking Sanderson’s books in WOT, I’d recommend checking out The Final Empire. I THINK that was the book that Harriet read that convinced her to reach out to Sanderson about finishing the series.

6

u/K1ngsGambit 5d ago

I appreciate your recommendation, and those above. I have actually read Sanderson and I enjoyed his books just fine. Not my favourites, but definitely good. I just haven't started Stormlight yet :-) (Maybe if 1-5 is self-contained as others suggest, I'll consider that!)

I was following his crowdfunding "secret project" of four books (almost backed it but it got a bit too rich for me) and enjoy his Elden Ring social media posts too. He's rightly among the most praised fantasy authors today and I admire his output (tho 3 a year as someone else suggested is probably too much!).

I am convinced, to the point that I can't imagine anything changing my opinion on this, that it takes 1-3 years for a writer to write a good book, give or take. Anything over that is most likely because the writer isn't writing. There are some exceptions, of course, but in general, I hold it to be true.

Thanks for recommendation :-)

5

u/ChickenCasagrande 5d ago edited 3d ago

Dostoyevsky might beg to differ.

4

u/gsfgf 5d ago

I'm holding off on Way of Kings/Stormlight for that reason, despite that, to his credit and honour, Sanderson does actually publish novels.

Fyi, Stormlight is going to be two five book acts. So the book that comes out next year will complete a full story arc. It'll prob be 15-20 years before Sanderson finishes book ten. So I'd go ahead and jump into the first arc.

3

u/gsfgf 5d ago

After KKC I made my mind about not reading GoT until the series was finished, wise choice, looking back.

ASOIAF is still worth reading. The first three books are incredible. Easily up there with the best WoT books.

7

u/ThunkAsDrinklePeep 5d ago

The Name of the Wind works as a stand alone book if you can accept that the Chandian have no resolution.

9

u/Sphincterlos 5d ago

He’s too busy grifting his readers.

6

u/Boojum2k 5d ago

War Against The Chtorr series by David Gerrold. Last one,A Season for Slaughter (book #4), came out in 1992 with four more still planned. Book five was declared almost ready for publication eight years ago but still hasn't surfaced.

5

u/skyfire-x 5d ago

Catching up to Duke Nukem Forever.

2

u/EpicTubofGoo 5d ago

I had to check, Scott Lynch is two years behind them. Very glad I noped out of starting the Gentleman Bastard series after getting burned by Rothfuss and Martin.

28

u/TheTexasFalcon 5d ago

The gandalf Goldman sachs is 100% accurate. Also what is Aragorn was a berserker

11

u/oldnick40 5d ago

Yeah, I spit out my coffee when I got to The Blade Itself.

4

u/serspaceman-1 Wool-headed Lummox 5d ago

Mother’s milk out of the cup

4

u/serspaceman-1 Wool-headed Lummox 5d ago

Blood and bloody ashes, Ninefingers as Aragorn is a wild comparison

17

u/baldy023 5d ago

My ter'angreal eats like 11 breakfasts a day and drinks all my beer, but damn it's strong vs evil.

16

u/DenseTemporariness 5d ago

Accurate yeah

4

u/serspaceman-1 Wool-headed Lummox 5d ago

I was so flaming drunk when I made this, glad you enjoy

15

u/Separate_Increase210 5d ago

See, I just started Way of Kings, and now ya got me really worried...

18

u/Mazrim-lightcursed 5d ago

I'll just say that you'll enjoy the journey.

3

u/daboobiesnatcher 4d ago

And the pancakes that come after.

9

u/TheEzekariate 5d ago

Don’t be, it’s incredible. Just take the next step and keep reading.

7

u/Luke_Puddlejumper 5d ago

Stormlight is amazing. Some of the characters just did some sketchy things in their past…

2

u/serspaceman-1 Wool-headed Lummox 5d ago

Keep going.

14

u/MonkeysAndMozart 5d ago

Eye of the world: what if the hobbits where gandalf

6

u/wtanksleyjr 5d ago

And Aragorn. And the Men of Dunharrow.

10

u/ShenTzuKhan 5d ago

That’s not true! Fitz isn’t lonely all the time. Sometimes he’s surrounded by loved ones. I mean, sure he keeps pushing them away so he can go live in a hole or a cave or something but the the only because they keep using him to save the world and shit. The thing about being the pebble that jolts the cart of history out of its rut is that the pebble isn’t ok afterwards. It’s cracked and buried in the mud.

Also the ending is super sad. Like nearly Toy Story 3 sad. Maybe a bit sadder. Ok definitely a bit sadder.

Good books though.

6

u/serspaceman-1 Wool-headed Lummox 5d ago

You’re welcome

5

u/Mazrim-lightcursed 4d ago

Please make some more like this....you can't just throw us some crumbs and have us waiting for the loaf.

3

u/serspaceman-1 Wool-headed Lummox 4d ago

It’s been a turning since I’ve memed the Wheel. I’ve been busy cultivating nonsense at r/HouseoftheMemeMaker. Maybe it’s time for a comeback.

1

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5

u/Disturbing_Cheeto 5d ago

Kingkiller fans won't even get mad, they'll feel vindicated instead

5

u/TK0127 5d ago

Superweapons!

4

u/Snoo_58305 5d ago

Name of the Wind 2 or whatever it’s called is complete garbage

3

u/ChickenCasagrande 5d ago

Yeah I DNF that one because I knew the third book wasn’t out, I wasn’t enjoying the second book, and I decided to end things on my terms. Take that, Rothfuss!

4

u/milkmiudders 4d ago

First Law isn’t getting enough love for how funny & accurate the description is

3

u/B-Ninja 4d ago

Should add, also Gandalf is an "egotistical asshole" and then it's spot on.

3

u/milkmiudders 4d ago

Bayazdidnothingwrong

3

u/Oodbarg 4d ago

Never wanted to read Mistborne till now

3

u/TerraSollus 4d ago

Yo that WoT explanation is fantastic. Also I forgot what I wanted to say and now I’m mad

4

u/FreyrPrime 4d ago

Dude.. the Emperor of Mankind would look at Bayaz in askance..

2

u/_Fibbles_ 4d ago

Promise of blood:

What if Gandalf cooked and Aragorn was into Napoleon reenactments.

2

u/Theupvotetitan 4d ago

Elantris what if morgoth became eru elivitar

2

u/FreyrPrime 4d ago

Still alive…

2

u/Clean-Isopod-3940 4d ago

Cries in King Killer Chronicles